I wrote this story because I don't think Hermione is necessarily the marrying type. She at least needs to live a little before she settles down with her true love, Ron. Please review! As always I don't own anything. Not even clothes.
Ron and Hermione had been dating five years since the end of the war. Ron was so in love and couldn't wait to marry Hermione, there was just one problem- he had to ask her!
Tonight was the night he made reservations at the Chez Magic, the best restaurant in the wizarding world.
"Ron, you seem kinda nervous. Are you okay?" Hermione asked as they looked at the menu.
Ron was really sweaty and pale as a ghost. The time was drawing near and kept checking his jacket pocket for the ring.
"Yeah…I'm fine. Hermione, I have a question for you," Ron stuttered.
"What is it?"
"Will you marry me?" Ron asked pulling out the ring.
Hermione's face turned an angry red.
"Put that fucking ring the fuck away!" She yelled and then stormed out.
She ran down the street to the bad part of town where she met Lucius Malfoy who was smoking on a corner.
"Give me a fucking cigarette you fucking bastard!" she yelled some more.
"I think you're the girl of my dreams," he replied.
"Awesome! Whatever just give me the fucking smoke, bitch."
Hermione and Lucius started having anal sex right on the street in front of a school. Lots of kids were there because there was a night class for finger painting. The kids were scarred for life. Like Harry Potter.
After they were done Hermione lost track of Lucius and then ran into Harry.
"Hermione what are you doing?" Harry asked.
"Shut the fuck up, bitch! I'm gonna rob this liquor store and if you don't help me I'll tell everyone how you had sex with a girl while choking her with your invisibility cloak and then took a shit on her face."
"But Hermione, that was you," he replied.
"Fuck you bitch, I'll still say it. I'm hard core now! I'll fucking shank you."
"What?" Harry asked incredulously.
"I'll cut you," she answered with a dead calm.
With that Harry and Hermione threw a trash can through the store window and grabbed as much Jack Daniels as they could.
The ran down the street with the booze but Hermione wanted Harry's share so she took one of her bottles and smashed it over his head.
"Looks like the chosen one can't handle is liquor" she laughed over his collapsed body. She then kicked it for good measure. Hermione was never one to half-ass something.
"Hey you!" some yelled at Hermione.
"Stop right there!"
Hermione turned and spit at the figure coming towards her.
"You don't know my fucking life! You can't tell me what to do!" she snarled.
"Oh yes I can because I'm Kingsley fucking Shacklebolt," he answered.
"Good, you're just what I needed. A big older black man I can fuck the shit out of. I'm gonna ride you til the break of dawn," she said, slinking towards him.
"Oh I'll give it to you until next week," he smiled.
"How big is your dick?" she asked, "I won't fuck anything shorter than 11 inches."
"Perfect, I'm 23 inches long and 7 inches across," he said whipping it out.
"Did I mention that is when I'm soft? You don't even want to see me hard."
Hermione licked her lips.
"Well, we'll just have to see," she said.
The two ran off to get a hotel room leaving Harry's body to rot in a pool of liquor.
So let me know what you think! Reviews please. I wrote this as a one shot but I could be convinced to add more.