I've had this idea for a while now, after reading all the D. Gray-man manga so far. The idea then took structure in my mind after writing Desperation, and the feedback to that is what motivated me to actually post this.
I just got to thinking on how different Allen was in childhood to how he was after Mana died, to how he changed after a while as an Exorcist in terms of attitude. There's a whole load of psychological mess to it all, and I just wanted to take a stab at unfolding some of the mess at the beginning.
And here is that attempt ^^
His shoulders slumped as his face turned into a scowl again, still glaring at the rotting wood in front of him. His ears tried blocked out their words, but they still remained to echo in his mind. He tried hard to focus on the patterns on the wood and ignoring the jibes he could hear spewing from the adolescent's mouth. He was sneering, and his parents were too. Other adults had even joined in at one point, some just stared, but none tried to stop them.
Just ignore it. Focus on the wood. There was mould running along the crevices.
"Don't pretend you can't hear me, freak! I'm sure monsters like you must have some sort of special hearing."
I'll be gone in a minute, as soon as Mana gets back. The natural cracks in it seemed to spiral together in a loop, small yellow pads covering it like freckles.
"Why are you here, anyway? Shouldn't weirdoes like you stay in the orphanage? Or at least the slums. Don't dirty our streets with scum like you." There was more than a few chuckles at this.
Remain calm, that's what he taught you. Don't get distracted, always keep walking your path. Lashing out will lead me astray… The wood is really pretty uninteresting at this point.
"I suppose even an orphanage would chuck out trash like you. I'm surprised you haven't been exterminated yet, though I imagine your parents must have tried-"
*WHAM*
Allen turned at the sudden sound, the gasps of the onlookers bringing everyone's attention to the unconscious pre-teen lying on the ground. He held no sympathy for the brat, and instantly turned further to see what had caused the most fortunate injury. It was easy to see none of the posh stiffs were responsible for it, so it was only a matter of finding the odd one out who wasn't gawking over the boy. He only managed to catch a glimpse of long red hair, hurrying away through the foliage across the street along with a flash of gold, when his view was obstructed by a disapproving Mana.
"Allen, how many times must I tell you not to strike people who antagonize you! You must be stronger than that." He scolded him, and continued, not allowing the 10 year-old a chance to defend himself.
"No, Mana I swear I didn't-" He started.
"I know working with the circus was tough for you Allen, I really do, but you must learn to control your anger." His voice was sympathetic, but still held the same reprimanding tone it ever had. Like a master scolding a dog to behave, after he barks and tries to attack another passing dog. Allen just hung his head and followed after his adoptive father, the red-haired assailant completely forgotten.
He had been waiting outside on a bench, while Mana had entered the shop for some supplies for their trip. Since Mana had left the circus with him three years ago, he had been trying in vain to get the boy to brush up his manners and etiquette. Needless to say, Allen wasn't pleased, and most of the time just kept his usual scowl in place when he heard Mana trying to teach him.
"Don't stare Allen, they're people too." He hadn't even turned round, yet he knew the boy had been openly staring at the group of street dwellers camping at the mouth of an alley. Allen quickly turned his head forward, but his eyes remained on the homeless group.
"Please, Allen. This is an upper class area of London, never spit on the ground." Allen hadn't even noticed he'd done it until the scolding, looking up at the man with an apologetic frown as they waited for the inner-city train to pass.
It's not like he hadn't been trying, he wanted to please Mana, he really did. But when it came to something that he had been doing subconsciously his entire life, it wasn't so easy to just change like that. It was a defence mechanism, Mana told him that day, sitting by the Thames in the setting sun. It was something he had learnt at a young age that helped him deal with world and it's people, in all their negativity. Regardless of his true character, his defence came first and outshone the kindness he really had, tipping the scales in favour of a ruder, and more indifferent personality.
He swung his legs slowly, the gentle breeze of England ruffling his hair and adding a solid sense of freedom to the ambiance. They were much like the wind, too. Forever moving from one place to another; wherever they choose to fly next, wherever the path takes them.
He looked down at the shimmering water, grey eyes shining from the reflection of the setting sun in the river. His brown hair hung over his face, and Allen found himself with his head down once again, as if he was constantly bowing down to the will of others, whether it brings luck or misfortune upon him. Working for the circus for so long had been the will of the performers, finally breaking free of that had been the will of Mana. Allen wondered if everything in his life would come from the expectations others would have of him, but for now, he was happy.
"Sit up straight, Allen." Mana spoke kindly, almost a request rather than an instruction, to which Allen obliged.
Their fast alliance had come from a mutual need for a companion, almost as if their inner turmoil coincided which each other. Neither were discontent, or even aware, of this fact. It pushed them both forward for their own reasons, Allen clinging to every word Mana supplied him with. He wanted the companionship, he never even noticed the slow deterioration of Mana's mind, not realising that the life lesson he gave to Allen was the only thing holding him together. Allen never realised either that they would soon also be the only thing that could push him forward, through the dark days ahead.
/
He would have never realised it, that is, if he had not tried to bring Mana back from death. If he hadn't suffered the experience of killing the only person who had cared for him, and who he had cared for. His words had pushed him to move on, it brought him into reality without letting the dream go. Those words kept him from submitting completely, they made him finally look up into the seemingly indifferent brown eyes before, him after days of silence. They brought back what he had lost, if only in the mind.
Mana brought Allen back to him with the young circus worker, Red. There was nothing to stop that same boy from bringing back Mana either, except in a slightly different manner.
"I'm sorry." Small words. His hands were politely crossed in his lap, his eyes addressing the gaping man properly.
Who he had been was someone that didn't need to be, anymore. There was someone who he had lost, that needed to be here again, no matter what. He couldn't be alone again, not even in the mind. Or the way he talked, walked, sat, ate, or thought.
He would keep on walking, they would keep on walking together, like he had promised him. Like father, like son, he wouldn't leave his friend behind, and he would keep on walking with him until he died.
"I'm so sorry."
A bit short, but what isn't there is almost as important as what is. Or not, if it just confused the hell out of you XD Hopefully it didn't, and hopefully you'll review and tell me your own ideas?