Letter for Warrick
HypeerBoOsttxOx

A letter wrote by Catherine to a Warrick after he died. Inspired by Hear You Me/May Angels Lead you in- Jimmy eat world. A very late oneshot for Warrick. I really hope you enjoy and listen to the song, it's a beautiful song. I actually cried while writing this but then again I was listening to that song on repeat for a while so I guess it was probably the song. I felt the urge to write this after I watched a video for warrick with the song playing in the background and I would so check it out. Just type 'CSI hear you me and warrick' in to youtube and enjoy (:

Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognize, so please don't sue. Just enjoy and review (: (Hehe that rhymes) x

...xxx...

Dear Warrick,
God I can't believe Grey actually talked me in to this, apparently his Nana Olaf says it "cleanses the soul." Whatever the hell that means, apparently this is meant to voice my "inner pain" I think he called it. I think he actually thought I was going to kill him, right there as he did run away pretty quick after I started glaring at him. Even Nicky suggested that it might be a good idea, I mean Nicky for gods sake, I can't believe he turned on me because of Greg. But I guess he's right, I haven't been coping without you. You definitely left an irreplaceable hole in all our lives, I still can't believe you've left us. Do you have any idea how you left us, all of us?

Sorry for the rant, I guess I haven't been sleeping well in a while, well I don't think any of us have since you. Well maybe Gil has but since Sara's came back, I think he's having his only good night sleep in months. I suppose it must be nice to be able to share you're bed with someone you love, I wish I could have that feeling back. She got the first plane back when she heard the news and her and Gil have been inseparable since. He took it really hard, I think it was the first time I have ever scene him cry, he really thought of you as a son. You would've been really touched by his speech, it was really beautiful.

My bed felt really empty but Lindsay's taken up residence in my bed now, I think she took it as hard as the rest of us. I think it's mostly for my benefit instead of hers, you know she use to sleep in my bed after Eddie died and it's just like her losing a dad all over again. You know she loved you as a dad right? I remember her looking at us moving your stuff in and all she could say was finally. She wishes she had a chance to tell you she loves you but I'm sure you knew that or at least I hope you do. She hates the fact that she never got the chance to say goodbye, she keeps blaming herself for sleeping over at a friends, that night you left. She thinks I don't know but I hear her crying at night and I just feel so helpless because nothing I say will make her feel better and nothing I say will bring you back so all I can do is comfort her, shed a couple of tears myself and just hope that you'll help us get through this together.

I still can't believe you've left, it hasn't really sunk in, I'm still hoping it's all just a bad dream and I'll wake up one morning and see you lying next to me. I know deep down that it's not going to happen but it doesn't stop me from holding my breath every time I hear someone come through the door or tears forming in my eyes when I wake up and just see the top of Lindsey's head instead of you're green eyes that used to greet me every morning. I never knew why you used to wake up before me but I'm glad you did because I loved waking up to you're eyes, they always told me that you loved me without any words. They always seemed to tell me you care, I remember every time you told me you loved me or every time you hold me. They are the only things that run through my mind every time I hear your name.

I remember the first time we met, not knowing anyone at the lab apart from Grissom and you were a true gentleman, you actually talked to me, unlike the rest of the men, who all introduced themselves to my chest. You actually made me feel like I belonged there, you treated me like the professional I was trying to be. I never told you that, I always meant to thank you that day, I honestly don't think I would be the strong person that I am today without you. God Warrick, I had always wanted to thank you for that, I just kept putting it off as it isn't something you can just work in to a conversation and now you'll never know. I honestly have so much to thank you for and I never got the chance to tell you any of it.

I really hope you can't see what a mess I've become since you left, I know you always hated to see me cry so I tried, I really did try to hold them back at least until I was alone but when Sara came back and you could see a piece missing in all of us and the tears just kept flowing. I don't think I've ever cried so much, I never cried in public as I couldn't stand the looks of pity but I always felt I could cry around you because I never saw pity in you eyes, only that you cared. I remember when I had got upset over a case, I always knew I would be okay because I had you. You kept me together, even before us I knew I could always trust you with anything, you were and are still my everything. I honestly don't know what I would do without Lindsay, she's the one I get out bed for, she's the reason that I'm still living or well trying to.

There's so many things I never told you, of how proud I am of you, for kicking the gambling, for getting yourself back together. I really wish I had your strength, so that maybe I wouldn't feel like I'm letting you down by not being strong enough to move on. I wish I was Warrick, oh how I wish that I don't feel my heart breaking all over again every time I see your toothbrush in the morning or your crime novels still on the bedside table. I never got the chance to thank you for all that you've done for me, for listening to me moan after a long shift when I know that you'd rather just go to sleep or when I got upset, you just pull me close, kiss my forehead and tell me how much you loved me. How you'd remind me that everything works out in the end, only this time it didn't, did it? I really didn't deserve you, you were my rock and I love you so much.I never got a chance to tell you and now I never will, well that was my own mistake. I was just selfish, thinking that you just knew but now I'm questioning did you really know how I felt about you? I really hope you did because I can't stand the thought of you dying and believing that I wasn't hopelessly and madly in love with you.

It hurts to actually go to work everyday and have all the memories that haunt the room. Everything in that place reminds me of you and I hate it, I hate that I become a wreak, every time get reminded of you. You were such a strong person and I seemed to get all my strength from you as now that you're gone, I can't even bring myself to move any of your stuff. Even Lindsey now won't sleep without that Teddy bear you gave her as a joke present for her 14th birthday. I won't go to sleep without one of your jerseys or shirts on me, I remember you once saying how you loved me in your clothes but now I wear them because they remind me of you and with your clothes on, I feel better just like I always did after getting a hug of you or being wrapped up in you're arms. I'm almost ashamed to admit that after I saw you're body, on the ground, I just fell apart, I just couldn't believe it, I didn't want to believe it. I kept trying to wake myself up, hoping it was just a sick nightmare and that I'd wake up and you'd put you're arms around me and assure me that everything was just a dream but I couldn't wake up, I just couldn't. I can't being here without you and I just can't seem to get you off my mind and out of my dreams, I hate them because they just keep reminding me of everything I've lost.

Did you realize how much time we were wasting? All the years of casual flirting. If I had known you would be ripped so cruelly from my life in such a short space of time, I would've taken that chance years ago, I would've done anything to tell you how much I love you. I never told you I loved you that day, I know I normally do before we leave but I didn't and you have no idea how much I regret it. If I had known that was going to be my last kiss, I would've showed you that you and Lindsay mean everything to me. I would give up everything if I could just have the chance to tell you I love you one last time or feel your arms around me.

They say you don't know what you have until it's gone but I always knew what I had, I had the most amazing, caring, gentle man I had ever met, that I truly didn't deserve. You were my equal in so many ways, I honestly don't know how I ended up so lucky in life. I would truly give anything for you to be here tonight, just for tonight.

I really hope you find a way to read this so you can know how much you mean to me. I really hope you're happy up there, that you're sending angels to watch over us and that I hopefully will see you again soon. I hate that we were separated so soon but I know you're watching over us. My tears will start to fade someday but remember just how much I love you. Sleep tight my angel.

I miss you so much, words cannot describe how much I wish you were beside me right now.
All my love, forever and always
Cath x

...xxx…

There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.

What would you think of me now,
So lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
Now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.

Now what would you think of me now,
So lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
Now I'll never have a chance.

May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.

And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
God couldn't let it live.

May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.

May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.

…..xxx…