A prompt inspired 'drabble', this time courtesy of Fttalk, that quickly spiralled out of control. The prompt, had been Natsu thinking about Lucy during one of Fairy Tail's infamous parties ... And this, this is where my mind took me. Turns out, an introspective Natsu is fun/torture to write, hahaha.
Another of Fairy Tail's impromptu celebrations had, rather predictably, turned the guild into a convulsing mass of bodies – Some were shouting happily, others were drinking themselves into a stupor. There were those who'd, naturally, been drawn into a brawl, and there were those that were standing back, watching the chaos unfold around them with bemusement.
And, for the first time that he could remember since coming to the guild, Natsu found himself separate from it all, leaning against the second story's balcony as he watched the pandemonium of the floor below instead. He could hear people calling his name – Gray and Elfman, specifically, demanding he show himself so they could defeat him once and for all – and a part of him was roaring to jump down and join the fray, to remind them all just how powerful he was.
But, his fighting spirit was dampened that night, his mind working itself into knots over something that had happened earlier that day.
He'd been dozing on one of the benches when he'd heard it, Wakaba and Macao musing about the love lives of the younger generation. Natsu had tried to block it out and get back to snoozing, it was just drivel after all. Gossip he simply didn't care for – It was obvious that Levy and Gajeel were fucking, considering the way that Levy had started to smell like Gajeel. And Gray and Juvia weren't far off it, if the way that Gray's pulse spiked anytime Juvia was near was any indication. - But, then the gossiping men had mentioned Lucy, and Natsu didn't think he'd ever concentrated on a conversation so hard before.
The longer he listened to the men argue about who Lucy might be into, and who could be interested in her, a strange tenseness had settled over the Dragon Slayer. It had felt as if he'd tried to eat some of Gajeel's iron, and it was sitting uncomfortably in his stomach. And, with each new name the men threw at one another, the more that feeling simply intensified.
When Macao sighed, Well, what about Natsu then? He's always with her, right? though, Natsu hadn't quite known how to react – A part of him wanted to storm over there and yell at the two idiots because, this was Lucy they were talking about! Lucy was … Lucy! – But, that feeling had been rather quickly smothered by curiosity as he waited for Wakaba's response, and it had taken Natsu a few seconds to realise that the pounding he could hear, was his own heart in his ears.
He hadn't been able to stop his eyes from opening a fraction so that he could watch the men as Wakaba had hummed thoughtfully, before muttering Are you an idiot? The kid wouldn't know what being attracted to someone meant if it danced naked in front of him. He doesn't pay attention to anything unless it relates to Igneel, or someone who can beat him senseless.
The comment had irritated him for some reason, and, several hours later, Natsu still hadn't been able to erase the incident from his mind. No matter what he tried to distract himself with, he just couldn't seem to stop thinking about it – About what the old men had said, about what they'd implied, about the strange feeling that he'd felt with every name that they suggested might care for Lucy, and also about the way they'd suggested he didn't know what it meant to feel like that about someone. It was pissing him off, but he just couldn't figure out why he was so bothered by it all.
Which was precisely why he'd retreated to the second floor of the guild. As much as he wanted to be down there celebrating with everyone, his thoughts were a tangled mess, and he just couldn't seem to get them to shut up long enough for him to actually enjoy the party. He couldn't even focus enough to get fired up about the arguments he could hear, and it was just adding to his frustration.
Gritting his teeth, Natsu ran a hand through his hair, and looked back down into the fray below. Automatically, his black eyes came to rest on the head of Blonde hair he could see, and it irritated him for a moment – Why her? Why was she the first one he sought out? Was it intentional? Did it mean anything more?
They were all thoughts that wouldn't have even crossed his mind yesterday and, suddenly, he wanted to leap down there and pound Wakaba and Macao for even talking about something so stupid where he could hear it.
A deep hum interrupted the spiral of Natsu's thoughts, and he glanced to his side to find Gajeel's cat looking up at him, his arms folded over his chest as his tail gave a curious flick.
"Strange to find you up here, instead of in … That," Pantherlily said, and Natsu glared at the comment.
"I'm allowed to have days where I don't feel like fighting, aren't I?" the Dragon Slayer grumbled, his chin falling into the palm of his hand as he glanced back down at the floor below. He was forced to bite down on his tongue, though, to stop himself from growling with exasperation as his eyes found Lucy once again.
It was infuriating, he decided, as he watched Cana take hold of Lucy's arm and tug her over to the front of the stage so that they could dance to whatever Mirajane was playing. Natsu couldn't figure out why, but he was completely unable to tear his gaze away from wherever Lucy was, and it was making him wonder, had he always been this aware of her? And if not, when did it start?
Sighing softly, for just a moment, Natsu wished that Igneel was around. At least then he could have someone to talk his thoughts out to. Usually, if something was wrong, Natsu knew he could talk to Happy about it, whatever it was. But, whatever was bothering him at the moment, he found himself reluctant to mention it to Happy. Mainly because, whenever he thought about mentioning his confused thoughts to the Exceed, all Natsu could envision was the smug grin the cat would surely wear as he purred, You like her, and that simply wasn't what Natsu needed right then.
What he needed was for someone to explain what was happening exactly – He needed someone to tell him why he'd reacted the way he had earlier, someone to tell him why it was that his mouth was curling into an involuntary grin as he watched Lucy's shy smile as she awkwardly danced. More than that though, he needed someone to explain to him what it meant to like someone, exactly, and what liking them entailed. Because, as much as Natsu hated to admit it, Wakaba had been right when he'd said that Natsu was completely clueless when it came to these kind of things – What did it mean to like someone, and how did you know that was how you felt? And, what was the difference between liking someone, and simply caring for them?
Growling under his breath, Natsu clutched at the hair at the back of his head with both hands and brought his forehead down to rest on the balcony. His thoughts were getting confusing, and it was pissing him off. Why couldn't there just be a simple answer? And why did those idiots have to make him start to wonder about these things anyway? Damn it.
"You don't seem well," Pantherlily remarked, a hint of concern to his voice – Shit. Natsu had forgotten the cat was there.
"I'm fine," he muttered, though he didn't move from his position against the balcony.
Pantherlily snorted at the response, and said, "You look just like Gajeel did when he finally realised he liked Levy."
And there they were. The words that finally drove Natsu over the edge.
"What the fuck does that even mean?!," the Dragon Slayer hissed, trying to maintain enough control over his flames that they didn't leak out and cover him. Considering the warmth he could feel at the back of his neck though, he didn't think he was completely successful with that. "How the hell are you meant to know? I just don't get it! Why does it have to be so complicated?"
He didn't expect an answer. If anything, he'd expected someone to shout Natsu! There you are! and, a part of him hoped somebody would, cos, he had so many emotions coursing through him in that moment, he just wanted to pummel something.
The flames leaking out of him receded, though, as Lily said, "It's complicated because it's different for everyone," and Natsu couldn't help but look over at the Exceed, his eyebrows rising with a mixture of interest and surprise. Sighing, Lily jumped up onto the balcony so that he could meet the pink haired boy's eye. Then, with a flick of his tail, he asked, "What would 'Liking someone' mean to you, Salamander? Would it mean that they're more important to you than anyone else? That you'd be willing to risk your own life if it meant protecting them? Or would it simply mean wanting someone to be happy, even if that happiness doesn't include you? It could be any of those things, and more."
"Think about it," Lily continued as he cocked his head down to the boisterous crowd below them. "How many different types of love are there in this guild alone?"
Natsu frowned as he followed the Exceed's gaze, eyes taking in the scene below. The first person he found was Erza, and Natsu instantly thought of the trust that she'd had shown in Jellal, and the way that she'd been able to forgive all that he'd done. Then he caught sight of Jet and Droy, watching over Levy from a distance as she was tucked away in a corner of the guild with Gajeel. Which, of course, led to him considering Gajeel and Levy and the way that they'd been able to overcome their difficult beginning, allowing them to become so enamoured with one another you seldom saw them apart anymore. And, the more Natsu looked around the room, the more he thought he understood what Pantherlily was trying to tell him.
"So, what you're saying," Natsu said slowly as his eyes focused on Lucy once more, consciously aware of the flickers of warmth that filled his belly as he looked at her now, "Is that I can decide for myself if what I feel for someone is attraction, or not."
Lily grinned at the Dragon Slayer with what Natsu could only interpret as approval, and, for a moment, he returned that grin, thinking, even if the Exceed's partner was a major pain in the arse, at least Lily didn't seem too bad. But then he added, "You're not as dense as they imply," and Natsu hastily took back any good thoughts he'd had about the feline.
"What was that?" Natsu growled indignantly, allowing his flames to engulf him as he glared at Gajeel's cat.
Pantherlily simply threw his head back and laughed at the reaction, before jumping down to the floor below and making his way over to where Gajeel and Levy were nestled away. With an irritable 'Tch', Natsu brought his hand back up to support his chin, and scowled as Gajeel's eyes shifted from his cat, up to where Natsu was. At the glare Gajeel gave him, Natsu flipped the Dragon Slayer off, and chuckled as he heard Gajeel's "That little shit! I'm gonna fucking kill him!"
His amusement about riling Gajeel up only lasted for a second, though, before Natsu sighed and let his gaze slip back over to the stage, searching for a particular blonde. His eyes widened with surprise as he found Lucy looking up at him already, and, as soon as their eyes met, Lucy's mouth stretched into a wide smile as she raised a hand and called out, "Natsu!"
Unable to stop himself from grinning at the reaction, Natsu gave a wave to acknowledge her call, and made a point to ignore the faint warmth he could feel on his cheeks that had nothing to do with his flames. What I want it to mean, huh? he mused, as he watched Lucy return to dancing with Cana and Erza.
There was still a lot he didn't understand – Why his stomach had turned to lead when Macao and Wakaba had mused about who Lucy might like, for instance – but, Natsu decided, as his lips curled into a grin to match the bright smile Lucy had just thrown him, if it were a choice between 'Liking' Lucy, and 'Not liking' Lucy … You might as well ask him if he was going to continue to look for Igneel or not. Because, when he thought about it, the answer was obvious, really. He didn't know when it had happened exactly, but, somewhere along the way, he had, undoubtedly, fallen for Lucy.
And, He didn't know what that would mean yet. Whether that meant that he could be happy watching her find happiness with someone else – At the uncomfortable lurch his stomach gave at the thought, he doubted it – or whether it meant that he was going to start to want to be around her even more than he already was – Just when had he started to hate spending time without her anyway? – Natsu had no idea. The only thing that he was sure of, was that he'd do whatever he could to ensure that Lucy continued smiling. Even if that meant keeping these newfound thoughts to himself.
In fact, as he considered the way that Macao and Wakaba had been gossiping before… Natsu decided that keeping these thoughts to himself was definitely the best thing to do. Just thinking about how bad the gossip would become if people realised he actually did have feelings for Lucy was enough to make the Dragon Slayer cringe.
That cringe abruptly turned into an expression of rage, however, as a table collided with his face, and Natsu snarled down into the still brawling group downstairs, demanding to know who the fuck had just thrown that. His question was met with the expected, "Natsu! Where the hell have you been hiding you bastard?" and "If you're a man, get down here!" and, as he leapt down to join in the fight, he had no idea why he'd let himself get so caught up in the details. So, he liked Lucy. That didn't mean anything had to change, and even if they did … Well, he'd deal with that when the time came. Worrying about what could happen wasn't really his style anyway.