Written for the 2014 Yuletide fic exchange.

"Looks like you two had a good time."

Kaneki rolled over, flipping the pillow so it covered his head.

"How long do you think this can possibly last?" The voice persisted in taunting him.

"Shut up…" he hissed into the mattress.

Every time he moved on the damn thing, it felt like he was being drawn down into quick sand. It must have been memory foam or something else equally gimmicky.

"What an idiot…you're a riot! The both of you are hilarious!" Rize giggled inside his head like a little girl stomping on ants.

"Leave me alone!" Kaneki shouted, flinging the pillow against the wall with a thud.

The purple-haired man resting beside him finally stirred, sitting up, and flipping on the bedside lamp. "…Kaneki-kun?"

"Go away!" Kaneki shouted again.

Tsukiyama frowned, reluctantly swinging his legs over the side of the bed, giving the boy a last glance before fishing a pair of boxers off the floor. Kaneki was now seated up against the headboard, hands covering his face, knees drawn up against his bare chest.

The older man made an attempt at wriggling into the boxers on his way out into the hall, but they wouldn't reach higher than his hipbones, and the elastic dug in. He considered going back in to the room to retrieve his own pair instead, but ultimately decided that it was best to make do in the interest of giving Kaneki the space he needed as soon as possible (not to mention that the fact that the idea of wearing Kaneki's underwear was not wholly unpleasant).

Tsukiyama wandered to the living room and sat down on the couch, wrapping himself in a throw blanket, sighing as he stared at the bookshelf lining the wall.

He and Kaneki had been together for about a week or two now. …So, it wasn't 'a week or two', but rather one week and four days. Tsukiyama knew that he could never forget the day that Kaneki had finally rested some trust with the other man. Hinami had taken Tsukiyama aside that day and confided in him that she had heard Kaneki crying out from nightmares each night. Tsukiyama assured the girl with a wink that he would see what he could do. Half jokingly, he had suggested to Kaneki that perhaps a change of scenery would help him to sleep more soundly. He hadn't at all expected the boy to actually take him up on the offer.

The two had done very little actual sleeping that night, which surprised Tsukiyama even more. Since then, the pair often went to Tsukiyama's apartment for 'private chats'.

Tsukiyama knew that he should be overjoyed; second only to tasting Kaneki's oh so dolce flesh, sleeping with him was all Tsukiyama could ever want. He had even managed not to spoil the moment (or get himself killed, more like) by taking a bite out of him!

Kaneki's beautiful, mismatched eyes (oh if only he didn't wear that eye patch so often. It was a shame to hide such a beautiful eye) no longer shot him glances of contempt and wariness, but instead now revealed something even more disquieting. Even though Kaneki would now agree most times that Tsukiyama requested that the two spend some time together, the white haired man always seemed troubled and distant in a way he never did when with Hinami or Banjou.

Tsukiyama was awoken the next morning by the colors of sun playing on his eyelids. Not ready to yet face that intrusive glowing orb, he rolled over, hoping to snuggle into Kaneki. Instead of a soft, warm body, however, Tsukiyama found himself colliding with the cold, hard wood floor of his living room.

Taking a moment to reorient himself, he smoothed out his bed head before picking himself of the floor and heading toward the bedroom. Gingerly cracking the door open, so as not to wake the other man, he peered inside. Unfortunately, his efforts to remain quiet were for naught, because not a soul was currently occupying the bed. It briefly crossed his mind that Kaneki must have gotten up before him and gone back home, until he heard the sound of water running coming from the bathroom. Tsukiyama tossed on a robe before heading back into the hall.

"What's wrong? You don't like smelling like him? You want to go back to smelling like me?" The voice gave sharp laugh that reverberated around the insides of his skull, drowning out the sound of the shower pouring down around him. "You just want men following you around like starving puppies! Trust me, I know allll about that. It's fun, isn't it? But they'll never love you. He likes the idea of you, you know? What you smell like, what you look like…your taste. He'll never really love you."

As Kaneki sat on the shower floor of Tsukiyama's apartment, the hot streams of water began to feel like claws digging into his skin.

With a gasp, he climbed out of the shower, not bothering to turn the water off, and collapsed onto the closed toilet lid.

"And so what if he did love you? Do you think you deserve it? You really think someone like you, who's done the things you have, deserves that kind of love?"

During his captivity at Aogiri, Rize had given him the strength to save himself. He had been thankful to her for helping him to realise that it was okay to hurt people if it meant saving himself. It was okay for Kaneki to be the most important person in his own life. However, ever since his return, the voice was no longer a source of encouragement. She left him alone for the most part when he would read with Hinami, or have a discussion with Banjou, but each time Tsukiyama was near, she would ruthlessly mock him. Every night when he slept, she would show him images of the man betraying him, trying to devour him once again.

"Kaneki-kun?" For a moment, Kaneki thought that a second voice had taken up residence inside his brain, but just as quickly realised that it was Tsukiyama's voice, slightly raised to be heard over the sound of the still running water.

"When you're done in there, I can make you some breakfast. The coffee's already on…Kaneki-kun?"

Kaneki remained silent.

The thought of being able to relax around Tsukiyama had become more and welcoming each time he had spent time with the man. It had become increasingly clear to him in the past few weeks that the other ghoul no longer meant him any harm, yet still, in the part of his mind that Rize seemed to weave her way in and out of like an eel, he didn't believe himself. That's why he had accepted Tsukiyama's invitation that day- he would prove to Rize, and to himself, that this could work.

That particular plan hadn't worked at all. Instead, she had taken absolute glee in the situation. Even sleeping with Tsukiyama hadn't quieted the voice. Kaneki had initiated it in desperate attempt at drown out the female ghoul inside of him, hoping that the overload of sensations would override his mind. It had worked for a short time, but she came back as soon as they had finished.

Now, the morning after their second time together, Kaneki sat naked, sopping wet, in Tsukiyama's lavish bathroom, dripping onto the plush floor mat, as the other man began knocking on the door with increasing urgency.

"Kaneki-kun, are you okay?" the door knob shook now. "I'm going to have to break down the door if you don't answer. You're starting to worry me…"

Tsukiyama was becoming truly afraid that Kaneki had fallen in the shower and hit his head. Of course anything like that would heal quickly enough, but he hated the thought of his beloved Kaneki-kun being in pain or even so much as uncomfortable in his home. He wished for this to become a safe haven for the boy, a place as secure and comfortable for him as the one he shared with Hinami and the others.

Suddenly, the door knob turned in his hand, causing him to release it as the door swung wide, colliding with his face with a decidedly moist cracking sound.

The white haired man rushed out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, as he headed for the bedroom once again and began hurriedly putting on his discarded clothing from the previous night.

"Kaneki…kun?" Tsukiyama's face would have shown bemusement, had he not been holding a hand to his broken nose, as he watched Kaneki's own bewildered expression at not being able to locate his own boxers.

Kaneki eventually gave up on the boxers, pulling his pants up underneath the towel, irregardless of the fact that Tsukiyama had already seen him fully naked twice now.

Tsukiyama's brief moment of amusement passed as without a word, Kaneki breezed past him and made for the door, slamming it behind him.

"You wanted lick that blood off his face, didn't you? He would've fucked you right on the spot if you did! How gross!"

The voice persisted as Kaneki reached the door to his own apartment. He unlocked the door, letting himself in.

"Onii-chan!" Hinami looked up from the kitchen table, plate full of fingers before her. It would appear that he didn't miss breakfast, although he didn't feel hungry, no matter what Rize seemed to think. "…Why is your hair all wet?" Without waiting for a reply, the small ghoul grabbed a dish towel, handing it to her friend, who made no move to actually use it.

Kaneki seated himself across from where the girl had been, resting his hand against his chin.

"How's The Flower Man doing? He didn't come back with you?" she asked, taking the towel back from him, and scrubbing it over his hair.

The last time Tsukiyama had come over for breakfast, he had fried up the fingers for her. Hinami seemed to prefer them that way now.

"He slept in and I didn't feel like waiting for him."

Hinami ceased the toweling, returning to her own seat to face Kaneki. "Onii-chan, how do you feel about Flower Man?"

Kaneki hadn't been expecting a question like this first thing in the morning. In fact, he had been hoping that spending some time with Hinami would take his mind off of the situation. "Well…He's a useful ally. I'm grateful for his help."

"Why can't he live here with us, then?" the small girl's wide eyes felt like tiny drills of innocence boring into his skull. He found himself wishing that he had taken Tsukiyama up on the offer of coffee before storming out.

A perceptive girl, Hinami seemed to sense his plight and stood once again, setting up the coffee pot the way Tsukiyama had taught her.

"It's complicated, Hinami. I-" he began

"He loves you, you know," she said more to the coffee pot than the ghoul at the table.

It was a good thing that the coffee wasn't ready yet, or Kaneki was sure he would have spit it out.

"Onii-chan," she continued, turning to face him, "I've been thinking about this a lot, and I think that each person in our lives is really special, and that we meet each of them for a reason. There will never be anyone else like…like my mommy and daddy. That's why I think that if you don't take a chance with The Flower Man, no one like him will ever come along to take his place. It's like that cheesy old movie we watched the other night- This is something that you might not find again for another hundred years, you know?"

"Bonjour, Kaneki-kun!"

For the second time that day, Tsukiyama found himself knocking on the door of a room containing the object of his affections.

Hinami had called him up, telling him that her 'Onii-chan' needed to speak with him in person about something important. However, upon his arrival at the apartment, it quickly became clear that 'need' to speak and 'want' to speak were two entirely different things. Kaneki was holed up in his room, door locked tight.

"…What do you want?" came the unenthused replied through the door.

There were times in which Tsukiyama did fear that it might indeed be impossible to gain Kaneki's affection in return. Even though they had slept together, every now and again something in the back of his head told him that it was just stress relief for the boy and nothing deeper. Still, he'd keep trying his best. Before Kaneki, he had never found anything else worth truly giving his all for. He had thought that his quest for the best gourmet meals had been worth that sort of pursuit, but he had been mistaken. If he let Kaneki go, he knew that he'd never find anyone like him ever again. Even the little girl had told him as much during their phone conversation.

"I brought you some more books!" Tsukiyama replied cheerfully.

"Thanks, but I didn't finish the last ones you brought." The door opened just wide enough for Kaneki to peer out with a look of disapproving curiosity.

"Oh, but I think there's one here you'd really enjoy, whether you have time to read it or not." Tsukiyama sounded somewhat anxious. Books were one thing that he was generally honest about. His excitement about the gift intrigued Kaneki, despite his better judgment.

"Come in," Kaneki sighed.

Tsukiyama sat down on the bed, earning a frown from Kaneki. However, Tsukiyama's expectant expression caused him to follow suit and take a seat beside him.

Tsukiyama rummaged in the shopping bag he had brought along. It appeared that the man had purchased enough books to cause any bookstore owner to crack open a bottle of champagne at the end of the day

"Pour vous." The man proffered a book with a characteristic flourish.

"…Takatsuki Sen?" Kaneki took the book, turning it over in his hands, before leafing through some pages. "But I already have this one," he stated with some confusion.

"Non, Kaneki-kun! What you have is a common, off-the-shelf paperback. What you are holding is a hard cover, first edition!" He reached over to turn the page, the book still open in Kaneki's hands, fingers brushing against the other ghoul's. "See? This edition has a few illustrations. They were deemed too disturbing and had to be removed for future editions," he explained proudly.

"Thank you, Tsukiyama-san." Kaneki closed the book, forcing Tsukiyama to pull his hands away from it. "This is…a really wonderful present. It really is, but I don't need any collectibles. We might have to flee from here at a moment's notice. I wouldn't be able to take stuff like this with me," he said, running his fingers over the embossed title.

"What if I told you that I won't allow anything like that to happen? Though, it would be easier for me to serve as your sword if you'd allow me to stay here with you," he said with a laugh, fearing he was beginning to make the boy feel worse instead of better.

Kaneki set the book on the nightstand, then turned to look Tsukiyama in the eye. "Tsukiyama-san, you know that I value you as my ally, don't know?"

"Why, of course, Kaneki-kun!" He replied, placing his fingertips over his heart, even though those words were a fair distance from the truth. He feared that the boy saw him as a useful, yet expendable tool much of the time, more a bent paperclip than the sword that he wished to be.

"Well, I… want to apologise for how I've been acting. You really are an important person to me. I just wanted to make sure that you understand that."

Before Tsukiyama could reply, Kaneki leaned across the small bed, grabbing hold of the other ghoul's face, pulling him down to meet his own.

This was considerably different than their previous kisses- It wasn't hungry or desperate. It was brimming with a silent meaning that passed between their flesh like an electric signal, conveying all the feelings they hadn't been able to give voice to.

"Kaneki-kun, I-" Tsukiyama began breathlessly after Kaneki had pulled away.

"Shut up, I already know."

The two lay in Kaneki's cramped bed, Tsukiyama cuddled into the smaller man's back like he had wished to do earlier, early afternoon sun beaming into the room.

Rize had stayed silent through everything. In fact, he had all but forgotten about her until afterwards. His confusion seemed to summon her, however.

She giggled, "It seems like you two might have passed, for now. I just really didn't want my organs inside some idiot who doesn't know what he wants, you know? Take care of my stupid old friend for me. I couldn't deal with him after all, but it looks like maybe you can." The voice yawned. "I think I'm going to go to sleep for a little while now…"

Kaneki shook his head as he felt something alight from him, like a butterfly taking off.

He felt Tsukiyama's questioning gaze behind him.

"Hinami says that I'd only meet someone like you once every one hundred years. Somehow, I believe her," Kaneki said with a derisive snort, turning over to face the other man.

"Onii-chan, Flower Man, I'm leaving some coffee outside the door! I can reheat it whenever you two are finished, so please take your time!" A voice interrupted outside the door, accompanied by the clatter of a tray.

"You know, I don't think that she really believes we're only 'talking' in here..." Kaneki commented.

"The little lady seems to be right about a lot of things these days, doesn't she?" Tsukiyama replied with a grin.

The end