Title: Shadow of the day
Summary: Post Meridian. Sam gets a visit from Daniel after he's ascended.
A/N: It always bugged me that Daniel visited everyone but Sam so I decided to write up what I thing might have happened if he had. This is the first fic I've posted so sorry for my mistakes. Please review and let me know what you think. Constructive criticism is always welcome.
Linkin park- Shadow of the day.
"You have an effect on people, Daniel. The way you look at things, it changed me too. I see what really matters. I don't know why we wait to tell people how we really feel. I guess I hoped that you always knew."
I close both locks below the window
I close both blinds and turn away
Sam stood at her bedroom window watching the rain wash over the city streets. It was peaceful and quiet. She usually enjoyed coming home after a long day at the SGC. It was a nice escape from her life there but tonight things were different. She would have done anything to have that distraction. Just a while where she didn't have to think about what had happened or what they had lost. Now that she was alone it was all she could think about. She tried sleeping hoping it would give her an escape but she'd spent most of her time tossing and turning. Finally she got fed up with it and gave up trying.
Daniel was like family to her. No one on earth could imagine what they went through together and now she was just supposed to what…forget about him…move on and try not to think about the possibility that he's still out there somewhere. She couldn't do it. The more she thought about him ascending the more she wanted to go out there, find him and bring him home where he belonged. She didn't care if he had achieved something of cosmic significance and that he was somehow making a difference on a galactic scale. She just wanted him home.
It was funny, she'd spent so much time with him that she never even considered the possibility that one day he might not been there. She knew it was always a possibility. Every time they stepped through the gate they took a risk of one of them not coming back but it wasn't something she thought about. She couldn't go into battle thinking that one of them might not come back. If she did she would be so distracted that she would end up getting them all killed.
They had always beat the odds before eventually she began thinking they always would. Now she couldn't close her eyes without having to watch him die all over again. She'd never felt as helpless as she did when she saw how much pain he was in knowing that it was only going to get worse for him and there was nothing they could do to stop it. Cheating death was like second nature to them. She didn't understand why this time was so different. She didn't understand why it had to be.
They had a way to save him. Jacob could have healed him or at least he could have tried but he never got the chance. Jack stopped him before he could. He never left a man behind before even when saving them seemed impossible he went in guns blazing refusing to give up but when it was Daniel he decides to tell the one person who had the chance of saving him to stop. He should have let him try even if Daniel did tell him to let him go. Sure Daniel would have been mad that's even if he remembered but at least he would have been alive. He was a civilian it was their job to protect him, to bring him home safe and Jack failed.
They all did and in a way Daniel failed them. He was so concerned with the good he could do as an ascended being that he never stopped to think of the aftermath he was leaving behind.
Sometimes solutions aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only way
"Come on Sam, you know that's not true" She heard the all too familiar voice call from behind her. It sounded more playful then defensive but the sound still made her cringe. No matter how much she wanted to believe that he was really there she knew it was impossible. He was something her brain concocted out of grief and lack of sleep. But knowing he wasn't real didn't stop the pain from flaring up at the sound of his voice. Sam could feel the brim of her eyes fill with tears almost instantly. She closed her eyes hoping to keep the tears at bay and that by the time she opened them her imaginary friend would have disappeared. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and slowly opened her eyes. She sighed when she saw his reflection in the window next to hers.
"Still here…" He said with a slight wave. Sam glared at his reflection in the window. She knew it was pointless to get mad at an…well she didn't want to call him an hallucination but at the moment it was the only theory that fit. She still couldn't help the anger that was building up inside her. The more she looked at his reflection in the window the more she thought about how he left them, and how in some way he chose to.
"Why are you here?" Sam said with a little more spite then what was really needed for a hallucination. "Don't you have some intergalactic emergency to defuse?"
Daniel shrugged and softly smiled at her. "It can wait. You on the other hand…" He let his voice trail off knowing she knew exactly what he meant.
"It's a little late to be concerned about my feelings isn't it?" She said shaking her head. She wasn't sure what hurt the more. The fact that she knew he wasn't really there or the disappointment and anger she felt towards him.
"I never stopped caring Sam. Choosing this life was…is one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make but I made it because I believe this is the best chance I have to really make a difference." Daniel took a step towards her but stopped when he saw Sam flinch away from him. "Sam." Daniel said softly.
Sam stared at his reflection. When she saw how hurt he looked by her reaction it only fueled her anger in ways she didn't even think was possible. She'd been holding herself back knowing that it was pointless to yell at someone who wasn't really there but at the moment she didn't care. She needed someone to listen and to understand. She needed him to understand.
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
"We were a team, Teal'c. No one can even begin to understand what we went through together, what we mean to each other. So maybe Daniel has achieved something of great cosmic significance, I don't know. And to be honest with you, right now, I don't really care. I'd rather have him back."
"Daniel you were making a difference here! Do you have any idea how many people are alive because of you? Do you know how many people are free because you refused to give up? You can't tell me you never made a difference Daniel." Tears began to stream down her cheeks. She tried to stop them but the harder she fought it the harder she cried. "You didn't leave because you wanted to make a difference you left because you gave up and that's ok…I don't blame you. But don't sit here and lie to me by saying that you did it to make a difference." She said angrily.
She didn't even notice she'd been yelling until after she stopped. By the time she finished all of the anger she felt, and the betrayal was gone. All that was left was this gaping whole inside. She wanted to turn around and look at him directly but she was too scared that he wouldn't be there when she did.
For a while neither of them said anything. Daniel walked towards her stopping only a couple of inches behind her. Sam sighed and looked down at the floor trying her best to keep the last ounce of self restraint she had left. She could feel him standing behind her like she would have just a couple of weeks ago but she still didn't want to risk turning around and looking at him directly. She wasn't ready for him to disappear again. Even though she still knew it was impossible for him to actually be there but seeing him and hearing his voice was comforting.
"I know I made a difference. You guys showed me that…" He said suddenly realizing she wouldn't understand what he meant. "But I can do more this way. The last thing I wanted to do was leave you guys." She could hear the sadness in Daniel's voice. "But it was something I had to do."
Sam sighed and looked back up at his reflection. "I know…" She said nodding and brushing the tears from her cheeks. "It doesn't make it hurt any less."
"I know. Only time…"
"If you say time heals everything I'm going to have to hurt you." She said with a faint smile.
Daniel smiled this time more strongly than he had in the past few minutes. It was more like Daniel. She couldn't explain it but somehow she knew he was there. She knew it was impossible at least as far as current science was concerned but if anyone could accomplish the impossible it would be Daniel. "I was going to say only time will help but close enough."
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
Sam giggled and shook her head. She stared at his reflection trying to get up the courage up to turn around. "I'll still be here." Daniel said reassuringly.
Sam looked at him in disbelief. "Stay out of my head." She said only half serious.
"I don't have to be in you're head to know what you're thinking Sam. You're not that hard to read…Besides it's not like I would be able to understand anything if I was." Daniel began to squint his eyes just slightly. Sam smiled when she recognized that look. He always had that look when he was about to start rambling. She quickly turned around and smiled when he was still there. She sighed in relief and leaned up against the window seal with her hands. "Told you so." He said happily.
"Don't make me hurt you." She threatened playfully. She waited for a few seconds then narrowed her eyes. "What are you anyways?"
"Energy." Daniel said quickly.
"Oh…" Sam said nodding slightly.
"Yeah." Daniel said nodding. "It's…different but you get used to it." Daniel explained.
"How long can you stay?" Sam asked not sure she really wanted to know the answer.
"Not long…" Daniel said reluctantly. "but I'll be around. I'll stop in front time to time just to make sure Jack hasn't gotten himself into to much trouble." Daniel said smiling but it never reached his eyes. Sam barley managed a half smile. She slowly nodded and looked down at her bedroom floor.
"I'm not going to see you again am I?" She asked looking back up at him.
"I don't know." Daniel said with a slight shrug. "Not for a while at least." He said honestly.
Sam nodded and faintly smiled. Tears filled the brim of her eyes but she quickly wiped them away. "I miss you Daniel." She said trying her best to keep herself from falling apart.
Daniel nodded and looked down at the ground. "I miss you guys too." Daniel smiled sadly when he looked back up at her. "Take care of yourself and watch out for Jack and Teal'c. Don't let them get into to much trouble."
Sam slowly nodded as tears flooded her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. She tried to say goodbye but when she did her voice cracked and a small sob escaped her lungs. Daniel closed the distance between them and hugged her. He laid his head on hers and rubbed small circles into her back. "I'm sorry." Daniel said softly his voice was weak and horsed.
Sam took a deep breath and shook her head. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I understand why you did what you did…I probably would have done the same thing." Sam said honestly. She tightened her grip on him. She knew he had to go any minute now but she wasn't ready. Daniel used his other hand to gently brushed Sam's hair back as she sobbed in his chest. He waited until her sobs had subsided slightly.
"I promise it won't hurt like this forever." Daniel said softly.
All Sam could manage was a small nod. She took a few deep breaths and tightened her grip on his as much as she could before she slowly let go and took a step back. "I know…" She said finally. Her voice cracked beneath the pressure of the sobs that were forcing their way from her lungs.
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
Daniel softly smiled and nodded. "Goodbye Sam."
Sam shot up in her bed gasping for air. She reached over to the lamp on her nightstand and quickly turned it on. She scanned the room for Daniel but she never really expected him to be there. She tightly hugged her knees to her chest as she sobbed. Her chest shuttered under the pressure. For the first time since Daniel died Sam allowed her self to cry. Every time she began to cry before she would fight it until she won but this time was different. It felt good to cry and release all the emotions that had been building up for the past couple of weeks. She smiled as the smell of Daniel's cologne filled her bedroom. She slowly nodded mostly for herself then anyone else.
"Goodbye Daniel." She said smiling softly. She wiped away the last few stray tears before standing up from her bed. She smiled contently and headed into the bathroom to get ready for work. She paused for a moment, narrowed her eyes and looked around the bathroom and bedroom. She couldn't help but to feel like she was being watched after last night. She waited for a moment while she gave both room one last look over. "Daniel, you better not be watching." Sam warned. She softly smiled and shut the bathroom door behind her.