A/N: So this is my first fan fic guys. Im known to be an avid reader/reviewer but I thought it was time to branch out and feed the minions.

I own no claim to these characters or the original plot those credits go to...Charlaine Harris, Alan Ball, Elizabeth Young, and everyone from the actually movie. All I did was change some scenes and let the muses take control.

Big ups to my Alpha SWEETPIDI for helping me edit...any other mistakes: grammer, wording, spelling, etc...is my fault. Sorry :^)

Queen SNG signing out! P.S reviews are love and I give out hugs and kisses for them! oh and updates too...*wink*

"Work it honey with that phat booty of yours!"

"Lafayette didn't I tell you it is not proper to tell a lady that her behind is 'fat'?"

"Sooks, if I had a behind like yours and a pair of breasteses like those… I would be damn happy to be called 'PHAT'. Remember baby, it's pretty hot and tasty! OWWW" Leave it to Lafayette to twist some letters around into something that would make me blush five shades closer to an apple!

Of course, I worked hard every day to get this body ever since leaving Bon Temps. I was well aware of how "phat" my booty was when I was 18 graduating out of high school. Not that I could read the minds of the boys in school; but the ogling and butt pinches gave me enough reason to think I had something going on back there. Not to mention my chest was trying to compete with my ass! I mean I am happy with what God gave me, but back where I came from fashion wasn't something that was big in town. Overalls, jumpers, flannels, daisy dukes, and boots were pretty much a girl's wardrobe. After my father died when I was seven that was exactly what I wore. Pigtails and overalls with dirty white reeboks. Aahhh, those were the days.

I still miss my father. Everyone says that I look just like him. Blue eyes, blond hair, and short stature; well at least I didn't inherit his crooked smile or cleft chin. That would have been a disaster. But when I look in the mirror, I still see him smiling at me, telling me I was the most beautiful girl in the whole state of Louisiana and if a man ever broke my heart Bennelli would be there to break his knee caps.

Looking back on my life in Bon Temps made me remember the reason why I was modeling around in different designer wedding dresses in my condo. Meanwhile, Lafayette was grunting noises at me and gyrating his hips on our couch.

"Ok, now tell me which dress does you like the most? The Vera Wang Fawn dress? Orrrr…. the one that I have on now which is by Alfred Angelo?"

Lafayette cocks his head to the side and says, "Well baby doll if it was YOUR wedding I would say go with the Alfred Angelo but since it's for your spoiled stuck up the ass little sister send her the Vera Wang."

"Laf, I know she is a spoiled stuck up the ass brat who thinks the world revolves around her anorexic size 2 ring finger but she is my sister and I AM happy for her." Lafayette just gives me the 'yeah right' look and continues to gyrate around our New York condo. Well wasn't I happy for her? I mean sure technically I should have been married for 2 years now coming this April, which is the the day before my little sister decided to get married. Oh and sure her fiancé's best man is my EX-FIANCE and I have to walk down the aisle with him only to dread up awful memories of when we were a 'happy' couple. And yes I still feel bitter towards that bastard because he decided to call off our wedding saying that it was a 'big mistake' because he was in love with someone else in front of our entire community on New Year's Eve.

I rubbed my temples as I started to get the image of my mom screaming, at the top of her lungs, "Oh Sookie what did you do NOW?" out of my head. Like I was the problem in this whole situation! William Compton was the problem. That pretentious pompous bastard had the nerve to try to climb in my bed that very same night drunker than I ever saw Jane Bodehouse on a Friday night at Merlotte's. I pulled my dad's Benelli out of the closet and pointed straight at his nuts and told him he better run if he ever wanted to stay a man. He ran out of there ass naked like the day he was born and I never felt better in my life well ….until I started crying all over again. That's what brought me to the decision to leave Bon Temps and go to New York and settle in to the fashion career which I've wanted to do since forever. I went to LSU after high school thanks to the money daddy left me and the money my step father Corbett gave. I graduated with honors with a Bachelor's degree in Business Management thinking I was content in working alongside Corbett at his accounting firm. However, after the break-up with jack-ass, the day-to-day reminder from my mother on how I'm not getting any younger, and the drone lifestyle of business suits, briefcases and numbers.. I needed a change. So I packed up things, cashed in my investment in the firm and moved to New York City. Coming here was easy but staying here was definitely no walk in the park. I lived in a run-down apartment on a dingy street in the Bronx and had to bike it to the diner every day where I worked at (I guess that's why I have killer legs). I refused to work in another firm so I figured I might as well get a gig doing what I know how to best: a waitress. Before heading off to college and most of my time in high school, I worked at Merlotte's bar even though I was a minor but Mr. Merlotte knew I wasn't the drinking type so he let it slide. The sheriff even knew I worked there and didn't say a word to either of us. What can I say it's a small town!

I worked at Hooters (yes Hooters, hey I needed money and my bosom wasn't getting any smaller!) for about 6 months until I was biking it home from work and saw an ad on a bus about a career in fashion design at The Art Institute. The next thing I knew I was meeting Lafayette, getting this posh 2 bed 2 bath condo on the west side of the Bronx overlooking the Hudson and working as a freelance designer. We both didn't want to be under the thumb of someone else so with my experience and background with business management, we opened up "The Sashae House of Design". Speaking of, I have an appointment at GQ magazine to do an editorial for Robert Pattinson. Did I say I love my job?

"Well Laf, I trust your opinion so I'll send Tara the Vera Wang dress. It should get to her by Friday so she will have enough time to do the alterations and such."

"Sookie, dearest have you made up your mind on who you are bringing to the wedding as a date? And before you say it honey bee yes I am coming along with you but NO I will not be your date. I am too fabulous to look like I'm taken doll. I'm just saying I might meet me a fine piece of Cajun meat and I want to be available at a whim!"

Ugh is he on my case too about being single? "Look Laf, I know I should have a date to this wedding God forbid if Jackass comes with a date and I'm all alone with a gay black man on my arm. No offense."

"None taken baby girl I know who I am and what I like and sweetheart I'm a whore from sun up to sundown it ain't nothing but a thang!"

As I stop at the post office with Tara's dress, I start to think about my options. I could take Jason but he is too much of a whore to take anywhere. He might wander off and get someone pregnant before we could get back to New York. How I ended up dating him for a month I do NOT know. Oh yes I do he met me at HOOTERS. Enough said. Hmmm….. Who else is there? I could try Hoyt he was always sweet on me anytime I came to GQ to help with a shoot. He would leave notes in my bag and send flowers to the condo. He took me out on dates and walks in the park but the one thing that made me run from him like a scared wet cat was his mother! Maxine Fortenberry swore I was the one for her son. She even told me one day, "Oh child I hope you will take my little boys virginity away!" After that horrific night I decided to not see him anymore and call it quits on dating for a while it was just too many creeps in New York that I can handle. Of course before that, Lafayette tried to set me up on a blind date with some guy named Talbot but turns out he was already making googily eyes on someone else. That someone else being Lafayette. So, now I'm in the land of loneliness and the only man in my life is Bob my ...uh…vibrator. Look I may be 28 but I'm not dead to the world! I get horny just like anyone else. Enough about that it's just depressing all over again.

After my drool session with RobPatz (just putting him in a Single Breasted, Pointed Collar, One Button, Three pocket Black Armani suit made my panties melt right onto the floor!) I picked up some Chinese food and headed home. Lafayette had already came back from his appointment with Ashley Olsen, sitting on the couch reading the newspaper.

"Hey honey whatcha got for me tonight? And how was the shoot with my sexy sparkling vampire God! I would love for him to take a bite out of my-"

"Lafayette! You know I'm not too fond of that nasty talk!" I giggle. "But I must say my panties may have lost its way once he gave me a kiss on the cheek and thanked me!" I was definitely not BOTHERED by that gesture!

I took my long blond hair out of it bun and let it cascade over my shoulder. Lafayette took off my 4 inch fire engine red patent leather Christian Louboutin pumps and started rubbing my feet. I knew he had something to say to me because he had his signature guilty smile on his face and he was way too silent.

"OK what is up? What did you do Lafayette?" After a minute of eyebrow arching and snickering under his breath he finally came out with it.

"Sooks, I found yous a date! Before you go all "she-woman" on me, it's not what you think!"

I rub my temple vigorously before I decide I might dig my nail is his eyes. "WHAT exactly do you mean, Lafayette? The last time you found me a date he turned out to be more worried about what type of lingerie you wore at night!"

"Ok…OK I admit I miss that one by a mile but honey this is legit! And I mean that in the literal sense."

I wave my hand so he knows to continue as I pour myself a nice size glass of red wine.

"Look hon. I was perusing the newspaper when I came across some ads about escort services…." I looked at him like he had two heads and a cock growing out of each one of them. "…..anyways they are legit and this guy name Eric Northman has the perfect agency for you. He is the guy who will be doing an interview with GQ's most innovative man and he is the one who came out with that book…you know what it's called…um…. Oh Yeah! Here it is under his ad… 'Your Sex Life is What You Want it To Be'….it says here that if you give him your profile he steps you up with one of his people who is the exact match for you and bing-bang-boom, Sookie will have her heels in the air in no time!"

"Lafayette!" I scream as I throw a pillow at him and stand up. "I am not going to call some…some matchmaker to send me a man to have sex with! That's the same as having a pimp and sending out prostitutes!"

"Sooks, I was just kidding about the heels in the air thing but by the way you just blew up on me maybe you do need to get some!"

"Laf-"

"Look this is just an option honey child. At least this way you would have a date for the wedding and you can impress that God awful ex of yours, AND get your mother off of your back about being an old hag."

"I am NOT an old hag! But you are right at least I can see if I'm getting my money worth and when we are back in New York I can shoo him away and not be frightened that I'll have another stalker on my hands." The idea did seem solid. Oh Gawd Sookie, how low in your life do you have to be that you have to pay for a date? Pretty low I guess because my next words were, 'How do I sign up?'.

"Well…" Lafayette started again with the guilty smile of his. "I kind of already sent in your profile and you have two interview or 'dates' ,if you want to call them, next week on your day off."

"What the fuck Laf! How did you know I was going to say yes?" I looked at him with the most indulgent look I could muster.

"Well, baby doll, I don't want to be the one scrapping you off the reception floor at your sister's wedding because you got pissy drunk with sadness singing the blues, instead of giving the maid of honor speech." He arched his eyebrow at me as a dare for me to argue.

"Well damn".