Chapter 1.

I could feel myself falling, but I couldn't do anything about it. There was no sound around me, no smell in the air, nothing but emptiness. I suddenly felt cold, no hot, actually both...... and sick, very, very sick..... What's happening to me? When will this end? It did.

A voice, who is it? Oh, God, I feel sick. What just happened?

"Rose?" Lissa said, "Rose, can you hear me, are you alright?"

"Lissa... wha....what happened?" I said. "What's going on?"

"Rose, you passed out, you're alright now. Just lay down for a little while longer, alright, you're still fairly pale"

I had a million things going through my head, but I knew there was a reason for what just happened, I just had to figure out what it was. What was I doing? Last thing I remember was going to my room with Lissa. I know I opened the door... what then? Oh, someone gave me something, what did they give me? I don't know what my face looked like, but Lissa was really confused.

OH! The package! Everything came flooding back. The stake, with its delicately etched handle, cold in my hands. The very same stake that I had driven into the heart of the only man I've ever loved. The note..... Oh, God, the note....

You forgot another lesson: Never turn your back until you know your enemy is dead. Looks like we'll have to go over the lesson again the next time I see you – which will be soon. Love D.

I shivered as the chill ran down my spine. Lissa was holding me by the shoulders, looking deep into my eyes. I could see that she was talking; I just couldn't hear anything she was saying. All I could hear was the sound of my heart, thumping so hard in my chest I thought it was going to break through my rib cage. Suddenly, my breath caught and I realised that I'd only just started to breathe again.

"Dimitri", was all I could say. Finally I could hear the words coming out of Lissa's mouth. She didn't understand; how could she. As far as she knew, as far as any of us knew until a few minutes ago, Dimitri was dead. Killed by my hand.

"Rose," Lissa said, "please tell me what's going on, you're frightening me."

"I didn't free him Liss, I failed him. I didn't kill Dimitri." Once those words were out of my mouth, my heart sank, it fell to the floor along with tears that I didn't think I had left. I'd cried so much since that horrible night, I honestly didn't think I had any tears left.

"What do you mean, Rose."

"This," I said, holding the silver stake up in her line of sight, "This is the stake that I used the night I escaped Dimitri. The night on the bridge.... I must have missed his heart in the struggle. Oh, Liss, I missed, I failed..." I could feel my heart breaking all over again, feel it ripping into even smaller pieces than I thought possible. I've suffered a lot of pain in my few short years, but nothing like this. Twice that night I had to watch his eyes go blank, twice I had to look into his beautiful face and know what I was going to have to do, both times my heart ripped a piece of itself off, how could I possibly have to go through that again.....?

Her face mirrored the horror that I felt in my soul, but through the bond I could feel her panic and confusion as well. She was also afraid for me and what this would do to me. She could already see the effects of the last five weeks..... Would I leave again....? Would I tell her if I did?

"Rose, can I see the note?" she said with her hand out.

I only just realised that I still had it in my hand. I gave it to her and slowly sat up on the floor where I fell and leant against the sofa. There were so many thoughts and feelings going on in my head, I couldn't think straight so I just watched Lissa's face as she read the few lines on the paper. Maybe I read it wrong and the events that kept playing in my head never actually happened, that it was like a bad dream or something.

Maybe I really was going crazy and the notes contents weren't what I thought I read, I just had to watch Lissa's face.... everything hinged on what it revealed. On one hand, a smile meant I was crazy, on the other, fear, would mean that I wasn't and every horror that replayed in my dreams each night really did happen. I don't know which one I wanted to see....

It was fear.

Fear showed on her face and then in an instant that same fear flowed through my body, ice cold fear. The love of my life was coming for me, and somehow, I think I may have done 'enough' for him to kill me now. I know he heard me when I said that I would always love him, I know he understood, but he was Strigoi now, incapable of feeling love, he proved that.

Just because he knew that I loved him, and maybe on some level, he might have understood why I did what I did, that didn't mean that he would give me the same chance he did in Siberia.

While watching the play of emotions on Lissa's face, I suddenly came to the realisation that there was a fight coming. A fight in which I was the central character, what I decided next was going to be important, so I had to decide correctly. I also had to push my anxiety, fear and most importantly, my love for Dimitri, into the furtherest part of my brain where it wouldn't make me hesitate again.

"Lissa," I said, "breathe... There's work to do and I need you calm so that I can think properly. I need you to help me, can you do that?"

"What... Oh, yeah, Oh Rose, what are we going to do?" The look on her face was almost hopelessness... she really didn't know how this was going to turn out. Neither did I but I knew that if there was going to be any way that things were going to work out, then I had to pull myself together and think. I walked to the darkened window; I needed space, some room to see what needed to be done first.

Fact number one: Dimitri was alive. Well sort of.

Fact number two: He was coming. He was coming here, for me. What he had planned was anyone's guess, but neither option was particularly appealing to me.

Fact number three: After seeing how well he handled himself against a houseful of Strigoi in Siberia, I felt fairly sure that I was going to need help. I may have been able to stake him twice that night, but both times he had his guard down; I didn't like my chances of that happening again. But whose help would I want? If I asked Mom, I'm pretty sure she would be all for "Three times a charm" staking, and she would inform the Guardian council that Dimitri was on his way, well I'm fairly sure she would tell them. If I asked my Moroi friends and my some of my close, fellow Dhampir graduates, would they? Should I even ask, ask them to put their lives in danger? My father???

Fact number four: There was a slight chance of there being an 'other' option, the fairy tale option, the one where Strigoi were returned to their former selves, their souls restored. Did I really want to open myself up for the disappointment if it all turned out to be just that, a fairy tale.....? Probably..... Definitely.

Fact number five: I didn't know how much time I had before he would come for me, how much time I had to work on a plan. I needed to talk to someone; I needed someone else's opinion.

Now, what do I do first? I looked up to Lissa and realised that she was on the phone, I hadn't even heard it ring. When she realised that I was looking at her, she mouthed that it was Adrian on the phone. I told her to tell him to come over, he needed to know what was going on and I needed opinions. Once she said her goodbyes to Adrian, she ended the call.

It was a gamble, I know, but I knew I had to involve my mum. She was the rock that I needed, the voice of reason. I knew that in the heat of things, she would give me solid answers, not ones to make me feel better. I also needed Christian and Eddie.

One by one, they all walked into my room, each with the same worried, bewildered looks on their faces. They knew by the phone call that something wasn't right, but they didn't know what. And when they each saw Lissa's and my faces, they definitely knew that something serious was unfolding.

Up until now, Lissa was the only person I had told everything to. Every sordid detail of the last five weeks. I now had to look into the eyes of those closest to me, and feel all the heart breaking pain again.