Merry-Go-Round [MiharuxYoite]

Ten meters away from Komahira-sensei's house, Miharu stopped and let the smile slip off his face, wrapping his arms tightly around his midsection as a sharp gust of wind stopped him in place. It was nearing winter and, while it was usually a peaceful time for the lithe green-eyed Shinrabansho, he was feeling anything but. It had been a month since his confrontation with Yoite in the church and every day, the fear in his chest grew tighter. He wondered, not for the first time, if he had made the right choice, sealing Fairy-san.

Miharu wished he didn't have a problem with Yoite's decision. He wished he could support his best friend, the other part of his soul, fully, but it was so, so difficult. He closed his eyes, feeling his chest tighten a bit more. Every day for a month, Miharu would arrive at his sensei's home expecting the worst and desperately hoping for the best. He didn't know how much longer he could keep it to himself, the pain that shuddered through his body every time Yoite coughed, every time Yoite fell asleep all too quickly. Yoite was already living on borrowed time; how much longer did he truly have left? Weeks? Days?

Hours?

Miharu banished the thought and stepped forward resolutely. 'No,' he scolded himself, shaking his head. "He's happy," Miharu whispered aloud. "No… content. I can't let him realize my selfish desires. I can't cause him more pain." It had become his mantra, but even so it felt bitter on his lips. He shuddered, disgusted at himself.

"His decision… his will… I can't take that away from him…"

"Miharu?" The boy in question froze; had his feverish whispering been heard? No… the wind was too strong. "What are you doing, standing there? If you don't want to go back home, you know you could stay with Seki and I." He turned his head slightly to look over his shoulder at his teacher and waited for him to catch up. "I wouldn't want to disturb you," Miharu mumbled, turning his head to stare at the ground. It was another reason altogether. "I come every day as it is… I feel like I'm intruding." Yoite. 'The more I'm around him… the more tempted I am to say something I shouldn't. It's best for everyone if I…'

"You're not intruding," Kumohira-sensei chided, resting a hand on Miharu's shoulder. "Seki's… Seki and I are delighted to have such frequent guests. Besides," he continued, his gaze darkening as he tilted his head to catch Miharu's eyes. "You want to see Yoite, right?" Miharu stiffened. "Of course," the boy replied, catching Kumohira's gaze. "I want to see him as much as possible before he--" Miharu flinched away, his nostrils flaring, cursing himself for thinking the words. Now, both his teachers hands were gripping his shoulders. "You're really not okay with this, are you?" the man asked, squeezing gently in comfort. "It's okay to be sad, but thinking about it all the time can't be healthy. How do you think--"

"Yoite doesn't know anything about how I feel!" Miharu cut him off with a heated glare. Kumohira looked taken aback. Miharu wanted to stop talking, but the dam had burst. "He doesn't know how much I want him to be cured! He could possibly know how selfish I am to want to unseal the Shinrabansho and let her grant my wish! My wish…" Miharu choked out, tears spilling from desolate eyes. "My wish…" He caught himself and harshly wiped an arm over his eyes. "Forget," he muttered to himself. "Forget everything. Forget the Shinrabansho. Forget I had the means to cure Yoite and let it slip from my grasp. " The boy raised his hands to his crazed eyes and looked at them. "Let it… slip from my grasp. Everything. My life. My selfishness."

Kumohira snapped out of his shock and gave him a hard shake, "Oi! Get a hold of yourself, Rokujo!" Miharu continued to look at his hands, as if mesmerized. "It was Yoite's decision to live! He's already lasted so long, so…" The older man stopped and bit his cheek. Miharu let out a low and hollow laugh. "So what? So if he doesn't use his Kira ability, his disease might stop?" he asked his frozen teacher. "I didn't mean--" Miharu slapped his hands away and took a step back. An animalistic snarl escaped the boy's lips. " You did! You did, you did, you did! You think just letting it be will cure him?! It won't! Ever since he first used that damn power, his death has been set! No one and nothing can stop it now! Nothing… other than the Shinrabansho."

Miharu's voice lowered to more respectable tones, his face falling into an all-too-familiar stoic mask. "But I can't let that happen. I… can't have Yoite hate me. I want to see him happy… god, I just want to see him happy… so why do I feel like I'm dying with him?" Miharu's red-tinted eyes glistened with tears again. "Why… does he feel so warm… when I'm cold?" The world tilted around Miharu strangely, as if he had stepped onto a merry-go-round. His head felt as if it had been stuffed with cotton… and his limbs felt weighed down, as if by lead… and he absently wondered if the ride was as blue as Yoite's eyes.

'If it were so…' he smiled slightly, turning his gaze to the grey sky, his eyes rolling up behind his eyelids. It was a strange sensation.

'I won't care if I hit my head on the way down…'

Miharu's legs shuddered and collapsed under his slight weight. He was unconscious before he hit the ground.

A/N: I was very unhappy with the ending, see. =P So I'm gonna torture Miharu for a little bit, get him to say something to Yoite (perhaps while delirious) and see where this goes. I think I might be able to get another chapter out of it. ^_^