It's the daily promises, Beca tells her.

"I'll be home at six."

"I'll pick you up after school."

"I'll see you in the morning, kiddo."

That turned into weekly promises.

"We'll go to the music store next time."

"Your father will make it this time."

"I love you."

That turned into monthly apologies.

"I have a conference that weekend."

"I'm going on a business trip that weekend."

"I'm getting married that weekend."

Then they stopped altogether, replaced by cash and expensive gifts.

…

Chloe tries to chase away those fears because she can't understand them no matter how hard she tries.

When they're not together, she never forgets to at least text Beca every hour. She nudges Beca awake before she goes for her morning run even though it's usually met with an unappreciative groan. She makes sure to add her own personal touch on every gift so Beca could see that its value doesn't lie on the price but on how much heart she puts into it.

But Beca still cringes every time she sees a wedding dress. She still laughs cynically at 'Just Married' signs on cars. And whenever Chloe excitedly tells her that another one of her many cousins just got engaged, Beca still scoffs 'good luck' under her breath.

They're in a good place now and it's not like she wants to get married soon but Chloe wants to be able to call Beca her wife someday and she's afraid that someday might never come.

…

They fight about it sometimes.

Less than they should, she thinks. Not because she likes screaming at Beca, or Beca screaming at her, but because those are the only times they actually talk about it. In shrill voices and confusing sentences but at least they both acknowledge they might not have the same idea of a future.

It scares the hell out of them. So they would climb on their bed after and hold each other tight like they never want to let go.

But this time, it's different. This time, it isn't just about a little girl's dream of poofy white dresses and being escorted down an aisle like royalty. This time, there's an offer on the table — a literal table — for a future that doesn't involve the both of them.

And it isn't Beca's.

Chloe doesn't mean for her to find out this way. Actually, she doesn't mean for her to find out at all. It wasn't something that she was seriously considering until an hour ago, when Beca tossed an open envelope on their coffee table.

"This came for you today."

They open each other's mail all the time. The electric and water bills are under Chloe's name. The cable and internet bills are under Beca's name. The shopping catalogues don't matter. And whatever they buy off the internet are usually for both their benefits.

Which made it hard for Chloe to yell at Beca for invading her privacy.

Then Beca shook her head, "No," eyes fixed on the still unread letter, "it came last week."

That stopped Chloe from wanting to yell at all. She was ready to rush to Beca's side and tell her that she's not going to leave.

But there's always a twist with Beca.

She buys flowers on the death anniversary of Chloe's cat but she forgets dates like Chloe's birthday, and hers, and their anniversary. She can recite Chloe's favorite lines from a movie backwards but she has no idea where they come from. She's afraid of being left by the people she loves but…

She chases them away.

"I think you should take it."

…

It is an offer for a PhD programme at ETH Zurich, a very good school that is also very far away.

It wasn't something she planned. She loves her job, and she loves her kids, but sometimes, she goes to physics lectures at Barden to remind herself that she knows more than middle school science.

A few months ago, she attended Dr Haden's lecture on General Relativity. She took his Nuclear Physics course during her sophomore year and he was his project advisor in her senior year. So after the lecture, she went to say hi to him.

He told her that there's someone he wanted her to meet. It was a professor from ETH Zurich, Professor Schroeder. She met him two weeks later when he visited Barden and at the end of the meeting, the professor encouraged her to apply for their PhD programme.

She spent a whole week of late nights after that writing a research proposal for her application. When Beca asked her why she was working late, she told her that she needed to prepare the syllabus for a new class she's teaching. She figured why spend months worrying about something that might not even happen.

But it's happening now and she doesn't know if that was a good idea or not.

What she knows is that she's pissed.

"I don't understand why you're so mad," Beca says. "Isn't this like a big break for you?"

"That's not how it works…" she trails off because that isn't the point. The point is, "I'll be living 5000 miles away from you! Do you even care about that?"

Beca scoffs. "I hid your offer letter for a week, remember?" She lets herself fall back on the couch.

"So," Chloe digs her heels into the carpet. She has to stay put. She knows she will just end up whispering it's okay to Beca's ear once she holds her. "Why?"

…

Beca has a lot of reasons. All of them are stupid, and the stupidest one is, "You deserve better than me."

By the time Chloe remembers to stifle her laugh, Beca has already stormed off to their bedroom.

…

Sometime close to midnight, she crawls into bed and murmurs to Beca's back, "There is no one better than you."

"But I'm not like you," Beca murmurs back and rolls over to face her. "I can't promise you my life."

Then it hits Chloe that all of Beca's fears are never about her. It's about Beca. She's afraid that she will change her mind like her parents did.

And for the first time, Chloe admits to herself that it's not okay.

But she wraps her arms around Beca and whispers it's okay for one last time.