"Yeah just like we caught the guy who shot me," she countered. She didn't mean to snap at Castle like that but she couldn't control her emotions. They were everywhere all at once. She couldn't tell one from the other and to top it off there was a sniper going around killing people. Innocent people. And she's too damaged to figure out how to stop him.
She needed to get out of there. Staying in this building, where he's taken someone's life, was too much. It's getting harder to hold herself together. That's why as soon as she closed the door to her apartment she let go. She was scared and while she was by herself she didn't have to hide it.
She changed out of her annoying work clothes that were tight on her skin into her NYPD t-shirt. She let her hair down and made sure her gun was near at all times.
'What was that?' She thought panic flooding inside her chest. She heard noise come from somewhere. She couldn't tell where though. 'Kate it's nothing. Stop bring paranoid.'
She needed a drink. Something strong. Or else she wasn't getting through this night.
She poured a glass of of the scotch that her father had given her the day she graduated from the academy. The slow burn of it as it descended down her throat felt good. She downed the glass. She needed more.
Gun in hand, she poured another glass. Then another.
Then another.
Another
Another
Another
Another
Before she knew it it was all gone. There was no more alcohol to help her fight. She was on her own.
That's when the flashbacks began. She saw herself standing up on the podium and felt, once again, the bullet burn through her chest. She heard the shot. It sounded so close. So real.
There it was again.
Bang!
"Oh no!" She shouted knocking over her coffee table and grabbing her gun.
Then she saw herself lying on the ground, bleeding out. She could feel on her chest the blood oozing out of her. The pain she felt. How cold she felt.
Bang!
"Ahh!" She screamed closing her blinds and scooting back against a wall clutching her gun tightly. Unknowingly cutting herself on the broken glass from the table.
She wants to drink. But she's too scared to move this spot.
Bang!
"Oh God," she yelled when she felt the burn of a bullet touch her chest. But when she looked down at her scare there was nothing there. "I can't do this, she cried.
'What was that?' She asked herself when she heard a noise.
Boom Boom Boom
What is it? She doesn't know how much longer she'll be able to hold out.
Boom Boom Boom
There it is again. "He's here to kill me!" She said when she realized it was her front door. "He found me."
"Beckett I know you're there open up!" Castle yelled from the outside of the door.
Her heart sank to her stomach with relief when she recognized that voice. It was such a sweet voice that always provided comfort.
But she didn't want to see him. She didn't want him to see her like this. She was a mess and drunk and what would he think?
"Beckett it's Castle please open up!"
Reluctantly she stood up from her safe corner. Scoping the living room out as she made her way to the door she had her gun at the ready the entire walk to her front door.
Before she opened it she tried to regain control of her body and her emotions. But it wasn't really working.
She opened the door to Castle who was bearing a smile and some flowers. Multiple color roses with one red one in the center. His smile immediately faded when he saw the blood dripping from her arm.
"Kate what's going on?"
"What are you talking about Castle I'm fine?"
He invited himself in. "No I mean about this," he said dropping the flowers on the floor and lifting her arm where the bleeding was.
"Oh I-I don't know."
He looked up into her eyes with concern written all over his face. "Kate tell me you didn't."
It took a while for her to realize what he was suggesting. "God Castle no. I didn't do this to myself! Look you're not safe here. You need to go."
"Kate what the hell were you doing?" He asked astounded by how messy her apartment was and by the gun in her hand.
"Castle!" Was all she managed to say because she didn't want to lie to him but she didn't want to tell him the truth either.
"Come here " he demanded taking her good arm and dragging her to the sink. He washed the blood off her arm and realized how deep the glass had cut her. Another centimeter and she would have needed stitches. She got the first aid kit from the bathroom and Castle patched up her arm. Then the click of the lock latches made her jump.
"Kate you need to step off this case and get some help."
"No what I need to do is find the guy who's killing all these people."
He sighed. He knew she was too stubborn to listen and arguing wouldn't do anything but get him kicked out.
He told her to sit down while he cleaned up the glass. That's when he came across the empty alcohol bottle.
"You've been drinking?" He asked stunned. "Did you take anything?"
"Huh?"
"Did you take anything?" He asked more urgently. Alcohol and medicine? Don't mush we'll together.
"No I didn't take anything."
He shook his head once then went back to cleaning.
Kate couldn't tell why but for some reason she felt better with Castle there. It was like he was a force field keeping all the evil and danger away. She was safe with him.
Then suddenly he disappeared and she was back at the podium. It wasn't just a flash this time it was real.
She was standing on the podium at Montgomery's funeral. She was giving her speech. "Castle?" She felt herself yell but she just continued the speech. Then she saw the flash of light from afar. She knew what was next.
The sound of the bullet rang through the air and next she felt the heat and sharpness of the bullet dig into her skin and pierce through her heart. Next Castle's voice begging her not to leave and stay with her.
And then his beautiful confession of love. She could feel his arms around her and once again saw the pain on his face. She cried. She couldn't bare to see this The first time and now it's happening again.
"Kate are you okay? What's going on? Kate what's happening? Where are you Kate?" She heard Castle say. The real Castle.
"Castle?" She said lazily. "Is it really you?" She questioned as her eyes came back into focus. "Castle?"
"Yes it's me Kate. I'm here."
She reached out and touched his face to make sure it was really him and not another hallucination. When she felt his soft skin under her finger tips, she grabbed him and brought him down to herself, hugging him tightly.
"Thank you. Thank you so much for being here." He could hear the relief in her voice. She meant it. She actually wanted him here.
"Of course. Always."
At that she could no longer hold back the tears that were consuming her, trying to fight their way out. "I don't know why this is happening to me," she whined. "I want it to stop."
"It will you just have to wait it out. And don't feed into it by drinking. You're strong Kate Beckett. You can do this," he encouraged still hugging her. He started playing with her hair.
"Will you stay tonight? It's just I feel safer with you here."
"I wasn't planning on leaving anyway."
He led her to the bedroom and started undressing her as much as she would allow anyway. She re-changed into a big comfortable t-shirt because NYPD one had blood all over it. Castle tucked her in. He pulled up a chair to watch over as she slept. "Are you going to stay there?" She asked.
"Yes. All night."
She covered her face and leaned in closer to him to place a gentle kiss on his cheek. When she did he got nervous. His face turned red and couldn't think right. He wanted her to do it again.
And she did but this time kissing him on the lips. "Thank you. You're always here for me."
He decided not to push this. She was emotionally unstable and drunk. No way she's judging herself correctly. So he did the only thing he thought he could. "Goodnight Kate. I'll be here when you wake up in the morning."
She smiled at him and snuggled into bed. She closed her eyes with their fingers intertwined.
A/N: Pleeeeease review! Reviews are my life!