The Beauty and the Beast
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, everything belongs to Terry Pratchett. Well, of course, except for my house. And my car. And my clothes. Well, at least most of them...
My little story is based on some events from Thud! But, I guess you could tell...
A strange figure lurked in the shadows of the dark alley behind the Pink PussyCat Club. Every now and then a girl would come out of the back door, look suspiciously around and pace in a hurry towards a street where you could actually see other people (1). The night was dark, and only the occasional Ankh-Morpork scream would break the silence.
The back door of the club opened once more, revealing a young woman with... well, pretty much anything a man would ask for (2)...
The figure moved from the shadows, making itself visible in the twilight. 'Hello miss Tawneee!' it said. The woman, taken aback, looked at the peculiar... thing in front of her and said in a firm yet innocent voice: 'Get away or I'll start screaming...mister!?'
Nobby Nobbs put on his most charming expression. 'Don't be afraid miss! Corporal Nobby Nobbs, Ankh-Morpork City Watch!' he said with the most proud of voices. 'I have only now watched your performance in the club-you are a very talented dancer you know-and I was just wandering if you would let me escort you to your home. You know it is not wise for a beautiful woman like yourself to walk alone in the Shades so late at night, there are...' 'Oh, but of course you could escort me corporal!' Tawneee interrupted, while her expression in the past few seconds had changed from that of mildly scared discomfort (3) to that of a happy... blush? 'Really???' answered the astonished Nobby, but quickly regained control and added '...I mean... you can feel safe with me by your side miss!', so full of pride that he appeared to be almost a foot taller than usual (5).
Nobby Nobbs was doing this on the basis of a 'what do I have to lose' principle, and was expecting the usual laughter, shouting or in the worst case scenario something hard hitting his head; but this? How? As they walked towards Tawneee's home, his self esteem was booming with every step beside his unexpected companion.
They reached her home after a while, having talked mainly about...well... the weather. Nobby couldn't help noticing her permanent smile, the redness of her cheeks and a tendency to laugh with every little joke he made.
Just before they said goodnight, Nobby said 'Well, Tawneee-can I call you Tawneee?'. She nodded. 'Well, I was wandering, if you would like to have a drink with me tomorrow evening?'. 'But of course! Oh, that's so sweet of you!' she answered, presenting him with her most lovely smile. 'It is???' said Nobby looking even more astonished than before. She laughed. 'Well of course it is! I'll be waiting here for you tomorrow at 8! Don't be late!!!' she said playfully. 'Goodnight Nobby!'
Speechless, he watched her disappear graciously behind the door. He stood there motionless for some time, trying to replay the night's events in his mind.
A happy man strolled back to the Watch House. 'In your face world...' he said to himself.
1. Of course the fact that you could see other people doesn't mean that they wouldn't rob you, kill you or rape you. After all this is Ankh-Morpork.
2. I'm afraid that this is not totally true. Some men also ask for brains, and she didn't have any. Yeah, we do ask for brains! Frankly we do!!! No, we really do- I'm not joking!!!
3. You couldn't be really scared of Nobby Nobbs (4). Not unless you thought he was a kind of magical alien beast that could transform into this pitiful body as a camouflage...
4. Not scared in a physical sense that is. One should always be scared that the contents of his/her pockets would be somewhat reduced after encountering Corporal Nobbs. If you weren't scared of that, the contents of your pockets would be more than somewhat reduced. And you might be missing some teeth should you have any gold ones... So, brush your teeth after every meal. Oh, and your tongue. It helps with bad breath.
5. Which made him about five feet tall.
I hope you liked what I wrote! Pleeeease review! But be gentle, I'm an ff. virgin!!!