Doctor Who and the Invasion of the Bandersnatches, a doctor who fanfic

Invasion of the Bandersnatches

Mandy is having a cup of tea outside a little café. It's 2:00 in the afternoon and the streets are pretty much empty. Enter the Doctor. The Doctor is disheveled and has a few grass stains, has a few scratches on his face, and the back of his shirt has scorch marks in it, a few tears in his shirt and pants, some dirt streaks on his face, and he's lost his jacket; Mandy is in perfect condition. The Doctor is carrying an absurd-looking shield with the Greek letters theta sigma carved into the surface. He approaches Mandy and hands her the shield.

Doctor: Hello. I'm the Doctor. This shield is the only thing that can deflect a bandersnatch temporal bolt. If you value your life, please give it to me. Thank you. Bye.

He attempts to leave

Mandy: Sorry, what? (Chases after him). Er, here's your…shield?

Doctor: No, not yet. It's 2:00. You gave it to me a long time ago, in about (checks watch) ten minutes or so.

Mandy: Am I on the telly?

Doctor: On the telly?

Mandy: I am, aren't I? This is some kind of show where you play pranks on people.

Doctor: Oh that's what you meant about ratings! (Checks watch again) I'll be popping in any second now, so I really must be off. Nice to meet you, Mandy.

Exit Doctor

Mandy: How the hell do you know my name?

Enter Doctor. He's in much the same state as he was moments ago, except he now has his jacket but it's wrapped around something that's putting up quite a fight. He backs right into Mandy's back, nearly knocking her over. 2:02

Mandy: Oi! Watch it!

Doctor: Mandy!

Mandy: Oh, it's you. You want your shield back now?

Doctor: My shield? Oh, right. No thank you. You already gave it to me, see? (Nods towards the shield which is strapped on his back)

Mandy: What are you on about? I can't wait around here all day, you know. I'm already late for picking up Lydia, which means her parents are probably late for work. (Notices struggling bandersnatch wrapped in his coat) Are you kidnapping a child or something?

Doctor: A child? What do you take me for? No, this is a bandersnatch…a very…difficult-to-hold-onto bandersnatch. I'm taking it back home if it would just…stay…still!

Mandy: What total rubbish! You must get terrible ratings.

Doctor: Ratings? From whom? No, don't tell me: spoilers. Ouch! It bit me! (He sonics the bandersnatch until it goes still) Oh wow: that worked!

Mandy: Oh my god! Did you just kill that thing?

Doctor: Don't worry: it's fine.

He unwraps his coat to show her the unconscious bandersnatch in a net inside it

Mandy: (takes a step back) What the hell is that thing?

Doctor: A bandersnatch: I just told you that. Don't you listen?

Mandy: What's a bandersnatch?

Doctor: This! Are you thick or something?

Mandy: Who're you calling thick, you dag?

Doctor: Dag?

Mandy: Who runs around in a bowtie giving shields to complete strangers?

Doctor: Bowties are cool! And a bandersnatch is…Oh what did you call it? Right, yes; a bandersnatch is a little lightning storm that creates temporal shifts.

Mandy: How do you mean what did I call it? I never called it anything.

Doctor: Mandy, I'd love to stay and chat, but it's already 2:02 which means I have to run if I'm going to get to the bandersnatch nest before you do; which has to happen because if you don't push me into that temporal bolt it could rip a hole through all causality, or at best we'd be stuck with two Doctors forever and then what would you do?

Exit Doctor

Mandy: What?

Down the street the TARDIS materializes. Mandy blinks at it in amazement. The Doctor saunters out; his clothes are all intact and he's in perfect condition. Mandy marches over to him. 2:07

Mandy: I don't know who the bloody hell you think you are, and quite frankly I don't give a damn!

The Doctor looks around, finding it hard to believe she's talking to him

Mandy: Some of us have more important things to do than wait around for some daft bugger to take his shield back. Here it is; now leave me alone!

Exit Mandy

Doctor: Blimey. Wonder what that was about.

Cut to Mandy who's running to Lydia's front door and ringing the doorbell. She's still out of breath when Lydia's Dad answers the door.

Mandy: I'm so sorry I'm late! I ran into this mad bloke who kept talking all sorts of rubbish and…Nevermind. Anyways, I'm sorry.

Lydia's Dad: (very confused) Er, I'm sure it's fine. Was Tabitha expecting you?

Mandy: What? (Laughing uncertainly) Er, is Lydia ready?

Lydia's Dad: Who?

Mandy: Lydia: your daughter…the girl I'm nanny for.

Lydia's Dad: I'm sorry you must have the wrong house: we don't have any children.

Mandy: What are you on about? I've been coming here every weekday for the past three months.

Lydia's Dad: I'm afraid you're mistaken, Miss. We don't have a daughter named Lydia, now if you wouldn't mind…

Mandy steps back and he closes the door. She stands there confused for a while, then pulls out her phone and calls her Dad

Mandy: Dad? I feel like I'm going mad…(Laughs) No, tell Mum don't worry, she didn't miss another alien invasion. I was just talking to Mr. Collins and he was acting like Lydia didn't even exist and…Lydia. Lydia Collins: the little girl I take care of every weekday…I do have a job! I'm Lydia's nanny…That's not funny. Why is everyone acting like they don't even remember her? She does so exist! No, I don't need to— (She breaks off when the phone beeps and dies.) Stupid phone!

She hears a crackling noise behind her. She turns around, sees a bandersnatch and screams.

Cut back to the Doctor. He's inspecting the shield quizzically. Enter Mandy from the opposite direction from the one she left in (coming from a different point in time). Mandy's running and her hair and clothes are slightly disheveled. Lightning crackles behind her, missing her by inches. She tackles the Doctor to the ground, acquiring grass stains on her knees. 2:21

Doctor: Hello again.

Mandy: Get the shield up!

Doctor: What's attacking us?

Mandy: A bandersnatch.

Doctor: What's a bandersnatch?

Mandy: Doctor, that's not funny!

Doctor: Just tell me.

Mandy: It's a little lightning storm that creates temporal shifts.

Doctor: How do you mean, temporal shifts?

Mandy: How should I know? You said it! And I'm still not saying I believe you.

Doctor: Where did you get this shield?

Mandy: From you! You said it's the only thing that can deflect temporal bolts.

Doctor: Speaking of which, is it just me or has the bandersnatch stopped firing at us?

They both peer over the top of the shield.

Mandy: That's wizard. I wonder where it went.

Doctor: Did you just say "that's wizard"?

Mandy: Probably. Why?

Doctor: No reason. Sorry. I just…knew someone who used to say that.

Enter Future Mandy. She's disheveled, has grass stains on her knees, scratches on her arms and dirt streaks on her face. 2:33

Future Mandy: Mandy.

Mandy: Ah! Who the hell are you?

Future Mandy: I'm you, from the future. Look, there's not much time to explain. Everything the Doctor told you is true. And you have to trust me because right now the Doctor's in trouble and he needs your help.

Mandy: But he's right here.

Future Mandy: This one is. But in the future he comes back to this time and…Look, I'll explain the rest on the way. The Doctor says we're not supposed to give too much information: I can't tell him why he's in trouble.

Mandy: But you can tell me?

Doctor: No.

Future Mandy: (looks him straight in the eye) Yes.

Doctor: No, see you shouldn't even be here. You can't cross your own time stream.

Future Mandy: The only water in the forest is the river.

Doctor: What did you say?

Future Mandy: Trust me.

Doctor: Okay.

Mandy: I still don't understand.

Doctor: Time isn't a straight line. It's more of a wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey thing.

Mandy: What? What are you talking about? That doesn't mean anything!

Future Mandy: Come on, Mandy. We have to go.

Doctor: Wait. Can you give me any clues?

Future Mandy: You're clever, Doctor: figure it out.

Exit Mandy and Future Mandy

Doctor: That doesn't help! Okay. Right. Fine. Figuring it out.

He pulls out his sonic screwdriver and starts scanning the area for temporal disturbances. He flicks open the claw and checks the results.

Doctor: That's not possible! How can so many temporal disturbances be in one small area without ripping a hole in the time vortex? She said bandersnatches create temporal shifts. What does that mean?

Another bandersnatch appears and zaps him. The Doctor materializes on a sidewalk.

Doctor: (checks his watch) 2:55. Right. So that's what she meant by temporal shifts. How are they doing that?

Mandy is running right at him, being chased by a horde of bandersnatches. She's slightly disheveled, has grass stains on her knees, scratches on her arms and dirt streaks on her face.

Mandy: Run!

Doctor: (still a bit disoriented from the time jump) What?

Mandy: (grabs his arm and pulls him with her as she runs past) Run!

Doctor: What's happening?

Mandy: What's it look like?

Doctor: A bad start to the week.

Mandy: I'm sorry for this, Doctor.

Doctor: For what?

Mandy pushes the Doctor into a nearby temporal bolt. The Doctor appears near the park and since he's halfway through stumbling when he gets zapped he completes the fall, sliding across the ground. The Doctor coughs and brushes himself off. He's slightly disheveled and has a few grass stains.

Doctor: Why are all the women I meet completely mad? Because they're women, obviously.

The TARDIS starts making noise like it's about to take off. The Doctor sits up with a start. He's slightly disheveled and has a few grass stains. 2:27

Doctor: What? No. No!

He gets up and runs to the TARDIS.

Doctor: What are you doing? (Unlocks the TARDIS) Whoever you are get out of my…(opens the door and sees the control room is empty)…TARDIS. Now that's odd. What's wrong, old girl? Why are you doing that?

Behind him the door slams shut. The Doctor spins around with alarm, but whatever shut the door is now gone.

Doctor: Access visual records of the control room over the past five minutes.

TARDIS: Records unavailable.

Doctor: "Unavailable"? What do you mean "unavailable"?

TARDIS: Visual records of the past ten minutes have been deleted.

Doctor: By whom?

The scanner beeps and displays an email message waiting to be opened. The Doctor opens it and it reads "Spoilers…"

Doctor: A mysterious message from an unknown source. I hope this isn't becoming a habit of mine. But honestly, who else? This has me written all over it.

The Doctor leaves the TARDIS and starts pacing around.

Doctor: There can't be this much temporal disturbance without rupturing the time vortex: it doesn't make sense! Unless, unless the disturbances were caused by a rupture! If they came from the time vortex it would explain their emissions of artron energy. But how did they break through? And more importantly, how do we get them back into the vortex?

The Doctor sees Mandy standing nearby. Mandy doesn't see him, and is shouting in another direction. She's slightly disheveled, has grass stains on her knees and scratches on her arms.

Mandy: (In the other direction) Doctor! Are you alright?

Doctor: Mandy?

Mandy jumps and lets out a scream as she turns and sees him.

Mandy: Doctor! Wow. Hi. God, this is confusing. How are you?

Doctor: Fine. And yourself? You look a bit roughed-up to be honest.

Mandy: Yeah, well that's your doing.

Doctor: My doing?

Mandy: I wouldn't be wrapped up in any of this if it weren't for you. Where are you, anyways?

Doctor: I'm trying to figure out how this shield blocks the time bolts. Maybe there's a way to use it to catch one.

Mandy: Or you could use a huon net.

Doctor: Sorry, what?

Mandy: It's just a thought. Maybe huon will contain them.

Doctor: Why would huon contain them? And anyways there's no such thing as a huon net.

Mandy: Not yet, maybe.

A bandersnatch zaps Mandy. The Doctor throws up his shield and blocks the attack. 2:32

Doctor: Mandy! Oh this is worse than the ones who wander off!

The Doctor fends off the bandersnatch with his sonic screwdriver and runs. Another Mandy yanks him into an alley and slams him against the wall. She's disheveled, has grass stains on her knees, scratches on her arms, and dirt streaks on her face. 2:33

Mandy: Shh!

Doctor: What?

Mandy: No really: shh! You need to stay here while I go do something, alright?

Doctor: What are you going to do?

Mandy: We're running out of time. I'll explain later, Doctor. Just…just don't wander off.

Doctor: That's my line.

Mandy rolls her eyes and runs off. The Doctor straightens his bowtie; then he hears car tires screeching nearby and runs towards it. On his way there he sees Mandy running towards him in the opposite direction, in the same condition she was in when she slammed him against the wall.

Mandy: Were we just in an alley?

Doctor: Yeah.

Mandy: I told you not to wander off!

Doctor: I heard a car crash. Someone could be hurt.

Mandy: No one's hurt…at least not badly.

Doctor: How would you know? Never mind. What did you just run off to do?

Mandy: I had to tell myself to save you.

Doctor: You can't do things like that!

Mandy: Yes I can.

Doctor: You could rip a hole in all causality.

Mandy: Except I had to do it because I already saw myself doing it. So not doing it would rip a hole in…whatever. I think. Hang on; have you not seen me do that yet?

Doctor: Okay, so this is you going to take your past self away right after we got attacked by that bandersnatch that mysteriously disappeared?

Mandy: Uh, yeah. I think. Yes, that's where I'm at.

Doctor: Right. Okay. Just, no more interfering with your own timeline, clear? And by the way, how did you know about River?

Mandy: What river?

Doctor: You said "the only water in the forest is the river." Where did you hear that?

Mandy: From myself. I heard Future Me say it and you trusted me, so I thought I'd say it when I was Future Me.

The Doctor gets hit by a temporal bolt. He appears in the bandersnatch nest 2:40. All the bandersnatches look like the clouds in the time vortex, but without the lightning bolts.

Doctor: Oh. Lots and lots of bandersnatches. Okay. (Scans the nest with his sonic screwdriver) Sleeping bandersnatches: even better.

Doctor tries to tiptoe around them, but as soon as he takes a step all the bandersnatches wake up, crackling with lightning

Doctor: Oh, hello bandersnatches. I'm the Doctor. I seem to have stumbled on your nest. Sorry to wake you.

Bandersnatches start thundering

Doctor: Okay. Not morning people I see. That's alright: I have my off days too…This one, for instance.

Bandersnatches circle him like a pack of wolves circling a deer.

Doctor: You have the power to zap people across time and space, but why stalk the two of us? Better question: why not use your temporal bolts to take yourselves back home? Because I know you're not from this planet.

A few bandersnatches zap warning bolts at him.

Doctor: It's alright: I'm not attacking you. I'm not from this planet either. From one alien to another, why not go home? Unless the bolts don't work on you. Is that it?

One bandersnatch shoots at him, but the Doctor jumps out of the way and sonics the bandersnatch. The bandersnatch falls back hissing.

Doctor: Now, now no need for that. I can help you. I have a ship. I can take you back to your planet. See? No one has to get hurt.

Three bandersnatches pounce on him and he manages to fight them off with some difficulty. He climbs up on a cabinet and the bandersnatches try to get at him but stay near the ground. They seem to be building up power.

Doctor: Stay back now, I mean it. Clearly you didn't understand me the first time; either that or you're really thick. I know you can understand me—the TARDIS matrix translates every language—so you can stop playing dumb. Now, you're stalking me and Mandy: why? (He waits for a response and gets none) Alright fine. The offer still stands, though not for much longer so I suggest you take it. Surrender and let me help you back to your own planet or I will throw you off this planet by any means necessary.

By now the bandersnatches have been quietly floating up the back of the cabinet to attack him from behind. The Doctor hasn't noticed this yet.

Enter Mandy wielding a metal pipe. She's slightly disheveled and has grass stains on her knees.

Mandy: Doctor, look out!

She hits several bandersnatches off the cabinet with the pipe. The other bandersnatches start attacking and Mandy and the Doctor are fighting them off and trying to get to the door. During the battle the Doctor acquires a few scratches on his face, and the back of his coat and shirt are ripped by bandersnatch bolts; Mandy's arms get very scratched up.

Doctor: What are you doing?

Mandy: Saving your life!

Doctor: You put yourself in danger: you shouldn't have done that.

Mandy: They were going to eat you.

Doctor: No they weren't. I'd have thought of something.

Mandy: Yeah, you were doing so well before I showed up.

Doctor: I was!

Mandy: Oh really? What was your plan: try talking them to death?

Doctor: Oh, shut up! And duck!

Mandy ducks and the Doctor throws up the shield to deflect a temporal bolt.

Mandy: Thanks.

Doctor: How did you even find me?

Mandy: I told myself where you were.

Doctor: What?

Mandy: I don't know!

Doctor: Oh! You from the future came to warn you after we were attacked by that bandersnatch near the park. She must've led you here.

Mandy: Right.

Doctor: Which means you want to help me at some point in the future. That's interesting.

Mandy: I'm helping you now!

Mandy knocks a bandersnatch off his back and another bandersnatch zaps her. She disappears with a scream. The Doctor makes it out and shuts the door behind himself, using the sonic to lock it. 2:50

Doctor: Mandy, Mandy what is with you? First you throw me into a temporal bolt, then you save my life…or is it the other way around? What could I possibly do to make you turn on me?

The door behind him rattles and he starts.

Doctor: Questions for another time. Focus, Doctor, come on: think! She said we need a net laced with huon, but why? What good would that do? But she can't have figured that out on her own: what humans even know about huon particles? So I must have told her. I was probably being very clever, except I don't have a huon net: in fact there is no such thing as a huon net. Maybe if I take an ordinary net and expose it to huon…Where would I even get huon? The TARDIS, of course, but I'd have to open up the console which could be catastrophic…or at the very least make a whole lot of noise—Oh. Oh! Of course!

A bandersnatch breaks through the door and zaps him. The Doctor materializes on a sidewalk and stumbles back dizzily.

Doctor: Right. Okay. Worse than a vortex manipulator. (Checks his watch) 2:15. Twelve minutes till I hear the TARDIS making noise and go to check on it.

The Doctor heads towards the TARDIS to extract huon particles for the net. Mandy materializes in front of him (she's just figured out that no one remembers Lydia's existence, and she's been zapped by a bandersnatch for the first time). Mandy is slightly disheveled.

Mandy: Ah!

Doctor: Mandy! Great, I was just looking for you. Listen, I need to run to the TARDIS to extract huon particles. Meet me at the nest in about twenty minutes. I'm going to lure the bandersnatches towards you so you can throw the net over them.

Mandy: What the hell is going on? How did I get here? I was by the Collins' a few seconds ago, then I saw…No, I couldn't have seen that…I don't know; I must've hit my head or something.

Doctor: (Gently grabs her shoulders) Mandy, calm down. Take a deep breath.

Mandy: (Shakes him off her) I told you to leave me alone!

Doctor: Hang on; you said you were at the Collins'. That means you just went to pick up Lydia.

Mandy: You remember Lydia?

Doctor: Well no, I remember hearing about Lydia: I never actually met her.

Mandy hugs him tightly, and the Doctor tries to squirm out of it.

Doctor: Okay. Hugging, right.

Mandy: I thought I'd gone mad.

She finally lets go of him.

Doctor: Mandy, listen to me: you haven't gone mad. I know no one else remembers her, but it isn't their fault. She was zapped back in time by the bandersnatches—probably when they first emerged which is why she went back years instead of minutes—but don't worry: we're going to get her back.

Mandy: How d'you mean, zapped back in time?

Before the Doctor can reply, a bandersnatch appears and shoots a bolt at them.

Doctor: (Pushing her behind him and throwing up the shield to deflect the bolt) Get back!

Mandy screams.

Doctor: Run!

The Doctor and Mandy run into a nearby shop and lock themselves in a small storage closet. The bandersnatch runs past them, and starts sniffing around the area for them.

Mandy: (whispering) What is that thing?

Doctor: It's a bandersnatch: an alien from another dimension. Well, sort of another dimension. I think they're actually from the time vortex itself, which is amazing since no known creature in the universe can survive unshielded in the time vortex.

Mandy: What are you talking about? Who are you?

Doctor: I'm the Doctor.

Mandy: That doesn't tell me anything!

Doctor: Now that's interesting. I don't think it can smell us through the wood door.

Mandy: Its technology is advanced enough for space travel, but it can't handle wood?

Doctor: You'd be surprised.

Mandy: Doctor, what happened to Lydia?

Doctor: (covering her mouth) Shh! It might hear you!

They see the glow of the bandersnatch shine through the crack under the door. It sniffs around for a while, then moves on.

Mandy: (whispering) How could they forget their own daughter?

Doctor: Memory can be tricky like that, especially when time travel is involved.

Mandy: Right, because the multidimensional alien zapped her back in time.

Doctor: It's the only thing that makes sense. If she was transported to before her birth it's possible she was wiped from everyone's memory.

Mandy: But I remember her. And so do you.

Doctor: I'm a time traveler: it's different.

Mandy: But I'm not, so how can I remember?

Doctor: Now that is the real question.

Mandy: Really? 'Cause I was thinking the real question is: how can they zap people through time?

Doctor: Well that's a bit obvious, isn't it?

Mandy: Is it?

Doctor: The bandersnatches seem to be able to emit bolts of artron energy—er, like a temporal lightning bolt—that displace people a little bit in time and space. Which is strange because artron energy doesn't normally work like that. But it looks like artron energy, so maybe they convert it into a different form that works like a sort of painful vortex manipulator. But they only seem to displace people a little bit in time and space, so how could Lydia have been transported several years in the past?

Mandy: You said we'd get her back.

Doctor: We will.

Mandy: How?

Doctor: I'll do a thing.

Mandy: Oh great! You'll do "a thing." That's good, 'cause for a second there I was worried you were just making it up as you go along. So when are you gonna do this great "thing" of yours?

Doctor: After we stop the bandersnatches. Otherwise we'd bring her back and she could just get lost in time all over again.

Mandy: Okay. So what do we do?

Doctor: First we figure out what they're after. They're displacing people in time and space: why would they do that?

Mandy: For fun?

Doctor: Unlikely. Maybe it's part of some plot to take over the universe, or maybe they just want to eat us.

Mandy: "They just want to eat us"? That's good is it? So the lightning bolts are just to cook us or something?

Doctor: Ha! That would be something. But I doubt it's that simple. And they're not lightning bolts: they're bursts of artron energy. Oh that's it!

Mandy: What's it?

Doctor: Background radiation.

Mandy: (sarcastically) Oh of course. Why didn't I think of that?

Doctor: Time travelers pick up artron energy in the form of background radiation, and time lords have large reservoirs of artron energy to begin with. That must be why it sniffed around for us: I bet they're like the Groske and can smell artron energy. Maybe they consume it and convert it into the temporal bolts we keep seeing.

Mandy: Okay, now you're just talking rubbish. Hang on: what was that bit about time kings or whatever?

Doctor: Time lords. That's my species: I'm a time lord.

Mandy: (pauses) Yeah, alright: you're some kind of martian. That's not the biggest pill I've had to swallow in the past few minutes.

Doctor: Time lord: not Martian. Oh! If they consume and convert artron energy into time travel huon should stabilize—or even contain—them. That's why you suggested a huon-laced net! Well, you didn't really suggest it. Technically I suggested it—or rather, I'm suggesting it now—and you repeat it to me earlier…well, later for you but earlier for me. But it's clever! Oh, it's so clever it might even work! Oh I am good! I'm very, very good!

Mandy: If you're all through praising yourself do you mind explaining what you're on about?

Doctor: I'm going to line a net with huon particles so we can use it to catch the bandersnatches.

Mandy: …Okay, whatever. But you still haven't explained why I can remember being zapped.

Doctor: I haven't worked it out yet.

Mandy: You liar. It sounds like this artron energy thing is the reason you remember all this stuff, but I've never time traveled; so is there any other way you can pick it up?

Doctor: Everything has some natural stores of artron energy, so it's passed on genetically, but humans don't have large reservoirs for it. So even if your parents were time travelers, it wouldn't explain it; one of them would have to be some sort of…Oh.

Mandy: "Oh" what?

Doctor: Nothing. Probably nothing…extremely very unlikely to be anything. And anyways it might have nothing to do with that. Stop it, Doctor; don't get emotional. Ha! That's what Amy says. One problem at a time. Right now I need to get to the TARDIS to make a net. (Checks watch) It's now 2:17. I'll see you soon, if all goes well.

Mandy: And if it doesn't?

Doctor: You know how people say to live each moment like it's your last?

Mandy: Yeah…

Doctor: See you in a bit.

Exit Doctor.

Mandy: What? Doctor! Are you telling me I'm going to die? Doctor!

Bandersnatch runs in, following her voice.

Mandy: Oh bugger.

Mandy runs and is chased by the bandersnatch. She sees the Doctor—who's in perfect condition—looking around at the shops, absentmindedly swinging the shield. Mandy is running so fast by the time she gets to the Doctor that she tackles him to the ground, acquiring grass stains on her knees. 2:21

Doctor: Hello again.

Mandy: Get the shield up!

Doctor: What's attacking us?

Mandy: A bandersnatch.

Doctor: What's a bandersnatch?

Mandy: Doctor, that's not funny!

Skip forward in the scene

Doctor: Is it just me or has the bandersnatch stopped firing at us?

Skip forward in the scene

Enter Mandy from the future. Future Mandy is slightly disheveled, has grass stains on her knees, scratches on her arms, and dirt streaks on her face.

Future Mandy: Mandy.

Mandy: Ah! Who the hell are you?

Skip forward in the scene

Doctor: Wait. Can you give me any clues?

Future Mandy: You're clever, Doctor: figure it out.

Future Mandy and Mandy run out of eyeshot of the Doctor. Mandy stops and holds Future Mandy back.

Mandy: Wait. Just…just hold on a minute. Let me get this straight. You expect me to believe that you're me from the future?

Future Mandy: Does any of this make sense otherwise?

Mandy: It doesn't make sense regardless!

Future Mandy: Deep breath.

Mandy: Okay. Fine. I think I'm okay now. So let's say I believe you. Now what?

Future Mandy: Now you need to save the Doctor.

Mandy: Why can't you do it?

Future Mandy: I already did when I was you. Look, the Doctor says we need to maintain the timeline or something terrible and full of big words is going to happen. Let's walk and talk.

Mandy: Not to sound callous or anything, but why should I save the Doctor? I mean, obviously I'm not going to just sit back and let someone die; but specifically why the Doctor? Why's he so important?

Future Mandy: Everything he told you is true.

Mandy: But it can't be!

Future Mandy: But it is. Think about it: all those alien attacks on Christmas, the ones Mum always missed.

Mandy: But he's not an alien. He can't be. What are the chances of two planets having people who look exactly the same?

Future Mandy: Slim to none.

Mandy: And more importantly, all those aliens were evil.

Future Mandy: They can't all be evil.

Mandy: So this alien travels through time and space saving the Earth?

Future Mandy: Basically.

Mandy: But…why?

Future Mandy shrugs

Mandy: And he's in trouble?

Future Mandy: He stumbled into the bandersnatch nest and they're going to eat him.

Mandy: The bandersnatch nest? How many of those things are there?

Future Mandy shrugs

Mandy: Okay fine. So I just go…save an alien from a nest of angry alien thunderstorms? Well, obviously I survive since you're here so that's good.

Future Mandy: Right…sure, let's go with that.

Mandy: Seriously?

Future Mandy: Sorry, but the Doctor says time can be rewritten. Anyways, I got to run. Good luck.

Mandy: Wait! Where's the nest?

Future Mandy: Right through that door.

Exit Future Mandy.

Mandy: Oh. Okay, great. Going to save the Doctor. (She moves to open the door, then stops and picks up a nearby metal pipe and wields it like a bat.) Okay. Now I'm ready.

Mandy goes through the door.

Cut to the Doctor arriving at the TARDIS to extract huon particles. He's disheveled and has a few grass stains, has some scratches on his face, and the back of his coat and shirt are ripped by bandersnatches. He locks the door behind himself then digs through a trunk until he pulls out a net, then he turns to the console to talk to the TARDIS.

Doctor: Alright, huon net: here goes.

He sonics open the hatch on the console. The heart of the TARDIS shines out and he closes his eyes and turns his head away, holding the net up to it. The TARDIS makes noise like it's going to take off. 2:27 Then the Doctor sonics the hatch closed. The net is now glowing with huon.

Doctor: Thanks, dear.

The Doctor goes to the door to leave, but stops when he hears his past self and runs back to the scanner where he deletes the visual records of the past few minutes and leaves himself the "spoilers…" message

Past Doctor: What are you doing? (Fumbles with the key as he unlocks the door) Whoever you are get out of my…

The Doctor half-runs, half-rolls down the staircase to hide himself from view

Past Doctor: (opens the door)…TARDIS.

The Past Doctor is disheveled and has a few grass stains. While the Past Doctor inspects the area around the console, the Doctor starts tiptoeing towards the open door

Past Doctor: Now that's odd. What's wrong, old girl? Why are you doing that?

The Doctor slips out the door and slams it closed behind himself. He winces at the noise it makes, then runs toward the café to find Mandy. He finds her just after she's materialized from the nest battle. Mandy is slightly disheveled, has grass stains on her knees and scratches on her arms.

Doctor: Ah, Mandy! Good, I could use a hand. Where are we?

Mandy: (looks around) By the café.

Doctor: No I mean: where are we in time? Er, I take it we've met?

Mandy: What? Oh I see! Yes, we've met. I just got zapped after saving your barmy neck from the nest of bandersnatches. Where are you?

Doctor: Almost at the same point. I escaped from the nest recently, then I popped over to the TARDIS to lace this net with huon particles…Have I explained that yet?

Mandy: Yes. So this net of yours: does it work?

Doctor: Not sure yet. What do you say we try it out?

Mandy: On what? They're always sneaking up on us, and the only place we can sneak up on them is the nest. Dunno about you, but I really don't want to face that lot again if the net doesn't work.

Doctor: But the nest isn't the only place we can sneak up on them. Think, Mandy: where else do we know we'll find a bandersnatch?

Mandy: I dunno.

Doctor: Yes you do. What time is it?

Mandy: 2:29. What's that got to do with it?

Doctor: Everything. Two minutes from now you and I hid behind the shield and the bandersnatch attacking us mysteriously disappeared.

Mandy: Then we better get moving before it vanishes. (Takes off running)

Doctor: No, it vanishes because we…oh never mind: you'll figure it out.

The Doctor runs after Mandy. He catches up to her around the time she catches up to the bandersnatch and he pulls her back behind a parked car

Mandy: What are you doing?

Doctor: Our past selves have to see the bandersnatch before we catch it.

Mandy: Why?

Doctor: We have to maintain the established chain of events.

Mandy: Okay, so when do we catch it then?

Doctor: After it notices our past selves and starts shooting.

Mandy: Are you really an alien?

Doctor: Yeah.

Mandy: Like a real alien, from Mars or something?

Doctor: I'm not from Mars! But yes, I'm from another planet.

Mandy: Which one?

Doctor: Gallifrey.

Mandy: Where's that?

Doctor: In the constellation of Kasterborous, galactic coordinates 10-0-11-0-0 by 0-2 from Galactic Zero Centre.

Mandy: Oh thanks for clearing that up.

Doctor: It's about as close to the centre of the galaxy as you can get without ending up in a black hole.

Mandy: Which galaxy? Ours?

Doctor: That's the one. Good old Mutter's Spiral…er, the Milky Way, as you probably know it.

Mandy: So do all time lords travel around time and space?

Doctor: No, not all—never all—but a lot of them used to.

Mandy: Used to? Is that because of the whole crossing timelines thing? I bet that got real messy after a while. So you're like some sort of renegade time lord then? Are you an outlaw? (Pauses) What?

Doctor: Nothing. It's just been…nearly four hundred years since someone's called me a renegade time lord.

The bandersnatch shoots a bolt at their past selves.

Doctor: Time to catch us a bandersnatch!

They throw the net over the bandersnatch and bundle it up. They are standing in the middle of the road.

Doctor: Well done! Now we know it works.

Mandy: What would we have done if it didn't work?

Doctor: I'd do a thing.

Mandy: What thing?

Doctor: A clever thing.

Mandy: Look out!

The Doctor gets hit by a car and loses his grip on the bandersnatch, acquiring tears in his shirt and pants and some dirt streaks on his face. Mandy screams.

The Doctor gets up right away and chases after the bandersnatch.

Mandy: Doctor! Are you alright?

He grabs it just as it zaps him so the pair gets zapped back in time.

The Doctor appears on the sidewalk with the bandersnatch at 2:02. He wrestles the bandersnatch into the net. A passerby stops and stares at him.

Doctor: Oh, hello. I'm from animal control. Stay back! This raccoon is diseased.

Passerby: (taking a step back) Are you sure that's a raccoon?

Doctor: It's a very diseased raccoon. Best keep your distance.

The passerby walks in a wide circle around the Doctor and bandersnatch and continues on his/her way.

Doctor: (To bandersnatch) Hold still. Can't let anyone else see you.

The Doctor holds the bandersnatch down with his knees, takes off his jacket and wraps it around the bandersnatch; then he swings the shield up onto his back. He holds the bundle tightly in his arms while the bandersnatch continues to fight, and the Doctor stands up, backing right into Mandy's back, nearly knocking her over. Mandy is in perfect condition.

Mandy: Oi! Watch it!

Doctor: Mandy!

Mandy: Oh, it's you. You want your shield back now?

Doctor: My shield? Oh, right. No thank you. You already gave it to me, see?

The Doctor nods towards the shield which is strapped on his back.

Skip forward to later in the conversation, since this part has already been seen.

The Doctor runs off, leaving a very confused Mandy behind him.

Doctor: (To the unconscious bandersnatch) Don't worry: you'll be back with your brothers and sisters soon enough, and then I'll take you back to the time vortex.

Cut back to Mandy. The Doctor gets hit by a car and loses his grip on the bandersnatch. Mandy screams. The Doctor gets up right away and chases after the bandersnatch

Mandy: Doctor! Are you alright?

Mandy starts to run after him, but is stopped by the Doctor from another time who is disheveled and has a few grass stains.

Doctor: Mandy?

Mandy jumps and lets out a scream as she turns and sees him.

Mandy: Doctor! Wow. Hi. God, this is confusing. How are you?

Doctor: Fine. And yourself? You look a bit roughed-up to be honest.

Mandy: Yeah, well that's your doing.

Doctor: My doing?

Mandy: I wouldn't be wrapped up in any of this if it weren't for you. Where are you, anyways?

Doctor: I'm trying to figure out how this shield blocks the time bolts. Maybe there's a way to use it to catch one.

Mandy: Or you could use a huon net.

Doctor: Sorry, what?

Mandy: It's just a thought. Maybe huon will contain them.

Doctor: Why would huon contain them? And anyways there's no such thing as a huon net.

Mandy: Not yet, maybe.

A bandersnatch zaps Mandy. 2:32

Mandy appears in an alley, and as she appears she stumbles into a wall and gets dirt streaks on her face. Mandy looks out of the alley and sees the Doctor and herself hiding behind the shield and being attacked by a bandersnatch. She also sees another version of the Doctor and herself capturing it. Mandy checks her watch.

Mandy: This must be when I have to go tell myself to rescue the Doctor from the nest.

She sees the Doctor running by; he's disheveled and has a few grass stains. She rolls her eyes, grabs him and slams him against the wall. 2:33

Mandy: Shh!

Doctor: What?

Mandy: No really: shh! You need to stay here while I go do something, alright?

Doctor: What are you going to do?

Mandy: We're running out of time. I'll explain later, Doctor. Just…just don't wander off.

Doctor: That's my line.

Mandy rolls her eyes and runs off to where the Doctor and her past self are crouching behind the shield. The Doctor is in perfect condition and Past Mandy is slightly disheveled and has grass stains on her knees.

Mandy: Mandy.

Past Mandy: Ah! Who the hell are you?

Mandy: I'm you, from the future. Look, there's not much time to explain. Everything the Doctor told you is true. And you have to trust me because right now the Doctor's in trouble and he needs your help.

Skip forward in the scene

Doctor: Wait. Can you give me any clues?

Mandy: You're clever, Doctor: figure it out.

Mandy and Past Mandy run out of eyeshot of the Doctor. Past Mandy stops and holds Mandy back.

Past Mandy: Wait. Just…just hold on a minute. Let me get this straight. You expect me to believe that you're me from the future?

Mandy: Does any of this make sense otherwise?

Past Mandy: It doesn't make sense regardless!

Mandy: Deep breath.

Past Mandy: Okay. Fine. I think I'm okay now. So let's say I believe you. Now what?

Mandy: Now you need to save the Doctor.

Cut forward in the conversation.

Mandy: Anyways, I got to run. Good luck.

Past Mandy: Wait! Where's the nest?

Mandy: Right through that door.

Mandy runs back toward the alley where she left the Doctor. On the way she runs into the Doctor running in the opposite direction.

Mandy: Were we just in an alley?

Doctor: Yeah.

Mandy: I told you not to wander off!

Doctor: I heard a car crash. Someone could be hurt.

Mandy: No one's hurt…at least not badly.

Doctor: How would you know? Never mind. What did you just run off to do?

Mandy: I had to tell myself to save you.

Doctor: You can't do things like that!

Mandy: Yes I can.

Cut forward to later in the conversation.

Doctor: Right. Okay. Just, no more interfering with your own timeline, clear? And by the way, how did you know about River?

Mandy: What river?

Doctor: You said "the only water in the forest is the river." Where did you hear that?

Mandy: From myself. I heard Future Me say it and you trusted me, so I thought I'd say it when I was Future Me.

The Doctor gets hit by a temporal bolt. Mandy checks her watch. She runs to the nest where she finds the Doctor. 2:45. The Doctor is disheveled and has a few grass stains, has a few scratches on his face, and the back of his shirt is ripped by bandersnatches, a few tears in his shirt and pants, some dirt streaks on his face, and he's lost his jacket; Mandy is slightly disheveled, has grass stains on her knees, scratches on her arms, and dirt streaks on her face. The Doctor has cut off a section of the net and used it to tie up the captured bandersnatch, which is still lying unconscious on his coat.

Mandy: Doctor!

Doctor: Mandy! Brilliant; you made it! Here, help me with this.

Mandy helps him move a box under a window.

Doctor: Now here's the plan: we have to wait until after you and I leave the nest and lock the door; then you get up on this windowsill with the net, I'll lure the bandersnatches here and you throw the net over them.

Mandy: Ha!

Doctor: No, it's not funny: it's a plan.

Mandy: You could barely hang onto one bandersnatch—

Doctor: I was hit by a car!

Mandy: —what makes you think I could hang onto a whole nest of them?

Doctor: Do you have a better idea?

Mandy: Yeah. I'll lure the bandersnatches here and you throw the net over them.

Doctor: No. No. Absolutely not.

Mandy: Excuse me?

Doctor: It's way too dangerous.

Mandy: As opposed to everything else we've done today? You can hold them in the net: I can't. There's not much of a choice here.

Doctor: There's always a choice.

Mandy: Not if we're gonna catch the bandersnatches, Dumbo.

Doctor: Yes, right. Of course.

Mandy: Good, then it's settled. Just one more thing.

Doctor: Oh what now?

Mandy: You told me a while ago that I need to push you into a temporal bolt. Is that now?

Doctor: Oh. Right. Yes, I believe that's now. See, if we catch all the bandersnatches there won't be any bandersnatches left to zap us around through time and space, which means if we end with two of me in one area that's how it will always be…Unless we release a bandersnatch which we really don't want to do.

Mandy: Got it.

Doctor: Really?

Mandy: No, but I understand the part about pushing you into a temporal bolt.

The Doctor climbs up onto the windowsill. Mandy passes the net up to him and moves the box out from under the sill so the bandersnatches can't climb up it.

They wait for a while and finally hear the door to the nest slam shut and the Past Doctor sonicing it locked. 2:50

Doctor: Almost time.

They hear the past version of the Doctor talking offscreen. He continues talking in the background while Mandy and the present Doctor carry on a conversation

Past Doctor: Mandy, Mandy what is with you? First you throw me into a temporal bolt, then you save my life…or is it the other way around? What could I possibly do to make you turn on me?

Mandy: (To present Doctor) Oh thanks!

Doctor: It was a valid point at the time!

Past Doctor: (Off screen) Questions for another time. Focus, Doctor, come on: think! She said we need a net laced with huon, but why? What good would that do?

Mandy: You are so full of yourself!

Past Doctor: (Off screen) But she can't have figured that out on her own: what humans even know about huon particles? So I must have told her.

Doctor: You pushed me into a time bolt: what was I supposed to think?

Past Doctor: (Off screen) I was probably being very clever, except I don't have a huon net: in fact there is no such thing as a huon net.

Mandy: Not that: listen to you blabber on over there. You talk just to hear your own voice, don't you?

Past Doctor: (Off screen) Maybe if I take an ordinary net and expose it to huon…Where would I even get huon?

Doctor: Well, I have a very nice voice.

Past Doctor: (Off screen) The TARDIS, of course, but I'd have to open up the console which could be catastrophic…or at the very least make a whole lot of noise—Oh. Oh! Of course!

Doctor: I'm about to get zapped: get ready.

Mandy picks up the shield and gets ready to run. They hear the bandersnatches breaking through the door and the Past Doctor getting zapped. Mandy runs toward the nest.

Mandy: Hey bandersnatches, over here!

The bandersnatches blast time bolts at her, which she deflects with the shield. She turns and starts to run back towards the Doctor.

Another Past Doctor—who's in perfect condition—appears near her on her way back to the present Doctor. 2:55

Past Doctor: (checks his watch) 2:55. Right. So that's what she meant by temporal shifts. How are they doing that?

Mandy: Run!

Past Doctor: (still a bit disoriented from the time jump) What?

Mandy: (grabs his arm and pulls him with her as she runs past) Run!

Past Doctor: What's happening?

Mandy: What's it look like?

Past Doctor: A bad start to the week.

Mandy: I'm sorry for this, Doctor.

Past Doctor: For what?

Mandy pushes the Past Doctor into a nearby temporal bolt.

Mandy: (As she runs past the Doctor) Now!

The Doctor throws the net over the bandersnatches. He jumps down from the windowsill and Mandy backtracks. The Doctor adds the unconscious bandersnatch to the bundle, and he and Mandy both gather the ends of the net together, trapping the bandersnatches inside.

Mandy: Woo! We did it!

Doctor: Not yet. We still have to take them back to the time vortex. And by "we" I mean me.

The Doctor picks up the net of bandersnatches and the shield, and runs back toward the TARDIS. Mandy chases after him.

Mandy: Wait! Where are you going?

The Doctor reaches the TARDIS before she does and closes and locks the doors before she gets there. Mandy pounds on the door with her fists.

Mandy: Doctor, let me in! At least let me see this through to the end!

The TARDIS dematerializes and Mandy jumps back in surprise.

Mandy: He's gone. Doctor! Did you do that on purpose? Did you seriously just abandon me after all that?

Cut to the Doctor in the TARDIS. Halfway through the time vortex he picks up the net of bandersnatches and carries it to the door.

Doctor: Alright, bandersnatches. Time to go home!

He flings open the doors and throws the net into the vortex. The huon from the net travels back into the TARDIS console and the Doctor closes the doors. The TARDIS is full of smoke.

Doctor: (coughing) Extractor fans on.

The smoke clears out and he saunters over to the controls.

Doctor: Now to trace back the vortex signature to find where Lydia Collins ended up. Ah! There we are!

The Doctor opens the door to find a very frightened five-year old girl dressed like a fairy tale princess.

Doctor: Hello, Lydia. I'm the Doctor.

Lydia: I'm not 'upposed to talk to strangers.

Doctor: It's okay: I'm not a stranger. I'm a friend of Mandy's. I'm going to take you back to your Mum and Dad, alright?

Lydia nods and takes his hand. He leads her into the TARDIS and drops her off in her bedroom. He waves goodbye and goes back inside the TARDIS.

Doctor: Now to give Mandy the shield so she can give it to me.

The Doctor lands the TARDIS near the café at 2:00 in the afternoon. Mandy is having a cup of tea and is in perfect condition. He walks up to her and hands her the shield.

Doctor: Hello. I'm the Doctor. This shield is the only thing that can deflect a bandersnatch temporal bolt. If you value your life, please give it to me. Thank you. Bye.

He attempts to leave

Mandy: Sorry, what? (Chases after him). Er, here's your…shield?

Doctor: No, not yet. You gave it to me a long time ago, in about (checks watch) ten minutes or so.

Mandy: Am I on the telly?

Doctor: On the telly?

Mandy: I am, aren't I? This is some kind of show where you play pranks on people.

Doctor: Oh that's what you meant about ratings! (Checks watch again) I'll be popping in any second now, so I really must be off. Nice to meet you, Mandy.

The Doctor returns to the TARDIS and flies it back to where he left Mandy at 3:00.

Mandy: Did you seriously just abandon me after all that?

The TARDIS materializes behind her and the Doctor steps out.

Doctor: Abandon you? Of course I didn't abandon you! Humans can't handle direct exposure to the time vortex. And I found Lydia: she's back in her bedroom, safe and sound.

Mandy runs over and embraces him.

Doctor: Oh. Okay. Hello.

Mandy lets go of him, blushing.

Mandy: Sorry. I just thought you left, or were attacked by the bandersnatches or something. So, is this your time machine?

Doctor: Yep, this is her: Time and Relative Dimension in Space. TARDIS for short. Wanna see inside?

He snaps his fingers and the doors swing open.

Mandy: Show off.

Mandy runs inside and stops short, looking around

Doctor: What do you think?

Mandy: My god, you must really be overcompensating for something.

Doctor: Oi!

Mandy: Well it's bigger on the inside; what am I supposed to think?

Doctor: I'm not compensating for anything!

Mandy: If you say so.

Doctor: Did you know there's a planet called Felspoon where mountains sway in the breeze?

Mandy: How could I possibly know that?

Doctor: So what do you say?

Mandy: To what?

Doctor: Wanna see it?

Mandy: You…want me to come with you? Like traveling through time and space?

Doctor: If you'd like.

Mandy: If I'd like? That would be amazing!

The Doctor starts up the TARDIS.

Mandy: Is it always as dangerous and confusing as it was with the bandersnatches?

Doctor: Not always. It's usually a bit less confusing and a far sight more dangerous. Still interested?

Mandy: Of course! Although, there's one thing I need to know first.

Doctor: Just one?

Mandy: Why did the bandersnatches target me? Because you know, don't you? I can see it in your eyes: you know something about me that you're not telling.

The Doctor sighs and rubs his eyes.

Doctor: Temple-Noble.

Mandy: What?

Doctor: Your last name: it's Temple-Noble, isn't it? Your mother is Donna Noble…well, Donna Temple-Noble now.

Mandy: How'd you know that?

Doctor: The bandersnatches targeted you because your mother is a human-time lord metacrisis. Actually she's the only human-time lord metacrisis. Not only that, but she ingested a large quantity of huon particles before I even met her. She must have passed some of her artron energy down to you because it was sustained by her exposure to huon and by the metacrisis.

Mandy: Sorry, what? You know my mum?

Doctor: I did. A long time ago. But you can never tell her, understand? It's vital that you never, ever mention me or any of this.

Mandy: Why?

Doctor: I had to wipe her memory of me. A human brain can't hold a time lord mind and live, so after we returned all the planets to their rightful places I had to erase her memories. And if she ever remembers she'll burn up and die.

Mandy: So my mum traveled with you through time and space, and now she doesn't remember any of it?

Doctor: Yeah.

Mandy: Is that why you asked me to come with you?

Doctor: Not only do they have mountains that sway in the breeze, but they've got trees that grow out of clouds. Can you imagine? Trees in the sky!

Mandy: Doctor.

Doctor: No. No, that's not why I asked you to come with me. Of course it isn't.

Mandy stares him down.

Doctor: Maybe a little. But Mandy, honestly it's not just that. I like you. You're brave, and the way you handled those time jumps was brilliant! And it gets lonely traveling around by myself, and I've been doing it since…well, since I dropped Amy and Rory off. I could use a friend to keep me company, and I'd like it to be you. What d'you say?

Mandy: Do they really have mountains that sway in the breeze?

Doctor: Ha! That's the ticket! And yes: they do. (He lands the TARDIS) But don't take my word for it.

The Doctor nods toward the door. Mandy gives him a confused look.

Doctor: Go on; have a look.

Mandy: Are we there already?

The Doctor nods. Mandy grins and runs to the door.