AN: Yeah, I started another story, I probably shouldn't have done that, as my regular readers are probably angry that I'm not working on Maritial Bliss or something... -dodges tomatoes- Hey, c'mon! This ones really good! I swear! And hopefully it'll be funny.

Set in the movieverse, with references to Hellboy: Sword of Storms now and later on.

Pairings: HellboyxLiz, past implied AbexLiz, AbexOC in later chapters (but not in the annoying, Mary-Sue sense).

"Red! You get your ass over here right now!"

Hellboy flinched as Liz's shriek rang through his room, leaving a small crack in one of the TV screens. He laid his horn sander on a shelf and poked his head around the bathroom door, half expecting to be pelted with a fireball.

Liz pouted at him, her arms folded over her chest and on top of her swollen stomach. Amazingly, she still managed to look beautiful, even seven months pregnant and angry as… well, an easily annoyed, highly hormonal, fiery-tempered (excuse the pun) woman.

"Yeah, Babe?" Hellboy asked nervously.

Liz scowled. "I feel like you're avoiding me."

Hellboy gaped. "Avoiding you? I'm trying to spend as much time with you as possible! I'm with you almost every second of the day!!"

"But you've been in the bathroom for fifteen whole minutes!"

Hellboy sighed and walked over to his girlfriend. "Liz, I'm just getting cleaned up. I've smelt like sulfur since that…" he gesticulated awkwardly. "…That thing in Arizona."

Liz sucked on her bottom lip curiously. "Was that the one…?"

"With the thing."

"Yeah, that big… thing."

They stood there for a moment, staring at each other. Liz broke the silence.

"What was that thing anyway?"

Hellboy shrugged. "I have no idea. Why don't you go ask Abe? I'll bet he'll know."

Liz smiled and stood on her toes, giving her boyfriend a peck on the cheek. "Good idea. I needed to ask him about something, anyway." She frowned. "Sorry for being all possessive. It's just these damn hormones screwing with my head."

Hellboy patted her on the shoulder comfortingly. "That's okay, babe. Be careful now, okay?"

Liz grinned as she plodded out the door. "No worries, HB! Love ya!"

Hellboy waved. "Love you too, sweetheart!"

Abe was having a swim when Liz walked into the library. She smiled at him, and he waved from under the glass. Swimming to the wall, he smiled at her amphibiously.

"Good afternoon, Liz." He said politely.

"Hey, Abe." She replied, fingering a loose thread on her maternity shirt. She glanced up at Abe. "Can I ask for a favor?"

Abe blinked. "Of course. You know I'm always in debt to you for that thing…"

"…In that place?"

"Yes, with that guy."

Liz grinned, shaking her head wryly. "Man, I remember that like it was yesterday."

"Um…Liz?" Abe asked awkwardly. "That was yesterday."

Liz flushed. "Technically it was three weeks ago."

"But we haven't been on a mission together since then, so-"

"Just drop it, okay?" Liz snapped. Abe floated back in his tank, looking hurt and shocked. Liz frowned.

"I'm sorry, Blue. Hormones." She apologized.

"Of course, of course…" Abe still looked upset. Liz stared at her shoes.

"Anyway, I was wondering if… you could go shopping with me tomorrow."

Abe faltered. "Shopping? I don't know if I could… I mean, looking like I do… wouldn't people get scared?"

Liz smiled. "You could just wear a coat and a hat. Kind of invisible man style. Like that time…"

"In the castle…" Abe reminisced.

"With that big pond…"

"And that man…"

"With the thing…"

They both stared off into space for a moment, thinking about past escapades. Suddenly, Liz snapped back to the present.

"So, anyway, can you come?"

Abe shrugged. "I guess. Why aren't you just asking Hellboy, though?"

Liz winked and put a finger to her lips. "It's a surprise for him."

Abe nodded. "I understand." He swam up to the top of the tank and climbed out, walking over to Liz.

"May I just say, Liz, you're looking fabulous." He said.

"Thanks, Blue. It means a lot. I feel like that thing in Amsterdam right now."

Abe winced. "Urgh. You must be feeling awful."

"Well, maybe not Amsterdam. But the one in Bermuda, at least." Liz conceded.

Abe cocked his head. "That's still pretty bad."

"It could be worse."

"Good point."

Abe's voice softened. "But really, you look as good as you did in Japan."

Liz paled. "I thought we weren't going to talk about that."

Abe gasped, realizing his faux pas. "Oh my… I am sorry, I didn't mean… I mean, I wasn't… I didn't… oh my."

He face was turning a darker shade of blue than it already was. Liz patted his arm and he stiffened. "It's okay, Blue. Just so long as you never mention it in front of HB."

Abe nodded. "Yes… of course. Never in front of Hellboy."

Liz frowned grimly. "If he knew…"

"He'd kill me."

Liz shook her head. "Can't have that happening. Anyway, I'll meet you tomorrow at twelve. Remember to wear your coat and fedora, okay?"

Abe nodded. "Alright."

And Liz went off to fix herself a glass of milk and a sauerkraut and mayonnaise sandwich, with a handful of jumbo-size Reese's peanut butter cups and some bananas.

Damn cravings.