Desperate Love
Summary: When you love someone so much, it's impossible to give them up, what would you do? Ed deals with a rather disturbing case, how far is too far?
A/N: uhhh I don't know what to say about this, I was watching Full Metal Alchemist and I suddenly had to stop mid episode and write. I wasn't sure at first and then this came out, I dunno, it's a little weird... written in first person which I don't do often... the alchemist in the Fic would be Ed...
Rating/Catagory due to mildly disturbing stuff?
Stop, listen, can you hear the sound of the rain? My fallen tears decorating the earth in a blanket of sorrow and misery; I've waited so long to let this out, for someone to listen to my pleas, my desperate cries for help.
No one's there, I don't think anyone has ever really been then. Just the sound of my own thoughts and a voice which lingers upon the wind; It's his voice, the calm smooth tone which rolls through my body like the warmth from the sun. He is everywhere and yet can barely exist. Within me, he watches the world with childish eye, struggling to understand the complex musings of a people bent on their own destruction. All he ever wanted was love, a love I had never been able to grant. I trapped him, suffocated him and left him to wallow beneath the horrible hand of death. But, I loved him. Everything I had ever done, every breath I had ever drawn, it was all for him.
Now we struggle to survive, trapped within one body, separate in mind and soul.
Love me...
Why wouldn't you, was I not good enough? Was my love not enough? It was painful at first but as time rolled on, I now lie at peace with my mistakes. My strain to keep him alive, keeps me near him and yet drives a wedge deep within the aching of my soul.
You loved her, cared for her, trusted her in a manner that should have been mine. I loved you, I love you now, and until the day I draw my final breath, I will always love you. A love that will go down etched in stone, a fairy tale love that only the blessed might experience. We are blessed aren't we?
Together forever, from no until the day I die. You're essence surges through my veins, your face lingering upon my every thought. For you I would gladly give my life. That smile, so perfect, so tragic; to see the glimmer hidden beneath your timid glare, to watch the way your body processed oxygen, hope lingering upon your tongue as you begged me to stop. My love was overwhelming, too much you said, but it was only the beginning. It started small, quiet glances across a crowded room, chaste smiles lit against the pale flesh of your face. Could you not feel it sink into your being? Could you not feel the overwhelming urge to embrace one another until our bodies gave way beneath a blanket of exhaustion? I would hold you as you cried, rock your head close to my chest, cheek pressed flat against your hair. You always smelled so sweet, like lemon ginger mingled with the slightest hint of citrus.
It's hard to know I might never feel the loving way your hand grazed me cheek, or how our fingers touched as you brushed passed, adamant about keeping time and being proper.
Until the moment you drew your final breath, I knew we would be together. As if by some sign from above, your life slipped beneath my fingers, all breath disappearing, your heart slowly stopping. I felt as though I could hear the dim beating die into silent and horrible quiet. Peace now, sleep silently within the cradle of my heart, lie safe knowing that I shall never leave you alone, never leave your side so long as life surges through my body.
Here you cannot speak, only exist behind my eyes. Watch as others mourn your timely death, the youth which had once prospered. But they will never know you like I know you, never know how you liked your toast in the morning, or how you lie awake at night, watching the light dance over your ceiling. They will never know how hard you fought, how passionately you loved, nor how tragedy befell you at the hand of a witch.
Yes she never knew the true you, that was why she hurt you, over and over and over. That was why I cared... forging your soul to mine, an act of true love, binding us together until the end of time... for you my love... anything...
"I know you're in there... open the door..." A voice calls through the darkness.
The sanctity of my hollow has been compromised. The alchemists of the state come to disband our union, mock our love with their tainted views of life. They'd never understand what it's like for us, what it means to be together forever...
"Open it now..." it's the same voice as before, maybe he's alone. Yes it's truly a he, though worry not, there is no need to be jealous, I love only you.
Dare I speak; allow words to flutter over my lips? "It's unlocked, come in..." I call. My voice sounds strange even upon my own ear, metallic and tainted with vile corrupted death. This is the first time I've spoken to another since your death, the first word which has fallen from my virgin lips since I spoke soft words of fair well.
As a boy enters, I can't help but feel mildly confused, the state has sent a child my love, see him? A child no more then twelve to destroy us. His clothing is funny, the red jacket he wears so different then any state fool I have ever seen. Maybe this is a joke, or a child, come to admire my hand. His eyes wide as they fall upon me, I can only imagine what he sees. You loved me like this; pure as the day I entered the world, my arms wrapped around thinning body as I cling quietly to my last reminder of you.
"I.. I can't believe this..." his voice sounds nearly frightened, almost timid as his footing falters causing him to relent a few precious steps. He doesn't seem to know up from down, lost in the whirling sensation our love emanates. He doesn't know what to do, how cute, waiting for my gentle words to grace his presence.
"Love is a wonderful thing..." I say wisely, moving to stand. My legs ache from disuse. My muscles have probably experienced some form of atrophy and I'm sure there is more to be fixed, but when I'm with you, the world is at my feet.
He says nothing but stares, his hands clenched into fists. I try to imagine what he is thinking at that moment, but all I can wrap my mind around is the thought of your soul burning away beneath my breast. You're with me, I can do anything, take on anyone, together we shall live... "You're disgusting..."
Are we disgusting my love? Are we such a horrible sight to see?
I smile, "I'm sorry you are frightened..." how could those words even be true, sorry, I'm not sorry, I'm happy, we're happy together... together...
"Forging a human soul to your own body... how could... why..."
He's lost, scared and yet somehow incredibly angry. I've angered him love, those heated honey eyes glaring through the depths of my being as if by mere chance he might tear you away. He doesn't know, you were dying and I prolonged your life, I allowed you to live on, inside of me, allowed you a chance to see life through my eyes. No please do not struggle love, please don't, this boy will be gone soon and our lives will be simple again, just as long as this boy disappears...
"How many did you kill for this, what was given in return?!"
He's screaming at me love, make him stop. I'm cowering love, I don't want to be hurt, don't want you to be hurt, don't want you taken away. Please love, same me, save me so we can be together...
What's that love? You'll take care of it... let you speak you say? Oh, how much your words warm my heart. Yes dear one, please, banish this boy so that we might be. Make him leave with your eloquent speech; he'll understand if you tell him you're happy. Tell him how much you love me, how much...
"H.. He... help... m.. Me..."
TRAITOR!! Back to the depths you go, suffer in your shame for the hurt you have caused me. Oh love, oh power and devotion, how could you treat me so, how could you betray me. Had you never loved me at all? No don't say such things, don't cause such pain, I loved you and yet all you do is weep. Stop crying be strong, I need you to be strong less my body crumbles beneath your incompetence!
That state alchemist is still here, watching as my body wriggles beneath the strain of our tumultuous battle. You've tasted power and now you need more, is that it? You want control, to speak and be heard? I sacrificed my life so that you may hurt me so? Do you not realize the sacrifices I've made to live like this, the hell I've paid... can you not see now love? Can you not see?
"The soul you bound is wrestles, now do you see why such things are forbidden?" his words are cold and painful as they fall upon my ears, I don't want to listen to such a child speak of love as if he knows the world.
"SHUT UP S..SHuuuuttt UuuUuPpp." What's happening to me voice, the strain on my vocal cords feels strange and twisted, are you holding them love? Are you trying to stop me?
The ground hits my knees before I can so much as process another thought. It's cold and rough, my skin feels like its on fire, is that you? Are you rejecting the power I have bestowed upon you? Are you telling me that you hate me so much that this pains you? Being with me is such a heart ache? Please love don't say such things, don't put me in that corner. I hate the darkness love, you know that... I hate the darkness...
"Kil...l... me..."
No love, don't say things like that... please don't. I love you let us be together.
The alchemist looks shocked, are we that deranged? Could we not be considered normal? He's raising his hand now love, his sleeve creeping up beneath the thick red coat he wears. Odd, a state alchemist in red. Can you see the gleam beneath his gloves love? Can you see the tint of metal decorating his arm, his arm... automail? He's dealt with pain dear love, try and make him understand ours; make him understand that our loss is no different. Those honey eyes so sweet, the innocence of a child buried beneath, somewhere, anywhere... please love make him understand, the darkness is killing me... let me out.
"P... Please..." that's your voice now, strange sound falling upon the air. I loved it when you spoke, loved your words so soft and tender uttered into the night.
He's nodding, is he agreeing to your wish? Is it compliance I see hidden beneath that shaggy mop of sunkissed locks? So young and yet so willing to take the lives of two loves.
"You stole my life..." I hear you howl, not the sweetness of your voice but wild pain like an injured animal. Did I hurt you so much? Is that why I am suffering in the darkness? Is that why I must be alone?
No love, please don't please don't love.
"You poor creature..." the alchemist sounds sympathetic, he was sent to taken us in, to have our body examined and prodded, yet here he stands willing to take our lives... How love? Will it be painful? Is this what you want? Please love, tell me what to do.
I'm scared now, watching they eyes of that alchemist, so innocent and yet so fiercely powerful. He reminds me of you, how proud and tall you stood, standing against those who might defy you. He knows what you want, lingering upon the possibility there may be away to save us. We know different, don't we love? He's so gentle, so calm beneath his desire to alleviate the pain and suffering I have bestowed upon us both, upon you my love. Dare he raise his hand to strike us down, or lead us to the mad men who might prolong the death we have been granted. I'm not scared if I'm with you. I'm not afraid to do this because you are at my side.
I can see his hands rise, my head nodding as he brings flesh to metal in a loud thunderous clap. Electricity surges through the air, his hair tangled within a wind emanating from his body. His alchemic promise more then I could ever dear of accomplishing. He's amazing love, do you see him, how straight his body remains, never flinching. Will he cry for us later, cry after he grants us our freedom?
How kind... I feel no pain, but the energy within my being slowly slipping away. There is heat upon my tongue, a strange moist steam erupting from the depths of my body. He's clever love.. Very clever... I'll see you again, on the other side...
Lemme know watcha think!! pleaaaseeeeee