A/N: Yes, I have a nice (ish) new story for you! It's a bit different from my other ones but what can I say, it starts with a bang, and hopefully you'll enjoy reading it!
If you liked 'Afterthought', it uses some of the same plot devices and basic themes, so you can consider it kind of a development of that.
Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it, and PLEASE, send me a review to let me know!
Olivia huddled up against the side of the nearest car, wrapping her arms tightly around herself and shivering. Goddamn it, this was NOT how she'd planned to end her evening. God knows she wasn't exactly dressed for it.
If she'd known that she'd be spending hours standing around outside, she would have worn something warmer than a thin chiffon dress.
If she'd known that she'd spend the night surrounded by bored SWAT men, she would have worn something that better covered her tits.
She wasn't sure how they expected to do their jobs properly when their eyes practically popped out of their heads every time she moved. Shit. It was so cold that now her nipples were actually showing through the thin fabric of her dress. She crossed her arms around her chest, hearing a collective sigh of disappointment from the nearby cops. She clenched her fists and glared. Perverts. She shivered again. She hadn't been planning to spend much time outside tonight other than the walk from her apartment to the cab, the cab to the restaurant, and then (hopefully) the restaurant to her date Daniel's car and then back to her place. She sighed.
God, I need to get laid.
She muttered silent profanities to herself, hunching over in her strapless dress and cursing the discomfort of the cold air against her bare skin. She'd chosen this dress with the thought of a night spent with Daniel in her bed in mind, not a night spent watching her stupid, selfish partner commandeer a hostage situation while she froze her butt off on some crappy street corner.
God, I need to get laid.
She hated Elliot. Why the fuck would he do this? This was all his fault. God damn it, Elliot, if you get a tip you don't just barge in on your own without calling for backup, let alone without even calling your own fucking partner. She would still have had no idea about what was happening if Fin hadn't heard it over the radio and decided to call her in, date be damned. She sighed. And it was a very, VERY nice date. Nice doctor, liked kids, decent looking... She smiled wistfully, feeling a tinge of regret. Poor guy. She'd just stood up in the middle of dinner, thrown him a half-assed apology and run out the door, leaving him alone in the restaurant. She sighed again. Along with any chance in hell of a pleasant, satisfying end to the night...
God, I need to get laid.
Shit. She'd left her evening wrap behind on the back of her chair. She swore to herself. Maybe if you'd thought to take that with you, you wouldn't be freezing your ass off quite so bad right now. She mentally kicked herself. At the very least it might cover your nipples. She thought wistfully of her lovely warm bed in her lovely warm apartment, and the nice doctor she'd rather hoped would be joining her in it by the end of the evening...
God, I need to get laid.
She stamped her foot and swore again, louder this time, and the SWAT guy next to her jumped. Wow, great way to win friends and influence people, Benson.
What the fuck was taking so long? He'd been in there for over seven hours now and no one had heard from him for at least three. She bit her lip, her irritation beginning to turn into a cold, creeping feeling of dread, although she'd be damned if she was going to admit it. That bastard. How dare he do this to her? How dare he treat her like some moronic bimbo rather than the equal that she was? I work with him every goddamn day! I earned my place working on this team, and I did that by being damn good at my job! She fought a rising feeling of rage in her gut. What does he think I'm there for, if not for stuff like this? Eye candy?
She clenched her fists, muttering curse words. Damn him, damn him, damn him, damn him...
Did he have any idea what he was doing to her?
How could he have been so selfish?
Didn't she mean more to him than that?
This wasn't just about him, this was about her. If you have to go wildly chucking your own life around like a madman, then fine, but for God's sake, you asshole, don't risk mine too. How could that not even occur to him that by throwing his own life away, he'd be throwing hers away with it? Because he would be. There was no doubt of that in her mind. If he was going to die, then her life was going to effectively be over too... and yet, despite all that, he didn't think it was worth giving her the chance to go in there with him. That arrogant asshole. She bit her lip, feeling tears fill her eyes. But he's MY arrogant asshole...
She would never, ever forgive him if this went bad. He never thought about anyone else, about she might feel knowing that he hadn't wanted her there with him, knowing that he had had to die without her there...
No, Olivia, he isn't going to die, he'll be fine, you know that, he's just doing things his own stupid, pigheaded way as ever, and afterwards, he'll act as if nothing ever happened and as if you haven't just been through hell on earth waiting for him. She bristled. That son of a bitch. That complete, UTTER son of a bitch...
How would he feel if she did something like this? Would he even care? She doubted it. The sheer number of times that he'd pulled shit like this said otherwise. To be honest, I'm beginning to wonder if he cares at all... The rage was back, stronger this time. Enough is enough. I cannot take this any more. God knows I've put up with a lot from him, but this time he has just pushed me too far-
She jumped and her blood ran cold as she heard a burst of automatic gunfire from the building, the top row of windows exploding outwards and the glass raining down onto the street below.
Oh God, oh God, oh God... Her head span and she fell against the side of the car, grabbing at the wing mirror and trying to keep her balance, all her anger forgotten as her heart fluttered wildly. Oh Jesus, oh no, this cannot be happening to me, it can't, it can't... She sank to her knees on the ground, the shards of gravel and broken glass on the pavement digging into her skin, and buried her head in her hands. No, he's dead, I know he is, oh God, no...
She heaved again and took a deep breath, holding her palms flat against the ground with her forehead pressed against the asphalt. This isn't what was meant to happen, this isn't what I'd planned for us... and oh God I was so angry with him, the last things I was thinking about him were angry and hateful, oh God, how could I have let this happen, how... She clenched her fists, tiny pieces of grit lodging under her fingernails as they raked across the pavement. He died and I wasn't there, just because I wanted to go on a stupid date, just because I left work early to go and get my hair done because... She felt a rush of disgust at her own selfishness. Because I wanted to get laid. I left him there and now he's dead because I wanted to get laid.
Around her she heard the SWAT team shouting instructions to each other as they stormed the building. Why, why are you bothering, he's dead, he's dead, I know he is... She began to sob, pressing her forehead harder against the asphalt until she could feel the gravel digging uncomfortably into her skin. No, Elliot, no, please... She thought that she was going to be sick. This isn't happening, it isn't, it isn't... She let out a howl. No, it isn't...
'Liv?'
What? No... She looked up and saw him, standing outside the building and looking at her in surprise. Oh God... he's... he's... He smiled at her and suddenly all the panic and worry was replaced by fierce, angry rage. That son of a bitch put through hell and he has the nerve to smile at me like he's just come back from getting a fucking coffee? She angrily swiped the tears out of her eyes, wiping the street grime off her hands and onto her ruined dress as she stormed across the road.
Why is she so angry? Elliot couldn't figure out what he'd done to upset her so much. She'd had a date, and he hadn't wanted to interrupt her. How could that have just made her more pissed at him than she would have been otherwise? He sighed. I don't even know any more... 'Liv, what are you doing here-'
'You BASTARD!' He saw her hand flash through the air a second before he felt the slap. 'You absolute SON OF A BITCH, how could you DO this to me-'
Jesus. 'Whoa, Liv, whoa, it's OK, it was just a simple takedown, the main guy we were looking for wasn't even there, I mean, it took a bit longer than I was expecting but it was nothing unusual-' He tried to stroke her hair soothingly and she shoved him away. 'Jesus, Liv, calm the fuck down-'
Bastard bastard bastard BASTARD! 'NO, Elliot, I will NOT calm the fuck down, and do you know why? You're ALWAYS pulling shit like this, ALWAYS, and you know what? I cannot take it anymore!'
'Look, Liv, come on-'
'NO!' She shoved him hard. ''Have you any idea how long I've been standing here, freezing my fucking ass off in the cold and the wind, listening and watching and waiting?' She felt a fresh surge of rage. 'HAVE YOU GOT ANY IDEA HOW LONG I'VE HAD TO STAND HERE WITH ALL THE SWAT GUYS STARING AT MY NIPPLES?'
Wait, WHAT? 'Liv, I'm sorry, but I didn't ask you to come here-'
'I KNOW, AND THAT MAKES IT WORSE!'
Elliot blinked in surprise. What the... 'How does that make it worse?'
'Because you didn't trust me, El! You didn't trust me enough to call me and to ask me to help, instead you left it for fucking FIN to phone me and tell me, do you have ANY idea how STUPID I felt sat in that restaurant with that boring dickhead Daniel, listening to Fin tell me about how my partner had decided to do something this fucking stupid, this fucking DANGEROUS, and that he'd decided to do it WITHOUT ME?'
'Olivia, I'm sorry, I just didn't think it was worth bothering you, I didn't think-'
'YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT YOU DIDN'T THINK!' She shoved him again, clenching her hands into fists. 'You complete and utter ASSHOLE!'
Elliot's heart sank. Oh shit, she's really pissed this time. 'Liv, please, I'm sorry, let me make it up to you-'
'YOU CAN'T MAKE IT UP TO ME!' She was actually shaking with rage now. 'Every time you do this, Elliot, every time you just say you'll buy me a coffee or something, and you think that makes it all better, but it doesn't, El, IT DOESN'T!'
'Liv-'
'NO, EL, it DOESN'T, and I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!' She broke off and stared at the ground for a minute, raking her hand back through her hair, clenching her hand against the back of her head and feeling her fingernails scrape uncomfortably across her scalp. 'El, that's enough. That was your last chance. Please don't demean me by thinking that you can just make this up to me somehow, because you can't. I'm done.'
Oh no, oh no, she can't, she can't be... 'Liv, I'm sorry, please give me another chance...'
She let out a cry of exasperation. How DARE he? 'No, Elliot, NO, I WON'T, I can't TAKE it any more, I CAN'T, why can't you just LISTEN for once, the amount of SHIT you have put me through, the amount of shit I have TAKEN from you, this is the LAST TIME-' She stopped suddenly, a look of bewilderment crossing her face. What... what the... that pain... 'El...' She had gone very pale. 'El, I don't feel...'
Elliot frowned. 'Liv?'
'El, I...' Her knees went from under her and she collapsed forwards against his chest and clung onto him, her hands grabbing at his arms as she tried to hold herself up, her eyes wide with fear and shock.
'Liv?' Elliot's stomach lurched as he tried to help hold her up, watching her knees sagging, the sides of her ankles dragging against the ground as her legs folded limply in on themselves. He heard something gurgling deep inside her throat. 'Liv? Oh God, Liv?'
She looked up and met his eyes, her face full of confusion. 'El, please.. ' She slowly lost her grip and sank to her knees, and then she coughed, a gush of blood pouring from her mouth. Oh God, what's happening to me?
'Oh no, oh God, Liv, Liv, come on.' Elliot was already kneeling beside her, hooking his arm around her waist and lowering her carefully onto her back. 'Liv, can you hear me?' Oh God, I shouldn't have come, if I hadn't come then she wouldn't be here...
'El...' Oh God, oh God... Olivia blinked, feeling Elliot's hand gripping hers as he leaned over her, stroking her hair. Oh no... She tried to reach out for him, desperately wanting to cling onto him. El, help me...
'Liv, it's OK, ssshhh, it's OK...' Elliot wiped the blood off her face with his sleeve and stroked her cheek as she looked up at him, her eyes wide and panicked. 'Liv, come on, talk to me, talk to me, it's OK, Liv, it's OK...' He gestured frantically for help. Where the hell is everyone?
El... Olivia's mouth was wide open as she gasped, her eyes staring frantically up at his face. El, I can't breathe...
'Liv, stay with me, OK?' They'd cleared the area. Elliot's blood ran cold. Oh God, they've cleared the area. The bastards have cleared the area until they find the guy who shot her. He forced down a fresh wave of panic. 'Liv, it's OK, deep breaths for me, OK?' He leaned down, kissed her forehead and began to stroke her hair again, whispering soothingly. 'Ssshhh, Liv, ssshhh, come on, I know, I know, sssshhhhh, it's OK...'
Olivia could feel herself drifting. El... She closed her eyes. El...
Jesus. 'Liv? Liv, hang on for me, OK?' Elliot shook her gently until she finally opened her eyes again. Thank God. 'Come on, Liv, talk to me.' You should go and find someone, drag them back here, force them to help her. You can't do anything for her here, not alone. He looked down at her, feeling her hand shaking as it held tightly onto his, watching her eyes wandering vaguely around his face as she blinked. No. He was afraid she'd give up if she thought he'd left her. 'Sssshhh, Liv, it's OK, I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere, OK?' He squeezed her hand again. 'OK?'
El, please... She coughed again, tasting blood in her mouth and feeling it pour down her chin, and then she was choking on it, and she gagged, turning her face aside as she vomited up thick red clots of it. Oh no...
Oh Jesus oh Jesus oh Jesus... 'Sssshhh, Liv, come on...' Elliot wrapped his arm around her shoulders and lifted her up and into his arms, sticking his fingers into her mouth and clearing her throat as she coughed. 'There you go, you're alright, you're alright...'
El, help me, help me... She finally felt her fingers beginning to curl around his shirt and she began to rub the fabric between her fingers, her other hand still firmly grasped in Elliot's. El...
'Liv, Liv, it's OK, I'm here, I'm so, so sorry, Liv, I am...' He hugged her tightly against his chest, stroking her hair. This is your fault, he shot her in the back, you should have seen him, you should have stopped him, you should have been looking out for her like she would for you... He bit his lip and stroked her cheek with his thumb. 'Liv, come on, please, I'm begging you...' You let this happen. You did this.
A creeping numbness was beginning to spread through Olivia's body. El, what's happening... El... help me, El, help me... Her hand slipped away from his shirt to hang uselessly by her side. Oh God, El...
'Liv, oh God, Liv, I am so sorry, please, Liv, don't do this...' He kissed her forehead and wrapped his arm tighter around her shoulders. 'Come on, Liv, come on...'
El, please... She could feel herself losing her grip on Elliot's hand. No... no, I need him...
'Liv, NO, hold on, OK?' He tightened his grip on her hand. 'You CANNOT do this to me, do you understand?'
I can't lose him... I couldn't bear it... Olivia blinked. El... I can't...
'Liv! LIV!' She wasn't holding his gaze any more. 'LIV!'
El... The world around her was beginning to fade in and out.
'Liv, come on, please!'
She could feel him shaking her.
'OLIVIA! Olivia, PLEASE!'
'LIV!'
'OLIVIA!'
A/N: Soooo... more?