Far Trek: Moya and the attack of the Horrible Tribbles
by EdenAdvance
Disclaimer: Farscape is owned by O'Bannon, Henson and Nine Network, I think. Star Trek: Voyager is owned by Paramount, I think. Yup, thinking is good, but I'm bad at it.
Notes: Okay, so I was inspired by the badger ep and the discussion about the gopher, the badger and the tribble on the Shipper-list. Blame them for this tribble-fic.
Notes2: This story has no plot, I'm terribly sorry about that. Furthermore, I... procured almost everything from other shows or movies.
Warning: When eating or drinking, make sure you start laughing before you eat or drink. I'm not responsible for any choking. Trust me, choking is not funny, however it will make you laugh even more, resulting in more choking. Special notice for the shipperlist: mention of Dadoo in here. Please don't choke in anything. It makes a real mess, listmoms won't be happy with me and they'll banish Dadoo!!!!!
Far Trek: Moya and the attack of the Horrible Tribbles
Starring:
Aeryn Sun as Captain Aeryn Safeway
D'Argo as Commander D'Argotay
John Crichton as Lt. Tom Crichton (I think, I messed up last time.)
Gilina Renaez as Lt. Gilina Torres
Zhaan as Lt. Zhavok
Crais as Ensign Crais
Rygel as Rygel the Cook
Chiana as Chia of Nine (wait, who was the other one?)
Scorpius as Scorpy the EMP
Larraq as himself
&
Pilot and Moya as USS Moya
Special Guest Star: Velorek the Tribble
USS Moya
Captain Safeway entered Command, drinking some fellip nectar. She sat down and looked at the viewscreen. There was a bright purple planet right in the middle of the viewscreen.
"Crichton, what is that?" she asked the helmsman, Tom Crichton.
"It's a viewscreen, captain." He answered.
"I know that Lieutenant. I wanted to know what that purple thingy is."
"Oh, that. I don't have the faintest idea, Captain. You should ask Crais, I think." Came the reply.
"Right." She looked at the science corner, seeing no Ensign Crais. "And where is Ensign Crais if I may ask?"
Lieutenant Zhavok answered. "I believe he was accidentally sucked out of an airlock. Do you want me to check the boat's logs?"
Aeryn shook her head. "No, I just want to know what in hezmana that purple thing on the viewscreen is." She yelled, causing everyone to look at her.
"That would be the Tribble home world. The locals call it Aquaria." Chia of Nine said, entering Command.
"Fine. Thank you. Commander D'Argotay, put together an away team." She said and went back to bed.
"Right then. Who volunteers?" D'Argotay spoke. "Crichton, Torres, let's see who's still alive." He looked around. "Take Rygel with you."
"Commander, is that really necessary?" Crichton wailed.
"Yes. Rygel is an excellent cook and we're in desperate need of food." D'Argotay answered.
Aquaria:
Larraq was walking and wandering through the crowd on a local Aquarian marketplace. He was whistling the Dadoo song, when he came upon a little stall selling furry animals. He petted the little furry hairballs, and decided that Aeryn had to see this.
"One of these hairballs please." He said to the merchant and when he had paid the man with counterfeit money, he blinked out.
Crichton, Torres and Rygel the cook were also wandering through the same crowd. Rygel, as usual, was talking about food and his cooking skills. Torres was, as usual, busy ogling Crichton and Crichton was busy with ogling other women, not listening to Rygel's whining.
Suddenly, they came across a little stall, selling fury hairballs. Tom and Gilina watched the little critters hit eachother. When Gilina wanted to ask Tom something, she noticed that another woman preoccupied him. Out of jealousy, she picked up one of the furry hairballs.
"Crichton?" she asked, getting his attention.
"Yes, what is it this time?" he answered, turning to look at Torres...
USS Moya:
Larraq blinked himself into Aeryn Safeway's quarters, with Freddie the Tribble. He turned around and looked at Aeryn, who was just about to sip her fellip nectar, sometimes called frell-it nectar when the crew was drunk, and choked in it, because she saw Larraq.
"Larraq! I missed you so much." She said, getting up to hug him. When she noticed the furry hairball, she pointed at it, with a pulse-phaser.
"What's that... thing?" she asked.
Larraq looked at the little critter.
"That, my dear, is a tribble. I bought it for you." Larraq answered.
"Oh, how sweet... I think I'm going to call him Velorek." Aeryn said, petting the critter.
Larraq sighed. "Oh please, tell me that you threw away that picture of that tech guy."
"Well... no. But I misplaced it somewhere." Aeryn replied.
"At least, the critter looks like Velorek..." Larraq said.
"You're jealous... how cute." Aeryn said, putting Velorek the Tribble on the couch.
"I'm not 'cute'. I'm Larraq, impotent being, who knocks planets out of place for fun! Now, I have to go, tata!"
He blinked out, only to blink in again after a micron.
"Tell me that you're not going to sleep with Velorek." He asked.
"Well, it was very cold last night, mostly because Ensign Crais destroyed the atmosphere control when he was being sucked out of an airlock. It's raining in Lt. Crichton's quarters, snowing in Lt. Zhavok's quarters and god knows what that goo in Rygels quarters is." Safeway replied.
"Oh. Okay. I've got to go now." Larraq said, starting to whistle the Dadoo song again.
Just as Larraq had disappeared, the EMP, Scorpy, hailed Aeryn.
"Scorpy to Safeway, are you still alive?"
"Yes, are you?" Aeryn replied.
"Barely, but that's not why I hailed you." The EMP replied. "It seems that Lt. Crichton is in some serious frelling dren. Could you meet me in sickbay?"
"Yes, I will be there shortly." Safeway replied and drinking the last of her fellip nectar, she beamed herself over to sickbay, with Velorek the Tribble.
"What is it, Doctor?" Aeryn asked, materializing in sickbay.
"It seems that we have small problem. You see, Lt. Torres caught Lt. Crichton watching another woman, and she hit him with a little furry hairball, like the one you're holding right now." Scorpy explained, pointing at Velorek.
"You mean, a Tribble?" Aeryn answered.
"Right, right. A Tribble. Who told you that?" Scorpy asked, walking over to Crichton, who had begun whining.
"Larraq. He gave me Velorek."
Scorpy shrugged. "It's a great likeness."
"So, what's wrong with Crichton?" Aeryn asked.
"Well, it seems that the Tribble is the face-hugging kind. It won't let go of Crichton's face." The EMP explained.
"Have you tried to burn it off?"
"Yes, but it seemed that he's filled with acid. Look here, it burned a hole in the floor, and it killed an Ensign."
"Well, pull it off! Kill it, poison it, send Rygel in, I don't care what you do, but I want that face-hugging hippie of my ship." Aeryn Safeway answered.
"Captain, captain!!! You really should see this, the Tribble came off." Gilina said happily.
They all rushed over to Tom.
"How do you feel?" Scorpy inquired.
"Hungry..." Tom replied.
"We'll get you something to eat. What would you like?" Captain Safeway queried.
"Food..." was Tom's reply.
"Yes, that would be logical... Frell, I'm starting to sound like Zhavok." Safeway said. "Lt. Torres, bring him to the center chamber and feed him."
Gilina nodded and dragged Crichton with her to the center chamber.
"Well, doctor..." Aeryn spoke after the two were out of sight, "what is your analysis?"
"I actually forgot to do that. I'll get right on it, captain." He said and disappeared into his office.
Now totally alone, Aeryn looked at Velorek.
"Let's go... I'm feeling tired." She said and Velorek made his little Tribble sound, agreeing with her.
Tom Crichton was eating his meal and talking about the events on Aquaria while other crewmembers listened to his story. Suddenly, he started making choking sounds and started to spaz.
"Tom, what's wrong?" Gilina asked.
Before he could answer, he started to convulse and a little baby Tribble came out.
The Tribble looked around and promptly began to multiply. Soon, there were over a hundred Face-hugging Tribbles on the ship, and their numbers were still growing.
"Captain, what should we do?" Commander D'Argotay asked.
"I don't know. Ask Zhavok, she's head of Security. Have you seen Velorek?" She asked.
"Zhavok!!!!!! Help us!!!" D'Argotay yelled, running into the Delvian.
"Scorpy, the EMP seemed to have found a solution to our problem. He suggests that we should lock ourselves in a Tribble-free room and flood the ship with Tribble-Spray. I have taken the liberty of doing so." She said.
"Have you seen Velorek?" Aeryn asked.
"I believe he is floating in front of the main window right now." She stated and pointed at a furry hairball floating in space.
Aeryn started to sob. "Oh, poor Velorek. Well, at least I still have Larraq." She said to herself and went back to bed.
The End.
PS; no Tribbles, ensigns or other furry hairballs were hurt, killed or otherwise tortured during the writing of this fic.