Hello my freaky little darlings! It's your good buddy Grey here and I'm back with a vengeance! Sorry to have run off like that but I got into a little trouble with the law as of late, ok maybe a lot of trouble. This is that story told as if it happened to Balthier instead of me. Certain events have been changed/exaggerated to make this fic more fun and to protect the real people who were involved in my recent horrible experience but the basic plot is what actually happened to me on the night of April 29, 2013 at around eleven p.m. Events have also been altered to allow more FFXII characters into the story. However, some events are absolutely true, others are complete bullshit. I hope you enjoy. This fic is rated M for extreme cursing, Malexmale content, sex, rape, violence, and insanity. Balthier/Vaan pairing. Hope you enjoy and please review.
The Breaking of Balthier
Part One
Balthier falls to his knees in the pouring rain, hands cuffed behind his back and a crimson stream running from his nose. His hands shake with fury and rapidly dissolving adrenaline but his eyes are curiously void of emotion, only the red and blue flashes of police car strobe lights reflecting in them. He has the right to remain silent, and he does, though his lips curl into a tight smirk at the thought of how much trouble he's really in, allowing the metallic taste of blood to salt his lips and tongue.
Usually well groomed brown hair has plastered itself to his forehead with the rain and he attempts to shake it out of his eyes but it refuses to cooperate, and he only succeeds in slinging blood down the front of his already ruined shirt. The Madhu in his stomach is slowly losing its effect and a creeping feeling of nausea is winning the fight against the blissful numbness that had coated his mind since early evening.
He can hear his arrest record coming in over the radio and he winces, he's been down this road before, his temper tends to be like a wild animal he cannot control and once again it's gotten him in trouble. Vaan was just his friend, that was all, but the sheer rage that had welled up inside him at Penelo's tearful telling of the boy's rape had driven Balthier like a mad man to glass after glass of potent liquor. Hours of searching his heart to try and understand why the thought of the boy hurt infuriated him so had led to more and more drinking until finally something inside him had snapped.
It was just a harmless drunken imperial that managed to insult him so easily, and before he knew it Balthier was outside in the rain, ready to fight a man he didn't know over nothing. The imperial had come at him first but it was the pirate who turned the fight into a bloody brawl when he picked up a metal pipe and swung at the man's leg, bringing him down in a heap as sirens began to wail in the distance. He should have run but his legs refused to cooperate, his head fuzzy feeling and his nose bleeding he waited for whatever fate the gods had chosen for him.
Dripping wet and still bleeding he's hoisted up by his elbows and thrust into the caged back seat of a police car and he wonders if they've already contacted Fran. She'll be furious with him but he doesn't care, all he can think of is Vaan and how he'd like to kill whatever bastard had dared touch him. The officer gives him a sideways glance that almost makes the pirate laugh. He's just learned that the pirate's past has left him scarred and unstable and he almost looks afraid yet disgusted at the same time. "I'm not crazy," he wants to scream, but he knows they won't believe him. He can't help that Cid's constant abuse had left him just as emotionally scarred as physically. He can't help that he needs four different kinds of pills just to keep the nightmares away…but he isn't crazy.
An hour later he sits handcuffed on a bench waiting to be told his fate. His clothes are still damp but he's been allowed to wash his face and that makes him feel ten times better. Finally he's relieved to find that a six week stay in a mental clinic has won out over the jail sentence that had only moments ago been hanging over his head.
Fran hugs him gently as they take him away, her disappointment obvious in her eyes as Basch only shakes his head in anger and looks away. Ashe gives him a sad smile and waves as Penelo cries. Vaan is curiously absent from the scene and it gives Balthier a sinking feeling in his stomach that he doesn't quite understand.
It's an hour's drive to Brambly Clinic and he spends the drive silently thinking of Vaan and wondering why the boy hadn't come with the others to see him off. Processing into the clinic includes a mental evaluation once they've searched him and stripped him of his clothes and jewelry, replacing them with a white cotton shirt and pants, a medical bracelet and handcuffs his only adornment.
He sits in front of the doctor silently throughout the evaluation, his eyes never leaving the ground. He doesn't say anything but the bearded man in front of him already knows every detail of his past from a thick file folder that rests innocently across his knees.
His eyes flick upwards in surprise when the doctor declares him a high risk/violent patient. He starts to protest; suddenly full of fear but gruff hands are already pulling him up and leading him away. Every door is locked behind them and Balthier wonders why his hands are still cuffed in front of him as he passes door after door in a seemingly endless white corridor. They stop in front of a small white door with a single window and he wants to ask where they're taking him as the guard unlocks the door. The room is small and empty except for two small beds, and he wishes he didn't notice the restraints that adorn them both. On the right hand bed lazily sits a young man with shoulder length black hair and a cruel smile.
The cuffs come off as the guard explains that as long as the pirate cooperates and doesn't cause trouble they'll get along fine. He doesn't say anything as the guard leaves and locks the door behind him, making escape impossible.
"I'm Vayne," the young man offers, flashing Balthier a seedy looking smile, "Welcome to hell."
Every drop of moisture leaves the pirate's mouth as he sits on the opposite bed, resting his back against the concrete wall behind him, "I shouldn't be here," he says weakly, but Vayne only laughs.
"Sure you shouidn't princess," smirks Vayne, "but all the same you're here and there's no leaving now."
"How long have you been here?"
Vayne flips his hair out of his eyes, "Three years now. Don't worry; I know how to get by in here. I'll show you what you need to know."
The look on his face makes Balthier's hands shake slightly, "What do you mean?"
Vayne gets up from his bed and starts to pace, "First of all we are allowed out of this room for one hour a day, plus a half hour three times a day for meals. Anytime you leave this room they'll cuff you, and that includes when you're showering. They'll line us up and march us to the cafeteria like prisoners at meal times. The food will already be laid out on the tables, it's never anything hot so you can't try and hurt someone with it. You'll have a plastic spoon and your fingers to eat with, nothing else. If you step out of line they'll sedate you. If you get emotional, they'll sedate you. If you get aggravated, they'll sedate you. You understand? They won't hesitate because they think we're all crazy criminals. The way to get by is to stay calm and don't do anything to draw attention to yourself. If sedation doesn't stop you they'll throw you in the clink, complete solitary confinement, get it? It's not a place you want to end up."
Balthier swallows hard, "I understand."
Vayne doesn't talk much after that and the minutes seem to stretch as Balthier realizes how painfully boring life is going to be for him now. He's allowed none of his personal possessions and the maddening whiteness of everything around him instantly makes him nervous. His thoughts stray back to Vaan and he wonders where the boy is, what he's doing. He misses Fran and suddenly is over come with homesickness as he lies down and stares at the ceiling in despair.
Hours pass and a buzzer announces its time to eat.
"When you hear the buzzer face the wall and put your hands flat on it," Vayne says suddenly, "It means they'll be along any minute to cuff us."
Balthier follows Vayne's example and soon enough the door opens and he finds himself in cuffs once more. There are about thirty of them, all dressed identical in plain white, coming out of rooms in twos their hands cuffed in front of them. No one speaks; no one steps out of line.
Like his cellmate had promised, food is laid out on trays already on the tables. It seems to be some type of pasta but its thick and less than luke warm and makes Balthier's stomach roll as he spoons it into his mouth with his little plastic spoon. He barely eats until Vayne pokes his side, "Eat or they'll notice. I told you don't draw attention to yourself."
The pirate sighs and dares a glance at one of the guards that stands close to the table as he shovels another sickening mouthful of cold pasta into his mouth. Suddenly he hears yelling and his head snaps around to see a skinny boy with dull eyes get sedated. The way the boy's limp figure is dragged away makes a sudden fear well up inside him.
"Stop staring," Vayne whispers harshly, "haven't you been listening to me?"
The rest of the meal passes without incident and soon enough Balthier finds himself back in the tiny maddeningly white room alone with his cellmate once again. Vayne seems to have found a way to cope with the boredom of this place; he seems to be lost in thought for hours until the buzzer rings again. Balthier doesn't have to be told this time what to do as he's cuffed and once again lined up with the others. The shower he's given is short and makes him feel cold and clammy, but he tries to keep his mouth shut and his eyes on the ground. After being allowed to dry and dress again in the plain white cotton that seems to be all anyone is allowed to wear he's taken back to his small room.
It's the smallest shove from the guard that breaks him, he won't be treated like a criminal, "Lay off fucker!" he growls. He doesn't even see the needle coming.
He wakes in the dark and can't remember where he is. He's just about to call out Fran's name when he hears a slight chuckle from beside him in the dark, "You don't listen pirate."
It all comes flooding back to him and he winces as he sits up, "What happened to me?"
"You got the jab," snickers Vayne, "I told you they won't hesitate if you get out of line."
Balthier lays back down in the dark and curls his fists around his pillow. He doesn't sleep that night; his thoughts are tormented by a blonde desert boy who seems to be so near yet so far away.
"Do you think your anger is rooted in your childhood trauma?"
Balthier sits across from the bearded doctor silently, refusing to answer any questions.
"You aren't cooperating Mr. Bununsa," he sighs, "I can't help you if you don't talk to me. Let's discuss what happened to get you here."
"I got in a fight," the pirate finally hisses, "I shouldn't be here! I'm not crazy and I'm not dangerous."
"You had to be sedated last night," the doctor says, "And no one said you were crazy."
"That fucker pushed me! I didn't do anything!"
"Calm down Mr. Bununsa. You're becoming aggravated again."
The thought of another needle sends him into silence again. He sits for the remainder of the session without saying a word as the doctor riddles him with questions about Cid's abuse, his mother, everything he can think of to make him talk.
He's suddenly overcome with the need to talk to Vaan, "Can I write a letter?" he asks suddenly and the doctor eyes him wearily.
"You aren't allowed to have a pen or pencil, but I supposed if you'd tell me what it is you want to say I could write it for you."
He breathes in deep and weighs his options, knowing that he has to get in touch with Vaan if it kills him, "Ok," he mutters finally, "I guess that would be ok."
The doctor nods, "Whenever you're ready then Mr. Bununsa."
Penelo hands Vaan the letter with shaking hands, "It was delivered this morning," she said softly, "I didn't want to wake you."
Vaan eyes the letter carefully, "Why would Balthier write to me? Why not Fran or even Basch?"
The girl shrugs and turns away as Vaan tears the letter open, trying to contain the flutter in his stomach.
"Dear Vaan, I was sorry to see that you were prevented from coming with the others to see me off. Of course I'm sure you are still recuperating from what happened to you. I can't help but feel that it was partly my fault; having been so close by when you were attacked I should have saved you. I hope that I will be with you all again soon, this place tries my sanity more than I would have thought possible. Goodbye for now, Balthier."
Vaan's heart jumps into his throat as he holds the letter close to his chest. He doesn't know what to say back, as he'd never thought the pirate would care one way or another what happened to him. Guilt rises up in his chest for not going to see him off before he was taken away, but he just hadn't been sure that he could take seeing the man he so desperately loved led away in chains. Was it possible that Balthier did care about him? He shoved the thought aside, no, there was no way he'd ever love someone like him. It was just not the way things worked.
"Are the restraints really necessary?" asks Fran as Balthier is placed in a chair across the table from her.
"Afraid so ma'am," the guard says indifferently, "For your safety and his too."
Fran frowns as she looks her partner over. He's been gone only a week and already he has dark circles under his eyes, and he looks pale and thin. "Are you alright?" she asks quietly, "Do they treat you well?"
Balthier attempts a laugh but it turns into a painful cough, "I'll live. How are things on the outside? What day is it?"
She wants to touch him, to hold him against her chest and tell him everything will be ok but she's already been warned not to try and touch him, "It's the 5th of May Balthier. And we're all fine. Ashe and Penelo send their love. Basch his support."
He looks sad for a moment, "And what does Vaan send?"
Fran eyes him strangely, "I have not spoken to Vaan. Why do you ask?"
He just shakes his head and runs a trembling hand through his hair, "Never mind. It isn't important."
"Do you need anything?"
Again he shakes his head, "I'm not allowed anything but the clothes on my back."
"I'll be back when I can Balthier," she says sadly as she rises to go, "Just hang on; you will be free before long."
He is surprised to find that he is not led away immediately, and he is shocked when Penelo enters the room and sits before him.
"Hello Balthier," the girl coos, "I thought I'd come say hello."
Balthier tilts his head to the side in careful examination of her expression, "You came here by yourself?" he asks suddenly.
She frowns and looks down at her hands, "I…I wanted to tell you something. It's none of my business but I think it's for the best. Vaan's been really upset since he got your letter."
He frowns and sits back in his chair, "I'm sorry to have bothered him."
"It's not that!" she exclaims, her eyes snapping up to meet his, "It's just that…well…he thinks its his fault that you're here, and he…well he cares about you a lot and its just tearing him apart."
Balthier's heart nearly stops, "What do you mean he cares about me?"
"Just what I said."
He looks at her sharply as he feels her hand press against his knee under the table, the look in her eyes begging him to reach out his hand to hers. When he does she slides the envelope quickly into his cuffed hands and stands up, giving him a chance to tuck the message away in his pants before the guards can notice.
"It was good to see you," she says quietly, a small smile gracing her face at her success in smuggling and Balthier doesn't know what to say.
"Thank you," he finally mutters, but she's already gone.
Vayne stares at him openmouthed as he tears open the letter, relief flooding through him to see Vaan's rushed handwriting on the paper before him.
"You just can't keep from breaking the rules pirate," his roommate sneers, "If they catch you there will be hell to pay you know."
Balthier doesn't care. He doesn't care what they do to him. Because it hits him like a ton of bricks at the sight of the boy's handwriting. He's in love with Vaan. The thought doesn't anger him, though he can't help but be a little scared.
"Dear Balthier, I'm sorry I was not there before you were sent off, but with everything that has happened I just don't think I could have handled it at that moment. What happened to me is not your fault. There was nothing you could have done. Now I feel as if you are in that hell hole because of me. Fran says you look horrible, that she doesn't think you are doing well and that kills me a little. I wish more than anything that you were here with me now, that I could tell you so many things that I've wanted to say for so long. But a letter is hardly the place for such confessions. Stay well. Always, Vaan."
His heart doesn't leave his throat as he shoves the letter under his mattress. Could it be that Vaan loved him as well? He had to find out! He just had to.
"Has anyone ever gotten out of here?" he asks suddenly, his eyes full of determination.
Vayne leans forward slowly, "You can't be serious."
"I am."
"I don't think anyone's ever tried, not that I know of anyway. It'd be stupid to try, you can't make it."
Balthier stands, annoyed, "There has to be a way. It's just a clinic, not a prison."
"Maybe if you were down in the in house living ward," Vayne says, picking at an invisible piece of dust on his arm, "but there's no way out of high risk/violent ward. Too many locked doors. Too many cameras. Too many guards."
The buzzer rings and both young men face opposite walls, their hands flat on the concrete before them as the door opens. He can't stop himself. He rams his elbow into the guard's face as hard as possible when he tries to cuff him. The mad dash into the hall brings no safety as Balthier runs as fast as his bare feet will let him towards the door. But the door is locked as always and he begins to regret his rash actions. Needle to the neck and he's down again, limp like a rag doll in a dreamless sleep.
"You're an idiot," Vayne smirks when Balthier's eyes flutter open hours later, "That was the saddest escape attempt I think in the history of escape attempts. What exactly did you think was going to happen? That they'd just let you run out?"
He tries to sit up only to realize too late that he's strapped to his bed, "I just thought it was worth a try."
Vayne shakes his head, "You'd need a guard to help you out of this place, and you've nothing to bribe them with."
He wonders at this awhile, "I do have something," he says finally.
"No you don't," Vayne argues, "What are you going to offer?"
"Me," he sighs and Vayne looks vaguely amused.
"You might regret that," he says, the look in his eyes making Balthier's heart race in fear, "You come on to the wrong guard and you'll just find yourself in a world of pain."
Balthier gulps, "You know which guard I should ask…don't you?"
Vayne smiles and crosses the small distance between them to sit on the edge of the pirate's bed, "I might."
"But you aren't going to tell me…are you?"
Vayne smiles, "That information would have to be earned."
Balthier closes his eyes as his mind races. He wasn't even sure if Vaan loved him yet, and he wasn't ready to give himself over until he knew it was his last option. His cellmate senses his reluctance and smiles, "Let me know when you change your mind."
He doesn't say anything as Vayne goes back to his own bed, leaving the pirate alone with his tormented thoughts.
"I'm recommending to the court that you stay here another six months."
Balthier can't believe what he's hearing and his stomach sinks, "I'm only supposed to be here for six weeks," he stammers.
The doctor sighs and pushes his glasses further up his nose, "And we've made no progress since you've been here. You've refused to talk at all during therapy and have already had to be sedated twice and restrained. If you can't be helped in such a short time I'm afraid more will be required."
Balthier bolts up in his chair, "I'll talk I swear! What do you want to know?! I'll tell you whatever you want just don't keep me here another six months! I can't take it that long I can't!"
The doctor regards him for a moment, "Let's start with your scars. Tell me about them."
Once back in his cell he lets the hot tears spill down his face, not caring that Vayne is watching him with extreme curiosity. He can't take six more months, he knows that. He can't take reliving his past tortures everyday just so some doctor could analyze him. He had to get out…just had to. It's Vayne's fingers gently lifting his chin up to look at him that snaps him back to reality.
"Looks like you're ready to earn what you want to know," Vayne says quietly, his cold eyes staring through Balthier's like shards of ice.
He swallows hard and nods. He can't stay here. No matter what the price of escape may cost him.
"You won't enjoy this," Vayne admits indifferently as he pushes the pirate to his knees, "And it won't be over quickly."
Balthier squeezes his eyes shut as Vayne hits him hard enough to make him slump over.
"Pain is a big part of what I enjoy," Vayne says, smiling down at his new victim, "I'm going to need you to beg."
He doesn't know how much time passes. It seems like hours but it could have only been minutes. All he can taste is blood, sperm, and his own vomit and he doesn't want to open his eyes or move. He hurts all over and he wants to cry but he just doesn't have the strength. His vision is blurry by the time Vayne lets him slip limply to the floor.
"Gabranth," he whispers to the pirate, "He's the one you need to look for."
Balthier tries to nod but only succeeds in throwing up again. He barely hears the buzzer, barely feels rough hands' lifting him up. He sees through blurry half closed eyes as Vayne is sedated and taken away. He doesn't know where he's being taken and he doesn't care as he lets unconsciousness claim him.
He wakes up to find the doctor standing over him, "Welcome back, Mr. Bununsa."
Balthier shields his eyes against the harsh light, "Where am I?"
"The emergency ward. Don't worry you're safe now. Mr. Solidor has been detained."
His head aches as he tries to sit up, "How long have I been here?"
"Just a few hours," the doctor explains, "You can return to your room when you feel up to it."
"I'm fine now," the pirate mutters.
"If you insist. Mr. Gabranth, please escort Mr. Bununsa to his room."
Balthier's eyes snap up to meet an indifferent gaze, "Basch?" he whispers.
The guard named Gabranth looks at him strangely but says nothing as he grabs onto the pirate's arm to lead him away.
It isn't until they reach his room and the cuffs come off before Gabranth addresses him, "How do you know my brother's name?"
Balthier stares open mouthed, "He's a friend…"
"Hmm," the other man grunts, looking at him suspiciously, "And how is he these days?"
Balthier can't think, "I need your help," he finally whispers.
"My help?"
Balthier nods, "I was told you were the one to talk to."
Gabranth looks him over like a hungry animal, "That depends on what you want."
"I need to get out of here."
Gabranth laughs and turns away, "Impossible. Too bad though, you're a pretty one."
"Just get me outside and I'll do the rest," he pleads, "You can do whatever you want to me just help me."
The older man's face seems to soften and he sighs, "I'll get you outside. And we'll just say you owe me one."
Balthier's shoulders sink with relief. He isn't sure he could have ever looked at Basch again if his twin had expected the same method of payment he'd given Vayne. "Thank you," he whispers, "I really need your help."
Two days pass and Balthier hopes that Gabranth has really delivered his letters to Vaan. If the boy wasn't waiting for him he didn't know where he was going to turn for help. The barbed wire of the high fence surrounding the clinic cuts him in dozens of places but he struggles on, the thought of Vaan urging him on. He runs through the pouring rain, hands still cuffed in front of him and doesn't dare look back for fear of seeing flashlights in hot pursuit. The woods are reached easily enough and he hopes he is headed the right way. Ignoring the chill that creeps up his soaked skin he slows his pace.
"Balthier?"
The familiar voice warms the pirate's skin to the bone, he almost doesn't want to turn around for fear that Vaan won't really be there. A hand on his shoulder convinces him to turn, and he's overcome with a million different emotions at the sight of Vaan's face.
"You look horrible," Vaan states plainly as he examines the dozens of tiny cuts the pirate has earned from his flight, "Come on, the Strahl isn't far."
He wants to ask if the others are aboard but Vaan is already running, his hand still clutching Balthier's tightly. He's not sure how much further he can make it after a few minutes, he hasn't been eating well and sleep has been almost non existent the past few days. Just as he thinks he's going to pass out his beloved Strahl comes into view, and he breathes a sigh of relief and doubles his efforts.
Vaan supports most of the pirate's weight and he leads him slowly up the ramp and onto the ship.
"You've lost weight," the boy mutters as he gently lets the pirate slip into the co pilot's chair.
Balthier shrugs, "Can't be helped, are the others with you?"
Vaan smiles slightly, "No, I flew her all by myself."
"Better not have scratched her," the pirate jokes, "Where are we going?"
The boy shrugs and flips a few controls, "Right now were just gonna get off the ground and get you cleaned up."
"Sounds like a plan," he says, wondering what thoughts the boy seems so preoccupied with, "Why did you agree to come after me?"
Vaan bends down and wraps an arm around his waist, "Come on, you need a bath."
He doesn't argue. He lets the boy walk him gently down the hall and sit him down, watches with curious eyes as he turns on the faucet to let hot, steaming water fill the porcelain tub. As quickly as he'd turned away Vaan turns back, "We have to get those cuffs off, I'll be right back."
Balthier stares after him when he goes, unsure of what is even going on. He had more than hinted to Vaan that he loved him, and the boy's letters seemed to more than mirror his feelings. But neither of them had dared to say the words.
The boy appears suddenly and takes the pirate's sore wrists in his hands. It only takes seconds for him to pick the small lock and Balthier barely breathes as Vaan slowly rubs the blood back into the skin where the cuffs had been.
"Are you okay?" he asks suddenly overly worried about the boy.
Vaan looks away quickly, as if trying to hide his expression, "I'm fine. Why?"
"I just thought…you know…after what happened to you," he's surprised at how much anger still wells up in him at the thought of Vaan's rape.
The boy doesn't meet his gaze, "Just forget about that."
He starts to protest but Vaan's hands are already peeling away his soaked shirt. He tosses it aside and looks up at the pirate for the first time since removing the cuffs, "stand up."
Modesty aside Balthier stands, letting Vaan remove the rest of his clothing without argument. The hot water on his skin feels divine and he lets himself sink deeper into it, closing his eyes. Suddenly Vaan's hands are on him, gently rubbing soap across his chest and arms. He almost stops him, almost tells him he can bathe himself, but as his eyes open and meet Vaan's he is too lost for words. There is nothing he can say because the look in the boy's eyes answers the question that has been weighing on his heart. Yes, Vaan loved him.
He's not sure how he finds his hands in the boy's hair, his lips crashing against Vaan's tender skin but he doesn't stop to think about it. Water splashes onto the floor as he pulls the boy toward him.
"I love you," he dares to breathe into the boy's ear; "I'll never let anyone hurt you again."
Vaan's body tenses for the slightest second before melting into his arms, "I've always loved you Balthier. Since I first met you."
Vaan's clothes are gone in a matter of seconds once Balthier puts his hands to the task and he pulls the boy into the tub, water splashing everywhere unnoticed by them both. He is surprised Vaan is so willing after what's happened to him, but he can't focus on that. Not now. He rolls in the water until Vaan is under him, doe like eyes staring up at him with undying love as Balthier pushes into him.
He can't take his eyes off Vaan's as he makes love to him, can't look away for even one second. Lost in the miracle of what's happened, overwhelmed with how right this feels and how much he just fucking loves that damn boy.
He finally cries out as Vaan's seed hits his stomach, pushing into the boy with everything he has one last time.
He kisses Vaan's forehead before rising from the tub, "I need to eat."
Before he knows what's happening Vaan is dressed and headed out the door, "Just get dressed. I'll fix you something."
He can't tell if the boy is extremely happy, or upset. He dresses quickly, throwing his usual vest aside in exchange for comfort and heads to the ships kitchen. He needs to know what Vaan is thinking.
A steaming plate of food awaits him when he enters the kitchen, and he figures the boy must have had it ready and waiting for him before venturing out into the woods to find him. He doesn't know or care what is on the plate, the joy of a hot meal covering up any preferences he would have had towards a meal. He is half finished before he looks up to see Vaan watching him intently.
"Are you sure you're ok?" he asks, fork halfway to his mouth, "I didn't hurt you did I? Maybe it was too soon after…"
"It didn't happen Balthier," Vaan cuts him short; "I made it up."
Balthier doesn't understand, "What do you mean you made it up?"
Vaan turns away from him as he rises from the table, "I was never raped. I…I made it up…to…to see if you'd care."
The confession hits Balthier like a punch to the stomach and forces him to sit back down.
"Please say something."
The boy is staring at him again but he doesn't know what to say, "How…how could you lie to me like that? I got thrown into that hell hole because of this!"
Vaan's face is already wet with tears, "I know…Balthier please don't hate me…I'm so sorry."
The pirate feels sick to his stomach, the warm food he'd been so enjoying now trying to force its way back up his throat. He'd let Vayne rape him for this and now his head was spinning with betrayal.
"I just wanted you to love me," Vaan whimpers.
Balthier can't even look at him, no matter how the pain in the boy's voice tears at his heart. He wants to get up, run away and not look back, but his legs just won't move. Suddenly he's aware that he's crying and that he has a burning desire to hit the boy as hard as he possibly can.
"What can I do Balthier?" the boy pleads, "How can I fix this?"
He shakes his head, trying not to vomit, "I can't believe this?!" he screams, "Do you have any idea what I went through to get to you? How I've tortured myself for weeks because I couldn't save you!?"
Vaan doesn't say anything but attempts to lay a hand on his shoulder, which Balthier shrugs off without an upward glance, "Please don't touch me."
Vaan 's heart breaks but Balthier's is already broken, overwhelmed by the lies and feeling like he can no longer trust the love he thought he'd seen in the boy's eyes only moments before.
He's on his feet and headed for the cockpit before his mind even registers the thought, he just has to put as much distance between himself and Vaan as quickly as he can before he beats him within an inch of his life but the boy follows him, soft whimpers ripping the pieces of the pirate's heart from his chest.
"Shut the fuck up Vaan," he finally growls, "Don't you dare make me feel guilty right now!"
"I…I'm sorry."
But he can't stand it anymore, his heart in pieces, his head swimming and his hands shaking he turns the ship around.
"What are you doing?" Vaan exclaims, "You'll get caught! They'll send you back!"
"I know."
Nothing matters anymore.
Vaan wants to cling to Balthier as they cuff his hands and start to take him back but he doesn't dare touch him. It would hurt too much if he pushed him away again.
"Please don't hate me," he begs.
"I don't hate you Vaan. You've just broken my heart. That's all."
"I still love you though," the boy whispers.
Balthier stares at him, anger flaring in his eyes, "I know."
That's all he says as they take him away and the words cut through Vaan like a knife.
Morning comes and Balthier doesn't bother to strain against the restraints that bind him to his bed. He feels strangely empty now; suddenly being here in this hell comforts him. The hell he feels inside is raging full force and torments him times more than his current situation.
Vayne looks on with curiosity, but doesn't say anything, as if he only wants to observe. See how it all plays out. He doesn't know how many hours pass before he finds himself in front of the doctor again. This time he has no secrets to keep, this time he has nothing left to lose.
The doctor listens with patience, makes notes here and there and says nothing for a long time.
"Had you not run off Mr. Bununsa," he finally sighs, obviously unhappy with what he's about to say, "You would have already known that you're to be transferred to a smaller clinic. A halfway house really, where you'll have most of your freedom as long as you stay out of trouble. I don't think it is a good idea but I have to obey the courts and they've decided you don't belong here."
Balthier can't believe what he's hearing, but somehow he just doesn't care anymore. He's not so sure his freedom is even something he wants anymore…
End of Part One
There will be a part two to this fic, but as I'm sitting in a halfway house writing this I have no idea how this will play out. Obviously events have been distorted and others made up completely for effect, only one person I suppose knows which events are what, but I'd rather them not say…anyway they are probably too busy playing with the pieces of my heart that they broke to be reading this. As for the rest of you I hope you enjoyed this and please review, because all things aside this is still a fanfic. Love to you all my freaky little darlings. Grey.