Catrina stood on the battlements staring at the roof to the stables. It drove Blackwall crazy when she jumped down onto the roof to the barn, to the roof of the stables, and finally to the ground. His lectures usually started "My Lady if something happened to you, I don't know what I would do with myself, just use the stairs." The stairs took too long and she needed him, not Blackwall the gentle Grey Warden he had pretended to be, she needed Captain Thom Rainier. Was it possible to restore that man back into her lover?
Blackwall was exceptionally attentive in bed, her needs were always met. Sometimes he took his beard and rubbed it all down her body it was soft and light, it made her skin tingle as she remembered it. At night she enjoyed his body pressed against her body, his chest hair was soft as she stroked it with her fingers. But something was missing still, they had been together less than a year and it was amazing yet routine.
From the start of her relationship her friends made fun of her obsession with his body hair, but they did not know the magic that came with it. Before they became a couple she thought as the others did, he needed to tidy himself when at the keep. They had important guests from Orlais and often they made comments about the unkempt man at the barn.
Blackwall laughed at her for being so protective of him, she had suggested that he clean up his look, a bit worried that he would be hurt from the gossip. Instead he reminded Cat that he chopped wood and worked on small crafts in the barn most of the time and the he was happy with the nobles keeping their distance. Cat accepted that her Blackwall was a hard worker and he did not enjoy idle time
Cat realized the truth the night they made love for the first time. He hated to be dirty, he did not say it directly but he started kissing her and hinted at how he would hate to get her bed all dirty, and for her would like to bathe. That night they took a bath together, Blackwall's hair when clean was a lighter brown and softer than she had imagined. He washed every inch of his body but the woodsy smell of the fire he kept burning in the barn clung to his skin despite the soap.
He left the tub an entirely different person. He seemed lighter and able breath in a way he could not normally. Cat had never felt as cherished as she did with him, they made love several times throughout the night and by the morning her body protested as she woke and sat up to watch Blackwall getting ready for the day.
Blackwall washed up again, but only what could not be seen with the exception of his beard, something he did several times the night before, and was definitely needed after all the time it spent teasing between her legs. The surprise came as she was sitting back against her head board Blackwall took a bit of oil and rubbed it through his hair. Cat wanted to stop him she watched as he covered up his beautiful hair with the oil and then roughed it up. Her questions about this routine brought out the answer that it did not move around as much with the oil in it and he liked the shape it gave to his beard.
Cat thought about all the nights he went off after most of the people in camp slept and came back and went to sleep in his tent. She has asked about those times as well and he said he enjoyed the quiet at night and went out to pray. Blackwall was not overly religious but like many at Skyhold held some belief in the Maker, but she believed him because she also liked to go off alone and sometimes she also prayed. Cat had been destined for the Chantry before the events of the Conclave. She believed in the Maker, but she was also relieved she was no longer expected to join a cloister.
"Inquisitor what are you doing out here?" Cullen asked from her left and she snapped out of her thoughts.
"Nothing, I just enjoy the air up here," Cat said as she looked at the beautiful blonde Commander. For a while she had tried to woo him, but he seemed so focused on work she did not want to distract him. At least that was the excuse she told the others, in truth he had shot her down and he never set the record straight.
"How are things between you and Rainier?" Cullen asked, his tone forced light but she understood what he was really asking, was it too late for him to have a chance?
Cat sighed and tried to find a response to hide her frustration, in another life she would have chosen Cullen. She pictured herself pressed against his chest, so different from Blackwall, his confidence rolled off him masculine and sure. A giggle escaped as she pictured the controlled Templar wiping everything off his desk and taking her right there, for the right lucky woman he would do that Cat decided.
Looking at Cullen, his face betraying his attraction, Cat sobered herself and remembered the day she found out Blackwall's secret. Cullen had come with her to find out why Blackwall had run off. After she talked with the now Thom Rainier to find out his side of the situation she returned to the entrance of the prison where Cullen pulled her into his arms and let her cry against his chest, "What do you want to do?" He asked as he lifted Cat's chin and wiped her tears with his gloved hands.
"Save him, I cannot lose him." Had been her response, Cullen acted swiftly with Josephine's help, and while it had cost the Inquisition a favor or two, Thom Rainier was a free man. Cullen had stayed away from her after, he would talk if approached but usually found a reason to dismiss her or leave himself, Cat felt the loss of his friendship and it hurt that she did not have a way to mend the rift as she did the holes in the sky.
"I am sorry Cullen, I love him." She said and turned away unable to handle the look of disappointment that washed over Cullen's face.
"I should have acted before, when we first got to Skyhold you came to me and wanted to talk, but I asked that you come back later, I was too ashamed that I could not focus because of the Lyrium I turned you away lost in my pain," Cullen's voice soft despite the emotion behind his words.
"I had hoped, I wanted, but now..." Catrina wiped her eyes, blast it she cried too easy.
"I am sorry, I should have accepted your obvious choice without putting you on the spot," Cullen turned away.
"Cullen, please when you are ready I miss playing chess with you." Cat admitted.
"Is he a good man, behind the secrets and lies, when you are alone is he worthy of you?" Cullen asked facing away she almost did not hear him.
"More than I can explain, he grieves daily for his mistakes, even now that he has been set free he punishes himself. He has paid for his crimes Cullen, he deserves peace." Cat said passionately.
"Then I will try for your sake to find the man you see in him." Cullen walked away with his head slumped and he rubbed at the back of his neck.
Catrina had enough of the battlements, with a smile she jumped down one roof at a time. She laughed as she did a backflip from the barn roof to the stable roof and then landed safely on the ground. She had been a daring child and heights never scared her. She learned how to shoot a bow while doing backflips and enjoyed the shocked gasp that fell over a crowd when she hit a bull's eye doing that trick.
Going to Blackwall she realized that he would never be Thom dressed as he was now, the confident soldier ready to lead. She wanted to get to know Thom now more than ever, the man under the oiled hair and sullen eyes. Cat put a hand on his shoulder as he spoke. "What did Cullen want?" He asked never taking his eyes off the fire he had built.
"Blackwall, have I done something to make you distrust me?" Cat questioned back.
"Never my lady, it is not your honor in question." Blackwall sighed and stood up.
"Cullen has never done anything to make me question his honor." Catrina tried to understand Blackwall's mood.
"No, he has not I fear the day you realize that he is the one you should have chosen." Blackwall's already deep voice seemed to tremble.
"My Darling, you know how much I love you, how do I help you put your fears away for good." Catrina circled Blackwall and put her hand on his cheek. He flinched as her clean hand touched his dirty beard.
"I am unworthy of your love, but I am not strong enough to let you go." Blackwall stood and pulled her into his arms and kissed her gentle and undemanding.
"Come to my room tonight, I am going to have the biggest hottest bath sent up there, I find I am in need of a long soak." Cat said as she reached down and stroked him through his clothing.
Blackwall blushed and leaned down, this time his kiss was more demanding and Cat trembled as he pulled her closer cupping her behind with a squeeze. "Wild druffalo would not keep me away My Lady."
With a smile on her face Cat said goodbye and walked away trying to consider who to ask for help with her problems and remembered that both Josie and Leliana had spent time as bards in their youth. Josie did not remember that time with fondness so Leliana it was. She took the long walk to Leliana's desk to find her at a small shrine she had installed near her desk.
"Leliana, may I bother you with some personal advice?" Cat hated to interrupt but had learned that the devout redhead prayed as much as she able when not busy with work, one time she waited for hours for Leliana to look up.
"Inquisitor, by all means is everything ok?" Leliana asked concerned.
"I am fine, could we go out on the balcony, I find I am a bit embarrassed to ask what I came to ask in front of so many people." Cat blushed as Leliana laughed.
"Okay Cat, spill it." Leliana said as soon as they closed the door to the circular tower.
"Thom, I want to be with Thom." Catrina admitted. "Sometimes I see Blackwall and he is so broken, so ashamed and I want to hold him until he is fixed."
"Blackwall is Thom," Leliana said confused.
"Blackwall is a shell of Thom," Cat said in frustration, "when Blackwall kisses me it the kiss of a man begging for love, love I give freely and without hesitation. When Thom kisses me my body responds differently, he demands my attention."
"So tell him." Leliana said, "You know what you want, why come to me for help?"
"How do you tell a man that is just waiting for me to leave him for Cullen that I want to be with the part of him that he is ashamed of." Cat hung her head in frustration. "The man that lead an army before he ordered his men to kill that family is still there, how do I help him find that man again?"
"Are you sure you want that? He let greed cloud his judgement before, who is to say he won't again." Leliana asked and Cat slumped against the handrail.
"Any of us are capable of greed, look at the gold and power we have, does it not tempt you to use it to get what you want? Blackwall pointed out that I was a criminal for using favors to have him set free, Maker help me I would again and again. He deserves to be happy again Leliana, to live and find out if he learned anything from his mistakes." Cat argued in his defense.
"I agree, he is a good man with the exception of that one report he was considered a good officer. What is it that you expect I can help with?" Leliana asked pushing back a strand of her red hair as it danced in the breeze.
"You said that when you trained as a bard you learned how to break down a person's defenses but in a way that made them want to give you the information. I need to do that, but instead of breaking them down I need to put them back together." Catrina explained with more confidence now that Leliana seemed to be listening in earnest.
"I may I know a way, let me talk about this with Josie, she does not like to dwell on the past, but she does not mind if I bring it up with her alone at night. Did I ever thank you for restoring her family name?" Leliana questioned.
"No, but Josephine is so lovely and kind that I would do it all again. You really love her don't you?" Cat observed as Leliana's face softened.
"She is my best friend other than the Hero of Fereldan, Queen Hope was like you, never one to be pressed into a corner or overlooked. Even when she tried to stay on the sidelines she was dragged into the middle of things. Yes I love Josie, like with Queen Hope, I do not know if it will last. She fell so in love with King Alistair no one else could compete, that may happen here too, never mind that. Come back tomorrow, I will come up with a plan by then." With that Leliana turned and went back inside and Catrina left knowing that she would get no more information until Leliana was ready to give it.
It was getting dark, slowly she made her way to her room only stopping to order a bath, a tray of food be brought to her room, and to stop and give her best friend, Dorian, a kiss on his cheek. His face lit up like sunshine as she pulled his head down and whispered that he was the sexiest man in that tower. She laughed as he acknowledged the wisdom held in those words. She had not asked his advice only because Blackwall and he had just recently formed a truce and it was much too personal. Dorian would most likely recommend wine as the answer anyway.
Climbing the stairs to her room she heard the commotion of the servants setting up the bath. She hoped that tonight the simple bath and clean sheets would lift Blackwall's mood. She hoped that she would sleep through the part where he covered Thom back up in the morning, she so enjoyed Blackwall being washed off him at night.