I started writing this in October and then took a break for NaNoWriMo and Nemesis... I just felt like visiting this story again. I think if I start posting it, I'll finish writing it.
Over the last month and a half, Buck found himself withdrawing more and more. Ike was dead and he didn't know what to do without him. He didn't have as much in common with the rest of the riders anymore. He didn't know how to talk to them and they didn't know how to talk to him either. The war talk was getting closer, it seemed like everyone was taking sides. He felt isolated. He wasn't eating or sleeping well and nobody seemed to care anymore. The others had seemed to have written him off. He didn't even go into town much anymore. He mostly stayed at the station and spent most of his time in the barn. The others were all wrapped up in their own lives and troubles. They had all forgotten him.
He missed Ike. No matter what was going on, Buck could always talk to Ike. That wasn't true anymore. It seemed like the others didn't want to upset Buck, so they didn't talk to him at all. They used to just watch him and wait for him to get over Ike. When he didn't, they stopped watching him. Buck was lonely, but at the same time he didn't want the attention of the other riders. They all looked at him with pity. He didn't need their pity.
Buck was quietly sitting on a hay bale in the barn fixing his bridle when the barn door suddenly broke open. Kid entered looking angrier than Buck had ever seen him. Jimmy followed him in looking the same. Buck moved behind a stall out of view.
"Jimmy, why don't you give it a rest already," Kid said dismissively as if he was tired of the same old fight.
"No Kid, not until we have this out. We have been heading towards this for a long time now and the only way we're gonna get passed it is to have it out." Jimmy emphatically explained.
Buck pursed his lips. He felt trapped. He had seen this confrontation coming weeks ago. All the riders had. There wasn't a way for him to escape without being noticed and he didn't want to get into the middle of this fight or interrupt it. Jimmy was right the only way they were going to get passed their issues was to fight it out and move on. There was only one thing to do…stay out of the way.
"Jimmy, I just want you to stay out of my personal life! What goes on between me and Lou- is between me and Lou. I wish you would just let it be," Kid said exasperated.
"I'm sorry Kid, but she's my friend and I care about her. She rode out of here yesterday looking like she lost her best friend. Now why is that Kid?" He challenged.
"Jimmy, I ain't gonna tell you again, now stay out of it!" Kid's hands began to ball into fists. He was ready and Jimmy had this coming.
"No Kid, I swore that anyone who hurt Lou would have to answer to me. Well you hurt her…" Jimmy started to explain as Kid's right fist connected with Jimmy's jaw.
That seemed to be all the encouragement Jimmy needed as he plowed his shoulder into Kid's midsection dropping them both to the ground. The fighting was ferocious and soon the horses were getting restless as Jimmy and Kid threw each other into the stalls and back on the ground. The violence only seemed to increase and Buck started to get concerned that he would have to break up this fight, when suddenly everything stopped. Buck looked around the corner and saw that Jimmy had drawn down on Kid. Buck held his breath and started to rise from his hiding place. This was bad.
Kid was standing slouched over with his hands on his knees. "What are you gonna do Jimmy? Shoot me 'cause Lou and me had a fight? Kid asked. He looked exhausted, like he just wanted this to be over. Buck was pretty sure if Jimmy hadn't drawn on him, Kid would have knocked him out with his next punch.
Jimmy started to get up off the ground and that was the opening Kid had been waiting for. He kicked the gun from Jimmy's hand. As he did, the gun went off and spun across the floor.
Buck was about to say something when he felt an intense pain rip through his side. He looked down at his belly as the blood started to spread. His friends had just shot him. His eyes widened and a sense of sadness crept over him. There was a ringing in his ears and his vision started to tunnel. He crumpled to the ground and let the darkness overtake him.
If Kid and Jimmy had heard something in the back of the barn neither acknowledged it. They were hell bent on beating the tar out of each other. Their focus was singular.
The sound of a gunshot from the barn had Teaspoon, Cody and Noah running. Teaspoon drew his pistol and took in the scene. There in the middle of the floor were two of his riders engaged in a fight, which to Teaspoon, looked like it was to the death.
"What in tar nation is going on here?" He yelled as he re-holstered his gun and getting both of their attentions as Cody and Noah pulled Kid and Jimmy apart. "You boys know better than to fire guns in the barn." Teaspoon looked around at the horses from where he stood and none of them seemed to be hurt. "You could have hurt yourselves or one of the animals in here."
"Sorry Teaspoon." Jimmy and Kid both said quietly.
"We'll discuss this in the sweat lodge boys." Teaspoon ordered. There was no way he was going to let this alone now. He was hoping that Kid and Jimmy would sort this out on their own, but with guns being drawn he needed to get involved. "Now get going. Those rocks ain't gonna heat themselves."
Buck started to come to at the sound of the barn door closing. He tried to sit up, but between the pain and the dizziness, it was too hard. He felt like he had been run over by a stampeding horse. Slowly, he moved his hand to his side. It was so tender and wet. He pulled his hand up to his face to see the blood he knew must be there. His hand was covered. This was not good. He knew he needed to stop the bleeding and judging by the pain in his rib cage, he suspected that his ribs were injured too.
The barn was silent. Jimmy and Kid must be gone, he thought. They didn't hear him. They didn't find him. Nobody knew he was there. He needed help. He tried to call out, though all he could do was moan softly. He was starting to panic. His breathing started to speed up and he was going into shock.
He started to think about Ike. Ike would have noticed that he was unaccounted for. Ike would have found him. Ike…Buck looked down at his shirt and wondered if Ike felt the same pain that he felt now. It had only been a month since Ike had been killed. Had it hurt Ike this much, or did it hurt him more?
Buck knew if he was going to live he needed to get to the bunkhouse. Rachel and Teaspoon were there and they would help him. Buck gripped the stall boards in front of him hoping they would help him. The blood loss made him dizzy and he slipped into blissful unconsciousness again as he fell back to the floor.
Jimmy arranged some firewood outside the lodge and set them it on fire while Kid gathered the rocks from inside.
"Kid, I …," Jimmy started.
"I don't want to talk about it, Jimmy," Kid said setting rocks in the fire. "I just want to be left alone. Can you do that, Jimmy?"
"I just don't want to see Lou hurt is all."
"Jimmy, we had a disagreement. We're always going to have those. It is part being in a relationship. I'm not proud of what I did and said to Lou, but that is none of your business. It just isn't. I will work things out with Lou when she gets back from her run. I don't want or need your advice or approval."
Jimmy looked at him with a stony stare.
"Come on, Jimmy. I don't want to hurt Lou either; it is the last thing I want. I'm gonna make it up to her when she gets back. I just need you to back off and let us have some space. Lou don't like to be crowded and neither do I."
"Boys, you got them rocks hot yet?" Teaspoon asked arriving at the lodge. "Jimmy, why don't you get some water from the creek?"
Jimmy rose from the ground with a bucket in his hand and wandered off toward the creek.
"You wanna tell me what's going on, Kid?" Teaspoon asked gently.
"Lou and I had an argument before she left on her run. Jimmy saw the tail end of it and decided it was his place to interfere."
"What'd you and Lou fight about?"
"Same old stuff, Teaspoon, I wanted her to be more careful and she wanted me to be less concerned. It was different this time though. I said a few things at the end that I didn't mean."
"Like what?"
"I told her I didn't know if I could keep worrying about her like this anymore. I didn't know if I could keep putting my heart out there to be crushed like that anymore. At the time I was just tired, but she galloped away before I could explain." Kid let out a big sigh. "The look on her face Teaspoon, I think she thought I was breaking up with her. She looked so hurt."
"What did you mean to say, Kid?" Teaspoon prodded.
"Aw, Teaspoon, I just want to not worry about her when she's gone. She doesn't need to prove anything to me, she never needed to. I guess I keep seeing her trying to and I just want her to know that I trust her and she doesn't need to take unnecessary chances to test me."
"Kid, did you ever stop to think that maybe she wasn't trying to prove herself to any of you boys anymore. That she was trying to prove something to herself?"
Kid drew in a breath as if he had been punched. "I guess I have been pretty wrapped up in only seeing my side of this, huh?"
"It's human nature, Kid. Now, take these rocks back inside and start getting ready."
Kid grabbed some thick leather gloves and removed the hot rocks from the fire. He brought them into the lodge just as Jimmy returned from the creek with a bucket of water.
"Jimmy, I want to talk to you before we go on in there," Teaspoon said.
"Come on, Teaspoon, can't we just hash it out in there?"
"Now, Jimmy, I want to know where your head is at before we go in. Why are you trying to come between the Kid and Lou?"
"I'm not, Teaspoon. Lou made her choice. I just want to make sure she's happy."
"You know picking fights with Kid ain't the way to go about it?"
Jimmy sighed. "I didn't like the look on her face when she left, Teaspoon. She looked like her heart was broken."
"Do you think Lou is gonna thank you for fighting her battles for her?"
Jimmy smiled. "Probably not. She'll probably be pretty angry with me."
"Come on, Jimmy," Teaspoon said in a higher pitched voice, "Let's sweat."
Teaspoon, Kid, and Jimmy sat in silence in the close confines of the sweat lodge. Both Kid and Jimmy had a lot on their minds after speaking to Teaspoon. That was alright with the station master. He liked the silence and he liked that his riders were thinking instead of fighting.
The rocks had cooled and Teaspoon was pretty sure the rest of the night would go smoothly. "Come on, boys, let's go up to the house Rachel should have supper on soon."
Buck was sweating. It was a sure sign his situation was worsening. He felt weak, but he needed to get to the bunkhouse. He crawled along the floor of the barn trying to get closer to the door.
It was dark out now; Lou should be coming back from her run soon. She left just after lunch and it was a pretty short run. He could see Lightning's stall was still empty. If he could get near the stall, Lou would find him. There was pain in his side every time he moved. He could also feel his wound start to bleed again.
Buck was starting to lose hope. He was betting everything on Lou finding him. The evening breeze was blowing in from beneath the barn door and Buck was suddenly very cold. All he could do was lay there and hope Lou found him soon.
Rachel was putting the roast on the table as Kid and Jimmy came into the bunkhouse. Her smile turned to a frown as she looked at the states of their faces. They were bruised and a little bloodied. "What happened to you two? She asked rhetorically with more than a hint of anger. She turned to grab a basket full of biscuits not waiting for any sort of answer.
Cody and Noah were already seated at the table. Cody stole a biscuit as the basket passed in front of him.
"Something smells good, Rachel," Teaspoon commented as he opened the door.
As she turned back toward the table, she noticed an empty chair and asked, "Where's Buck?"
"Oh, come on, Rachel," Cody complained, "He's probably just dodging dinner again."
Lou was just riding in to the station and saw Jimmy and Kid walk into the bunkhouse for dinner. She was dreading coming home. She and Kid had had a terrible fight right before she left on her run. She didn't know if she could still be friends with Kid and it was tearing her up inside. Her emotions were just too jumbled and both Jimmy and Kid's over-protectiveness was starting to drive her over the edge. She loved them both, but kept thinking that she needed a vacation from the constant pressure they put her under. She wanted to feel like a protector. She wanted to be needed not protected. She needed to feel needed. Right now all she felt like was a trophy.
Lou started to feel a resolve to lay down the law once and for all. Kid and Jimmy weren't gonna know what hit 'em. She was going to draw boundaries and both of them would respect them whether they liked it or not.
All this anger she had inside her was making her hungry. If she hurried she could still get some supper. She opened the barn door. It was dark. She lit a lantern and started to cool down Lightening. She walked over to get some hay for her horse when she tripped over something and fell to the floor.
"Surely one of you boys has seen him today?" Rachel queried putting her hand on her hip quickly losing her patience.
"Aw, Rachel. I haven't seen Buck since early this afternoon. But you know how moody he has been lately about Ike an all." Cody answered hoping that supper wasn't going to be held up because of something silly like Buck grabbing some alone time away from them.
"Last I saw him he was headed to the barn. He said something about needing to fix his bridle before his next run. I haven't seen him since." Noah chimed in. "He knows where chow is at, he would be here if he were hungry." He reasoned.
"Well it's not like him not to tell me if he's planning on missing a meal." Rachel pouted.
"Did you say you saw him go into the barn?" Teaspoon asked looking at Noah and then shifting his attention to Jimmy and Kid. A look of alarm started to spread across his face. "Did you see him when you were fighting in there?" He demanded a sinking feeling starting in his stomach.
"TEASPOON! RACHEL! Somebody help me!" Lou cried from the barn door. Her hands were covered with blood and her eyes were full of tears. She ran back into the barn as she saw the bunkhouse door open and her makeshift family spill out and start running toward the barn.
Lou sat down next to Buck again and placed his head in her lap and gently started to stroke his hair. He was still breathing, but Lou was scared. "Hang on Buck." She pleaded as he started to shake.
"Lou! What is it!" Kid cried as he rushed into the barn followed closely by Jimmy, Noah, Cody and Teaspoon.
"Someone shot Buck." She whimpered
"Merciful God!" Teaspoon exclaimed. All the pieces fell into place. Jimmy and Kid did this, though now was not the time to deal with them. Right now he had to get this situation under control and get Buck the help he needed. "Noah, go get the doc. Cody get back to the bunkhouse and tell Rachel."
Jimmy fell to his knees as Kid staggered back in shock. What had they done?
" Jimmy! Kid! Boys, I need you with me." Teaspoon could see them pale as the truth dawned on them. "Boys we need to get Buck up to the house." Buck had been out here all alone for hours.
The riders started to move…dazed at first as the shock hit them and then they came back to their senses. Jimmy and Kid tread obediently over to where Buck lay. This was their fault and they knew it. How could they be so stupid and careless? Buck was their brother and they didn't even realize that he was in the barn. Their minds were focused on nothing but jealous rage and he had been hurt.
Jimmy knelt next to Buck and on seeing his pale face he turned away and started to retch. This was his fault. Sam warned him. Teaspoon warned him. Emma warned him. He was bound to hurt someone he cared about by living by the gun. Now he had. Buck had to make it. He just had to otherwise he couldn't live with himself. He slowly wiped his mouth on his sleeve and positioned himself to take Buck's shoulders as he saw Kid move to take Buck's legs.
Kid looked down at his friend. 'If I hadn't kicked the gun it wouldn't have gone off.' he thought. This was entirely his fault. Buck had to get better. They couldn't lose him. They just lost Ike and now Buck lay in the barn bleeding. How was Lou ever going to forgive them? Hell, how was he ever going to forgive himself?
Jimmy and Kid gently lifted Buck off the ground and started out for the house.
"Rachel!" Cody cried as Noah pealed out on his horse headed to get the doctor.
"What's wrong with Lou, Cody?" She asked worriedly.
"It's not Lou, Rachel," Cody informed her in a panic. "She found Buck in the barn…he's been shot."
"Oh my God," she gasped and turned away. "Kid and Jimmy were fighting in the barn and I heard a gun go off. They shot him, didn't they?" Rachel sat down letting the truth sink in. "But that was hours ago!"
Cody's feet seemed stuck to the floor. His face paled and he started to worry. He dodged some barn chores this afternoon, surely if he hadn't he would have found Buck.
"Come on Cody let's get to the house so I can get some water to boiling and I'll need your help with some bandages." Rachel ordered coming to her senses. She stood up and starting shaking her hands and pacing.
"How are they all going to survive this?" She whispered. She turned back to Cody. "They were fighting about Lou, weren't they?"
Cody looked at the floor. He didn't need to confirm it, Rachel knew as soon as she said it that it was true.
"Come on Cody," Rachel said as she put her arm around Cody's shoulder. "Let's open the door and clear a path to the sick room."
Cody looked up at her with his face pale. His crystal blue eyes were shining with unshed tears he was trying so desperately to keep to himself.
"It's gonna be alright," Rachel said. "It has to."
"Teaspoon? How do you think this happened?" Lou asked insistently as they walked toward the house. She could tell by Teaspoon's bearing that he had a suspicion or two on how this all happened.
"Oh Lou," he sighed and stopped walking, took his hat off and ran his hand through his hair. In that moment Lou thought she saw Teaspoon age ten years right before her eyes.
"I think it was a terrible accident," he said with his voice breaking, "A terrible, terrible accident. I just hope we can heal everyone."
"What do you mean?" She asked not sure that she really wanted to know the answer. "Who shot him?"
"Lou, I can't lie to you, but you need to put your feelings aside right now," Teaspoon said trying to keep control of the situation. "Jimmy and Kid did it, they were fighting in the barn and a gun went off, but they didn't know they hit Buck 'til you called us from the barn. It was a terrible accident."
"What were they fighting about Teaspoon? It was me wasn't it?" Lou asked in a raised voice already knowing the answer. She kicked the dirt. "I've had it Teaspoon. I've had it with both of them. I know they claim to care about me, but all they do is hurt me. Now they've hurt Buck too."
"I know, Lou," Teaspoon said while putting his arm around Lou's shoulder. "Let's get to the house and you can help Rachel with Buck while I sort Jimmy and Kid out."
"As long as you keep them away from me for a while Teaspoon," Lou pleaded. "I just can't deal with either of them right now. I need a break." She took off at a jog toward the house. Buck needed her.
"Lou, thank God you're here." Rachel said as Lou walked through the door.
Lou's eyes got wide as she took in the scene. There was so much blood on Buck's shirt and Cody was looking so pale.
"Cody, hold Buck up," Rachel ordered. "Lou, help me get his shirt off." Rachel could see she needed to keep Lou and Cody focused or they would lose their usefulness. She really hoped Noah would return with the doctor soon. She wasn't sure how long these two would last.
Rachel grabbed a rag from the table and dipped it in the warm water in the basin. She started to clean off the blood around Buck's wound. "There's an awful lot of dirt in here. He must have tried several times to get up."
Teaspoon looked at his boys. They all looked absolutely sick with both worry and guilt. Those were two emotions that would keep these boys up for most of the night. Cody and Lou were helping Rachel, but Kid and Jimmy looked so lost. They would only be in the way hovering around like they were.
"Kid, Jimmy, why don't you two come with me." Teaspoon stated. He wasn't really giving them a choice. Teaspoon walked over to the door of the house and held it open. Kid and Jimmy filed out and sat on the porch. Teaspoon joined them and they sat in tension filled silence waiting for the doctor to come by and patch Buck up.
Noah returned with the doctor a short time later and the doctor went immediately into the sick room. He and Rachel came out to the porch about an hour later.
"Well?" Teaspoon asked anxiously. "How is he?"
"Teaspoon, he's a lucky boy," The doctor said while unrolling his sleeves. "The bullet went clean through."
"That's good ain't it?" Teaspoon asked waiting for the bad news. The doctor did not look entirely relieved.
"He's also a not-so-lucky boy being that he lost a lot of blood he didn't need to. Was he really in the barn the whole time? Why didn't any of your riders find him sooner?"
Kid and Jimmy both looked at the ground guiltily while Lou just glared at them from the doorway. She let out a muffled harrumph of air and turned on her heels marching herself into the sick room to keep watch over Buck.
"He'll be unconscious for a few days," The doctor said. "He has a slight fever and you'll want to watch that so it don't get worse. I've left instructions with Mrs. Dunne." The doctor started to leave as an afterthought he mentioned, "If there are any problems you come get me straight away. Otherwise, I'll be back to check on him tomorrow."
Lou looked down at Buck. She had never seen him so pale or so vulnerable. He built walls around himself that he didn't let anyone penetrate, she suspected not even Ike. As she grabbed a damp cloth to mop his brow, she was stunned by how young he looked to her. He always seemed so much more mature than her and the other boys, but now looking at him as he slept; he seemed younger than them all. Maybe he was, she had never asked.
Lou tried to reassure herself that Buck would be alright. After all, Buck didn't get hurt or sick. He was practically indestructible. The only time she ever knew of him being sick was when Sweetwater succumbed to some rotted meat and half the town became ill. Buck had gone to Fort Laramie with some samples for the Army Surgeon so Doc Barnes could figure out what was causing everyone to get so sick. Sure, Buck got sick on the way back, but somehow managed to get better faster than anyone and bring back herbs to cure everyone else. Rachel, Cody and Teaspoon were laid up for days with the same illness, but not Buck. He got sick, got cured, and rode hell for leather back to Sweetwater in the course of one day.
She could only remember Buck taking a bullet only once before and that was three weeks ago. Buck had ridden out to clear his head shortly after Ike's death and came back with a bandaged arm, and a lady with a baby. The wound wasn't even that bad. Jimmy on the other hand was riddled with holes. That boy couldn't come back from the outhouse without a bullet wound.
Kid told her about what Buck went through at the hands of the Kiowa when Ike was captured. She almost didn't believe him. Buck had come back a little tired but jumped right back into the express routine. If say, Cody had be put through what Kid said Buck had been through, Cody would have taken a week or two off to recover.
Buck didn't seem to require a lot of sleep. Lou lost count on the number of times Buck had snuck out in the middle of the night. Maybe it was all catching up to him now.
Everyone knew he didn't need to eat much. Lou laughed to herself. That was his 'tell.' When he was troubled, he didn't eat. He may not talk about what was troubling him…but if you were a keen observer, you would always know when things were bothering him. His appetite went first. Come to think of it Buck wasn't eating much lately. He was eating a little more than he did before he came back with the lady and her baby, but not much. How could they not see what was going on with Buck.
Since Lou was angry at Kid and Jimmy right now, she decided that she was going to make Buck's happiness her mission. She was going to start by finding Buck a girlfriend. Lou didn't understand why Buck was so shunned by people especially women. He really was strikingly handsome. How could anyone not want to get to know him? Not want to see him smile? Not want be his friend? When he got better, that was going to change.