Starting Over

By: I don't own any of the characters. The characters and stuff belong the writers and creators of Buffy and Angel

Pg-13-16

Willow/Spike w/ some Willow/Angel

Spoilers: Buffy - End of S5 and S6 Angel - S3

Summary: What if Buffy wasn't the one to die at the end of Season 5? How would that change the story?

A/N: I did use stuff from the series so you will probably recognize it when it pops up. Tara and Willow never went out but knew each other.

Part 1

She may as well have not even opened her eyes because when she did it was completely black. Even when her eyes adjusted it wasn't much better. When she tried to move she felt an arm slung across her stomach. She groaned when she moved and the arm tightened. She knew that she wasn't strong enough to pry it away. She hated him being stronger than her. She tried one more time, hearing a growl as the arm tightened even more.

"I have to go." She whispered

"No you don't." he answered

"I was out all night. They'll be worried." She reasoned moving around.

"They don't care." He mumbled into her shoulder.

Spike regretted saying that as Willow froze. He released his hold on her and Willow sat up. "That was harsh." She barely said.

"Harsh…but true"

"No its not"

"Think what you want red." Spike lightly grabbed her wrist. "Just look at their actions."

"They're confused."

"Shouldn't you be the one they say is confused?"

"Let me go Spike. I want to leave."

Spike let her go. "Fine, whatever, you'll be back tonight."

Willow didn't bother to correct him. As much as she wanted to she always came back to him. It's been the same for the last month. Willow got up and dressed and left the crypt. Spike closed his eyes and fell back asleep when he heard the door close.

When Willow left the crypt the sun was just rising. It was still dark enough for vampires to be out so she pulled out her stake. It was a good thing too because that's when a vamp decided to cross her path.

"You seem to be out a little late." Willow quipped. "Isn't your mother going to worry?"

"I don't think so," Replied the vamp "I killed her last week." He smiled.

"How sweet" Willow said as the vamp attacked her.

The vampire was a weak one so Willow was able to stake it fairly quick. She dusted herself off and headed home. She arrived home just as the sun appeared over the horizon. She took a deep breath and opened the quietly. She walked inside and went up to her room careful not to wake Buffy of Dawn. She changed into her pajamas and sat on her bed. She didn't think she was tired, but before she knew it she fell back asleep.

Willow opened her eyes to the sound of voices in the hallway. She got out of bed and opened her door.

"Hey sleepy," Buffy smiled "We weren't sure if you would join us today."

"What do you mean?" Willow asked

"It's almost one in the afternoon." Dawn laughed.

"I guess I was more tired than I thought. I'll go get dressed.

"Meet us downstairs for lunch when you're done." Willow heard Buffy call to her before closing the door.

The rest of the day went by uneventfully. Willow was mostly on her computer. That's where she was now and was glad for the distraction as Dawn entered the room.

"Hey, we're heading over to the Magic Box. Do you want to come?" She asked hopefully. "They'll be pizza."

Willow smiled and began to shut down her computer. "You can be very persuasive, Miss Summers."

A few hours later the gang was sitting at the table researching the latest demon. Willow was sitting in front of her computer pretending to search. The truth was she was trying, she just couldn't. All the magic supplies around her was taunting her. Ever since she came back she was weak. A simple locator spell knocked her out.

3 Months Ago

"Do you have the supplies needed, Willow?" Giles asked

"Yup, it's all here. Here we go." Willow said as she located the demon.

Once it was complete Buffy and Spike went to get some weapons to fight with. Xander was about to get up when he noticed Willow didn't look so good.

"Are you okay, Wills?" He asked concerned. Spike and Buffy heard this and came back to Willow. "You don't look so good."

"Yeah, I'm fine. It was just the first spell in awhile." Willow said standing.

That's when a wave of dizziness came over her. The last thing she remembered was looking up and Xander, Buffy, and Spike's concerned faces. When she awoke she was on the couch in the training room.

"She's coming to." A voice said. "Are you okay Willow?" Willow recognized the voice of Buffy.

"Have some water." Anya said putting glass in front of her face.

Willow sat up and took the glass. "Thank you. I think I'm fine now." Willow said with a weak, fake smile. Everybody noticed it.

"Maybe it was just too much too soon." Giles said cleaning his glasses.

Present

Willow came back from her daydream when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She looked up and saw Spike looking down at her. "Watcher wants us to get something from downstairs."

Willow stared at him for a moment before getting up and following him downstairs. "Alright" She said quietly, still in a slight daze.

"What were you thinking about?" Spike asked as they walked downstairs.

"Nothing…just spaced out." Willow lied

"That was some nothing pet." Spike said looking at her. "What…"

Willow cut him off. "What are we looking for?"

Spike took the hint and answered. "Demons of the 17th Century." He was more interested in something else anyway.

Willow smiled as she looked at the table. "That was easy." She said picking up the book. She gasped when Spike knocked the book out of her hand and pushed her against the wall. "Spike…Spike not here." She tried as she pushed him away, but couldn't. "Spike…there right upstairs."

"You want this as much as I do." Spike said against her neck. "You were remembering. You need this."

"I…I…oh God"

"We were beginning to worry." Buffy said when Willow and Spike returned.

"The book wasn't easy to find." Spike said moving back to the table.

Buffy looked to Willow, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just a little tired." Willow smiled, trying to look normal.

"Are you getting sick?" Dawn asked. "You slept pretty late today."

"I'm fine. I just was up late last night."

"What were you doing?" The question came from Spike.

Willow glared at Spike before answering. "I was playing on the computer…email and stuff."

"I hate to sound parental, Will." Xander said, "But maybe you should spend less time on that thing."

"Yes dad," she said sarcastically. "I'll start now. I'm gonna head out."

"Do you want me to come with?" Buffy asked

"No, you and Spike…" She made sure to include Spike. "…need to patrol."

"If you're sure; do you mind if Dawn goes with you?"

"If she must" Willow said in mock annoyance.

"You're funny Willow." Dawn said heading to the door.

Willow sat on her bed a little while later staring at Amy walking around in her cage. She realized that less than a year ago she could have changed Amy back. She was strong enough.

A lot was different a year ago. She was still in school. Dawn was the key and was in danger. Glory was just a name without a face. She thought she was hitting it off with a new guy in her art history class. Buffy was getting over Riley. It was the norm in Sunnydale. A year ago Willow didn't know what it was like to crawl out of a grave…her grave.

Ever since then Willow has been confused, depressed, and lonely. She came back from the dead and couldn't figure out why the feeling of death hasn't left her body.

7 Months Ago

"The blood flows, the gates will open. The gates will close when it flows no more." Giles read again at Buffy's insistence. He took off his glasses. "When Dawn is dead."

Before anyone, Xander asked. "Why blood; why Dawn's blood?"

"Cause it's always got to be blood." Spike said

"We're not actually talking about dinner right now." Xander snapped back.

Spike began again. "Blood is life, lack brain. Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps you going. Makes you warm, makes you hard, and makes you other than dead." Getting quiet Spike finished, "Course it's her blood."

"Why Dawns blood?" Anya wondered out loud.

"Because she has my blood; my blood is the only that comes close to that kind of power." Buffy looked down. "Because she's my sister"

"She's not your sister." Giles whispered.

"No, she's not. She's more than that. She's me. The monks made her out of me. I hold her…and I feel closer to her than…Its not just memories they built. It's physical. Dawn…is a part of me. The only part that I…"

"We'll solve this. We will." Willow spoke for the first time. "Don't have another coma, okay?"

"Did you do the locator spell?" Buffy asked Willow

"Yeah, I got it." Willow answered nervously. "Did I mention I'm not good under pressure?"

"I need you Will. You're my big gun." Buffy said. "You're the strongest person here." She stressed. "You know that right?"

"Well…no"

"Will, you're the only person to hurt Glory. At all"

Everyone was split up. Willow's mind mojo on Glory threw her back and knocked her out. Buffy was fighting with Glory. Spike, Giles, Xander, and Anya were all over fighting minions. Dawn was up on the tower watching the fight and calling for help.

Spike, Giles, Xander, and Anya all came back together behind a wall and began throwing bricks at the minions.

"Where's Willow?" Xander asked between throws

Giles was about to answer when a voice popped up behind them. "I'm right here. Spike, is someone up there with Dawn?"

Spike looked up. "Yeah, but I can't tell who."

Willow turned to Giles, Xander and Anya. "You three stay here; Spike and I are going up."

"Okay, Will, but there are minions…" the minions flew to the side, "not in your way." Xander finished.

Spike and Willow took there chance and ran up to the tower.

"Well look who finally decided to join us." Doc said

"Willow! Spike!" Dawn screamed

"It's okay Dawn. It's almost over." Willow smiled at Dawn.

"Yes, it is." Doc agreed.

He started to go toward Dawn again but Spike grabbed him and threw him back. As they started fighting, Willow went to Dawn and began working on the ropes. Willow was almost done when Dawn screamed Spikes name. Willow turned in time to see Spike's pained expression before being thrown off the side of the building. Doc still had the knife in his hand and began advancing on Willow and Dawn. Willow stood in front of Dawn trying to think of a way to get out of there. The spell she did took a lot out of her and she got a little beat up fighting the minions.

"You're the strongest person here."

Willow saw the knife come at her, but she blocked it by grabbing Docs arm. Doc was pushing it down and Willow was trying to hold it up as Dawn worked on releasing herself from the last tie on her wrist.

"You're the only person to hurt Glory."

Willow figured out what she had to do. She wouldn't let Dawn go through this at such a young age. Releasing her grip on Doc's arm, she let him bring the knife down on her. It sliced deep in her arm and Willow cried out in pain.

The three on the tower looked down as Willows blood stopped in midair and exploded into a bright flash.

The portal began to open.

"Well, isn't that something, something very much unexpected." Doc said. "I guess my work is done here."

He turned to leave but he was suddenly pushed off the side. Willow looked to see Spike standing there. "I'm so sorry." He whispered

It was quiet for a moment before Dawn said, "I have to jump."

"No, you don't." Willow said softly with a smile.

"We'll find another way, nibblet." Spike said pulling her towards the stairs.

"It's the only way Spike." She said desperately.

"There has to be another way." Spike insisted

"There's not" Willow spoke up.

"Willow…I'm scared." Dawn said crying

Willow smiled at Dawn. "Why? You have your life to live Dawn. We are all here for a reason. This isn't yours. Nobody knows yours yet."

"How can you be so calm?" Spike asked

"This is what I'm meant to do. I just know it." Willow insisted.

"The portals open." Dawn said

"But not by your blood."

Realization hit Dawn. "No…no…I won't let you." Dawn said holding Willows arm tighter than either thought possible. "Why"

"The portal needed blood as strong as a God…a slayer. Guess what? Mine is that strong." Willow answered

"No" Both Dawn and Spike said.

"Go" Willow said calmly. She turned to Dawn. "Live your life. You're young. Tell everyone that I love them. Tell Buffy to keep slaying her best. Tell Giles that I love him like a father. Tell Xander and Anya that if and when they marry…I'll be there." Willow finished.

"Willow…no" Dawn whimpered

"Aw, Dawnie, just go and live; for me." Willow pulled the teenager into her arms and gave her a hug. She then turned to Spike and hugged him. "Take care of them all." She said into his ear. "Let go, Spike" she said when he wouldn't let her go.

Both Dawn and Spike watched with tears in their eyes as Willow turned and ran off the edge of the ramp.

When they got to the bottom they saw the battered up slayer and Scooby gang staring at the broken body of Willow Rosenberg.

Present

Willow opened her eyes and found she was staring at the ceiling.

"Must have been some dream." Spike said from the window. He threw his cigarette down below and sat on the windowsill. "You were movin and mumblin a lot. Couldn't understand a word you were saying. What was it about, pet?"

"That night" Willow said simply

Spike was a little shocked at how easy it was to get an answer from her. He would usually have to wait longer to get her to talk. He was about to go to Willow when she came to the window and climbed out. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked. He knew what night she was referring to.

Willow didn't answer him. She just sat down and rested her head on his shoulder when he sat next to her. He put his arm around her shoulder and rubbed her arm.

They sat like that for awhile before Willow got up. "I should get inside. I need to sleep." Spike nodded. "I can't talk about it." Willow whispered.

"I understand. I was never there myself, but I heard Hell is an awful place. I'll probably figure that out someday."

Willow gave a small, sad smile. "I can't talk about Hell, because…because I was never there." Willow saw the confused look on Spike's face. "I was in Heaven." She whispered.

"What?"

"They can never know."

"Willow…"

"I'm dealing Spike, I am." Willow said before climbing in the window.

"Not very well though"

"I'm dealing…living. That's all that matters."

"You may be dealing, but your not living, Willow. You need someone."

"Your right, I do need someone. Do you know anyone who recently came back from eternal bliss?" Willow waited. "I didn't think so."

Spike watched as the window closed. He didn't know what else to do. Willow was in Heaven. Her friends didn't save her from an eternity of torment. They ripped her out of eternal happiness.

TBC…