Humming to themself, the newsagent sorted out the papers, preparing them for the young boy coming to collect them soon. The title of the front page's story stood out to them as they placed them in a pile. Mysterious series of murders occur in London, police have yet to apprehend the criminal, but Detective G Makara says he is close to finding the truth of the incidents.
They shivered, there was enough crime in London without murders, luckily they had the police... Detective Makara was one of the best, along with his two underlings, or so everyone called them, Constables K Vantas and T Nitram.
Oh? What was this off the side? The noble family of Ampora to marry youngest son to a foreign princess? How interesting. How old was the youngest son again? Surely he was only 17?
The shop bell rang, indicating the paper boy's arrival.
"You're here early kiddo... But nevermind. Just take your- oh." They turned around to see not a ten year old with a large bag, but a tall male with an unusual hair style. "Oh it's you! I was just reading about you in the paper! Hey, w-what are you doing? Is is that a knife?!"
"Why yes it is, sir."
"AAAAAAARRRGGGGGGHHHHHH" a scream rang through the outskirts of London that morning.
OoO
Grimacing, Tavros Nitram braced himself as he recieved a scolding from his peer Karkat Vantas, there had been yet another killing in their case, and their boss hadn't arrived for work yet. The Commissioner was going frantic, running from forensics to the archives, trying to find afore mentioned boss.
"Are you even fucking listening to me Nitram?! At this rate you and me will be sliced up like a lamb on a sunday! Either by the boss or this killer! I don't know which is worse! Where is that motherfucker anyway..."
"Uh... Its not very nice to speak of your superior like that Constable Vantas."
"I'll speak about that grubfucking shitstain clown anyway I want!"
"Speak of the devil and he shall appear." Detective Gamzee Makara stated, walking through the door, cup of coffee in hand. "Or should I say, Speak of the motherfucker."
"A-Argh! Detective Makara Sir! Constable Vantas was just talking about-"
"Calm down Nitram, I know he was talking about me. Don't be so formal."
"Now, Detective Opium Hoover, I've been over all the suspects, and the only possible person to commit it is this thirteen year old. He's the paperboy for that newsagent's. Not anything important. No name given though."
"Thank you Karkat, nice nickname too. How lovely of you to know my motherfucking hobbies." Gamzee smirked, taking suspect files from the angry midget.
"Uhhhh... Sooo... Are we going to uh... Interview this paperboy sir?" Tavros gulped, adjusting his collar, Karkat, as short as he was, was scary when angry.
"Yeah, of course Nitram. Vantas, go organise the thing."
OoO
"I promise you sir! I never went near the shop today! I was at home! Definitely not spying on my friend's mother!"
"Now look here kiddo, I am not in the mood to play games, nor learn about your weird love for a woman twice your age." Constable Vantas slammed his hand on the table, scaring the paperboy and Constable Nitram. "I only want to know if you did, or did not murder the newsagent?!"
"Uh... Yes, if you could tell us all you know please! And your name too!" Nitram added
"John! John Egbert sir! I have tried to have other names but so far it has failed!"
"What the fuck are you on about kid." Karkat had heard a lot of shit, but that was some shit.
"Just ask him the questions Vantas." Detective Makara glided into the room, holding what seemed to be a croissant in his hand.
"You're late fuckass." Vantas commented, using one of his most overused insults.
"I was buying this croissant for Constable Nitram, as he asked for one. Let me tell you, it is so motherfucking hard to find a bakery in this part of London."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Are you going to question me or not? If thats okay to ask!" John stuttered, clearly wanting to go home.
"Oh. Yes. Now where were you at time of the murder, 8:30 am?"
"Having a shower! I have an alibi as well! My dad turned it on for me, and off, we had a new one installed recently you see, so I don't know how to work it just yet..."
OoO
The trio of justice sighed as they flopped down on the sofa in their office. Egbert not only had a solid alibi, but no apparent motive or the ability to handle the murder weapon. The killer was left handed, Egbert was right handed.
"Well that was a fucking waste of my time!" Karkat threw his notes at the opposite wall, wincing when they impacted, and silently hoped they hadn't ripped.
"It wasn't completely Constable Vantas!" Tavros tried to soothe his co worker. "We are slowly narrowing down our list of suspects!"
"We have no suspects Constable Nitram. Not until the prints on the knife are analysed anyway... For now, we wait." Gamzee cleared his throat, before popping in a lozenge. "Anyone wanna play monopoly?"
Tavros stood up, grabbed the monopoly board from on top of a filing cabinet, and set it up.
"Dibs on the dog!" Karkat snatched up the metal canine, placing it on go, as Detective Makara sorted out the money, earning a slap as he tried to give himself an extra £500.
OoO
The prints results came back earlier than expected, and so the monopoly game came to a halt with Constable Nitram winning, earning himself a Mcdonalds bought for him by the loser, Detective Makara.
Although, thats a story for another time, whats more intriguing are the prints results, revealing a suspect that will change the course of this tale forever.
"THEY BELONG TO ERIDAN AMPORA?!"
"Calm the fuck down Vantas. Yes, thats what the results say, Nitram, if you would please call up the Ampora mansion or whatever fancy home he lives in and ask him to pay us a visit?"
OoO
And so Constable Nitram contacted the Ampora home, much to the disapproval of the whole family, Eridan Ampora was on his way over now.
"I can't believe you ORDERED me to come here, you peasant! I'm hardly even involved in this case!"
"Shut the fuck up you motherfucking rich kid nobody uses peasant as an insult anymore." Detective Makara mumbled, twiddling a pen in his fingers.
"ExCUSE you?! Did you just say that to me? You scumbag!" Mr Ampora screeched. Tavros covered his ears, dealing with noise was not one of his strong points.
"Hey fuckface, we just need to ask you some questions, 'cause your fingerprints were on the weapon. Calm down and answer them geez."
For the first time in forever, Constable Vantas was the calmest person in the room.
"... Fine. I shall answer your questions." Ampora pouted, seating himself at the table.
"Good. First question. Did you kill the victim?" Makara stopped twiddling his pen, getting into his serious mode. Which is like his normal personality, but less high.
"No."
"Fuck! Thought I had him."
Karkat facepalmed, shaking his head at the same time, how was this guy a well known detective...
Gamzee stood up, pacing around the room, before brushing past Eridan and sitting down again. That was when Karkat noticed it. Blood. On Eridan's trousers.
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"
"Calm down Vantas."
"BUT DETECTIVE HE'S GOT BLOOD ON HIM CAN YOU NOT FUCKING SEE JESUS CHRIST!"
"C-Constabl-"
"SHUT UP NITRAM! WE NEED TO GET A SAMPLE! IT MAY BE THE VICTIM'S!"
"... We can't get a sample now."
"... Why not Nitram?"
"HE DID A RUNNER CONSTABLE VANTAS!" Tavros was near crying, the noise was too much for his ears. "I'M SO VERY SORRY." Oh the irony.
"..."
"..."
"..."
OoO
Luckily for our protaganists, a certain other detective, Ms Kanaya Maryam, had just arrived for her case briefing, when a tall lad with unusual hair happened to run into her.
Guessing what had happened to make him run away from the station that fast, he must either A. Be a criminal. Or B. Be one of Detective Makara's suspects. Seeing as both of those were a bad thing to be, she quickly handcuffed the fellow, and dragged him back to the questioning room.
"Is this yours by any chance, Detective Makara?"
"Ah! Kanaya! You are an absolute angel I swear to fucking god jesus what would I do without you!" Karkat exclaimed, it was no secret that he looked up to Detective Maryam, in more ways than one.
Big mouth, small build.
"Okay Constable, stop sucking up to Ms Maryam, and get our guest into a cell."
Karkat muttered something unintelligible under his breath, before dragging Eridan off to holding, much to said posh person's discomfort.
OoO
Tavros Nitram slept soundly that night, in his batman pajamas, well, for a few hours at least. But it was something.
The reason he had such a bad night was due to one small phone call.
BRING BRING BRING BRING
"WAH! Oh... The phone..." Tavros sat up groggily, huddled in a cocoon of blanket. Constable Vantas was calling him. That was strange. They were only work colleagues... Oh well better answer it.
"Hey, this is Tavr-"
"YOU BETTER GET TO THE STATION RIGHT NOW! DON'T EVEN BOTHER GETTING DRESSED OKAY! JUST GET HERE GOSH JEEZ!"
"... I'll be right there Constable."
OoO
When Tavros arrived at Scotland Yard, he was greeted by a pacing Karkat and Gamzee with his head in his knees. Something bad must have happened if the detective was worried.
That was when Karkat saw him, his eyes widened and he rushed towards his coworker.
"Oh thank fudge you're here! Now don't go all personality changing on me like Makara. But... There's been a murder! Eridan... The suspect is dead! And his trousers... The bloodstain was ripped out!" Karkat grabbed Tavros' sides and squeezed him, he was very stressed. Karkat dealt badly with stress.
"... WHAT?! Oh god... Karkat? What do we do?"
"I- I don't? I don't know goshdarnit!"
"Karkat please swear. Its weird."
"I CAN'T I'M STRESSED."
That was when Gamzee's head left his lap, the tallest man on the police squad stood up, and slowly headed towards the duo constables.
"... Karkat, we're all tired and stressed right now. The best we can do is just... I don't know. Get a hold of ourselves, we'll have to inform the Ampora's about this tragic incident... They are not going to take this lightly."
"I just need some sleep..."
"Well, I think we all know thats impossible right now." Tavros patted his coworker on the back sympathetically.
They should've known the case wouldn't have been this easy to solve. They never were.