The atmosphere in the room was tense. It was dark and the silence that he was usually so accustomed to, now felt daunting. Sigyn was still in her wedding gown, sitting stiff and still on his bed. She wasn't looking at him, but he was certain that she was aware of his every movement.
He had not considered how he would find her when he told her to go ahead to his room while he dealt with Odin. His plan had seemed so simple at the time. He had thought that everything would work itself out once Sigyn was his wife. It had seemed almost a trivial thing to kill Theoric and take his place, to walk down the aisle with her by his side, to dazzle everyone with the grand reveal of his trickery. It wasn't until he saw the shock on her face, heard the condemnations of Thor, had to deal with the consequences from Odin, that it had all begun to sink in.
In the span of one night he had changed the course of his entire life. He had killed a man, taken a wife, bound a woman to his side with trickery and lies. Sigyn had seemed so perfect. So perfect for him. The ultimate ally! She was beautiful, a greatly practiced mage, and the goddess of fidelity. If there was one person that he could count on not to betray him, one person that he could trust, it must be Sigyn.
He simply had not thought past his own infatuations and desires. And now he nearly trembled with the possibility that he would be rejected by her.
"Loki." Her voice was calm when she spoke, but he was unable to be calm in turn. She was still refusing to look at him and that nagged at his nerves.
"Sigyn," he replied evenly. He stood still at the side of the bed, hesitant to approach her. Was she angry with him? She certainly had a right to be. She had made the decision to remain married to him when the All-father offered to annul it, that alone gave Loki hope. He held to it like a dying man gasping for air, uncertain that his actions would be enough to save his life but needing to try.
She held her hand out to him and Loki reached for it immediately. He couldn't see her expression in the shadows, even when she turned toward him. But she pulled him closer, until he was standing in front of her and compelled to kneel down so that he could look upon her face. Her expression was not angry, but he wasn't certain how to interpret the neutrality he saw there.
"Tell me the truth, Loki, that is all that I ask of you."
Loki's heart beat faster in his chest. It couldn't truly be so easy, could it? Forgiveness without having to ask or pay? Loki's lips were moving before he thought about his response. "Anything," he promised.
Sigyn reached out to him, taking his face in her hands. Loki closed his eyes, placing his hands over hers. "I know who you are, Loki." Her voice was soft, kind, but he felt himself near to trembling. There was perhaps no worse thing that she could say to him, no sharper knife to thrust upon him. He should have known that he could not be forgiven. No one had ever offered him such a thing before. "Your reputation proceeds you, your deeds and tricks are well known. I did not agree to this with a blind eye."
It wasn't that Loki had hoped differently, there was not a woman in the realm that would be blind to him, but was it too much to ask that his wedding night be a peaceful one? Was it to much to ask that someone... love him? Must his happiness be annulled on behalf of mere trickery? Loki waited for the condemnation that would follow.
"I am your wife, Loki." Something caught in his throat at the words. Hope probably. Maybe she wanted him to choke on it. "We are together now. I would have your honesty." Loki opened his eyes to look at her. He was surprised at the patience that he saw waiting for him there and the acceptance. Had she not just told him that she knew the kind of man that he was? And yet... she seemed so... open to him in this moment. She did not look as if she were gazing upon a monster. She did not look as if she were horrified with him. She looked... she looked as if she were too good for Loki, too beautiful.
"Sigyn," he breathed out her name like a prayer. As if worshiping her and seeking salvation in just the calling of her name. He couldn't stop the admiration that he felt for her, nor could he hold back the longing and desire that raged within him. She was a goddess even among the gods.
She leaned forward to press their foreheads together and Loki let out a breath. The tension seemed to fall out of him, even though the moment had yet to be resolved. Even though there was still a weight waiting to fall on him, as there always was, he felt a moment of absolute peace and took it without a thought.
Sigyn moved back far enough to meet Loki's eyes. "Tell me every terrible thing you ever did."
"I can't," Loki whispered, the words falling so quickly and honestly from his lips that he would think himself under a spell if he were before anyone else. As it stood, Sigyn had some power over Loki and his heart that no one had ever been able to claim. He shook his head softly, needing to convey the desperation of his refusal but not wanting to dislodge her hold on him.
"You can, Loki." Her voice was still infused with tranquility and so gentle that he thought it may break him. Surely she was embodying a trap of some sort, meant to destroy him in ways that nothing else ever could. A feather with the might of a mace. A breeze that struck him as lightening.
"You would hate me," He confessed softly.
"Tell me every terrible thing you ever did," Sigyn repeated, "And let me love you anyway."
It had to be too good to be true. It had to be a lie. It was everything Loki ever wanted, it was exactly what Loki was hoping for, and so it had to be a trick. Loki couldn't breath, the disbelief in this moment was so strong. His heart beat seemed to stop, seemed to speed up, the ground was gone from beneath his feet.
Let me love you.
Loki choked on his next breath, tears flooded the corners of his eyes.
Love you.
"We are together in this now, Loki," Sigyn went on. The only thing that he could comprehend was her voice, her touch, her. "We are together in all things, Loki. You are my husband and I am your wife. So pledge to me your honesty and I will pledge to you my loyalty."
"Loyalty," Loki repeated, trying to pull himself together. It was shameful to break this way. He could imagine the things that would be said about him if anyone saw him like this; on his knees and in tears before a mere woman, no wounds visible and no tragedy to blame, just... weak. She did not look at him as anyone else would, though. Her eyes held no judgment or condemnation.
"If we are to remain together Loki, I do not ever want to feel as I did earlier today," Sigyn went on. Her expression did not change, her voice did not waver, but he was more aware of her pain the more she spoke. "I felt lied to, deceived, blind... I don't want to be an artifact in my marriage, I want to be a participant."
"I killed Theoric!" Loki blurted. Not because he thought she didn't know, it was what they had all assumed when he revealed his trickery and no one was wrong to do so, but it was the first sin that came to his lips. He was ignorant of the relationship that the two of them shared, aside from Loki's certainty that Theoric had not deserved a woman such as Sigyn; aside from knowing that she deserved much better than a mere common man. Sigyn could have loved him and Loki could have stolen that from her. The thought had not plagued him ahead of time, but now it was all that he could think of.
"I know," Sigyn answered. "I know." For a moment, she closed her own eyes. She took a deep breath, held it, let it out slowly, allowed Loki to read every emotion on her face. It was a mix of sorrow and relief. "We cannot change the past, only move forward. I do not want to spent my time trailing after you and failing to keep up. We will walk side by side or not at all."
Despite her saying that, Loki knew in that moment that he would spend much more time following Sigyn's lead than walking beside her. Loki was a storm. Thor may have had sway over them, but Loki was it's true embodiment. He was chaos and motion, he was too wild to contain. He had never had a partner that he could be in sync with and he thought that perhaps he never would, but he could see himself revolving around her for the rest of his life. Wandering, but always returning.
Loki closed his eyes again to answer her. "It is too much for one person to bear, what I've done."
"And that is why you should not bear it," Sigyn insisted, a small laugh falling from her lips. "You are one person, Loki. You should not bear your sins alone. And now you do not have to."
Loki fell forward and buried his face in her lap. He clung to her and she held him in turn. Her embrace was like absolution. One of her hands began to stroke his head and the other rested on his shoulder where she could touch his skin.
"Let me love you, Loki." This time she spoke with a whisper. It was the first uncertain thing she had said all night. This was a plea, this was an admission. Sigyn wanted to love him. She wanted to be his wife, his partner, someone he could trust and love, someone that she could love. Sigyn was weak in this moment, the same as he. They were equals here.
Loki still thought of her as... everything in this moment.
"Yes," Loki answered. "Yes."
It came out sounding more like 'Please.' There was desperation in this answer, as well as relief. She mirrored him, her body folding down over his and cradling him to her.
"Will you offer me the same?" She asked him in so quiet a voice that he nearly missed it.
"Yes," Loki answered her immediately. "Tell me anything," Loki promised, "And I will love you."
She clung to him and Loki thought, for the first time since he made his decision, that he was actually in the right for once. This was where they were meant to be. Sigyn needed him and he needed her as well. Loki had never had something that needed him and he vowed to himself, and secretly to her, that he would take care of her with his whole heart.