He hated him. He hated that absurd detective for his antics, his obsession with sugar, his weird habits, the way his fingers held everything so delicately...his long, slender fingers...
He hated the messy black hair, the white shirt and jeans he never seemed to change, the black eyes, the only eyes that have ever penetrated him and twisted his stomach with one glance, and he hated that stupid metal chain between them.
Tonight, the chain kept him close enough to watch the detective's chest rise and fall, to feel his warmth from across the bed. He hated it, having to feel when he never had to before, to feel so-
"Ryuzaki."
L barely glanced from his laptop screen, the blue glow drawing out even harsher shadows underneath his eyes.
"I was under the impression that Light-kun wanted to sleep. Unless he merely wanted to get out of work when he insisted on it every day for the past two weeks."
Light blushed and glared at L, then tugged on the chain to drag L's right hand away from the keyboard. "Ryuzaki, I have to tell you something."
L's impassive gaze fell onto Light's face, his other hand still typing away, and Light wondered if L could tell he was blushing from just the light of the screen. Not that it would matter in a few seconds anyways.
"What is it, Light-kun?"
Light's grip on the chain loosened as he murmured hesitantly, "I... I think I like you."
L stopped typing, his eyes probing the boy lying beside him in earnest now. Then he turned away again. "Of course. I have told Light-kun that he is my friend as well."
Light glared daggers in L's direction and sat up, shutting L's laptop and grasping his wrist.
"Godammit Ryuzaki! I'm in love with you, okay?!"
The older man's eyes widened, and Light thought he heard his breath catch. But L didn't speak, and after a minute of silence, Light whispered weakly, "Well...?"
L's voice barely seemed less impassive as he said, "I could never love a suspect, Light-kun. And I am 95% certain that you are Kira."
He'd anticipated the rejection, he'd just needed to say it, to get it over with and get over it, but he his chest tightened nonetheless. "I... understand." Light could feel the sting of tears rising to his eyes and burning in his throat, but he bit them down. "I understand," he repeated, more to himself than to L this time, his voice steadier. He curled up beneath the blankets again and determinedly lay facing the other direction.
But then an arm wrapped over his waist, and Light stiffened as he felt the warmth of L's body flush against his back. "Does Light-kun want me?" L whispered in Light's ear as his other hand reached beneath Light's shirt.
The younger boy shivered and whispered, "N-no, I don't- not like that-" I want to kiss you, I want you to tell me you love me, I want you to stay with me, not this. I've never wanted this.
L's hand moved further up his torso, tracing feathery lines against his stomach. "Hmm, you see, this is the only way I want you, Light-kun. You are so incredibly enticing, you're beautiful, but it won't do to develop feelings for a serial killer. It would obscure my judgement, when it comes time to convict you."
He could pinpricks of the tears he had forced down threatening to escape again, and he gritted out, "I'm not Kira, Ryuzaki! And according to your logic, you want to fuck Kira?!"
"No. I want to fuck you, Light-kun." Light could almost hear the smirk on his voice.
Light turned over on his side to look the detective in the face and grimaced when he felt his hardness pressed against his thigh. "You want meaningless sex?" he asked dully.
In response, L merely moved his hand downwards, slipping past the band of Light's pants and underwear before Light grabbed his hand once more.
"Then I have one condition," he hissed. Before L could reply, Light kissed him, savoring in the softness of L's lips and the sweetness on his tongue. "At least pretend to love me."
He reminded himself of Misa, desperate and infatuated enough to sink this low. He had always thought her obsession with him was just that, nothing more than an obsession. He pitied her now, and he pitied himself more. Obsession or love, it hurt like hell, and he couldn't pull away.
"Perhaps," L murmured. "What would Light-kun like me to do?"
"Talk to me. Something not about the case. As if we were... together."
"Would you like it if I told you, 'I love you?' "
Light wanted to shake his head, he knew those words weren't real now, but he wanted to hear them anyways. "Yes."
"Is that all, Light-kun?"
"...Yes. That's all."
Light closed his eyes as L sucked kisses down his neck and chest while gently sliding off his shirt and then his pants. He imagined intertwining his fingers with the ones that played with his nipples and gripped his thighs.
"You're beautiful," L breathed when he pushed Light's legs up against his chest, echoing his words from before. Light imagined hearing those words from the man's lips in a different world, a world where they weren't detective and suspect, a world without Kira, a world where L would smile against his hair and wrap his arms around his torso and tell him he loved him without lying, a world where he had a chance.
He was drawn out of his thoughts when he felt L's fingers enter him and probe, eventually hitting a spot inside that made him moan softly. Then L kissed him, harsh and wet and dominating, and pulled away to say, "I like hearing you."
So Light moaned more and louder, all in the hopes that L would kiss him again so he could pretend his lips were gentle and loving. His sharp cry when L entered him roughly did earn him another kiss, and he tangled his hands in L's hair and wound his legs tightly around his waist to pull him closer, to keep L from leaving him afterwards even though Light knew he would.
"Ahh...nn... more, please, please!"
Light whimpered over and over as he came over his chest and even afterwards because he knew L would like it, the power over the suspect he was thrusting into. He barely registered that tears had run down his cheeks, but he knew it wasn't from the pain in his body.
After L came inside him, he stroked Light's face and said, "I love you." He didn't kiss him again until Light pulled him downwards for something slow and sad.
"I'm yours," Light whispered, managing a smile.
L likes to fuck Light on the couch, on tables, against the wall after the Task Force has left for the day.
"I love you."
"I'm yours."
Afterwards, Light lays his head on L's lap, holding his hand while reaching up to play with his hair. He tells L that his favorite color is red, the color of apples, that the only junk food he'll eat is potato chips, that he used to help his sister with her algebra homework. L says he already knew from the surveillance footage.
L doesn't talk much about himself, he only listens and adds. He can't, he says when Light asks, because Light is probably Kira. Light knows that there are no photos of L, that L is all three greatest detectives in the world, that L likes sweets. He already knows those things.
The case always ends up slipping into their conversations, Light can't help it, he tells L that he thinks Kira is wrong but sometimes he doesn't. That he's scared. He's looking for comfort, but L never gives it to him.
The moment he grabbed the black notebook from L, his world shattered. He screamed and screamed, because he was Kira. Because he was Kira, and he fell in love with L.
He didn't have a fantasy he could escape to anymore. Now that his mind had caught up with the truth, his thoughts were more broken than reality.
That night, L kept away from him, even though they still slept in the same bed. That night, L didn't tell him he loved him.
I'm yours.
"Tell me, Light, from the moment you were born, has there ever been a point where you actually told the truth?"
The rain poured down on them in sheets, but for a moment everything was quiet.
Light began to step towards L and then stopped. "I told you...I told you that I love you."
L smiled bitterly. "I love you."
"You don't."
"I know."
L had barely finished with Light's feet when he pushed Light downwards, back against the floor, and climbed over him. His wet hair dripped like tears onto Light's face.
"Ryuzaki, L, stop. I can't..." Light looked away, trying not to see the hunger and despair in L's eyes that wasn't quite hidden by his wet black fringe.
"Light... I'll tell you something, something about me. We can pretend again, that we're lovers. One last time."
Kira needs it, Light told himself. Kira needs it, I can't say no, even if I love him. Pretend you don't. Pretend we're pretending to be lovers.
"What is it?" he breathed harshly.
"I have successors. They're every bit as brilliant as you, Light Yagami."
Light stared ahead as L kissed him, his eyes shining with shock, fury, horror, pain. And love.
"They're not as beautiful as you though. Or as cruel," L whispered against Light's neck as he hitched Light's legs over his shoulders and fucked him slowly on the cold floor.
"I hate you," Light groaned out. For lying. For telling the truth.
"No you don't."
He didn't.
I'm yours, I'm yours, I'm yours. But you were never mine.
Everything was red, the color of apples.
He screamed, a part of it glee, a part of it agony, as he cradled L's limp body to his chest. His manic grin had transformed into trembling sobs. If tears weren't streaming down his cheeks, they could have been tremors of crazed laughter.
I love you. I loved you. You lied. I lied.
I was yours.
Why couldn't you have just answered, "You're mine?"
I'm yours.
I'll always be yours.
This was for a 5 year old prompt on the Death Note Kink Meme. Because I am late to things. This story is also pretty much the polar opposite of my first one, oops.
"Light's asexual and doesn't feel physical/sexual attraction, and has never felt romantic feelings, either. Then L comes along and Light falls completely - though begrudgingly - in love with him. L likes Light alright, but isn't in love with him and doesn't particular care about him, but finds him unbearably attractive and wants to fuck him. So, Light lets L fuck him in exchange for conversation and companionship. Can be as angsty or as smutty as you want."
I'm not too familiar with how asexuality works, but I liked the prompt, so I kept it vague and this kind of spiraled down this rabbit hole of angst with my writing style changing 10 times in the middle.
Reviews and favorites appreciated! I want to know what you thought. :)