A/N: This is my first attempt at fic writing, so please bear with me if it's a little rough
TW: suicide, mention of drug abuse
Disclaimer: I do not own Orphan Black or any of it's characters
She stood by the advertisement sign, watching as the passengers streamed off of the train that had just arrived. Normal people with normal lives, on their way to normal places.
She wondered what that felt like. She had forgotten.
As she watched the train pull out of the station and the passengers disperse, she wished she could be one of them again. No worries other than what was for dinner tonight. No knowledge of a secret world of illegal science experiments wrapped around her.
But she couldn't.
As she stood there, the station emptied around her. It was late; not many people were boarding the trains anymore.
He had betrayed her.
She began to sob quietly, pacing back and forth in front of the sign.
She supposed, for it to be a true betrayal, he would have had to care in the first place. It was more like he showed his true colors.
Whatever the distinction, she had had enough. She was under so much stress already. She just couldn't take any more.
Pretending she didn't know what she was. Protecting the others. Dealing with the shooting.
She knew turning to drugs wouldn't fix anything, but it numbed the pain. For a while anyway.
What had really brought her solace was the knowledge that Paul was there. He was her comfort, her rock in the crashing sea her life had become.
Or so she had thought.
She paused in her pacing, bringing her hand to her forehead in distress. She peered down the tracks. The next train would be coming through any minute.
She guessed it made sense, in retrospect. It explained why he never seemed to love her as much as she loved him, but wouldn't let her go. He wasn't there for her. At least, not her as a person. He was there for what she was.
She turned back to the other side of the platform.
She was a job to him. He only stayed with her to watch her. To let strange men, scientists, into their home in the dead of night and allow them to perform tests on her.
He thought she didn't know. And she hadn't, not for a long time, it seemed. But they had gotten sloppy. She had woken up while they were doing work on her. She thought it was just a dream when she woke up in the morning. But when she found an electrode sticker on her, she knew it was real.
She had run then. Escaped to the station. But even surrounding herself with normalcy, she couldn't convince herself that it really had been a dream. That maybe the electrode wasn't really what she thought it was.
It was though. Everything was real. Paul had betrayed her. Was only there to monitor her. Because all she was was a science experiment.
A clone.
She had to get away. Had to make the pain stop.
She went to the train station. She knew the schedule like the back of her hand.
The next one would be here in less than a minute.
She crossed back to the sign. She set her purse on the ground beside her, then slipped out of her heels. She took off her suit jacket and folded it neatly, setting it on top of her heels.
Alison would appreciate that. Everything neat and orderly.
Alison. She wondered how the woman would be without her there.
She would be fine. She knew how to use a gun. And Cosima was there now, so she wouldn't be alone.
She would be fine.
The train was coming. She turned and noticed a woman several feet away. She hadn't even noticed her approaching.
She raised her tired, tear-stained eyes to the woman's face.
Another one. She wondered how this girl had slipped through her careful search.
The woman's eyes widened in shock, but she just turned away. It was too late. Too late to wonder about another clone. Too late to wonder about anything.
She had made her decision.
The train was here.
It took only three short strides to reach the edge of the platform. She took four.
She felt a flash of pain, then only merciful blackness.