This little bit is part of a writing character development challenge another fanfic author came up with. It takes place just after Laurelin's first mate, Isrym was killed in a raid in Valenwood, about forty years before the Dragon Crisis occurs.
"Mother, you need to eat." Nisinah said quietly, holding out a bowl of food, trying fruitlessly to tempt her mother into eating. It had been a week.
"I'm not hungry right now, thank you, sweetling," replied Laurelin in a hollow tone, her voice raspy. Her long blond hair hung in limp tangles around her ravaged face, falling over blue eyes that stared blankly at her hands. Hands trembling with fatigue, sorrow, hunger that she refused to feed. Empty. Nothing will be right again.
Nisinah set the bowl aside, and knelt in front of her mother, folding shaking hands into her own steady ones. "It's time. You need to say good bye." She tried to catch Laurelin's gaze, but her mother shut her eyes, biting her lips against the hitching sobs that were welling up again. Tears squeezed out the corners of her eyes, tracing over high cheekbones and dropping slowly off her jaw.
"The rest of us need to say it too. We're all waiting for you. Please, come sing his song. He wouldn't want you to waste away like this."
Gone. Empty. Why? How do I go on with out you? Laurelin realized her eldest child was still talking to her, now pressing a cup of water into her hands. I don't want to drink. I want to die. Just like him. Take me from this agony.
A week simply wasn't long enough to be able to wrap her head around his loss. She knew she had responsibilities to look after. It wasn't fair to her children to detach herself the way she was. Yet all she could think was, I'll never hear his voice again. He couldn't ever whisper in her ear late at night, stroke her brow the way she loved. They would never cling to each other in the heights of passion, heedless of the world around. No. He was gone to the Ancestors now, too far away for her to reach. For the rest of her life.
Nisinah was pressing the cup to her lips, begging her to drink, tears of her own streaming from her black eyes. "Please, Mother. We need you here. You can't join him yet. He said he wanted you to live well. You have to live if you are to carry out his last wish. Please mother, just a sip."
Although she truly couldn't imagine living with the pain she felt now, let alone living well, she took a sip of the cool water, sweetened with honey. She could make herself do this much for her pleading, anguished daughter. It flowed down her throat, easing a bit of the parched pain. Pain that was far more tolerable than that of her heart. It didn't taste sweet to Laurelin. It tasted like a lie. Nothing. Empty. Gone. Forever, gone.
Without understanding, she allowed her daughter to slowly trickle the water down her throat. She hated the feeling of it filling her shrunken belly. Better to just die? You know you can't do that. But how? How do I continue? She didn't fight when Nisinah began to hand feed her slivers of meat, she chewed and swallowed mechanically, tasting nothing but ash.
Slowly, the trembling in her hands stilled. Her thoughts still dull and unfocused, she soon felt a hint of vitality returning to her body after the water and tiny amount of food she allowed herself. Nisinah was right, she knew, she just couldn't summon the will she needed to complete the tasks before her. All of her energy had poured out in a torrent of keening grief, that had lasted days. Her high, piercing cries had carried far into the forest, with out pause. She knew he had been prepared for the final rites by her son. All that remained was her part, singing the song and sending his spirit on. Live well. Since dying seemed to be out of the question, she decided to at least live. Living well, that might come in time.
Laurelin slowly heaved herself up, swaying unsteadily. Aye, she would live. Now it was time to go sing the song of Leave Taking. He deserved this much, and so much more. Live well. Live well. Live well. A mantra, a dim light to guide her through her darkness, when she was ready to see it.