Smut needed~! A break from Lasting Partners. So far: no smex with the couple that was inspiration for the story. So; here is smex (who even made this "word"?) with all the pairing in the form of a "short"… I hope it ends… my stories tend to be never-ending… -_-".

So} Pairings:

Deidara x Sasori; Hidan x Kakuzu; Itachi x Kisame; Tobi x Zetsu; and Konan x Pain.

I got the idea in the car ride home… hope you like cuz I got a letter to the Senate I have to write and I have a Bill to write… damnable government homework…. .

Edit: Ok, this will mainly be crack in first chapter, sex in the next… hopefully, yeah…

Hida: Ha! I knew Kakuzu sold you crack!

Me: SHUT UP! *writes his death fanfic as a painless one*

Kaku: *sneaks into her room and makes the fanfic his own sexy one*

Hida: …Sexy?

Kaku: …! Shut up! *sews Hidan's mouth shut*

Anyways, read on.

It was all her fault. The ukes had no idea what she had planned for their semes. Until it was too late…

Sasori awoke in the morning, stretching his wings- wait… WINGS?! Sasori fluttered around his bed, struggling to flee his cavern of blankets. He fluttered over to his blonde's dresser mirror and nearly gave his little birdie heart an attack. He had turned into a parrot; not a normal bird, no, a f-ing colorful parrot! He heard Deidara stir in his own bed, a yawn escaping his lips. Sasori panicked and flew over to the door as quietly as possible; Deidara too drowsy to take notice when the door opened (with difficulty on Sasori's part) and an exotic bird left the cave room.

Kakuzu rolled over on his side, blinking awake to see only black. He reached out a paw to pull the covers from his head and started. 'What the fuck?!' He thought, eyes widening when he crawled from under his covers, admiring his feline figure; not female, FELINE! He let out a feral, throaty hiss, jumping to the ground and heading for his and Hidan's shared bathroom. The door was opened a crack, a chair keeping it from opening the width of a human but Kakuzu's flexible body easily squeezed within. He scrambled, jumping to stand before the mirror. A heavily scarred tabby with markings resembling stitches stared right back. He yowled out in fury, darting out the room to find the suspected culprit.

Kisame awoke with a start seeing as he was unable to breathe. He panicked flopping around on his and Itachi's shared bed. His vision was blurred and he spotted a blurred hand reaching for him, picking up by his tail to drop him into a bowl of water. He looked around with a start, just barely seeing a red head sneak from the room. He had become a miniature shark… just great. Kisame scowled inside, circling his bowl seeing as he could do nothing more, waiting for his lover to wake up and notice.

Zetsu twitched in his sleep when something prodded his black side. He slowly blinked awake, arching his striped back in a stretch. He looked down at his black paws and jumped, whirling around to catch sight of a black and white tail whipping to follow his rear. Tobi was curled in a ball besides him and awoke at the smell of something… odd. He sat up, lifting his mask to rub his single eye. He huffed, the mask slipping back into place as he turned to look at his plant-like companion. He froze when he noticed that the plant man had been replaced by a cute little skunk with a green collar around it's neck, yellow eyes staring back up at him.

Pain yawned widely, rubbing his eyes. He got up and headed over to Konan's room. He had to first pass through the living room though since Deidara had yet again caused Kakuzu to force a change in base because of the bill. He saw Phox sitting on the couch watching a brown-haired girl stroke a brown-haired puppy on her lap. Phox took notice of her leader and smirked, standing to face him. The other girl ignored them, still stroking her puppy. "Good morning, Pain, I hope you'll excuse me for what I am about to do to you~." The red-head's smirk lengthened and for once, Pain felt fear. Just as he got the smarts to flee, Phox rushed him, weaving a sign or two then promptly jabbing his side. There was a sudden poof and Pain dropped on all fours. She had turned him into a fox and was now leaving the base with the girl and puppy.

Kakuzu padded down the hall a short ways and into the first room by his and Hidan's. Itachi was on the bed sleeping, Kakuzu looming over him. He rose a paw about to swipe him awake until he heard a splash behind him. He froze, slowly turning to the tantalizing fish in a bowl that sat behind him. His odd eyes narrowed and he slunk his way to the table. Kisame noticed and started swimming, looking for a way to escape before the tabby could make his way over. The tabby crouched, licking his lips, stringy tail tickling the sleeping Uchiha's face. The sharingan user grumbled, swatting the tail away and sitting up in confusion. He glared down at the little tabby crouching in Kisame's spot. "Damned cat, remind me to tell Phox to keep better track of her pets." Itachi grabbed a flailing Kakuzu kitty by the scruff of the neck and threw him out the door before walking over to what had attracted the cat. He jumped when he realized the fish in the bowl was looking at him, pleading. "K-Kisame!?" The fish nodded vigorously at hearing the vibrations through the water, doing a spin or two for added measure.

Kakuzu hissed once the door was slammed behind him, twisting to lick at the base of his tail; smoothing ruffled fur. He noticed there were four white patches on his back that represented his masks. He frowned before limping into the living room. That young brat had caused him to twist a paw when he landed roughly on the floor. He started when he heard an awful squawking just ahead. A parrot flew just above a snarling fox, just barely escaping the deadly jaws. Kakuzu further worried for his mental health when he spotted that the fox had multiple piercings. "Gawk- Help! Help! Gawk!" Sasori strangled out in his panic, hoping Deidara or someone would come to his rescue. Sasori!? Hang on, I'm coming! Kakuzu meowed, rushing to tackle the snarling fox. Said fox started and backed up, growling at his attacker. That bird's mine, kitty, back off or you'll join it! Pain barked. Pain!? C-calm down! Can't you see it's Sasori. It's me, Kakuzu! The cat yowled, poised in front of the bird protectively. Huh…? Oh! I see it now… sorry. Damn that girl. Pain whined, ruffled fur flattening as he brought his tail to curl delicately around his paws in the sitting position. So it was Phox? Kakuzu asked, also flattening his fur and sitting with tail curled around his paws with 2 black bands on the front legs.

"DANNA!? Where are you?" Deidara's voice echoed the hallway, stirring Hidan from his peaceable slumber of slaughter. He yawned largely, not surprised to see Kakuzu's bed empty so early. He looked expectantly at the desk. He raised a brow when he noticed it had not been touched; Kakuzu didn't count his money this morning. Deidara burst through the door again calling for his danna. Hidan shot out of bed. "Have you seen the old fuck?" Deidara shook his head, "Have you seen Sasori-danna?" Hidan also shook his head, "Maybe he's in the shitty kitchen?" "He doesn't eat breakfast, hmm, especially not in front of the others." "Living room?" "Maybe…. Let's go ask Itachi and Kisame if they know anything on the way. Hmm." So the two continued down the hall, stopping at the door to Kisame and Itachi's room.

"Ashley… perhaps it would've been better to change Itachi rather than Kisame…?" Phox asked the brown haired girl in the safety of the woods.

"Itachi's usually the seme… but they do take turns. I suppose it might've been cuter to change Uchiha…" the girl replied, the dog in her arms barked out with a silly grin on her face.

"Alright then; consider it done." Phox grinned, snapping her fingers.

"Itachi?! What the hell?" Deidara and Hidan exchanged startled looks before bursting in the room to see Kisame covered in water, naked, and cradling a black weasel in his arms. "Wah! My eyes! They burn, Jashin! Put some clothes on!!" Hidan shouted, shielding his eyes. Kisame flushed, letting the weasel fall to the floor and dart out the door. "Itachi!" Kisame shouted, yanking on the clothes that had been shed from his lover at the time of transformation. Luckily Itachi always slept in Kisame's clothes after sex and a nice bath. The three of them didn't exchange word, Deidara and Hidan following the blue man out and into the nearly empty living room. Konan crouched in the center of the room, Pain's clothes in hand. She fell back when the weasel shot past her and into the kitchen.

Kakuzu, you go and find Phox while Sasori translates for me seeing as he has some speech ability. Pain had instructed, leading Sasori into the kitchen. This made Sasori uncomfortable considering the fox had been trying to eat him moments ago. Kakuzu nodded and darted for the cave entrance. Sasori flew to the top of the fridge, well out of Pain's reach just in case he lost it again. They waited, Sasori impatient and Pain patient, for someone to come in for a bite to eat. The thought of food made his mouth water and Sasori wasn't helping. Just then, a black weasel burst in. skidding to a stop, bumping into the counter with a dull thud. Sasori squawked in surprise and Pain yelped, caught off-guard.

Hidan stubbornly insisted on checking outside first while the others check the other rooms, so they let him go. Kisame had to tell them his suspicions and scowled when Hidan left. "Alright, there's something strange going on. A moment ago I was a fish in a bowl of water about to be eaten by a tabby with Kakuzu's eyes. The next thing I know, Itachi scoops me out of the water, there's a POOF and I'm normal, Itachi being replace with a weasel." Kisame explains to the remaining two. "So… you're saying that the others could have also been changed into animals?" Konan asks. "But how-- why-- by whom? Hm?" "If I knew that, we wouldn't be standing here!" Kisame sighed. "Looks like something happened in here." Konan noted, looking around and holding up Pain's clothes. "We should see if Zetsu was effected." Deidara suggested, heading for the kitchen which lead to the basement. The others followed; Kisame looked for his precious weasel, knowing it had darted in here. Before they could really look around, the door to the basement swung open and Tobi burst in. "Lookie everyone! Lookie what Tobi found, isn't it cu~ute?" Tobi giggled, throwing poor skunk-Zetsu in the air. "SKUNK!" "Tobi, you idiot! Be careful with that thing or-" "BOOM!" Deidara finished Konan's sentence, cowering behind Kisame. "Book- gawk- boom!" The parrot squawked, tilting it's head, mimicking Deidara. They all stopped looking at Tobi and his weapon, looking for the voice's owner. Deidara had recognized his man's voice instantly forgetting about the masked ninja and skunk. Itachi was standing up on two legs besides the parrot Sasori; Pain just below them, pressed against the fridge to hide from the skunk.

Ow, ow, Tobi! Be a good boy and put us down before we gas you! Zetsu squealed, squirming in the boy's tight grip. Zetsu, for the love of Madara, don't do it! Pain yowled with Itachi's growl. "Don't gas- gawk- no boom- gawk!" Sasori fluttered, angry with his lacking of actual sentence and difficult words. "Tobi! Put- gawk- down! GAWK!" Sasori snapped his beak, feathers puffing up slightly in the distress.

"Tobi, put the skunk down, and calm down, un." Deidara approached the idiot cautiously, holding out his arms. Tobi pouted and squeezed the poor mammal in a strangling hug. "Mine!" He whined. Zetsu could feel his eyes bulge and struggled to keep from gassing; the black mind had other plans, however. "AGH! THAT STENCH!!!" Deidara cried, crashing to the floor, gripping his nose, watery eyes clamped shut. The others had been wise enough to flee the kitchen, leaving Deidara, Sasori, Tobi, and Zetsu in the now foreboding kitchen. Thank Phox for the beak! Sasori thought, flapping his wings to keep the cloud from coming too close. Tobi stood there, confused about why Deidara was rolling around on the floor. He released Zetsu, dropping to his hand and knees to try and help the other. "T-Tobi, damnit! O-open a window or something! This stench is unbearable!!" Deidara groaned. "What stench? Tobi thinks it smells like flowers!" Tobi giggled. "Exactly! Flowers burn!!" Deidara cried. "Huh…? Tobi's right… it doesn't smell like skunk at all…" Konan mumbled, poking her head back in the room. "Grow up Deidara, seriously?" Kisame scoffed, flooding in with the others. "Ugh! What kind of man are you!? Hm!? Flowers are deadly! They represent all that is good, un! We are an evil organization, un!" Deidara whined, Kisame pulled him to his feet and Konan slapped a paper to his face, following with a slap to get him out of his delirium. "HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Sasori laughed, further angering the blonde. Said blonde reached for his emergency clay, throwing the wad at the bird. Sasori crashed to the floor, unconscious. "Serves you right, bastard!" Deidara screamed, rushing from the room, biting back angry tears. "…" "…" "Dei-Dei?" … … XP….

So much for being short~ it's going to have chapters just because I feel like it~ 3!

Dei: Why are you not in bed?

Saso: She's nocturnal, remember?

Kisa: She has school tomorrow… -_-'

Ita: And you know she gets extremely hyper and loopy when sleep-deprived.

Hida: Yeah, her science teach'll ask if she's on drugs again.

Kaku: She paid me; you know I couldn't resist.

Me: I no do drugs!

Everyone: *sta~~res*

Me:… Wut? I don't~! *cries* Meanies rape me not! I rape you first! *chases*

Everyone: O.O *run*

Oh great… the deprivation is already showing symptoms!

EDIT: 3rd & 4th Chapter are delayed for now - add to alert if you want to read them in future. Reviews welcome.