A fire in my heart

by IThinkIJustGleedMyself

A/U - "I know this must be hard for you, but you can't cross that line of friendship Finn. She's having someone else's baby."

Another one-shot. And it's pretty long, so good luck reading it!

This is an A/U written for finchelmonth and beta'd by my friend Lucy (MonstersAreReal)

Enjoy!

---

"Thank you for doing this," he repeats for the mantra for what has to be the hundredth time that day, offering his most grateful smile toward Kurt and Blaine who, in turn, nod and smile back. His brother is pretty awesome, right? He's letting him stay on such short notice, and even giving up the room that had been previously used for his work. Well, giving up isn't exactly correct – more like moving all of this things to one side of the room while stuffing a Finn – sized bed in the corner 'cause the old thing that used to be there was tiny. Literally, half of his body had been hanging off the damn thing when he'd spent one night at Kurt's a few years back.

So yeah, it's totally cool that they got a new bed. He did pay for most of it, though Kurt had given a small donation too, and he'd bought these sheets that smelled really flowery, but Finn is keeping his mouth shut. Kurt's doing him a favour.

"Before you unpack," Blaine says, wearing that gentle smile and those wide, happy eyes, "we'd just like to officially welcome you to our home. It's not much, but we hope that you're as happy here as we are." His hands idly rub at Kurt's shoulders, and Kurt looks like he's really enjoying it too, while he's just kind of stood there awkwardly with his large bag, brimming with unfolded clothes, over his shoulder.

"Cool."

What else is he supposed to say?

Not easily deterred, Kurt bounces forward and reaches for some paper on the coffee table that they'd imported from India – Finn only knows this because Kurt goes all ape shit every time he tries to put his coffee on, without a coaster, and it leaves marks, and then Blaine has to calm him down. Anyway, the papers. They're stapled and highlighted, and Finn's face scrunches up as Kurt hands them over.

"Our schedules," he explains. "Now you know when Blaine and I work, so that you can plan any dates and such when you can be alone. And also, I took the liberty of working up a bathroom schedule. Blaine, of course, is already well tuned into mine, but you won't be, and we need to plan for this."

"You have a plan on when I get to use the bathroom?"

"Yes…" he says like it's the most obvious thing in the world, "it's very important to have one. Who knows what chaos would ensue otherwise."

"But…what if I have to…you know, and I can't hold it in. Like, I can't plan that."

The color drains from Kurt's cheeks and his mouth falls open as he lightly stammers, "I…I –"

"I'm sure we'll think of something," Blaine interrupts, giving Kurt this really strange look that Finn can't decipher, at all.

So he just shrugs and points to the guest room, or what now is his room, "I'll just unpack in here." And then he leaves Kurt mumbling things to Blaine about how the schedule is going to be messed up if there's an "emergency bathroom session", making Finn burst into a loud laugh. He shuts the door behind him to leave his high maintenance brother alone with Blaine while he makes his new room easier to live in.

Though, that looks like it's going to be a hard job. Kurt is an intern for Vogue, though he's positive that he's going to be offered a better job there really soon, but it's a little bad for Finn because his job involves creating a lot of new styles and said creations are now residing in the bedroom with him. The mass of fabric is as organised as it can be, but still looks pretty intimidating, and Kurt has all these weird tools that look like they came out of a horror film, but really they're for adjusting the clothes.

Still, he might be a bit freaked out sleeping in here.

There's an empty chest of drawers waiting for him and he sighs when he realises that he's actually going to have to fold his clothes and stuff 'cause Kurt is bound to do his "random room inspections" like when they were younger, and God forbid that he didn't fold his underwear. He does his best with organizing his clothes, but he's easily bored and just kind of stuffs them all in before placing a neat layer over the top. There, he'll never know.

He smiles to himself: other than the slight bathroom mishap, this living with Kurt and Blaine is going to be pretty awesome. They're all guys, after all, and they've all known each other for so long. It's gonna be comfortable living here in this tiny little New York apartment.

Once his room is relatively cool, which means that he'd put those totally hot pictures of Megan Fox and some of his football stuff from High School, he heads back into the living area where he's stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of Kurt and Blaine heatedly making out of the couch.

Well, this is awkward.

They both turn to look at him, searching for the words to respond.

He thinks that Kurt's embarrassed, but then Blaine keeps trying to steal even more kisses and Kurt swats him away, all the time trying to keep the blush from his face.

Finn is gawking at their swollen lips and tries to ignore the sound of their erratic breathing – that's his brother. He does not need to see that, or hear it, or even know that it ever happened, thank you very much. The thought of Blaine trying to get into his brother's pants makes him shudder, and then he realises that it's going to be happening a lot while he lives here.

"I'll just go," Finn points to the door, "and you two can carry on doing…whatever you're doing." He then makes himself scarce, 'cause he's sure that they actually do return to making out, and he's glad that he doesn't have to witness it anymore.

But, other than that, he thinks that living in New York will be the break he needs.

He gets outside pretty quickly, just deciding to walk anywhere. There's a whole lot of city to explore, right? People often think of him as a country boy, someone who'd be totally out of his depth in the city, especially this one, one of the most famous cities in the world. And yes, it's scary, but it's not like he can't do it. He can. He may have been born and raised in Lima but a person can adjust, they can learn new things.

And Finn is kind of excited too. It's New York. That's like, the most awesome place in the world – there are countless songs about this place, hundreds of films based in the city. It's just amazing to think that he's going to be living here on a permanent basis.

He almost just stayed in Lima, working in his step-dad's tire shop and not wanting to do much else, but then an old friend visited him, told him that he'd joined the FDNY, and that he loved it. That pretty much set the cogs working in Finn's mind. A fire fighter – he could do that, save people, save cats from trees and all that. At that time, he was still going to the gym a lot, so he was pretty much at peak physical condition, and his grades from High School were pretty good too. Kurt was adamant about making him study so much during his senior year and, no matter how much he groaned and grumbled about it, it paid off in the end.

Once the idea had been put in his head, it really was reluctant to leave. But he didn't want to be a fire fighter in Lima. No, he wanted to go to somewhere exciting, thrilling, and that's how he ended up choosing New York. Kurt lived there, so he at least knew one person and that's enough, right?

And Kurt offered to let him live with him and Blaine while Finn got on his feet and started raking in enough money for his own place, so he really can't lose.

Tomorrow will be his first day on the job – he's starting with a shorter shift, more to ease him into the long shifts that are sure to come, but he's excited. He'll be like a protector of the city for those ten hours in which he's in work, and that's pretty awesome.

---

He grumbles to himself as he steps out into the chilly New York air, instantly bombarded with the sounds of sirens, and crowds of busy passers-by, eager to get to their next destination. He's a little intimidated at first but, being so tall; he easily bustles through the people, his feet carrying him in the direction of a coffee shop, or so he hopes. Kurt had given him directions, but he'd forgotten to write them down and thought that relying on his memory was the best idea which it clearly isn't. So he just walks, tightening his jacket around himself and keeping a keen eye out for a coffee shop and It's New York, so he's bound to come across one sooner or later.

When he sees the sign 'a whole latte love', he first smiles at his small victory of being able to navigate himself to a coffee shop, and then finds himself chuckling at the name. He enters quickly, the warmth instantly enveloping him in its grasp. Finn rubs his cold hands together while he makes his way toward the counter, which thankfully doesn't have a long line – Kurt's probably waiting impatiently for his morning coffee right now. Why he couldn't just make it himself is beyond Finn, but he really didn't want to argue with his cranky brother about it, so he'd just caved and gone for the damn coffee.

His attention is held by the menu board as a man on a cell phone barges past him, somehow managing to send the 6"3 man flying in the opposite direction, only to be stopped as he falls into another person. He scrunches his eyes closed when he hears the soft, feminine, "oof" an instant later, and he gathers himself, ready to gush out apology after apology 'cause he could have like flattened the girl or something.

He turns, keeping his arms to the side so that he doesn't accidentally push her over with his heavy limbs, and he's totally surprised to see her smiling back at him, as if he hadn't hurtled into her. "Are you alright?" she asks sweetly, her voice pretty and smooth – one of those sounds that he could listen to all day. He feels something touching his arm and looks down to see her tiny hand holding him steady, as if he still isn't stable on his feet, but he is, so she's basically just holding onto him for no reason. And like, her grip is kind of tight too. He dares a glance toward it, ignoring the rapid beat of his heart and forcing out a reply.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just," he takes a glance toward the rude man who'd sent him flying who is now at the counter with his coffee, "was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Are you alright? I did come at you pretty fast."

Her eyes follow his gaze, and she offers a gentle smile, "oh don't worry, I'm a New Yorker, I can handle myself, even when faced with giant, falling men."

He laughs along with her, though his smile is a little strained – she might find it funny now, but he knows that the potential for something bad to happen was very big. She is lucky to still be alive, 'cause he could of like crushed her or something, or it could be a repeat of his cousin's birthday party where he'd tripped, landing on top of his nine year old cousin, and broken her arm. Needless to say, he doesn't talk to said cousin much, not that she'd want to see "the guy who ruined her birthday" anyway.

"I'll be careful next time."

"Next time?" she questions, and he realises his own slip.

"Oh," a slight blush appears on his face, though he hopes that she doesn't notice. "I'm sorry. I didn't think…" He finally takes in her appearance – she's sporting the same ugly brown apron as the rest of the workers, her long, shiny hair held up in a loose ponytail. Her make-up is extremely light, not that he minds, he actually prefers it when girls' faces aren't smothered in that stuff. But his favourite thing about this woman is probably her pearly white smile, and the way that it seems to spread throughout her whole body. It makes the corners of her eyes crinkle ever so slightly and her eyes shine just as brightly. And, just for a moment, he convinces himself that the smile it's all for him, like there's no one else around in the shop, no one else around in the whole world except for him and her, and he smiles back.

She chuckles, "It's okay. You might still be in shock from your almost-fall." Finn laughs at her name for the small disaster and runs a hand through his windswept hair, scratching his head idly while trying to search for the right words.

But he doesn't really get a chance when he hears a loud "next please!" and his attention is stolen away by the other worker at the counter.

"You better get your coffee," she smiles, "before you almost knock over anymore tiny people."

A loud, startling laugh erupts from his lips when she calls herself tiny. Actually, she really is. He's practically towering over her. But she suits being that small, he thinks. "I should," he points to the counter, "I'll just go then." She smiles and nods lightly, readjusting her apron so that it falls more evenly. He feels the need to add one last bit, "thank you…for not being pissed off at me. I'm kind of clumsy." Or very clumsy.

"No harm done," she grins.

With a lasting smile, he nods at her and turns to get his coffees, sure that somewhere in the apartment, Kurt is probably impatiently tapping his foot and checking the time every minute. Oh well, Finn's just met this totally awesome girl and his brother's foul mood isn't going to change that.

On his way out, he brushes past her at the door, unable to keep the happiness from entering his face when she offers a small wave in farewell. He returns it, eyes dropping to her nametag in a rapid search for her name before he leaves. Rachel, it says in bold, white writing against a dull, dark green background. He smiles, her name falling from his lips softly once he's out of the shop. It's a pretty name, pretty like her.

---

So, his first shift at work is kind of hard and exhausting, and he trudges up the stairs of the apartment block with the willingness of a young child being forced to go to bed. He makes it to their own apartment, fishing out the key with a few hiccups here and there, and a frightening moment where he thinks that he's lost/forgotten it and will then proceed to wake up Kurt at two am, which is a big no no. But he successfully opens the door and allows himself into the warm room, the couch coaxing him nearer without much effort and he drops to the lumpy old thing, his head falling against the arm in an awkward position, since he's too tall for it.

He doesn't want to move, or breathe, 'cause breathing takes up energy too and his energy levels are severely drained at the minute. "It'll get better," Mike, one of the other firemen at the station, had told him with a tiny, hopeful smile. He hopes that it does. Every muscle in his body is tired. His eyes slowly start to close when

"Ohh, Blaine."

No, this is not happening. He isn't hearing this. It's his mind playing tricks on him.

"Harder."

His eyes bulge out of the sockets and he finds a burst of energy to get the hell out of there, his legs carrying him away as fast as possible. Damn his brother. Who the hell has sex at two am? Unless they've been going at it all night and – Finn instantly shakes his head, not even wanting to consider any part of Kurt's sex life.

So now he's just stood outside of the apartment, contemplating what to do next. He could hurry back inside, and try and find some safety in his room, but he fears that the horrifying sounds will be heard from there as well. He scuffs the floor with his foot idly, letting out a long sigh. Tiredness is quickly sweeping over him again – maybe he needs some fresh air to keep him awake until…until they stop. He remembers Kurt mentioning something about the roof, that there are parties there every few weeks. Maybe he could hang out there, just for the meantime, and then sneak back in later. The only problem is that his exhaustion isn't wavering… Oh screw it, he's not returning to the apartment until he's sure that those two have worn themselves out and fallen asleep.

He begins to climb the stairs – there aren't many to go since their apartment is pretty high up anyway, and he smiles as he sees the sign indicating to the roof. By the time he actually gets up there, he's become more awake, eyelids no longer drooping dangerously low. It feels like he's walking into a wall of cold as he steps out onto the roof.

It's all grey and dark, and the low buzz of traffic can be heard, even at this ungodly hour of the night. He kind of likes it, that there's still so much commotion going on for some people, that the night is still thriving with life, unlike back in Lima where the streets would be practically dead during an hour like this.

He nears the edge, taking a glance over. That's a long way down. He's not even scared of heights, yet one small look toward the floor and his stomach churns uneasily. Pulling away, he notices a couple of garden chairs stacked against the side of the door that led up there and easily sets it out, sitting himself down. He wonders whether it's going to be like this all time as he lives with Kurt and Blaine. Sure, it's their apartment and they're allowed to do what they want and stuff, but maybe they could consider doing it when they know he isn't going to be there. Kurt would throw a fit if he did that with a girl.

Now sat down, he's once again reminded that his energy has been drained by work and he desperately needs sleep. His eyes begin to close, his control over them slipping as his mind simultaneously slips into the unconscious state, head lolling against his shoulder. The world becomes black when his eyelids finally close all the way, allowing him to fall into slumber.

His eyes snap open, blinking around at his surroundings with confusion until he remembers the previous night, and Kurt and Blaine's activities. Oh shit, he slept on the roof. The roof. He's surprised that no one had come up and moved him along, but no, not a peep from anyone. When he moves his muscles ache in protest – the mixture of yesterday's physical endurance at work and sleeping in such an awkward position. Finn rubs his shoulders, grimacing a little as he does so. With a yawn and stretch on his limbs, he hurries back to the apartment, wanting to get out of his old clothes and into the hot shower where he can wash the night away.

He wonders whether Kurt and Blaine realise that he isn't there, or they just assume that he's sleeping in. Hell, they might even be sleeping in, especially after how…tiring last night sounded. He shakes his head, trying to listen out for any movement in the apartment as he slowly opens the door, cautiously poking his head through first.

Finn doesn't know what to expect, to be quite honest, but Kurt and Blaine making out on the couch is certainly not something he thought he'd see. But, seriously, do they ever stop? He didn't sign up for this when he agreed to live with them. They shoot apart at the sound of the door closing after Finn, and their faces flush with embarrassment.

Kurt stands, brushing down his clothes, "Finn!" His eyes move to Finn's bedroom door, "we thought that you were asleep. Have you only just got back?" He casts that look in his direction, almost accusing. He'd received it many times after he'd gotten himself into one night stands. Kurt had never approved of his unpredictability with women.

"I-I," he clears his throat, "I got back at two, but then…" Oh damn, should he tell them? 'Cause he remembers that time when Kurt walked in on him having sex and couldn't look him in the eye for the whole day, and he really doesn't want a repeat of that day. "But then I remembered that I left some stuff at the station. And I was really tired, so I just stayed there overnight." He shrugs, "no biggie."

There's a quick glance exchanged between Kurt and Blaine, though Blaine is still blushing like he's been caught by his parents rather than just Finn. With a small smile, Finn points to his room, "I'm just gonna go and lie down for a bit longer. And then have a shower and stuff." He can practically hear his bed calling him and he really wants to feel the comfort of the soft mattress. "You just…" he hesitates, "carry on."

The silence that follows is a little awkward – maybe they realise that making out is probably something that Finn does not want to see from his brother and friend, and that's why he isn't in the best of the moods. He slowly moves to his room, breathing a deep sigh once the door closes after him, separating him from the tension which had started to build up in the living room.

He's too tired to think about even mentioning his worries to Kurt and he collapses on the bed, welcomed by the comfort almost instantly. He wonders whether they've gone back to making out. It's not that he has a problem with them doing that – they have been dating for almost two years – but it's just that he doesn't want to be around it all the time, especially when they're doing more…intimate things. He sighs; they should have like a chart of schedule or something so that he at least knows to avoid that apartment on those days.

With the thought on his mind, he allows himself to fall into a much more comfortable sleep.

---

He walks into the coffee shop for the second time that week, and it's only Tuesday. He's normally not even that much of a coffee drinker. He sees her at the counter, handing over a couple of drinks and take-away bag, her smile super bright even this early in the morning. Her gaze moves around the shop, falling upon him and her smile somehow increases.

There are a couple of people that she has to serve first, but they're soon gone and he's facing her, or more looking down at her, 'cause she's that tiny. "What will it be?" she asks.

"Just a large coffee please," he says, adding, "to go." With a nod, she's quick at work and Finn wanders as she practically glides from counter to counter, completing the task with ease.

Ask her out, his head tells him and, for a moment, he almost listens to it. After all, what's he got to lose? Well, she could say no for one thing and she's really sweet and nice, and he doesn't think that he could face her rejecting him. He wants to take her on a date, to wine and dine her and then go for a second date. Maybe more than that. He's at a stage in his life where's he feels ready to settle down, to just stick with one woman. Finn is done with one night stands, fooling around because it's fun – and feels really good – but after a while it doesn't scratch that internal desire to commit to one person, one woman.

A tiny smile appears on his face. If only his sixteen year old self could hear him now, talking about things like this, things that would have absolutely petrified him when he was younger. It looks like he's come a long way from those days when one date with a girl was reason to celebrate.

"You seem happy." Her voice snaps him from his thoughts and his smile grows as he notices her holding his coffee in her outstretched hand. In return, he pays for the drink, smiling as their fingers brush against one another.

"I am," he says.

Rachel nods, her eyes lingering, not so subtly over his body. He's not dressed in anything fancy, just a T-shirt and some jeans – he likes to keep it simple – so he can change into his work clothes when he gets there. But those many nights in the gym have apparently paid off, since she looks like she wants to devour him right there and then. And Finn wouldn't be opposed to that.

She shakes her head, ripping her gaze from his toned chest, "have a nice day."

Do it, now. His mind is insistent and he wants to, he really wants to. But he doesn't. "You too." He begins to walk away, throwing a glance over his shoulder to find her now talking to the next customer. Finn doesn't know what came over him and why he couldn't find the courage to ask her out, but then she's so pretty and nice and what would she want with someone like him.

He lets out a long sigh, cursing himself. Next time, he tells himself.

---

That doesn't work out either. He tries four times in total, and each one his mind seems to freeze, the words refusing to slip out. Finn can be talking to her about anything, and sometimes he'll stay and chat with her through her entire break, losing himself more and more in this girl at every small thing she does – the way she bites her lip when she's trying not to laugh, or how her eyes sparkle as she tells him one of her funny anecdotes – but each time he tries to get those words out, his brain stops working and he's left looking an idiot.

It really sucks.

---

With a soft yawn, he rolls over in his bunk, eyes squinted slightly. He knows that he should be sleeping right now, since they'll be back to working soon, but he just can't really stop thinking about Rachel, or his problem with Rachel, which is an inability to ask her out. He doesn't want to miss his chance with her – too often has he let girls just slip through his fingers, but not this one, not Rachel.

He strains his ears to hear movement below, any sign that somebody else is awake. Perhaps he'll feel better if he voices his thoughts to someone impartial, rather than keeping them cooped up all day and achieving nothing.

Someone turns over in the bed below him and he shoots up. "Mike?" He whispers harshly, hearing a groan from the other man. He's been working all night.

"What?" he calls back, his voice laced with a hint of annoyance.

Finn sighs, laying back onto the soft pillow. "I need your advice."

"What for?" The words are just as mumbled as before, and Finn knows how much Mike hates losing sleep, but this is like an emergency and he's the only guy that really knows what this is like. Puck is a womanizer, so he doesn't understand asking a girl out solely for her company and nothing to do with sex; Sam thinks that the way to a girl's heart is by doing as many impressions as he can; and his cheeks burn with embarrassment at the thought of asking Kurt and Blaine – that'd just be too weird.

But Mike, he's already married with a kid, a one year old, so he knows what it's like to be that man.

He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes, "how did you ask Tina out?"

The randomness of the question throws Mike and he remains silent for a minute or so, leaving Finn to ramble. "'Cause there's this girl I like, and I want to take her on a date, but every time I try, my head seems to intervene and I can't physically do it. I'm just wondering… did you ever feel like that with Tina?"

He waits anxiously, tapping his fingers against the rail of the bed. He's scared that it's just him, and he'll never man up enough to ask her out himself and, if she doesn't ask him out, then it's clear that she's not interested. Yet she looks at him with this glint in her eyes, and she has a different kind of smile whenever she sees him – that's got to mean something, right?

"Mike?" he says louder when there's no reply.

His friend is thinking though. "I guess," he begins, "there were times when I could have done it before I did, but then I let all these thoughts get in the way, almost convincing myself out of it… It seems stupid now actually. I could have had more great memories with her if I'd done it sooner." He pauses, gathering the thoughts carefully, "we were out with friends when I finally asked her. I told myself that I'd regret it if I didn't, and I still think that today.

"And then she said yes, and it was the best feeling in the world. Well, until she said 'I do' at our wedding." Finn can imagine that smile of Mike's face as he says that – he's so completely in love with Tina and everyone in the room can see it.

He dwells on the words, one staying with him longer than the others. Regret. He doesn't want to be that person, the one who regrets something – missing out on a chance of a lifetime because of fear of rejection.

Mike didn't succumb to his own fear and look where he is now, with a family, happier than ever.

It feels clear now, really clear; he can see exactly what he needs to do. He thanks a sleepy Mike, his heart pumping with slight adrenaline at the thought of asking her the next time he sees her.

He's going to do it.

---

Finn sips quietly at his beer, pretty sure that Kurt and Blaine aren't coming back – they're probably making out somewhere, and he'd rather not see that again, so he just stays put. Besides, it's about time that he got to know the people of the apartment block a bit more. He has been living here for just over a month, and he can't believe that he doesn't know a single person, other than the mentions that they receive from Kurt or Blaine, though these are normally vague and usually slip his mind as soon as they enter.

The roof looks much better than that one time that he'd been out here, disguised behind bright lanterns and streamers, not to mention the occupants of the building, who all seem to have put so much effort into their wardrobe, whereas he's just kind of throw on a clean shirt and jeans. Hassle free, just the way he likes it.

Music blasts from different places, pounding in his ears so that he can barely keep track of any conversations, not that he's really in any. He's just kind of loitering between groups, trying not to say anything stupid and smiling. Smiling is always good – it puts people at ease and stuff, and it's not so bad with the girls either. Though right now he only really has his mind set on one girl in particular, and it's not like it's only a little bit of time either. His thoughts are often consumed by Rachel, not that he minds, 'cause she's really pretty and her soft voice sort of floats through his mind, making him smile to himself.

"Hey." He hears something that sounds suspiciously like her voice, his eyebrows knotting together in an instant – he's not imagining her there, is he? Because then he'd really have to question his mental health. "Hey, you." The words are followed by a soft giggle which he recognises as definitely belonging to Rachel and he turns, the confusion registering on his face.

"Hi! W-what are you doing here?"

It's a little strange to see her out of her work uniform, in a soft pink dress, her hair loose and long rather than in a ponytail. And her features are accented by light makeup, eyes shining in the night. He smiles dopily at her. Rachel takes a sip from her cup, filled almost to the top with some sort of juice, and grins brightly, "you look surprised."

"I am surprised," he replies, though he isn't bad surprised. Actually, he's pretty darn happy right now. "Are you here with someone? I thought that the party was just for the people who live in the building?"

"I live here, silly. Well, kind of," she nudges him playfully, "and it looks like you do too. It's a small world, right?" He shakes his head, blinking. She lives here, in the same apartment as him. That's…that's awesome. It's like fate, or something, that they should be together, and he likes to listen to fate. But her next words bring him temporary joy crashing down, "anyway, I'm waiting for my boyfriend. He should be here in about ten minutes."

"Boyfriend?" he squeaks out, feeling like she's just punched him right in the heart. It's not her fault, of course, that's she's this perfect, amazing girl that other guys want to date too, and he's just too late in meeting her.

Rachel doesn't notice the look on his face as she's too busy peering around the other guests for any sign of her boyfriend, "yes. Jesse." She finally turns back to him and he forces the, biggest, fakest smile onto his face. What kind of a name is Jesse? "He said that he'd leave work early to be here, but he isn't replying to my texts… so I don't know where he is…" The smile slips from her face, a hint of sadness lacing her voice, though it's quickly covered up.

"I'm sure he'll come," he says, not that he's happy about it, but he just wants to make her smile again. It works, and she looks up at him with sparkling eyes, her lips closing around the edge of the cup in her hand once more as she drinks. He averts his gaze, trying to avoid any inappropriate thoughts now that he knows that she's taken and is completely off limits, much to his utter upset. The only girl that he's wanted in months and she is already dating somebody before he'd even had a chance.

"I'm sorry," she says out of nowhere, Finn's forehead creasing at her statement 'cause she really has no reason to be sorry, but he lets her carry on talking anyway. "I just…you come into the coffee all the time and I don't even know your name." She grins, "and you need to know mine!" He chuckles because he's already fully aware what her name is though, apparently, she doesn't know this. "I'm Rachel Berry," she announces proudly, taking his hand in a firm handshake, "it's very nice to meet you…"

He clears his throat, trying to forget about the way that her soft, warm hands wrap around his own, and how he never wants her to let go. "Er… Finn Hudson."

With a nod, she drops her hand, glancing around at the guests once more. He takes it as his moment to ask her a question, "so, when you said that you kind of lived here; what did you mean by that? 'Cause you can't not fully live here, unless you're like, sleeping in the halls or something, but I don't think that's the case."

Rachel giggles to herself, the angelic sound causing him to smile in an instant. He likes to make her laugh. "I stay over at Jesse's a lot," she explains, "and most of my things are there, so I'm practically moved in, you know?"

At the mention of Jesse once more, he experiences a feeling of slight sickness. Stop being jealous, Hudson, he beat you to her, fair and square. Still, no one's saying that he has to like Jesse, thankfully, and he's probably never going to meet the guy, so what's the harm in harboring a little jealously. No one's ever going to find out as he sure as hell won't tell Rachel.

"So you've been together for a while then?" His voice is slightly bitter, not that she notices: she's too busy trying to scout down her boyfriend.

"About two years."

It feels like a punch in the gut, like there's literally no chance anymore, because people who've been dating for that long are probably deeply in love. He's pretty sure that that's how long Blaine and Kurt have been a couple and look at them. They can't keep their damn hands off of each other. Oh God, is that what's she's like with her boyfriend?

"Finn," she says gently, "are you alright? You look a little nauseous…"

"I think I just ate something bad," he lies, still pulling a face. She must pick up on his mood as she's frowning too, almost looking guilty. But there's no reason for her to be guilty – this isn't her fault. "And, you know, I had a really late shift last night. I'm kind of tired too."

She nods in understand, "Oh, of course. You know, I think it's really great, what you do. You must be a very brave person."

It's strange how one compliment, only one, can surpass all those ever given in his life, just because it's from her, someone special. His smile widens, dimples appearing in his cheeks. "Thanks. I-I do my best, you know? It's worth it."

"It must be better than working in a dingy coffee shop."

For a moment, he wonders how it came to her working there because there's no doubt that she's better than that place. He can tell that by just looking at her. She's meant for something amazing and he's sure of that. But he is dragged away from those thoughts as her face becomes instantly downcast, eyes filled with so much sadness that it almost hurts to look at.

"Hey," he nudges her side, "without your coffees, I wouldn't have all that energy to do my job, would I? You keep me going." She becomes slightly happier, though not enough for his liking, "and, you know, it's not just your coffee, but your smile. You could like, power the whole world on your smile. It's so big and bright." And beautiful.

She looks down again, though this time from embarrassment, a deep pink flooding over her face, "that's cheesy."

"But it made you smile," he grins.

"So it did," her eyes meet his, "it seems that you know just what to say, Mr Hudson."

"Only to the right girls, Miss Berry."

Her eyes turn incredibly soft and he's a total guy and all, but he kind of feels like he's a big mushy puddle for a few seconds. That's the effect that she has on him. Then her gaze flickers to the side, and her smile widens, "Jesse!"

At the sound of his name, the man in questions looks toward Rachel, a matching smile sewn onto his face. He moves quickly toward her, enveloping her in a tight hug, not before pecking her lips softly. And yeah, the jealously is totally back. He tries to keep it in, but it's hard. He's never really had any control over his emotions and this is no exception.

He watches the couple exchange words, Rachel so happy. It's not fair. He wants to make her that happy.

Finn knows that he definitely does not want to meet Jesse, 'cause he'll end up saying something completely stupid and then he'll embarrass himself, maybe Rachel too. And then she'll never want to talk to him again – he can't let that happen. So, with incredibly sneaky ninja skills very rare of a person of his height and stature, he sneaks through the crowd and off of the roof. He gets back to the apartment, glad to see that he's home alone and can just spend the next few hours playing video games, or doing something, anything, to take his mind off of Rachel.

---

He wears a smile as he returns home. His shift hadn't been particularly long that day and now he's got two full days off.

"Hey Finn," Blaine smiles, walking through the living room

"Hi," he mumbles, and then he has to do a double take before bursting out laughing. "Dude, what the hell are you wearing?" He holds his sides tightly, trying to contain the completely unmanly giggles that escape his lips.

Blaine looks down at his outfit choice, confusion spread across his face, "what's wrong with it? Kurt said it's cute."

With a smile still prominent on his face, he glances at the clothes one more time. He's wearing a bright orange shirt, with matching shoes to go along with the blinding affair. His shorts – which are extremely short, may he add – are a simple white, though are pretty much hidden by the baggy shirt. His legs are hidden beneath long knee length socks, shin pads hidden beneath the mass of material.

"I'm playing soccer," Blaine explains with a tiny indignant huff.

"You?"

Finn doesn't want to be rude or anything, but Blaine doesn't strike him as the type of guy who'd play soccer, or really any sport. Unless singing counted as a sport and you know, having sex with his brother all the time. But no, he's totally the opposite of that. He's too gentle, he thinks, especially for something like soccer.

"Well, I'm not playing it," he replies, "I'm… I'm teaching it." He stifles another laugh.

"Do you actually know anything about soccer?"

The smaller man crosses his arms, "of course I do. I played it in fifth grade."

Finn resists to laugh now, trying to be a good friend. Though maybe he isn't trying enough. Whatever – Blaine looks ridiculous right now. "Do you remember any of the rules? Things like that?"

Silence.

And then, "…It'll all come back to me."

Oh dear God, those poor children.

This is how Finn ends up in central park, standing with a group of about fifteen children, and trying to help Blaine before he further embarrasses himself in front of younger and smaller people, but only smaller by a tiny margin really. The nine year olds all look at them expectantly, dressed in similar clothes to Blaine, though in totally acceptable colour brightness than the man stood next to him. Where the hell did he get that soccer kit anyway?

"Okay boys, I'm Blaine," he points to himself, wearing a big, eager smile, "and this is my friend, Finn." He then gestures to Finn, who gives a small wave in response, "and we're here to teach you soccer. Erm…"

Finn knows that Blaine probably has some huge speech prepared the night prior, and it would have been great too, if he knew a single thing about soccer. But he doesn't. He even forgot how many people are on either team. So now his speech is probably… a little redundant. He steps forward, "right, let's start with the basics. Dribbling and passing the ball. This sport is all about teamwork and coordinating between one another. Now, pair up, grab a ball and practice passing to your partner."

When they all look at his blankly, he tries another approach. "You," he points to one of the boys nearer him.

"Me?" he squeaks out, his face aghast.

"Don't be scared," Finn smiles, "just come up here for a second." He takes a ball from one of the bags, smiling reassuringly at the kid, who looks incredibly daunted when they're facing each other, his neck craning to see Finn.

Taking a few steps back, he drops the ball to the ground and gently kicks it to the boy, who stops it on instinct. "See? It's easy." The rest of the class nod along, all their expressions mirroring each other. "Now, you, what's your name?"

"John." His voice is quiet.

"Okay, John, can you kick the ball, but kick it a little ahead of me?"

His face scrunches up in confusion slightly, but he does as Finn says. His shoe clips underneath the ball, aiming it for a few feet ahead of Finn. But, rather than going in the right direction, it shoots upwards, flying towards Blaine's who jumps from the ball like it's a bomb.

The snickers of a few boys can be heard behind them and Finn frowns as John's posture slumps. "That's okay. He'll be fine. We all make mistakes." He says, not before adding quietly, "besides, he's used to balls flying at face." He goes for another ball, patting John's shoulder as he passes him, "that's why we practice, right?" He kicks to ball back to John, "let's go again."

This time his aim is more on target, and it rolls slightly ahead of Finn, who catches up with it easily, placing a foot over the ball to halt it in its tracks. "Great!" He gives a friendly wink to John, who is now smiling too, exuding happiness at being able to perform such a simple task. "Come on then guys, get practising."

He watches as they each find a pair, starting to copy the passes and practising their dribbling.

"That was good," Blaine says as he stands beside him, peering up, "thanks for doing this, Finn. I really appreciate the help."

"Nah, it's nothing. I used to play when I was a kid and it was really fun, you know? Why not share that with other kids?"

Blaine looks down a little sheepishly. "Well, there's a class same time next week. Maybe…"

"I'll see what I can do," he grins, while keeping a watchful eye over the kids. They all seem to be getting the technique. They just need to keep going at it.

---

He squints his eyes as he tries to read Kurt's swirly handwriting, pulling the grocery list nearer his face to do so, one hand pushing the cart absently. He doesn't know what half of the stuff on there is, but Kurt wants them all, so he's got to find them somehow.

"Finn!"

With a bright smile, he turns and finds himself looking down at an equally smiley Rachel. "Fancy seeing you here," she chuckles. It feels good to see again – like it does every time. She hadn't been too annoyed that he'd left the party those few weeks ago because, well, she'd had Jesse, hadn't she? And Finn's deflated himself to the fact that he can never make her as happy as her boyfriend can.

"What are the odds?" He answers with a chuckle, hiding his jealously of the thought of Jesse beneath it.

Rachel's grin doesn't waver and she moves out of the way for a grumbling elderly man to pass before glancing his way again. "I was just thinking about you, you know."

Despite himself, his heart starts to beat quickly. "Really?"

"Yes," she nods eagerly, "I was walking past that cake store that you told me about on the way here, and you've been on my mind ever since."

He doesn't know why, but the fact that she remembers something so small like that, one second in a conversation, causes him to grin like a lovesick fool. He can't stop himself. "Well, I'm almost done here. We could… I dunno, go and have something there? You'd love it." He can see her smile falter, "it's not a date. Just… two friends getting cakes or pastries and stuff together."

She slowly nods, "I guess that would be fun. Everything did look delicious." She bites her lip, "are we really friends?"

Finn is taken aback, eyebrows swooping down, "of course we are."

A noticeable breath of relief flows through her. "I'm sorry. I just didn't want to be presumptuous and – "

He places a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently, "Rach, no worries." A lopsided smile appears on his lips, "come on, let's finish up here and then go." He inwardly jumps for joy at the thought of spending the next few hours with her.

---

Finn quickly develops a sort of love for his little team of soccer players. They're all really nice and they want to play, which he likes. They look up to him too, not just in the literal sense, because practically everyone has to look up to him, but they like to show him new things that they've learned, and they like to talk to him a lot, whether it be about their new pet, or something that happened at school that day. He just sits, listens and smiles.

He likes kids - his mom often calls him a big kid himself, and so it's easy to talk to them, to get excited for them. And he just…he's really glad that Blaine asked for his help.

After one particularly fun practice, he runs up the stairs. Blaine had been with him, but he'd stopped off at the store the get some Band-Aids for a pretty nasty cut he'd got during practice. He smiles at the few neighbours that he knows, though he's only lived here for a couple of months, so that isn't many right now. When he sees her, his mood just increases like a thousand times, and that's a really good feeling, you know? He wants to hold onto it forever.

She's carrying books, a lot of books for someone so small and, by the looks of it, she's struggling with them too.

"Hey," he jogs up the few stairs to meet her, "you need any help?"

Rachel jumps slightly at the sound of his voice, though lets out a relieved sigh at the sight of him. "Finn!" She beams, "yes, oh, thank you. I fear that I was being slightly too ambitious when I told Jesse that I'd bring all of these books."

He chuckles, letting the top ones slide into his hands. He tries to ignore the mention of Jesse, but it's hard. She talks about him sometimes when he's getting his coffees and he just internally rolls his eyes and tries to focus on the times where their hands touch as she gives him his things, or the way that she looks at him, and it feels…different, like there's something hidden beneath it.

"Why're you bringing them all anyway?" he questions, nosily browsing through the books in his hand. They're all… they're all baby books. He feels like somebody has just thrown a huge bucket of ice cold water all over him and that's definitely not a good feeling. He turns to Rachel questioningly, just hoping that it isn't true, that his mind is just jumping ahead and making ridiculous assumptions. "Y-you…"

"I'm pregnant."

Hearing her say it makes it worse. No, seeing her smile as she says it is probably the thing that causes his heart to ache in his chest.

"It's a surprise," she says, acting somewhat quiet to what he's used to, "but it's a nice surprise."

He doesn't know what to say. How is he supposed to react to that? His head is spinning, his heart beating wildly. He feels pathetic for admitting it, but he'd dreamt of her saying that, only it was his baby.

"I'm two months along," Rachel adds when his silence becomes too strong and she has to speak.

He clears the frog from his throat. "C-congratulations."

"Do you want to see?" she bites her lip.

No, not really. But then she looks so happy and how can he possibly say no? "Sure." She makes this noise like an excited little squeak then places down the books she's carrying on the stairs. Once they're in a neat pile, she pulls out her purse and of course she's the type of person to carry around her baby's sonogram. He can't resist the smile that crawls onto his face.

"Here!" she pulls it from her pink polka dot purse, "him or her." The small picture is thrust into his face.

He scrunches up his face as he tries to search what she's talking about, 'cause the picture just looks like a lot of blobs and he's not sure which blob is her baby, but he feels like he's supposed to know, especially with her giving him that look. "Err… that's really awesome."

Rachel's face falls, "you can't see it, can you?"

"Well, kind of… if I squint really hard – maybe, I could… no – not really…" His gaze shifts uncomfortable. He doesn't want to make her disappointed, "it's not my fault that your baby is going to be as small as you!"

She feigns insult, "hey! I am normal sized."

"For a midget," he chuckles.

Though she shakes her head at him, she's still smiling and she moves closer to him, her back flush against his chest. "You've got to look closer." His hands go to take hold of the small picture, replacing her own, while his arms are tight around her, allowing no room for movement. He doesn't mind so much, and apparently she doesn't either.

He follows her fingers, which points to one of the large shapes. "That's our baby," she says. He ignores the way that his heart jumps a little when she says our baby. Because it's not theirs. It's her and Jesse's, and he's just being an idiot by deluding himself otherwise.

"That blob?" he asks after a few seconds.

He can practically hear her roll her eyes. "Yes, Finn. That blob is the baby."

Finn chuckles, "hey, that's a nice looking blob." She twists her neck to look up at him, unable to keep the smile from her face, eyes glistening with amusement. And somehow his chin ends up resting on her head and neither notice. He can smell her shampoo, strawberry, and it smells awesome, leaving him lightheaded, his heart content. "I'm sure that that blob will grow up into the cutest baby ever."

"You think so?" She pouts slightly, "I really don't want him or her to have my nose." Her fingers brush over the feature gently.

"Why?" his forehead creases, "what's wrong with your nose?" She gives him a look as if to ask seriously? "It's cute. I mean, it makes you unique, right? You don't wanna look like all those photo-shopped Hollywood models. You just…you wanna look like Rachel." He shrugs his smile light. And Rachel just stares at him, her face too hard to read. By now she's turned to face him completely, and like, they're so close, but he likes it. He likes it a lot. It's better than the accidental touches – this is completely intentional. She knows what she's doing and she's not moving away, not pulling back. That's got to mean something, right?

He smiles down at her, suddenly feeling the weight of the books in his hand, "we should really get to our apartments, huh? As nice as this hallway is…" he chuckles, both growing slightly sheepish at not realising how much time they'd been spending there.

Rachel smiles and nods, shuffling out of his arms and slipping the picture back into her pocket. She picks up the books, following after him on the stairs, "what floor are you on?"

"The seventh," he says, pulling a face. It's not so bad living on that floor, but when he's just had a forty eight hour shift, he thinks that it'd be much easier on him to live on the ground floor, "what about you?"

"The fourth." She smiles, "looks like you have it worse than me."

"Nah, I could do with the exercise," he jokes, "gotta keep on top form, right?"

Her eyes move over his chest, a smirk crawling onto her lips. "I think you're just fine." They walk slowly together, their eyes never once leaving the others. His mood mellows a little when he sees the large four floor sign at the top of the stairs. He doesn't want them to stop talking; he just wants to spend more time with her.

"Well," she sighs tiredly as the reach the top, "this is me."

"Yeah," he scratches the top of his head, "do you need me to carry the rest of these to your apartment?"

"That's very chivalrous, but I think I can manage." He places the last of the books atop her pile, blushing a lot 'cause he's sure that his hand just brushes against her boob and that's not good. She doesn't seem to notice or, if she does, she doesn't care. "Thank you," she says gratefully, "I'll see you around?" Her face is hopeful, eyes wide.

Finn can't help but smile, "oh yeah, of course! You still make the meanest cup of coffee in New York."

She grins, "I should go before Jesse wonders where I am." And once again Finn is reminded why Rachel is off limits.

He manages to hide his frown, "probably. Have fun reading your…err – your baby books."

"I will. I mean, hopefully I will. It's all kind of scary, isn't it? Babies…"

"I wouldn't know, I'm not having one." He says this a little bluntly, maybe a little too bluntly because her smile drops. "but it's awesome that you are. They're cute and stuff, with their little hands and little toes, and little… everything." Rachel still looks nervous, chewing at her bottom lip, "and you'll be the best mom ever."

When her eyes meet his, they're filled with worry and doubt, "how do you know?"

"I just know," he says surely.

The beam returns to her face and she hoists the books up higher with a soft groan, "I really should go this time. Bye Finn." She offers a tiny wave in his direction, making her way down the large hallway to her apartment. Finn watches, never taking his eyes off of her as she does so. He kind of feels like a creep for just staring at her like this, but he can't stop himself, and he doesn't want to either. She reaches the door, hesitating with the handle before she turns, her eye softening at the sight of him still waiting. She lifts up her hand and waves again, this time the action more eager. He quickly returns it.

Once she's inside, he begins to trek the further two floor, unable to keep the grin off of his face. It's stupid, he knows, to hold onto the hope that something could happen. She's with someone else. She's having a baby with someone else and here he is, getting as giddy as school girl at the slightest interactions between them. He knows that he should just give up, let go of these feelings, yet another side of him doesn't want to. His head is telling him to call it quits while his heart is telling him that there is still a chance. And he likes what his heart is saying much more…

Stepping inside the apartment, he's met with stony silence, which is weird because normally there's one of Kurt's CDs on or the couple are arguing over pointless things like which bow tie fits what occasion. It's a bit repetitive, but it's nice and familiar, and not coming home to it now is weird.

Home, he smiles. He's never referred to this apartment as home before, though he thinks that it's become that now. Him, Kurt and Blaine, all living together in their small home and yeah, sometimes the radiators break and they all have to stuff themselves under Blaine's Harry potter blanket or the lights flicker at night and he convinces himself that he's in a horror film, but he's never been happier in one place.

Not the mention that Rachel lives near them. Like, right now, she's in the same building as him, only a few floors down. Still, she's with Jesse. Probably kissing, hugging – all the things that he wants to do with her. He pulls a face of distaste at this thought, beginning a search around the apartment to find out where Kurt and Blaine are.

He finds everywhere empty – even their bedroom, and he going to check his own, expecting to find nothing, when he sees a shape snuggled under the covers, rising and falling slowly. "Er…hello?" His brows knot together.

The shape moves, groans and then rolls over. It sits up and a mass of curly hair is unveiled, and he knows in an instant that it's Blaine. He holds a hand to his face, expression pained. "Kurt?" he questions dryly, the words forced, laced with hurt. It's almost borderline desperate.

"No," Finn says, "it's me. I - what are you doing in my room? 'Cause that's a little weird…" His eyes avert away from Blaine, who looks so upset that it physically hurts to witness, "are you okay, man?" Alright, clearly he isn't okay, but he doesn't know what to say to him right now – he's never seen Blaine looking so terrible.

"Kurt," the man says, this time not a question. More of a cry of despair, and now Finn is really worried.

He moves over to the bed, sitting himself down and trying not to sit on Blaine 'cause the last thing he needs now is his butt landing on top of him and probably crushing him. No, definitely not. He thinks about patting Blaine's shoulder, but maybe he'd think that it's patronizing or something and so he keeps his hands firmly to himself, stiffly sitting beside the man. "What about Kurt?" he builds up the courage to ask.

Blaine's shoulders are slumped, body hundred hunched over. He looks utterly defeated, like there's no point in anything anymore. "We…we had a fight," he whispers, his words broken and Finn's heart sinks instantly. No, they can't have a fight. They're Kurt and Blaine. They're the couple that are always happy, always stable and so loving with the other. They don't fight. "It was so stupid," Blaine continues, running a hand through his messy curls, "I was stupid."

"What happened Blaine?"

His eyes meet Finn's and why does he have to look like a kicked, hurt little puppy when he's sad? It's making Finn sad too. "Kurt… he…" Blaine hiccups and Finn prepares himself for the devastating story, "he said that I – I… wear too many bow ties."

He does a double take.

Wait, what?

That's it?

But Blaine is looking to him like it's the biggest deal in the world, like his soul has been crushed upon this "fight".

And then Finn starts to laugh, full on from the bottom of his belly laughing that echoes loudly though the dark room, bouncing off the walls. He holds his sides, as if trying to contain them, yet it's a fruitless attempt, and they arrive thick and fast. Blaine doesn't look particularly impressed. They were fighting about… bow ties. Oh God. He'd convinced himself that this fight could be detrimental – maybe one of them had cheated or something equally as hurtful though he doesn't know what to say now that he knows that spark of it all came from Blaine's accessory choices.

Blaine drops his face into his hands, "he said that I care about my bow ties more than him."

He knows that he should at least try to be a little more sympathetic toward Blaine, as this is apparently a big issue right now, but it's funny, okay? And his last comment just produces more laughs from him.

"Finn, stop laughing!"

"You… Kurt… bow ties," He is physically unable to speak in full sentences any more, his face scrunched up from laughing so much. He did not sign up to this when he moved in with these two. But it's funny as hell.

"This is serious, Kurt got really angry at me because of it."

If anything, this makes Finn worse and he doubles over in laughter, cheeks tight and aching from the strain. After a good ten minutes of trying to control it, he manages to contain it to the occasional chuckle. His face is slightly red, tears growing in his eyes, but he quickly wipes them away and regains his breath, "Blaine, dude, I'm sure that everything is fine. You and Kurt," he grins, "an argument about bow ties can't pull you apart."

His head lifts up, still looking exceptionally sad, "you think so?"

"Oh yes, I think that you two are in it for the long haul."

Blaine manages to crack a smile, which only increases when Finn gives him a friendly pat on the back. "Thanks, man."

"No problem. But…err – why were you in my room?"

He sighs, looking longingly toward the railings of Kurt's unfinished creations, "I just wanted something to remind me of Kurt after he stormed out." This sets Finn off giggling once more, earning a nudge from his friend.

---

He hurries over to the coffee shop, checking his watch for the hundredth time as he arrives in front of the small glass door. It's late, really late, but he just really wants an excuse for a good coffee (and to see Rachel again). Finn presses his face to the cold glass, sighing in defeat when he sees no life from inside - just his luck. He's turning to leave when movement strikes his vision and a smile grows on his face when he realises it's Rachel.

An instant later, he's tapping on the glass, a hopeful expression flooding over his features. She jumps, looks up and returns his smile. Rachel quickly has the door open, allowing him into the warmth of the shop where he shrugs off his jacket and hovers around her. She looks pretty today. The usual brown apron isn't around her waist, instead it's held up by a hook in the corner, and she has her hair down, flowing along her back in thick waves.

"You're here late," she comments, and he looks around, noticing that the place is basically deserted other than her. Not that he's complaining about a little alone time with her.

"A-are you closed?" he questions sheepishly, "'cause I can go if you want?" But she's already let him inside, so it's pretty clear that she doesn't want him to go.

Rachel smiles, shaking her head, "for you, we're always open." She moves behind the counter with ease, "I'm guessing that you want a coffee?"

"Err, yeah."

"The usual?" she raises her eyebrow in question.

"Please." He nods then takes a seat in one of the plush chairs nearer the counter, watching her as she works. It doesn't take her more than five minutes to produce his order, bringing it to the table before him, alongside her bright smile. He stares down at it, "you didn't make it to go…"

The smile slips from her face, "oh, I thought… nevermind! Let me just rema –"

"No," he corrects her, "it's fine. I was just confused…" He trails off before adding, "I'll stay."

At this, she practically bounces on the spot, moving to drop herself on the chair across from him when her face suddenly becomes white, and her hand flies over her mouth. She runs, and she's like super-fast too, toward the bathroom where he hears heaving not seconds later. Frowning deeply, he goes after her. She's on the floor when he arrives, hunched over the toilet with a sad expression ghosting her face.

He's worried, his heart just about ready to beat from his chest, when he realises exactly what the cause is. "Morning sickness?" And really, the thought makes him a little sick. He finds it strange how it's called morning sickness when clearly people get it at all times of the day. Why not just call it pregnancy sickness or something?

Finn is pulled from his thoughts when Rachel starts heaving once more and he kneels to the floor beside her, gently sweeping back her hair and rubbing her back. He winces each time she coughs and or the contents of her stomach hits the water in the toilet, 'cause it is kind of gross, but Rachel must be having a worse time than him, so he'll deal with it. "Are you alright?" he questions her softly, as if keeping his voice down is going to help in some way. She takes some toilet paper, wiping around her mouth.

"Could you please get me some water?"

"Oh yes… of course!" He scrambles up onto his feet and rushing into the kitchen, searching for a glass of some sort. When he can't find one, he just grabs one of the coffee mugs and fills it with cool water. Rachel stands as he returns, flushing the toilet and washing her hands. She quickly rinses out her mouth with the water he brought, giggling at his choice of container and then sighs. Finn finds himself rubbing her back again, his large hands running down the expanse of her shirt.

She smiles, "that feels nice."

"Good. You feeling any better?"

Rachel nods, swallowing thickly, "I've been like this all week. Upchucking at anything." She scrunches up her nose, "I don't know what set it off this time…"

He feels sorry for her – this is why he's kind of glad guys never have to go through all the pregnancy stuff. It does not sound fun. "Come on, you should sit down." He slowly leads her back to the chair where she places herself down neatly, sinking into the seat with a satisfied smile. "It feels nice to be off my feet," she says, "I've been working all day."

"Are you sure that's a good idea? With the baby and all?

She sighs, "we need the money. Babies aren't cheap. And we're flying down to Ohio this weekend so…"

Finn frowns lightly. "You are?"

"Yes, to see my dads and tell them about the baby. I just," she bites her lip, "I don't want them to be angry at me."

"Why would they be angry?"

She stares at the floor for a minute, her face slightly conflicted. "I know that I'm an adult, and I have my own life – but sometimes I still feel like their little girl. I'm sure that they feel the same way and I don't think they'll be happy about me having a baby at this age. Career first, children second. That's what they always told me."

That seems kind of silly, he thinks. Why does it have to be one or the other? Why can't it be both? There are lots of celebrities who have babies during their career and still go on to be successful. "Yeah, but a baby isn't going to stop you from being a star."

Her shoulders slump. "Finn, babies need constant care, constant attention. How am I supposed to even start working on my career when I have to look after my baby?"

"You just need to believe in yourself." She blinks at him, eyes as wide as saucers before a smile creeps onto her face, "I think that you can do it…" He suddenly grins, "and if you ever need a free babysitter, I'll happily volunteer."

She chuckles, "you?" Rachel leans forward, resting her chin on her palm, eyes shining with amusement.

"Yes," he says, "I'm great with kids."

"Hmmm."

"What? I am! I teach kids soccer." He forgets to mention that so does Blaine, but what Blaine does can't really count as teaching, not really.

Her eyebrows rise, "really? That's… that's really nice, Finn. How long have you been doing that?"

"Just over a couple of months," he beams proudly, delving into long stories about the kids. He can't help it sometimes – he just likes to tell people about then. Each and every one of them is so special, and has so much potential. He just wants others to see that.

"It sounds like they've really wormed their way into your heart." She chuckles, looking extremely happy at the same time, "you must really like kids."

"Oh, they're great!" he exclaims, "they're funny and interesting, you know? And honest, that's what I like about kids."

Rachel smiles at him, but there's something hidden beneath it. Maybe… it kind of looks like sadness. "You'll make a great father one day. Your kids will be lucky."

His heart swells a little over the fact that she thinks this. He grins, "nah, I'll be the lucky one."

The smile on her face doesn't falter at all – if anything it grows large. She suddenly looks down to his coffee, "oh, that must be cold by now!"

In all honesty, he'd completely forgotten that that was there and maybe he should have drank it before it went so cold. He hates cold coffee. Rachel laughs at him, getting to her feet again, "I'll make you another one, if you promise to drink it this time." She winks his way. He's sure that his heart momentarily stops beating and he's grinning dopily at her like an idiot.

He chuckles, "hey, you're the one that distracted me." He doesn't miss the blush that strikes her face before she quickly spins in another direction. At least they'll get to talk for longer now.

---

Finn winces up each step, holding onto his lower back. Man, does it hurt. After a fall during one of his call outs today, it had been aching badly for hours, and he'd refused a trip to the ER because, really, it's fine and he just needs like a long, hot bath or something.

"Finn!" his brother's shrill voice announces as he's barely taken one step into the apartment, "get changed. You have a job!"

His brows knot together. "What? What're you talking about?" Kurt stands in the living room, hand on his hips and a 'don't you dare say no' expression. But he's aching everywhere and can the universe just give him a break? He'd really appreciate that. "Kurt, I don't want to "experiment" with your clothes again. You stuck needles in me!"

Kurt tusks, moving over to him, "only a couple of times. And you looked great in those clothes, even if hardly any of them fit you because you're such a giant."

"Yeah, I'm really going to want to help you now," he replies sourly, expression stony.

His brother shakes his head, "no, Finn, please. I need you."

He has to admit that he's curious, but his muscles are shouting in protest right now. "Hmmm?"

"Okay, so my friend asked me to design her nursery for her baby and, of course, I'm totally honored, especially because she has horrible taste in well… everything. Anyway, I can't start the actual design of it because it needs to be wallpapered again, and they need someone to put down the new floor and – "

"You want me to do it?"

He sighs. Sometimes that's the bad thing about living with Kurt and Blaine – he's always the one that ends up doing to manual labor. Sometimes Blaine may try, but he's too small to reach a lot of the places, even with using a ladder.

Kurt clasps his hands together happily, "oh yes, thank you!" He lunges forward, catching Finn's body in a tight embrace and ouch, that hurts. He doesn't even remember agreeing to this!

"Okay, you just go get changed, and then I'll take you to her apartment." He grins, pushing him into the bedroom, "don't worry, I'll split the earnings thirty seventy." Finn swats at his brother to gets his hands off of him, a tiny smile on his face.

And, ten minutes later, he's following Kurt down the stairs, trying to keep up with his fast, excited skip. He keeps mumbling things to himself, like different shades of colors and all these people, leaving Finn baffled, just staring ahead.

"So, you and Blaine seem to be okay now?" He mentions. Judging by the sounds he heard the other day, they're definitely alright.

Kurt sends him a slightly embarrassed look – he knows exactly what Finn's thinking. The look on his face gives it all away. "We talked through everything and we're better than ever! It was just one silly argument anyway." He nods along.

He feels a little nervous when he sees that they've arrived on the fourth floor, watching Kurt's direction very warily. And it doesn't take a genius to work out whose nursery he's going to be helping to decorate. Rachel is probably the only pregnant woman on this floor. He sighs. It's not that he doesn't want to see Rachel again – he always wants to see Rachel, but he just… he doesn't want Jesse to be there. He's yet to actually speak a word to the man, not that he is particularly hurt that that's the case. He'd rather stay away from him to be honest, but that doesn't seem likely as Rachel's his friend and Jesse is her boyfriend.

But then Kurt is stopping outside the apartment door, the same one that she'd disappeared into those few days ago, and his heart starts a quick rhythm in his chest, thumping and thumping until it's all that he can hear. His mouth even goes a little dry. Kurt's already knocking, so he doesn't really have much to compose himself before the door open, revealing Jesse, who wears a cheery smile that really irks Finn.

"Hi Kurt," he says to his neighbor, "and… I don't believe we've met before."

"Yeah err…" Finn clears his throat, "I'm Finn."

"Our manual labor," Kurt adds.

Jesse reaches out a hand to Finn, who takes it a little reluctantly and shakes. "Jesse," he says, so happily that Finn finds himself pulling a face at his tone. "Come in," he opens the door wider, that bright smile never leaving his face. Finn wants to wipe it off.

They enter together and Finn takes the few seconds that Jesse starts offering drinks before heading into the kitchen to have a look around the apartment. It's nice, really nice. He imagines that they spent a lot of time and energy into making it look like this, and they've been dating for two years so they must have done it together.

He expects Jesse to come back with some drinks, but it's Rachel who appears from the kitchen, the shock registering on her face as she sees him there. "Finn," she announces happily, "what're you doing here?" She places down the drinks on the large coffee table, moving to hug him tightly, and then do the same with Kurt.

"Wait, you two already know each other?"

At this point, Jesse comes out of the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe curiously.

"Oh, it's nothing. He just comes into the coffee shop where I work."

"She makes the best coffee," Finn adds proudly, making her blush. He doesn't realise that he's staring at Rachel until Kurt clears his throat loudly. He averts his gaze for a second though it easily finds her again. She's got the tiniest of bumps now, one that you wouldn't notice if you weren't looking for it. But just seeing it makes it all real – she's really pregnant. He feels strange, a feeling that he can't quite place.

It takes Jesse mentioning something about the nursery for Rachel and Finn to stop gazing at one another and the four head over to the 2nd bedroom, where everything has been stripped. It's a decent size, similar to his own, with two large windows on adjacent walls streaming in light.

In the corner, there are supplies and tool stacked up, ready to be used to create the perfect nursery.

Jesse begins to explain exactly what they want doing – it seems that tonight they want him to start fitting in the soft carpet – and of course he mentions that they'll be paid for their troubles. Rachel nods along eagerly.

She holds onto his arm, "we can't thank you enough."

Out of the corner of his eyes, Finn sees Kurt gaze at the two of them suspiciously.

"It's nothing," he says, "think of it as a gift… from me and Kurt… for the baby. In fact, you don't even need to pay us."

"What?" the other three exclaim simultaneously.

Kurt's eyes widen, "ignore him. He's had a long day at work and his head isn't working properly." He turns to Rachel, "long days make him go a little loopy."

He rolls his eyes, "fine, you don't have to pay me for any of the work. Kurt, you can pay. I don't care what happens there, but I won't accept any money from you."

"A-are you sure?"

"Yes," he insists, "I've never been surer of anything." He finds himself grinning down at her again, heart fluttering when she returns it. Neither notice the looks that Kurt is giving them.

Once he's started putting the floor down, Jesse has to leave for rehearsal, not before kissing Rachel deeply and then kissing her stomach, and Kurt stays to keep Rachel company. They can be heard from the soon to be nursery, sitting and talking in the living room. He sighs, cutting the carpet to fit the awkward corners and then pressing it down into a snug fit. It's a soft cream color, and he's pretty sure that Kurt picked it out since it's similar to the one in his bedroom.

He opens a window, letting in some fresh air into the sweltering room. All the hard work is really making him hot. Finn stands, stretching out his legs and arms – a relief from kneeling on the floor for the last hour. His fingers tug his shirt up slightly, sighing when the cool air hits his skin.

As he turns, he finds Rachel stood in the doorway, her mouth falling open slightly at the sight of him fanning himself with his shirt. She reluctantly tears her eyes away from his abs, shaking her head. "Do you want a drink or something?" Her words are quiet, eyes still wide.

"Sure," he says with a bright smile, "I'm worn out."

"Are you almost done?" She glances around the room and Finn nods, "it looks really good…thank you." He begins to follow her into the kitchen, which is more spacious than in their apartment and she pours him some of this really awesome lemonade stuff that she said she'd made herself.

He pretends not to notice her staring at his chest time and time again.

"Are you sure that you don't want us to pay you for your hard work? It's not trouble, Finn."

With a shake of his head, he smiles. "I am sure. Honestly, what's a little favor between friends?" Rachel smiles brightly, unable to stop herself from bouncing forward and catching him in a tight hug. He happily reciprocates, smiling as her head rests against his shoulder. He gently rubs his hand down to the small of her back and up again.

"You're a really great friend," she whispers.

He wishes that she'd stop reminding him that they're friends – friends and nothing else. But then he doesn't dare say that to her and instead pulls her closer. It feels so comfortable there, with her safe in his arms and he wants to stay like that forever. But they can't. They both know that.

At the sound of the bathroom door opening, they move apart, stepping away from one another. Finn takes another sip of his drink and Rachel starts talking about the next time he comes down to help with the decorating. Kurt smiles at the both of them, easily slipping into the conversation and, a little after that, Finn manages to finish the floor. The grateful look that Rachel gives him afterwards is worth all of the aching limbs.

However, he's not prepared for Kurt's confrontation as soon as they leave the apartment.

"What the hell was that?!"

"…what was what?" His face is a picture of confusion.

Kurt rubs his forehead slowly, "I saw it all Finn. Are you and Rachel… is she cheating on Jesse with you?"

"No!" He looks at Kurt like he's crazy. Did he really just ask that? "She'd never do that to Jesse! You know that. We all know it." Finn's voice becomes sad, his body deflating as he speaks.

It makes it pretty obvious to Kurt. "You like her." He doesn't deny it, instead hanging his head and sighing. "Oh Finn," his brother starts on a more sympathetic route.

He shakes his head, "don't bother. It's not like it's your fault." Still, he doesn't resist when Kurt places a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I'm such an idiot," he mumbles, "but I can't help the way I feel. I tell myself all the time… that it's pointless to carry on feeling like this… but I just can' t get the feelings to go away. They're there every time I see her and, ugh, they just get stronger all the time."

Kurt frowns, squeezing his shoulder. He shrugs the hand off gently, rubbing a hand over his own face. "It's my fault. I just… I let the feelings grow, and now I can't stop them." They're at their own apartment now, Finn unlocking the door and letting them both in.

"I know this must be hard for you, but you can't cross that line of friendship Finn. She's having someone else's baby."

"You think I don't know that!" he snaps. His eyes widen slightly, a sad sigh escaping his lips, "I'm sorry… I think I'll go to bed." He doesn't leave time Kurt to protest.

---

A few weeks slip by without Finn really noticing, his busy work schedule causing him to really lose track of the days. For a while, it feels like all he does is eat, sleep and work.

He only manages to see Rachel a few times, due to his business, and he hates that. Because, sometimes, it feels like she's his best friend. He's got Puck and the others guys, but they haven't really been talking much since he moved here. It's not their fault. People just drift away sometimes he guesses. And anyway, Rachel isn't a bad candidate for a best friend. Sure, she doesn't play Xbox and she cowers behind her pillow every time he tries to get her to watch a horror film, but she's good at other stuff. Like baking – oh wow, does she make some nice stuff. And she gets cravings all the time, so she'll just make all sorts, and his happy, full belly isn't complaining at all.

She sings to him to. She says that she likes to do it, that sharing her talent with people, even if it's just one person, is a good deed. Finn can't help but laugh when she gets like that. Most people would be put off by it, someone who's so sure that one day they'll make it, and they won't need fake things to get there. No, they'll do it purely with the talent that they possess… It's admirable. That's just Rachel though.

He smiles as he thinks about her, munching on the bag of chips that he has. Kurt says that he does that a lot, smile out of nowhere. It's Rachel and her… She just… she has the ability to make him happy whenever he thinks about her, and that's never happened to him before. He really, really likes it, the way that his whole body feels like it's on cloud nine, his heart so content and happy. That's the power of Rachel.

Finn suddenly sits up straight, face scrunched up in thought. Those feelings, those signs, they can only mean one thing.

He's in love.

He knows it, knows that it's true. There is really no denying what the heart wants, is there? And it's Rachel that he wants, that he'll always want. Every other girl in the universe, every past girlfriend, seem like nothing when compared to the small brunette, the one who managed to steal his heart away without him really noticing.

When did it happen? When did a silly little crush grow into something much deeper? Something which will no doubt complicate their relationship even further.

Finn's breathing becomes slightly more irregular, his brain still trying to absorb recent discoveries. He just… he doesn't know what to do. What's the next step? He can't tell her this… can he? No, definitely not. She's with Jesse, she'll always be with him and the insignificant fact that he loves her will do nothing to change that.

Falling back against the chair, he realises that maybe it wasn't the best of idea, getting so close to her, allowing himself to let his feelings escalate. But then, the thought of not seeing her regularly makes sadness swallow him up.

He's just being cruel to himself. He should stop, right now. But how do you stop loving someone?

---

When he sees her the following day, it's like his tongue gets frozen inside of his mouth and all ability to speak seizes. Her smile always looks prettiest in the morning. He doesn't know why, it just does. Of course, it always looks pretty, but there's something exciting and thrilling about it when it's one of the first things that he sees in the morning. It really sets him in the right mood for the rest of the day.

"Morning Finn," she practically sings, her eagerness contagious, "the usual?"

He nods and smiles, sitting himself on one of the corner tables 'cause he has time to spare and he doesn't know how long it's gonna take him to be able to talk again. He can't just leave here without saying anything, can he?

Finn finds himself watching her swiftly ready his order, flying around the kitchen. For a moment, he's distracted by the busy street outside. Despite it being super early that day, the city is alive and bustling as always, not a moment of silence to be found. Finn smiles to himself.

"You're staying in today?"

He jumps as he hears the voice behind him and turns to see Rachel peering down, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet. His eyes drop down to her slightly protruding bump for a few seconds. She's almost five months, he thinks, and still she doesn't really look that big. The baby must be small like her. That'd be cute – a little carbon copy of Rachel.

When she clears her throat, he realises that he hasn't replied and quickly nods, taking the coffee from her hands, "I don't start work until eight." He pauses, "I got time."

Rachel seems to take this as an invitation to sit with him as the next second she's squeezed in beside him and like, there's a seat exactly opposite from his, but she's here, her thigh pressed up firmly against his. Does she know what she's doing to him? To stop any word vomit from happening, he takes a long sip of his drink and suddenly finds it very interesting.

He isn't looking at her, but he knows that she's smiling. To be honest, she's smiling like ninety nine percent of the time. She's like the happiest person that he knows, and sometimes it kills him that it isn't him who makes her this happy. No, it's Jesse.

"You're looking particularly thoughtful," she chuckles, "anything interesting going on in there?" She taps his forehead gently and he hopes that she doesn't notice the way he shivers slightly under her touch and his eyes don't move from her. They don't even falter.

Like he's going to tell her exactly what he's thinking, when it will most definitely jeopardize their friendship. No thank you.

He chuckles. "Stuff."

She scrunches up her face. "That's a little vague… come on, you're supposed to tell your best friend everything." She pushes her small elbow into his.

"Hey, that hurt. Your bony little elbow." He nudges her back, though kind of really misguiding his own elbow and hitting too near her stomach for comfort. She winces slightly and Finn's heart leaps. "Oh crap, I'm sorry, I –

"It's fine," she tells him, "it was an accident."

But yeah, he still feels terrible 'cause he hurt her, and this feeling right now is probably the worst that he's felt in years. His hand finds hers. "No, really."

Rachel stares back at him, expression borderline confused as her eyes scan his face. They're inches apart and she looks happy, so happy, just to be that close to him. It's certainly an improvement from a moment ago. Then the smile is slipping from her lips and instead she becomes conflicted, her eyes unsure, searching his for answers.

But he doesn't have the answers; he doesn't even know what she's thinking, what is going on in that head of hers.

He barely notices when her gaze falls to his lips, lingering there longer than it should. She then snaps her head up, the rest of her body shooting onto her feet and she's clearing her throat, "I should get back to work."

Finn observes her a little more – she's almost nervous. It's strange, since he's the one that's supposed to be nervous around her. Her movements are jerky, face flushed.

"Erm, yeah. That's probably a good idea," he smiles sweetly at her, trying to dispel the sudden tension that's grown in her body.

Her returning smile is strained, and it really worries him. She's quickly gone after that and he can only watch as she leaves, more confusion seeping in. Rachel does have her strange moments – that's natural, it's who she is – but he's never seen her act so odd before, and it's baffling. She really is a mystery sometimes.

---

He carries the laundry up the stairs slowly, teetering dangerously with the large bags brimming from his hand. Finn doesn't even remember why he agreed to this in the first place – being a good roommate is a lot of hard work and between his job and teaching his soccer classes, he really doesn't have much time for that.

"I never ever want to see you again."

Finn halts. Whoa, what the hell was that?

Then a lot of door slamming ensues and he finds Jesse storming down the stairs, looking like he's just about ready to commit murder, or something equally as bad. He grumbles on his way past him, but doesn't even glance up at the man, instead keeping his eyes firmly to the floor.

"Hey," he replies awkwardly. What else is he supposed to say? Especially with Jesse in such a foul mood, presumably from a fight with his girlfriend.

And then it kind of hits him that Rachel is that girlfriend, and the urge to go and see if she's alright is too strong for him. His feet are already carrying him to the apartment, the bags dropping from his hands by the door where he knocks slowly.

Something hits it and smashes.

He jumps back, flinching. Holy shit.

"Go away," comes the equally angry reply. He's pretty sure that he can hear all the hurt in her voice and he isn't going to leave it like this, no way.

He taps it again. "Rach?"

The silence that follows is so tense and he hates every second of it, but the door flies open and he's faced with a distraught Rachel, her face drowning in tears and swamped by sadness. "Finn," she cries, trying to wipe her tears, though it's no use, "what're you doing here?"

No words fall from his lips, none at all. His open arms catch her easily. He holds her tightly, as if trying to squeeze every ounce of hurt and sadness from her body. Rachel sobs onto his shoulder, arms around him and fingers clutching helplessly on his clothes. She tries to speak, but it all just comes out as a mess of sounds. "Shhhh," he rubs a hand down her back, resting in the small of her back. He closes his eyes, trying to forget the sounds of her cries.

They find their way to the couch, but Rachel doesn't detach herself from him. On the contrary, she leans over him further, body turned into him. This'd totally be awesome if she wasn't crying and stuff.

She begins to talk again, this time the words actually sound like words and not just one big mess. He strokes her hair, listening to every syllable with interest. His mom used to stroke his hair, whenever she wanted him to calm down or just be relaxed, and maybe it'll work with Rachel too. Jesse's name is thrown around a few times, along with the shed of more tears. This is the part of relationships that he doesn't miss – the arguments.

"I'm such an idiot," she says, "it's all my fault. Me and my stupid, crazy hormones." She hiccups loudly.

Finn sighs, "Rach, come on, you know that you can't control that. Don't blame yourself for it." The curious part of him wants to know why they were arguing, and why she seems to think that it's her fault, but then another part of him is shouting for him to shut up.

She drops her head. "It is my fault though. I-I didn't think that Jesse would make such a big deal out of it… I thought…" Rachel begins to shake her head, face crumpling up once more. And Finn finds himself hugging her to his chest again.

"Hey, arguments happen. I'm sure he'll get over it eventually." Rachel's face makes it clear that she doesn't agree with him and curiosity strikes – what exactly had she told Jesse?

He finds himself checking the door, wondering when Jesse will return, 'cause he'd rather be gone for the second half of the argument, thank you very much. He's sure that he'd only make it worse.

"Jesse won't be back," she says, emotionless. That's kind of creepy, hearing her speak like that, "not until the morning."

While relieved, he feels conflicted too. What happens when he needs to go home? He can't just leave Rachel here by herself. She's upset and almost six months pregnant. Her bump seemed to grow overnight. He just walked into the store and it was there, though he thinks that she makes a cute pregnant woman. When he'd told her that, she'd just laughed heartily and blushed slightly before insisting that she had to go back to work.

Turning to Rachel, she is silent now, but her mood is definitely sombre, sad. He hates to see her like this.

"You wanna do something?" he asks, "go somewhere… I dunno, have a meal."

"As lovely as that sounds, I'd rather just stay here."

He sees what she's doing, and he doesn't give up that easy. "How about I order us something in then? We could eat, watch a movie and just hang out." It takes her longer to reply than usual, leaving Finn nervously waiting. Had he said something wrong?

"That sounds," she smiles, peering up at him, "really nice."

Finn grins, leaning forward all of a sudden, excited at the prospect of spending a whole night with Rachel. "Cool, so what, you pick the movie and I pick the food?"

She hesitates, "actually, do you mind if I pick the food?" Rachel looks a little sheepish, "I've really been craving Chinese food lately." He chuckles and nods at her, raising an eyebrow.

"Whatever the baby wants, huh?" It seems like the baby is pretty much in control of what she eats, no matter how much she insists that her specific diet is "on track as always". In response, her brows furrow and one of her hands rub over her bump.

"I'll have you know that I keep a very strict diet," she says, "I want my baby to be as healthy as possible."

"Hmm," Finn grins, giving her a knowing look, "and McDonald's is real healthy, right?" Her face turns white, mouth dropping open as she fumbles for a reply. He smiles, "Kurt saw you."

Rachel folds her arms, huffing quietly to herself. "I'll go and order our food," she tells him, trying to stand up quickly and storm off, but being so pregnant really doesn't help with that and Finn pushes her up slightly in an offering of help. She glares, creases appearing on her forehead and moves away from him. Apparently no one is supposed to know about the McDonald's thing…

He moves over to the DVD case, rifling through their collection. For a moment, he feels guilty. If only Jesse knew of his true feelings towards Rachel – would be so nice to him then? Would he be happy about Finn spending time with her like this, just the two of them? He really doesn't think so. But that thought is easily thrown to the back of his mind when Rachel returns into the living room, the phone pressed up against her ear as she talks quickly into it. Her hand supports her lower back, belly poking out. He smiles.

In an instant, she's gone from the room again and he returns to scanning through their DVDs, only to find that they have like, no action movies whatsoever – absolutely nothing. But they have a ridiculous amount of musicals and Disney movies. What a cute couple they make.

"Did you choose something?" Her voice causes him to jump up and he bangs his head in the cabinet, hand flying to rub the sore spot. "Oh, I'm sorry!" she squeaks, hands reaching out to him and eyes brimming with guilt, "I didn't mean to scare you."

He pulls a face. "It really hurts," he tells her, suddenly pouting.

One of her eyebrows raises slowly, lips pursed, "come on, it's not that bad."

Finn applies more pressure to the spot, hissing in pain. "See? You've wounded me."

"Don't be a wimp," she chuckles.

"I don't think you understand just how painful this is." And he's not exaggerating, much.

"I'll tell you what," she folds her arms neatly across her chest, movements tense. Uh oh, she looks kind of pissed, "let's have this conversation in three months when I'm pushing something the size of a watermelon out of a hole that is definitely not that size."

His eyes widen, mouth falling open in surprise at her reply and he curses himself 'cause him mom had always told him that you're a dead man if you anger a pregnant woman. According to Rachel's glare, that's totally true.

But her expression soon bubbles away into a smile that can hardly be contained, "Finn, I'm joking."

"Oh."

She laughs to herself, "you looked so scared." Patting his cheek gently, she moves closer, "now let me see your head." He has to bend down a little for their heights to match – Rachel is poised on her tiptoes – and her fingers glide over the small bump. "I think you'll live," she smiles. Finn shivers as her breath blows over his hair when she speaks. She's so close, her body pressed flush against his. They're no strangers to this and often it feels like she's not even aware of the concept "personal space", especially not around him.

Rachel shifts, dropping down onto the flats of her feet and he feels the bump moving against his own stomach. Is it strange that he likes it? He likes seeing her like this – there's definitely that pregnant glow about her. But he just… she looks good pregnant, okay? And he's not going to lie, he's thought about what if, in some alternate reality somewhere, it was him who was the father and that feeling had made him the happiest man in the world. Well, until reality reminds him that it isn't ever going to be that way.

Her hand is still grasping onto him, the feel of it the only thing that he can focus on. That is until she speaks and her face draws in his attention, "you can see your freckles up this close."

He laughs 'cause it just comes out of the blue and he doesn't know why she feels the need to tell him, but you know, he'll listen to her talk any day.

A smile graces her lips, gaze incredibly intense. Her hand rises gently until it reaches his face, ghosting over his freckles and leaving a trail of heat along his skin. He lets out a long, slow breath that he didn't even realise he'd been holding. "You have more," she whispers, fingertips moving over his nose, "right across here. You can't really tell from far away but…" Her eyes cross his face, from his eyes to lips and back, "from here… they're all I can see… I like them."

As she speaks, they move in closer to each other. They've been like this before, but then she'd left. She doesn't this time or, at least, she's showing no signs of bailing out early.

He wants to kiss her.

He wants to kiss her so badly; it's all that he can think about. It's like it's the only action engraved into his mind.

His brain is telling him that he's being stupid for wanting such things, but then he looks at her and his heart is yearning for it, yelling at him to get on with it already. He doesn't want to be the reason why she cheated on her boyfriend, especially when they're in the middle of an argument – he isn't going to be that guy. No matter how much he wants it. No matter how kind of beautiful and amazing and –

The chance for him to pluck up the courage and kiss her never comes.

She beats him to it.

Lips on lips, it's a dizzy sensation. His thudding heart is the only thing he hears, blood pumping in his ears. Her lips are soft, sweet and he presses against them harder. His hands rest of her waist, pulling her as close to him as her bump will allow. She draws back for a second before diving in again. Finn happily responds, kissing her with passion and want.

Her hands cup his face, so soft and delicate as they hold him near. She sucks on his lower lip gently, eyes closed and completely lost in the moment. He gets that feeling. Right now, he feels like he's flying thousands of miles high in the sky, and nothing can bring him down.

And then reality, as usual, comes and slaps him in the face.

Rachel suddenly moves away, her face conflicted and confused. She turns, stares at him, almost in bewilderment, and then takes a step back, mouth falling open. "That… that wasn't supposed to happen." She looks down shaking her head and Finn kind of feels his heart rip in two. Something finally happened and now it's all being thrown back in his face.

She's moving further away as if she can't bear being in the same space as him. "Rach," he says, "you just kissed me." He pursues her quickly, "we need to talk about this."

She frowns, "it was a mistake."

"I don't believe you." And he doesn't – the way that she'd kissed him, each and every emotion pushed into it. How could that be a mistake? He searches her face for any evidence that she is in fact lying and really, he doesn't have to go any further than her eyes. They're always so emotive, and there's no hiding the way that she's looking at him; she doesn't think it's a mistake either.

She's insistent, "it was. I – I wasn't thinking straight. I'm still upset over Jesse." Her words are useless now.

"And you thought that kissing me would be the best course of action?" he asks, the hurt seeping into his voice despite him trying to contain it. "Did you not think what it would do to me?" His voice cracks, eyes dropping down. "Do you not care about my feelings?"

Rachel's mouth drops open, no words forming. She doesn't know what to say.

He then realises that he's just kind of admitted his feelings to her and his eyes immediately move to her face for her reaction. It's so silent between them, the only time that he's ever really felt tense around her, and it's horrible, really.

"Y-your feelings?" It's like she doesn't want to come out and directly ask, which is so unlike Rachel, but he doesn't really want to dwell on that. He's more focused on the fact that she had asked, no matter how the question is worded. The task of forming an answer is difficult, near impossible; his brain so fuzzy from the whole situation, reluctant to comply with what he wants. He should deny his feelings – he doesn't want to make anything worse than it already is, but then he remembers kissing her and how amazing that had felt. Finn wants to do it again, of course he does, and the greedy part of him starts to talk.

His confession is simple, blunt. He's never been one to surround the point behind tons of words.

"I love you."

She blinks, her face beyond shocked. And, you know, he really just needs her to say something 'cause this is the first time he's ever told a girl that he loves her, and it's nerve wrecking as fuck to be quite honest.

"I…"

"Yes?" He's so eager. He needs to know what she thinks of that. Is there any possibility that those feelings could be returned, no matter how small?

He never finds out the answer because it seems like the universe is against him once again and, just as she opens her mouth to speak, the door opens. It takes a few seconds for Rachel to tear her confused eyes from him, staring in horror as Jesse returns to the room, carrying a bunch of flowers in his hands. Pink roses: her favourite. And there are so many of them; it must have cost him a fortune. Finn sighs in defeat, feeling the gaze of Jesse burning into his skin. When he dares to glance up, he meets dark eyes that he's not used to seeing from the man. Though he hates to say it, Jesse is nice, really nice and Finn feels terrible for even thinking about all these things with Rachel – the girlfriend that he's been with for years and who he probably loves more than anything.

He notices Rachel. It looks like it physically pains her to look away from him, eyes drowning in sadness, and Finn feels his heart constrict. He looks down, not wanting to see it any longer.

Finn's voice is sombre, "I… I'll go."

"I think that's a good idea," Jesse mutters, his own words almost threatening, warning Finn to stay away from Rachel. He couldn't if he tried.

But his feet reluctantly carry him away and toward the door, and it feels like there's a huge raincloud looming over him, each second things growing worse. He manages to look at Rachel one last time – with her watery eyes watching his retreat, a hand over her baby bump.

He feels sick; his head is chaotic with too many thoughts whizzing round there, and he could probably cry right now. The uncertainty of the whole situation is killing him, it really is. Part of him wants her to break it off with Jesse there and then, to run into his arms like in those romantic films, but that's the selfish part of him, the one that isn't comprehending just how complicated the situation is.

He loves her. Jesse loves her too

And she, she loves Jesse, but she's kissed him. And that kiss meant something. It wasn't just some vengeful act drawn from her argument with Jesse – it was real; she wanted to kiss him, and he kissed her back.

He doesn't know what to do, and that's kind of the worst feeling in the entire world, feeling like a huge hole has appeared and swallowed you up. There's no way to escape, no help, and it's scary.

Finn remembers the first time he'd met her, how he'd thought that he had a chance with her. Now he knows that she's never going to be his and he's just got to accept that. She knows that he loves her and everything is messed up. Hanging his head low, he leaves the apartment.

He feels stupid. Why did he say that to her? Why? It would be easier if she'd never found out; not easier for his heart, of course, but then it wouldn't mess up her life, her future. She has a family, a family that doesn't involve him and he's a fool to convince himself that his love is enough to change that. Finn gets home and he practically throws himself to the bed, replaying everything over and over again - the kiss; that terrifying moment when those three words had been uttered, and the equally terrified look on Rachel's face. He scrunches his eyes closed in an attempt to flush out the memories. It doesn't work.

It plagues him for hours, each of those things, before he falls into a restless sleep.

---

Naturally, he avoids her. He's stuck in between wanting to know what she was going to say to his confession, and being absolutely petrified to do so at the same time.

And every day that passes by leaves him wanting to see her so damn much, but he can't bring himself to do it. And on top of that Jesse probably doesn't want to see him at their apartment. If he was in Jesse's situation, he'd feel the same. He wonders whether they'd fought more after he'd left, or if everything had been talking out. Are they happy right now? Happy and ready to become parents together, to start their family. That very second they could be holding hands, kissing, doing all those things that couples do together, while he's here, a conflicted mess on the couch.

He wonders whether Rachel told Jesse what he'd confessed to her. Does Jesse know of his love for Rachel? Hell, he made it obvious enough – Jesse could have blatantly seen it beforehand and chose to ignore it. He knew, like Finn, that Rachel would never leave him, not when she's carrying his child…

It turns out that staying away from Rachel, in the physical sense anyway, isn't so hard. Mentally it's torture. She's predictable – she is someone who follows rules and schedules, so he knows where she is pretty much all the time, since he's been for her best friend for months. Or he was her best friend, he supposes. Even if the "I love you" hadn't scared her off enough, ignoring her for days afterward probably isn't helping to stay on her good side. He starts going to a different coffee shop, one that takes a longer walk and isn't anywhere as good as Rachel's, but then he doesn't have to face her either, so he'll put up with it.

She calls him. She calls him a lot. He contemplates changing his number, but no doubt Kurt would let that slip when he's talking to her, and she'll like him even less. He doesn't want that. He doesn't want to hurt her feelings… but then everything that he does is going to do exactly that. He can't win.

Kurt said that she came to their apartment a few times, downright demanding to see him, but all of those times he'd been at work. He stays there a lot, finding it easier to throw himself into that than have to dwell upon the mess that his life is.

---

He doesn't really feel himself during the Saturday practice and he thinks that the kids are picking up on it too, leaving the whole atmosphere quite mellow, despite Blaine's budding efforts. He's always one to keep things chipper, but the boys seem to be more concerned as to why their coach looks utterly depressed. Maybe he is. All he knows is that he misses her so much that it hurts, and he's royally screwed everything up.

"Are you alright?" Blaine asks as they pack away the things for that day. His friend seems genuinely concerned, placing a gently hand on his shoulder in a form of comfort. Finn doesn't know exactly how much Blaine knows. Most likely Kurt told him about his feelings for Rachel, but neither are aware of the kiss or that fact that he told her he loves her. And he doesn't want them to know, especially know that he's being a douche and ignoring her.

It just… it seems an impossible task to go and find her, to explain everything – all his feelings and thoughts. It confuses him so it's sure as hell gonna confuse her.

"I'm fine," he tells him, his tone suggesting the opposite.

"Well," Blaine begins, "if you ever need a friend, you know that Kurt and I are here." He pats his back, offering a tiny smile.

Finn returns it after a few seconds, for once the action genuine. "I know." He wraps his arm around Blaine, a little awkwardly, "thanks man."

But, by the time he gets back, his mood slips back into the one that he hasn't been able to escape all week. Sat alone in the apartment, he lets out a long sigh, taking another drink of his beer. He idly flicks through the channels, finding nothing exciting or interesting. Kurt and Blaine are on a date together, so there's no one for him to talk to and he's left to his own thoughts, which recently hasn't been a good thing.

The phone starts to ring, but he ignores it. He doesn't want to talk to anyone right now.

Standing up, he moves into the kitchen to get himself another beer, the incessant sound of the phone in his ear. He just wants it to stop.

It does.

But it's replaced by something worse.

"… Finn," the voice breathes and oh God, she's been crying. "Finn… I-I… you don't want to talk to me… you've been ignoring my calls… avoiding me… I know… I understand, F-Finn." She takes in a deep, shaky breath and Finn finds himself slowly leaning back against the refrigerator, the shock of hearing her again leaving him feeling like he can barely stand. "I know… that you're s-scared Finn – you're scared of your feelings.

"You love me," she chokes out, her sobs carrying loud and clear over the phone, "and you're scared because you shouldn't love me… because you think you can't have me… oh Finn – I miss you so much… I need to see you, you're my best friend. And I'm scared too… I –"

She doesn't speak anymore – she just cries. Cries and cries; it's all he can hear. By this point he's already on the floor, holding his head in his hand and scrunching his eyes closed. She's right, he is scared. He's terrified. Because he just doesn't know what to do, and it sounds like she doesn't either.

Finn has half a mind to call her back, to tell her everything, so that she knows, she understands his actions. He doesn't want her to hate him, but with the way he's been treating her lately, he wouldn't be surprised if that was the case.

"I'm such an idiot," he tells himself, repeating it over and over. He tries to hold back the tears yet they come on too strong for him and he's left a mess on the kitchen floor. He's left there until Kurt and Blaine get home an hour later, and they put him to bed.

---

They tell him to take a few days off, to get himself sorted, but he insists on going into work and one day, future him will be glad that he did.

He's tired – not just physically, but emotionally. He's just so tired of feeling out of control and scared, but then working hard helps him to forget about that because he doesn't have time to think of his own problems when he's faced with a blazing fire.

And thankfully, they get a call pretty much as soon as he's arrived at work, so there isn't much time to dwell on the Rachel situation because he's fully suited, ready to go and tackle a kitchen fire. The siren roars in his ears, his adrenaline pumping as it always does as they go on a call. Mike smiles beside him, holding a hand on his shoulder as Puck drives up near the apartment building, slowing the vehicle outside.

He rushes up, needing to check out the situation before they start to put out the fire. He runs quickly up the stairs, head pounding in his chest as he makes sure that he's got the right apartment, but he's really confused because he can smell no smoke whatsoever and no one seems to be panicked at all…

The door is unlocked and he slowly pushes it forward.

Well, there's definitely no fire.

"Rachel?"

She's standing in the middle of the apartment, a look that's a mix between a glare and looking insanely happy to see him there. Meanwhile, Finn is completely baffled as he stands at the door, staring at the woman with furrowed eyebrows. "What? I – you…"

"We're going to talk Finn," she says sternly, though it sounds like she's making a great effort to keep it together. "We need to talk." Rachel swallows thickly and already he can see the large tears in her eyes and yeah, he totally feels like he's going to cry too. Because she's here, with him, and despite all the crap he's put her through, she still wants to talk to him.

Oh wait, he should probably start apologizing.

"Rach." Saying her name is even harder than he thought, his voice laced with sadness, "I'm so sorry, for everything. I –"

She cuts him short. "Why? Why have you been ignoring me?" The tears falls with her words and he honestly feels like the biggest douche on the Earth, "I know that it was stupid to kiss you, Finn, but … I wanted to, so, so much."

His breath hitches and his whole body feels heavy again. He can't move. Part of him wants to run away again – it's human nature after all – but then a large part of him is keeping him there, making him listen to what she has to see. It's the least that he owes her, after ignoring her for more than a week after everything that has happened.

"And then you told me that you… you loved me." Her large watery eyes stop on him, "do you – d-do you still love me?"

He nods.

"But you left," she says, "and you wouldn't talk to me. And I had to… I had the phone the damn fire service to get you in the same room as me." The words are screeched at him now, showing that she's clearly not happy about him acting this way. She reminds him that he needs to inform the guys that everything is fine. A quick radio call and he's left with a shaking, crying Rachel.

He takes a step closer, "Rach."

"Don't you Rach me!" she screams, eyes blazing. "You said that you loved me, you kissed me back. And then just decided to ignore me, like that wouldn't hurt. You left me when I needed you the most - Jesse was so angry, so upset when I told him that I think I have feelings for you. I shouldn't have feelings for you. I'm supposed to love Jesse. I'm having his child, but you're just… you're you and how can I not have feelings for you?"

She paces the room, unable to look at him as she speaks, "and I felt so confused and wrong for feeling like that – for cheating on Jesse. He's always been so good to me, yet there I was with you. Kissing you, letting you make me feel so… so alive." She wraps her arms around her body, hugging herself tightly as the sobs the words out.

Rachel looks straight at him, "he proposed, you know. He's just… he's so desperate to keep us together, for the baby, but I couldn't – I can't be with him."

He feels a lump rising in his throat, burning the skin and drowning him in guilt.

"How can I be with him when I love you?"

Hearing her say that sets his entire body alight with emotions, wanting to cry and jump for joy at the same time. "You – you love me?"

"Of course I do!" she shouts dramatically. Her mascara is running down her cheeks and Finn wants to go over and wash it off, wash it away with all her other tears.

"But I… I've been such an idiot…"

"You're a guy – guys are all idiots." She takes in harsh breaths, hands holding onto her large belly.

His heart skips a few beats, "are you alright?"

Rachel's face crumples with her sobs. In an instant, Finn hurries across the room and pulls her into his arms. She doesn't put up much of a fight, falling into his embrace and letting him soothe her as her leads them both to the couch to sit down. "Rach, come on. It's okay. I'm here now."

"I thought you were going to ignore me forever," she sobs into his shirt, "it hurt so much. I didn't know what to do."

"I'm sorry," Finn says sadly, "you have no idea, and I'm stupid and I was being selfish. You were right – I was scared, so scared. What if you didn't love me back? It would hurt so much to see you choose Jesse over me." He closes his eyes, resting his chin against her forehead, "I'd do it Rachel, if that what you would have wanted. I would have been your friend… I just want you to be happy.

"And I know that I'm probably the worst friend to ever exist right now and you can totally hate me for the past week, but just know that I would've done it."

"I know," she mumbles, clutching his shirt tighter. Her hot breath can be felt on his neck, her breathing calmer now that he's rubbing her back gently. "But I – I don't want to be with him Finn. I thought I did b-before I met you. And, somewhere in between that day and now, I fell in love with you." Her eyes are so wide as she looks up at him, gazing softly at his face, "and I want to be with you. Everything is just so confusing." She shakes her head, more tears falling.

Shushing her, he cups her chin, "if you want to be together, then we'll be together."

As he goes in for a kiss, she speaks up. "It's not that easy, Finn." She looks down, running a hand over her belly lovingly, "I'm going to have a baby with Jesse. And I'm going to have to see him. If you're with me, you're going to have to see him. He's going to be part of the baby's life."

Finn sighs, grasping onto her hands firmly, "if there's anything this week has taught me, it's that it kills me to be away from you. And, if I can prevent it, I'm not going to let it happen ever again." A tiny smile grows on her lips, eyes watering again.

"Really?"

He finally gets that desired kiss, the action soft, sweet. "Yes," he mumbles against her lips, eyes locked together. "I don't want to lose you again. I-I can deal with Jesse, honestly." He kisses her forehead, "we'll make it work."

He can't quite describe the feeling that washes through his body when she tilts up her head and places a delicate kiss to his lips, seeking comfort, seeking him. But his arms slide tighter around her and he holds her until the tears die down.

There's still more to discuss, and he feels like he needs to apologise a million more times, but Rachel's exhausted from all the shouting and crying and she's like really pregnant, so he doesn't blame her. He lays her down when she falls into a soft slumber, going into the kitchen and wetting a washcloth to wipe her face free of the ruined make up and tears. Once he's finished, he places a kiss to her lips, hand caressing her soft chin.

He lets her have a good hour asleep and she slowly returns to the land of the living a little while after that, rubbing her eyes gently. "Hmm," she stretches her arms, "this couch isn't very comfy." She pulls a face as she sits up, "my back hurts."

Without even asking, he starts to give her a back massage, smiling at her moans of appreciation.

"So who's apartment is this?" he asks curiously.

"It was mine," she says, "but I'm letting my friend stay here. She's out a lot though – it was the best place to use to get you to talk to me. I couldn't use Jesse's apartment."

"I still can't believe you did that," he shakes his head, "you said that there was a fire. You're a liar, Miss Berry."

She sighs, "well if you hadn't been ignoring me then I would have had to take such drastic measures." Rachel folds her arms defensively across her chest and guilt washes over his entire face.

"I'm sorry about that – I'm just an idiot who didn't know what to do."

"You're not an idiot," she says sadly, "I may have told you that before, but I didn't mean it. You have to know that." She turns to look at him, wide, honest eyes catching him in their trance. He can't help nodding along. "And I was upset," she admits, "with the whole male species." There's a long pause before, "I think Jesse wants me to move out."

Finn's ears prick up, sadness drowning his face, "why would h –"

She wipes at her eyes and he knows that she's crying, again. "I think he just needs some time to himself, time to heal over our break up. And me being there doesn't help. But," her lower lip wobbles dangerously, "I don't have anywhere else to go. I can't take this apartment back and I can't afford to get one for myself and – "

"Live with me."

"What?"

He speaks slower, but says the same thing. "Live with me."

"Finn, I couldn't possibly –"

"Look, it'll give Jesse all the time he needs and, I dunno, it'll give us a chance."

"Us? Is there even an 'us' Finn?"

Silence. His eyes search hers for any emotions, though all he's met with are her sad tears. Reaching forward, he wraps his hands around hers, "if you want there to be. Just know that I love you. I may not have shown it this past week but… God, I love you so much."

Her lips are on his before he can even register and she breathes out the words, "then I'll live with you."

"Really?"

"Really," she smiles, caressing his cheek, "I want this to work so badly Finn. Please say that it'll work."

"If you believe in us," he tells her, "then it will."

They seal it with another kiss.

---

He didn't realize the full effect that her moving in would have. It took a couple of days so to get all of her things into the apartment and then a few more days on top of that for Kurt to slave around him and Blaine into reorganizing the layout to make it fit. He's glad that they're letting her stay – Kurt and Blaine really are awesome and, once he'd explained her situation to them, they'd been adamant they she join their little home as soon as possible.

And now they're in his bedroom, adding the finishing touches. There's a crib set up in the corner of the room, a few cute little stuffed animals inside and a mobile with stars and moons dangling above. Finn's glad that Kurt got that new bed when he moved in at first too 'cause there's no way that the old one would fit him and Rachel. Maybe Rachel, but he'd rather be in there with her. Rachel slowly sits onto the bed, worn from standing up so much, and he drops down next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. She melts to his side, "thank you Finn." Her face nuzzles his neck and he can't resist kissing her forehead.

"You have no idea of how many times I dreamt of something like this, being so close to you, so affectionate with you." She peeps her head out, a soft smile playing on her lips. He kisses her again, this time on the tip of her nose, "and it still feels like a dream, you know?"

"It's not," she assures him, fingers grasping onto his tightly, refusing to let go, "this is all real. It's still confusing, but it's completely real." His arm on her shoulder slides down to her waist, holding onto the side of her baby bump.

"Why is it confusing baby?" He loves being able to call her things like 'baby' and know that he can – she's his and nothing's going to change that.

Rachel lets out a long sigh, "because Jesse and I are going to have to figure out a way to split time with the baby equally. I may not be with him anymore, but he's the father and he is going to be in his or her life." She rubs her belly subconsciously, "He mentioned something about them staying with me more during the first few weeks, because I'll have to breastfeed, but then I think we're going to do a weekly thing. One week with him and then one with us."

"Us?" He blinks; did he hear her correctly?

"Yes… us… unless you – you don't want that," she looks down sadly.

He's quick to make his intentions clear, "Rach, not like that. Of course I want to help out with the baby when he or she comes, it's just I wasn't sure whether you wanted me to. And what about Jesse?" He sighs, "would he be okay with that?"

She thinks carefully before saying, "he'll understand."

A burst of happiness surges through him at the thought of helping Rachel with the baby, of being a part of his or her life. "And I'll be… just Finn?"

She bites her lip. "Well, you can be Finn, but personally I don't see anything wrong with… dad."

"But Jesse – "

"There's nothing wrong with a kid having two dads," she tells him, "look at how I turned out."

Finn chuckles, cupping her face and bringing her closer for a deep kiss. Dad – he knows that he shouldn't like it as much as he does. It'll be Rachel's kid, but then it'll be his too, in the same way that Burt is like a father to him and, if Burt had been there since he was born, he'd probably be calling him dad.

Before the conversation can carry on, Rachel suddenly halts, a hand rubbing her belly, "The baby is kicking." Her smile is brighter than he's ever seen before as she gazes lovingly down at the small life inside her, pulling her shirt up slightly to expose it. Finn can't stop his own hands from moving down to her belly, resting them there and grinning when he feels the ripples of movement. He then kisses her belly gently, lips hovering over the smooth skin. Just as he's moving away, a foot shape appears, "Rach, he or she is trying to kick me," he says dramatically, causing her to giggle.

She takes his hands in hers, "I think he or she is just saying hi." Rachel suddenly yawns, "I'm tired, will you snuggle with me?"

"Oh, okay, since you asked so nicely." They lay back on the bed, still fully clothed and Rachel leans into him, resting her head on his chest while he wraps an arm tightly around her. "I love you," she mumbles and honestly, it's one of the greatest things he's ever heard.

"I love you too," he smiles, "now get some sleep or you'll be cranky again."

"I was not cranky," Rachel complains, "it was my baby hormones."

"You threw your shoe at me."

"You wouldn't stop talking when all I wanted to do was kiss you," she pouts.

He raises an eyebrow, "oh, I see. All I'm good for is kissing?"

"Yes," she jokes, "and snuggling. Now shush." He feigns hurt, but she just pulls herself closer to him and pecks his cheek softly.

---

Christine Barbra St James decides to arrive a month early, alerting the whole world with her deafening cries, but what does he expect when both her parents are singers? She has a full head of thick dark curls, these huge brown eyes and Rachel's thankful that she has Jesse's nose. When he gets his chance to hold her, he's man enough to admit that he kind of cries a little and he leans forward to kiss Rachel. He notices Jesse watching from across the room, hiding his true feelings well, but it's still a little awkward. While Rachel breastfeeds for the first time and he goes to get coffee, he hears footsteps behind him.

"Hudson." Great; he's going to get punched in the face or something. "We need to talk." He knows that that's true, since they've barely spoken a word to each other after him and Rachel got together and there are obviously a lot of unresolved issues there.

Finn slows, turning his head to find the smaller man right behind him.

"You know," he starts, "a part of me hates you for taking Rachel from me. I seriously wanted to punch you when she told me that she had feelings for you." Finn frowns a little; he already could have guessed this. He'd be the same way.

"But then another part of me won't let that happen because I see the way she looks at you… it's the way that she looked at me once, like I could do no wrong, like I was this amazing person," he sighs, "she really loves you, more than she's ever loved me. I can tell.

"We were only really still together because of the baby – I thought that having her would make our problems go away, but I was wrong. We just," it looks like it pains him to admit it, "we're not right for each other. We could have been content enough, yet I don't think either of us would be truly happy with each other for the rest of our lives and I think… I think that with you she could be."

He's completely taken aback, staring at Jesse like he's an alien. Did he really just say all of those things? He thought that Jesse hates him.

"Do you really mean this?"

It takes him a moment to reply, "of course I do. I just want her to be happy so I need you to promise me something. Promise me that, no matter how bad things get, that you'll always be there for her and love her – support her in everything she chooses to do, and let her… let her just be happy."

"I promise," he says, not missing a beat. He means it. His love for Rachel with never fail, never even falter because he's been through so much to get her and he's not going to give that up.

Jesse seems satisfied with the answer. "Good," he nods, "and promise me that you'll be a good father to Christine."

"What?"

"Whether I like it or not, she has two fathers. And I'm going to do everything for that girl, and I expect you to as well."

Finn looks into Jesse's eyes, and he knows that he's telling the truth. "I will," he promises, "I'll look after them, both of them."

He nods, holding out his hand. Finn lets out a tiny smile, inwardly sighing in relief as he knows that him and Jesse won't constantly be in competition. He's waving the white flag of peace, and Finn's happy to comply. He shakes his hand before they pull away a minute later.

"Oh," Jesse begins, "and I'm going to be daddy, so you're dad. No switching."

"What?"

"We both can't be daddy," he says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "So I get first pick of who I get to be."

Finn chuckles, "okay. I'm fine with dad." Really, he would have been happy with her calling him Finn. He then adds, "thank you for… you know, not punching me."

"I wanted to, a lot," he admits, "but it wouldn't have helped. Perhaps for a little bit, but that's only temporary relief. At least now I know that Christine has another person willing to do anything to keep her safe and protected, and someone to be there for Rachel." Finn pats his back gently and Jesse manages a smile before he's returning to Rachel's room.

As he leaves, Finn lets out a long breath and he can't help smiling too. He's a father, and it feels pretty damn awesome. When he first met Rachel, he thought that he'd eventually just ask her out on a date and their relationship would grow slowly from there. It has definitely not turned out that way, but he wouldn't change it for the world.

When he gets back with his coffee, Christine is in Jesse's arms, and Rachel looks utterly exhausted. He kisses her forehead, "hey."

"I need a shower," she complains, "I probably look hideous right now."

"Hey, you look beautiful," he insists. Looking up, he catches Jesse's gaze and the man actually smiles at him before turning down to look at his daughter, holding her tiny fist in his hand while Finn takes hold of Rachel's.

They can make it work, he thinks.

---

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