Dear Diary,
I talked to the cute boy in the coffeeshoppe today! I've been wanting to talk to him for so long. He's so gorgeous. He's really talented too. I've seen him drawing stuff. I wish he'd draw me sometime.
But anyway, I talked to him and I got his number! I'm so fucking excited.
~Frank
Dear Diary,
I went over to his house and we watched movies together. We have so much in common. I swear that if he doesn't ask me out by the end of this week, I'm gonna ask him out myself.
I met his brother too. He didn't seem to happy to see me. In fact he kinda ignored me but it's alright. That means more Gerard time for me!
Dear Diary,
I can't believe he did that to me! Fuck I am so niave! I thought he actually liked me but instead I here from my friends that he's out drinking and kissing other guys behind my back. The actual fuck?
Is it wrong that I still love him though? I do. I really still love him. I just wish I could tell him. He's not even interested in me though. I'm not good enough so he has to go and kiss random strangers.
Dear Diary,
He came over today. He looked so sad I thought that he woulda commited suicide if I ignored him for another day. I forgave him. He's gonna take me out to dinner tonight. I hope it turns out better than the last two days.
Dear Diary,
Last night was fun. Me and Gee went to dinner then we went home and just talked for a while. Then earlier today, its like 11 at night now, we went to the movies. He was so adorable tonight. He asked if he could hold my hand with his little stutter of his. I think it's so cute. He's amazing. I love Gerard Arther Way.
Dear Diary,
He asked me to be his boyfriend today! I almost died of happiness! I said yes of course!
Today was amazing. After he asked me, we went to his house and ate lunch then watched some movies all cuddly like. I love holding Gerard. He's so warm and soft.
Dear Diary,
I found his cuts today. He came over and I asked him to draw me because I really wanted him to. Anyway, so when his sleeves rolled up accidently I saw all of his cuts that he made to himself. It was horrible!
-flashback-
"How could you do this Gerard?!"
"I don't know. I-I just need to. You don't understand Frankie."
He was crying.
I felt so bad when I saw his tears. I pulled him onto my lap and stroked his hair. "Will you explain it to me Gee?"
"I feel so alone sometimes. Sometimes I wake up and I'm perfectly normal. Other times I wake up and I cry all day and night and I feel like there's something wrong but Mikey says I'm just moody. When I wake up on a bad day, I just sit and cry and think about how alone I am. I don't wanna be alone Frankie! It scares me! I can't be alone again. Cutting makes me feel better. And Mi-Mikey says that I'm in my imagination too often and I don't know what's reality. I'm so scared Frankie. Please help me!"
"Shh, shh baby it's okay. I'm here for you. Your not alone, you have me. Don't be scared. I don't care if you like your imagination better than reality. As long as you come back to reality to visit me I'm happy. I won't leave you. I will be here for you. It'll be alright baby. Promise something though?"
"Y-y-yes?"
"If you feel like cutting again, call me okay? I'll come over and help you feel better."
"Okay Frankie."
"It's okay Gee."
"Frankie?"
"Yeah sugar?"
"I love you."
"I love you too."
-end flashback-
That was the first time I told him I love him. I thought it woulda been more romantic than me comforting him after a breakdown but I don't care. I'm just happy that he loves me too.
Dear Diary,
I went over to Gerard's house today. He called me and asked me to come over because he felt really bad. His brother yelled at him this morning. It was terrible.
I calmed him down though. We spent the day cuddling together and watching movies. It feels so good to just hold Gerard. I can tell he likes it when I stroke his hair and tell him I love him. I do love him. I love him so much and with all my heart. I want him to move in with me. I wanna wake up and see him curled up in my arms. I wanna make him breakfast in the mornings while he sits and draws before I go to work. I wanna be the one to hold him when he feels bad.
AN: first couple of chapters just wayy to lazy to seperate them... see other fic called Gerard's Diary