This one shot goes with Breathe Me. Do not read this unless you have read that.
This is Sean's reaction when he finds out about Ellie.
Dear You (Far Away)
One Shot
Sean
Sean was out in his driveway, working on a car he bought a month ago, trying to fix it up. He walked away from his car to pick up his drink. He wiped away the sweat dripping from his forehead, leaving a grease stain. He heard the phone ring, and then his mother say hello. Minutes later, she opened the door and walked over to him, cordless phone in hand, "Sean, it's for you. It's Jay."
Sean took the phone from her, "What's up, man? Long time no talk...What?...Stop joking around man...Jay, shut up...No. Ellie wouldn't..." The phone fell from his hands and he dropped to his knees.
Dear you
What's your name?
When did we start this crazy game?
Pull up a chair
Grab a drink
Tears began to fall from Sean's eyes. His mother tried to comfort him, but he pushed her away. He felt so angry at himself. 'I shouldn't have left her. I knew something would happen.' He thought to himself, 'But I never thought she would kill herself.'
The tears covered his face. He didn't know what to do. He got up and jumped in his car. He drove. He drove until he arrived at Ellie's house. When he got there, ambulances where still there. He got out of his car and ran over to the house. He saw a few familiar faces. Some were calling his name. He didn't care. He needed to find her. He needed to know the truth. He walked around the house and went through the back door. He quietly walked passed some paramedics. One was talking through his radio, saying something about the morgue being closed.
I need something not to make me think
And all in all
It's all the same
The days go on and on
Eleven days and forty nights
He made his way to her room. No one was upstairs. Not even her mother. He walked in her room and looked at the floor. She was laying under a blanket. He slowly walked over. He glanced at her bed, it was covered in blood.
"Jesus, El. What did you do?" He kneeled down next to the blanket and picked it up. There she was. Laying face down, surrounded in her own blood. Her face was on it's left side. He laid down next to her, and held one of her hands.
When's the last time that we kissed goodnight?
I want to know who you're laughing with
I want to know that there's more than this
But all in all
It's all the same
It goes on and on
Because you're far away
"I'm sorry for leaving. I shouldn't have. You needed me and I needed you. How could you do this to yourself? Was it an accident? Did you just cut too deep. That has to be why. You would never do this. You never liked to see people hurt."
He let out a sigh and sat up. He sat next to her motionless body. Waiting for her to move, but she didn't. Nothing happened. The room was quiet and still. Sean didn't know what to do.
Jut like yesterday Wait to see you smile
And I'll be gone
So far away
Never ending day
Drive a million miles
And I'll be gone a while
I never thought it would come to this
I never thought of all the stupid shit I'd miss
Sean could hear people coming up the stairs. He kissed her forehead and stood up. He was frozen, he couldn't leave. He didn't want to. If he did, it would bring him back to reality. It would make her really dead. He fell to the floor. Crying harder than he had ever cried before. His eyes opened slowly and he could see under her bed. There was an open book laying under it. He quickly got up and walked over to her bed, grabbing the book. He walked to the doorway, turned around and whispered, "I love you, Ellie." He walked out of the house and back to his car. He opened the book to the page it was opened to when he picked it up. But, it wasn't a book. It was her diary.
10-25-2005
Journal,
My mom started drinking again. Great, isn't it? I thought things were going better. I thought she was serious this time. I guess I was wrong. She's passed out on the couch right now. My life is repeating itself again. This time, I don't have Sean to save me.
I miss him. It's been so long since we talked. I don't even know if we're together anymore. I feel bad for having feelings for Craig. Craig and I are friends, but still. I don't know, anymore. I don't know anything.
Group was last night. Pretend I was fine. Pretended I never wanted to cut again. Pretended to be perfect Ellie Nash. Well, I can't pretend anymore. I want to cut. I need to. I have to. I'm going to.
Most people think, I cut to die. I don't. It's not like that. I could never kill myself. There's no way. Cutting is my release. It lets out all my bottled up fear, anger, every bad emotion I don't show.
Sigh, I wish I was five again. I wish I was with Sean. I wonder what he's doing right now?
Bye,
El.
The way you looked when I made you mad
We never missed the things that we never had
Sean's tears stained the page. He knew it was an accident. She didn't want to do it. She didn't mean to. Now she was gone. Because of him. Because he left. Because of her mom and her drinking. Sean threw the book on to the passenger seat and drove away just as her body was being rolled out on a stretcher.
And all the talk and all the time
It goes on and on
She said:
'That's right, I don't want to leave now"