I've actually had this written for a long time now, and I don't know why I'm just now deciding to publish it. I've also decided that I liked this idea more when I first started writing it.

This is only the first chapter and I'm already debating weather or not I should continue. So if anybody actually reads this, leave a review or something like that telling me if you like it and if I should continue.

Oh, and favorites and alerts motivate me to update faster. :)

Kendall's P.O.V.

There are so many emotions running through me right now. I can't even count them all. It's absolutely nerve-wracking.

The reason for this being is that my best friend, and the secret love of my life, is in the hospital. The doctors are in his room now, trying to diagnose what's wrong with him. And they're making me, and everybody else wait outside in the waiting rooms. It's absolute torture. I'm pacing back and forth, trying to calm myself down so I don't have a panic attack. I've had them before, I'm actually medically diagnosed as having a severe panic disorder, but I've kept it under control by taking medication and doing calming exercises if I start to feel panicked.

But it's too late for me to do anything, because I started to feel the all too familiar onslaught of symptoms.

My breathing was getting shallow and I was starting to hyperventilate. I started to sweat uncontrollably and the unsettling feeling of nausea starts to form in the pit of my stomach, all that and the added feeling of needing to pass out. My mother sees this and rushes over to my side.

"Oh, honey. You're having another panic attack, aren't you?" I try my best to nod, but the movement makes me feel worse. So I just mumbled something that sounded like a disgruntled 'yes'.

"Come here and take a seat," she said, so I sat in the nearest chair. "Now try to take deep breaths, and relax yourself. Okay?" She looked at me and noticed that I was deathly pale.

"Are you going to vomit?" She knows me so well. I mumble yes again and she's back in a few seconds, and just in time, too. I empty the contents of my stomach in the trashcan she brought me, and then just sat back, gripping the sides of the chair that I was sitting on so hard that my knuckles were drained of their color.

Two of my other best friends, who are waiting here along with me and my mom and sister, notice my distress and sit on the two closest available seats on either side of me.

"Kendall, it's going to be ok, you know. James is strong; he'll find a way to pull through this on his own. You need to stop worrying so much. For all that we know nothing could be wrong with him."

"Really, Logan? You really think James is ok? Do you really expect me to believe that? For all I know, he could be dead! He was just making breakfast with me, seemingly fine, when out of the blue, he fainted! From what I recall, that isn't normal! I thought that you of all people would know that, but I guess I was wrong."

I clasped my hand over my mouth as soon as those words left it.

"Oh my god, Logan! I'm so sorry. I had no right to say that. It's just that I've been worked up about James being in the hospital and all. He's been in there for hours, and not one doctor has come and told us what is going on or what his possible condition is. Do you know how hard that is? To just sit and wait to hear about the fate of your best friend? It's hard. It's really hard."

He gave me a reassuring smile, and then said something that threw me completely off guard.

"It's hard on all of us, Kendall, it really is. But I think it's hardest on you. What I mean by that is because I know you're in love with him. Don't even try to deny it, because it can get really obvious. Verbal and non-verbal signs point directly at it."

I froze. Holy. Shit. How did he know that?

"What do you mean? What are you talking about?" I laughed nervously and rubbed the back of my neck. Bad move, Kendall. Bad move.

"You had a panic attack, Kendall! You haven't had one of those in months, and you used to get them at least once a week! James being in the hospital brought up those feelings of fear, and I don't think it would have that much of an effect on you if you didn't love him."

"Logie's right, you know. You should listen to him more often." Carlos said, finally reminding Logan and me that he was still in the room.

"I-I… yes. Ok? I love him, he means a lot to me, which is why I'm so worked up about the whole hospital situation. And please don't get mad at me, there's nothing I can do about it. It's not my fault I'm attracted to well, you know…" I paused. "It's not my fault I'm gay! Ok? Are you happy now? Are you happy that I finally admitted to somebody other than myself?"

There was a pause before anybody spoke up.

"Honey? Why didn't you tell any of us about this sooner?"

Shit. Fuck. Goddammit.

I totally forgot that my mom was in the room.

I haven't even told my own mother that I'm gay. I haven't told anybody.

Well, she sure knows now. Fuck. This was not how I wanted anybody to find out.

"I just… I don't know mom. Coming out of the closet is never really an easy subject, you know. I'm sorry you're just now finding out about this."

"It's fine honey. If you ever need to talk about it, you can always talk to me, or these two," she said as she pointed to Carlos and Logan.

I looked over at them, and Logan spoke up first.

"Your mom's right, Kendall, you can always talk to us if you need to. And to what you said earlier, there's no need to be sorry because of whom you fall in love with, whether it's men, women, or both. It doesn't matter to me, or Carlos," He looked across me at Carlos, who just shook his head. "Love is love, regardless of gender. There's no wrong in loving someone. So if you were thinking that Carlos and I would hate you or be disgusted by you, then you're wrong. Carlos and I have no problem with it at all. That just wouldn't be right."

I started to cry. I don't normally cry. I may mope around and act depressed, but I don't cry.

"He's going to be alright, Kendall. You know he is. Like I said, James is strong. He'll pull through this on his own."

I looked at him with an apologetic look on my face, truly regretting that I snapped at him just a few seconds before.

"God, I'm so sorry, Logan. I know he will, too. It's just you know… my paranoia, it makes me overreact and overemotional most of the time. I apologize for being rude. You know I can't help it. It's just how I function." Look at me, explaining a mental disorder to Logan, of all people. Wow. I really am paranoid.

"It's cool. I understand you know. But I appreciate you telling me anyway. It means a lot. Especially at a time like this." He smiled at me, then reached his arms out and gave me what could possibly have been the best hug of my life. I started to sob into his chest, and he just held me and kept repeating encouraging words.

"It's going to be ok. You know it is. Everything's going to be ok."

I just hope to God that Logan's right, I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't.