Author's Note: This is mostly dialogue. AU where Kurt meets Sebastian after Sebastian comes to Ohio for a short visit home, and Kurt decides that he's tired of being a virgin and goes for it with Sebastian. If this has anything that doesn't really comply with canon, then assume that those didn't happen.
Warning: Age difference (16/28), background sex.

"Have sex with me."

Sebastian almost spits out his coffee.

"...W-what?"

"I said, have sex with me."

"So I didn't hear wrong..."

"Are we going to or not? Because I can always ask someone else if-" Total lie. Kurt's current romantic options were his iPhone and a mirror.

"NO! Let's do it." Insert smirk here.

"Was that a pun? Because it was awful."

"You know, you're rather feisty for a virgin."

Snort.

"Of course I am. Now, I would invite you back to my house but my dad is there and he would probably break out his shotgun if he saw you."

"That's really encouraging, Kurt. Any other reasons why I should have said no?"

"Shh. You continue that line of thought and you'll end up with frown lines."

"Aw. Worried about me now?"

"No, it's just that it wouldn't do if I lost my virginity to a guy with frown lines. That'd be a travesty."

Cue eye roll here.

"Right. Of course. Anyway, we're obviously going to do this in my hotel room."

"Alright. If we're going to do this we should hurry, Dad wants me home before eight-thirty."

"You still have a curfew? Does your daddy also tuck you in at night?"

"Sixteen years old, remember?"

"Fuck, forgot for a minute. How's it feel to know that you're jailbait and you still managed to score a hot piece of ass like me?

"I feel like one of the Golden Girls. Except that they seem to have better taste than me."

"Ouch. You wound me; and here I was, ready to break out an engagement ring and champagne."

"Of course you were. How exactly would an engagement ring fit in your pocket with all the condoms you keep in there?"

"Guess I would have just gotten rid of the condoms and gone bareback. Not too late to change my mind, you know..."

"You see, I would let you but," draw out the 'but' bit, "getting home with some guy's come in my pants doesn't sound particularly nice."

"I would let you borrow a pair of my pants..."

"That desperate? What, not getting enough from your casualties?"

"When you put it that way, it sounds like I'm killing them or something. And, I'm not desperate, just a bit bored."

"You're killing them with sex, aren't you? Why exactly are you, Mr. Twenty-minute-relationships, bored? Run out of amortentia?"

"No, I did not run out of amortentia, thank you very much. Even if it did exist, I wouldn't need it. I'm bored because Ohio has so few options; it's either fifty and over bears or underage twinks, and most of those twinks aren't worth being labeled a pedophile."

"Is that a roundabout way of complimenting me? If it is, I hope you realize that it's unnecessary; I can tell that you love me whenever you shot me that lusty look."

"Yes, because glaring at someone counts as a lusty look," Eye roll, "brilliant conclusion, Sherlock."

"Oh, I'm not Sherlock, Benedict Cumberbatch is. Honestly Sebastian, do you know anything?"

"I do. I just happen to not care for Cumberbatch."

"...I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

"How did we get from sex to Benedict Cumberbatch?"

"It's obvious isn't it? Because I was planning on asking Benedict on Twitter to deflower me."

"He can't do that if I take your virginity first."

"Yes, but you're not really doing anything about it at the moment so I assumed that I could offer myself up to the god that is Benedict Cumberbatch."

"Let's remedy that issue, shall we?"

Sebastian drags Kurt away before he can even answer.

"Sebastian, you left hickies, you jerk!"

"Hickies are never bad, babe."

"Sixteen, father with a shotgun, have no boyfriend, remember? How the hell do I explain THIS to my dad?!"

"You don't."

"Oh yes, that'll work out excellently. 'Hey Kurt, what happened to your neck?'

'Oh nothing, I just got attacked by a sexy vampire.'"

"I am sexy, aren't I?"

"SEBASTIAN! Stop smirking at your reflection and help me come up with a plan!"

"Relax, Kurt. Just tell him that you have a boyfriend now and he got a bit handsy."

"...I don't have a boyfriend and are you TRYING TO GET ME KILLED?"

"Considering the fact that you've got the best ass in this state, well second best, and I'm 'desperate' as you so put it, you now belong to me; that gives you the right to call me your boyfriend."

"I'm not an object Sebastian; you can't claim me, although my ass is flattered. I'm assuming that your ass in is first place?"

"Obviously. I'm certain that if I had bothered to ask you would have said yes anyway, so I'm just skipping that whole silliness."

"Ugh. You're hopeless."

"No, you're hopeless. You've got an hour until your curfew and I'm pretty sure it takes two to get back to Lima."

"SHIT! Right, forgot. I'll see you some other time?"

"Of course. Meet me at the Lima Bean at four. I'm sure that I'll need caffeine by that point. Mother is so tiring."

"M'kay. Bye Sebasti-"

Loud smacking sound.

"SEBASTIAN, SMACKING SOMEONE'S ASS IS NOT A PROPER GOODBYE!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, you totally enjoyed it. Bye Kurt."

"Goodbye, Sebastian."

The door clicks shut as Kurt leaves.

"…He left his underwear here. I wonder if he'd mind if I have it back to him during school hours?"

Sebastian smirked and went back to his mirror.