Disclaimer: I don't own anything, or anyone.
Author's Notes: Although it is a bit inconspicuous, it's from Faith's perspective…And yes I do realise it's rather sucky, but I decided to post it anyway. Plus, any mistakes are my own.
Feedback: Sure, why not…?

Alive but Dead

"I'm ok." I'm ok. I'm always ok. I have to watch her and her lover be together, but I'm fine. I have to watch the hand all over each other, but I'm alright. I can't be any other way. They don't want me to be any other way. She doesn't want me to be any other way.

I'm ok. I have to keep what I feel to myself but I'm doing alright. These feelings I've been having for a while. These feelings that grow stronger every time I'm with her. I'm alright, I'm strong, the non-emotional type. I can keep from revealing myself. I have before, I can again. I will keep them to myself for me. I will keep them to myself for her.

I'm ok. I'm staying a safe distance from her for good measure, but it's all good. I don't need to be with her. I've never needed to be with her but I can handle it. I always do handle it. I can handle it, for her.

I'm alright… I'm breaking down, but it's all good… I CAN'T handle it. I want to be able to but I can't, not for anyone. Not even for her any longer. It had always been for her, but it's not even that now. I'm really losing control, so unlike me, I can't take it.

I'm alright…I'm falling apart and I can't stop it. I don't think I can stay hidden any longer. I don't think I can hide these feelings. It's too hard and if I'm really truthful to myself I don't want to hide them either. I want her to know… I need her to know the real me.

I'm alright… I'm dying inside. Seeing them together makes me weaker and weaker each time. Killing me slowly. I want it all to end. Just to be nice and quick. Why? Because no matter what I say to them, or try to tell myself, I'm not ok. I won't be ok. I will NEVER be ok while I'm around her. That's the reason I want it all to end, that's the reason I need it to end. I want to… but I can't, I'm in too deep with her. I'm totally in love with her and can't leave her.

I'm broken but I can't leave this world because of her. I will take watching her and him be together only so I can be close to her… be with her… love her…