I wonder how long it truly has been. Sure it may be two years by the calendar, but time isn't a proper way to show how long we have been apart. Staring down, the memories flow through my head, but you would never know it. My face seems emotionless, as if your presence means nothing to me. My eyes tell no story, my stand shows no care, but I remember. I remember everything I felt for you back then, and how I had to let it all go because of foolish desire to kill another. It was selfish of me to let you go and to hurt you the way I did, but this is the path I have chosen, and not even your love could change my mind.
How long has it been? Two years by the calendar?
I wonder, have you missed me all this time or am I being selfish again. I wouldn't be surprised; I did spring my feelings on you that first time.
Do you remember that day? It was a day I would never forget. From the look of shock on your face it seems that you haven't forgotten either. I would smile, but I must refuse to show my emotions to you… I must.
Still, I wish I could hold you again. It's a touch I've missed for the past two years. I wish I could go back, at least sometimes I do. Just for that moment; I wish I could have stopped time.
It was a bright day and yet again you were late or was I simply early. I did have a tendency of doing that, hoping that everyone else would come sooner so that training could last longer throughout the day. I was determined to get my revenge; it was something I craved for with every fiber of my body. Still there was something else in my heart that I could never remove.
"Sasuke… Sasuke!" I heard her scream my name as she ran closer to me. Her pink hair flowed with the wind that brushed along her face with every step she took. She always had a smile on her face when she saw me. Her emotions were always easy to read. Although I never showed it, she was special to me. Not so much in the way she wished for me to be, but in a way that I always wanted her to become stronger and if not, I would always protect her.
"Hi Sakura," I answered, showing no emotions, even back then. She stopped in front of me and bent down to catch some air. "Is it true?" she asked. At first I didn't know what she was talking about. There were many things that I hadn't told her, but which one was she asking me about. "Is it true you have a girlfriend?"
I couldn't believe my ears; such a silly question to be asking. Why would I want a girlfriend when I was in love with someone else? Of course I didn't expect her to know that. No one knew that, to some degree I didn't even know that.
"Of course not, I don't have time for one."
She sprung on top of me and gave me a very tight hug. She loved the answer; it gave her hope that she might have a chance with me. Unfortunately, for her, her wish would never come true. I pushed her off of me, although I cared for her, I still didn't like to touch her like that for so long. It gave me a feeling of longing and want, but not from her.
"I will defeat you one day," screamed a voice from behind me. The voice always brought a shiver down my spine, not from fear, but from a hidden passion that I was still exploring.
I shrugged my shoulders and looked away from both of them, hiding the small blush rising on my cheeks. "I will!" he screamed again.
"Shut up, Naruto!" Sakura punched Naruto over the head. I never liked it when she did that, but I never did anything to stop her. It was just another way of me hiding my feelings.
It went silent for a while as we all sat waiting for our sensei to come and take us away. Time passed by and something came to realization, he was late again. I hated it when he was late, it would happen everyday. Sometimes I would test how late he would arrive, or what his excuse would be.
"Sorry I'm late," he said finally walking to us, "I got lost." A silly excuse, as always.
"Lost," said Naruto, "How could you get lost? We meet at the same spot everyday!" He tilted his head and ignored Naruto's comment. I could always tell that behind that mask Kakashi was always smiling. He looked at us and would remember his past. It was something that you could read behind his face. It was the reason I always knew that Kakashi truly cared for us as more than students or ninjas.
"Today there is no mission. I have signed all three of you to take the chunin exams…" He went on to explain about the exam, but as always I ignored everything that came out of Kakashi's mouth. Nothing he ever said, besides fighting techniques, ever felt important to me. It was as if his lips would move, but nothing he said would come out.
I looked to my side to see Naruto getting excited. His lips crept up into a smile as he jumped up into the air with enthusiasm. This was a moment that he had been waiting for; to prove to everyone he was strong like he always said he was.
And he was right.
Naruto was strong; I had seen it with my own eyes. Although I was going through a hazy daze, I knew what I saw was true. Before I completely fainted after getting struck in the neck by Haku, I saw Naruto grab hold of me. He looked down at me as if I had died. I could sense the strange chakra flowing out of Naruto and for a second, before I completely lost consciousness, I saw the red glowing chakra around Naruto, but most of all, I saw the blood thirsty anger in his eyes.
"So, see you all tomorrow," said Kakashi as he disappeared from sight. We all walked our separate ways, holding our entry forms in our hands. I looked behind me to see that Sakura was gone from my sight, but Naruto… Naruto stood still, leaning on a wall, looking heavily at his form. I saw a tear fall from his deep blue eye, but he smiled.
I could feel my face becoming red and hot, I hated when this happened. I shoved my form into my pocket and shook my head. I stomped my way to Naruto, who quickly wiped his tear when he saw me coming to him. "Naruto," I said forcefully.
"What do you want Sasuke?" He didn't seem happy to see me, as if I had ruined his happiness.
"I want to fight with you tonight. Test my strength for the exams and since you always seem to want to fight, why not test yourself out as well." Naruto's eyes widened. He was surprised by my sudden yearn to fight him, but he wanted nothing less than to take me down.
"Deal!" He stood up and looked me straight in the eyes, "Where?"
"At my house, come alone, I don't want anyone else to find out." He sighed. He had hoped it would be in front of an audience, but he didn't back down. "See you after sunset," he said walking away from me.
As I watched him walk away, I started to wonder. What would he think when he found out the real reason I had called him to my home that evening?
The day seemed to pass by slowly, but I finally got to watch the sunset from my rooftop. As the last bits of light slipped away beyond the horizon, I saw Naruto walking up to the front of my home.
I don't know why I was so determined to tell him today, but when I saw the tear down his face, something inside of me told me that I was doing the right thing.
Before Naruto could knock on the door, I opened it quickly. "Naruto," I said staring him down. His eyes were burning with the desire to hurt me today, but that was the last thing I wanted with Naruto tonight. "Come in. Please make yourself at home."
Naruto looked back at me confused. I could tell he was wondering why I was being so nice to him. I shut the door firmly and walked to where Naruto was standing. "Come, follow me." He didn't speak, as if everything I was doing was out of my character. To his knowledge, he was correct, but this was a side I hadn't shown since I was a child. A side that was loving and compassionate, the side I had only revealed before my parent's death.
I took Naruto to my dinning room where I had set some tea and rice balls. "Please sit, make yourself comfortable." As I sat down, Naruto finally spoke. "What? I thought we were going to fight. What's with the tea?"
"Please Naruto, sit and I'll explain." He slowly sat down, waiting to see if I was going to trick him in some way. I handed him a rice ball, but he seemed to hesitate. "There is nothing in them, look I'll take a bit." I took a rice ball and took a large bit of it. He reached out to the plate and grabbed one for himself. I poured him a cup of tea and handed it to him as well.
Naruto shoved the food into his mouth, as if he hadn't eaten all day. "Naruto," I started, "I didn't call you here to fight. I lied. I just used that as a way to get you here. I've wanted to tell you something. Something I've been hiding for quite some time." He looked away from his tea and rice ball and stared in wonder.
"Naruto…" The words seemed hard to escape from my lips, "I like you."
His right eyebrow raised in questioning. I didn't show a hint of emotion on my face, waiting to see what he would say. He started scratching the back of his head and giggled. "Wow, you almost had me there Sasuke. I almost thought you meant as in more than friends."
He took a sip of his tea. "But I did. I mean more than just friends."
He spit his tea out of his mouth and on to my table. His giggle changed into an uncomfortable chuckle. I could tell it wasn't easy for him to hear this. "Is that why you never pay attention to the girls?"
"I only like the powerful and you, Naruto, are the only one that I believe is at my level." Naruto smiled at my comment. "I saw you that day when you became angry after thinking Haku had killed me. It was a power I had never seen before. And when I realized that you were angry because of me… I had started falling for you."
Naruto's jaw had dropped. It was so much for him to take in. I understood his feelings, for I couldn't believe my words either. It was a feeling I had denied for so long, only realizing it as the words spilled out of my mouth. "But how… why… me…" he couldn't comprehend anything.
"Please Naruto, if you don't wish to be with me then tell me now. We can pretend this never happened. I promise not to tell a soul."
Naruto gazed at me. "But how can you fall in love with another man? That isn't right."
I stood up and slammed my hands on the table. "Is it? Is it really wrong? I can't take these feelings I have for you back! I can't deny what my heart is telling me! This is how I feel; now you either take my feelings or smash them into pieces!"
"But I can never think of you that way."
"Try… Try to think of me in that way. Maybe you will see what I'm talking about." I walked away from the table and into my bedroom. I slid the door shut, hoping that Naruto would find his way out.
There wasn't a sound coming from around the house. The expected footsteps of Naruto walking out of the house were not heard. I waited to hear when he would leave, but nothing happened. I fell into my bedding made on the floor.
An hour had passed by, and there still wasn't a sound. I started to think maybe Naruto had left without making a sound. I stood up from my bedding to make sure that he had gone. As I slid the door open, Naruto stood there with tears down his eyes. He looked up at me as he gasped for air from crying. "I love you too."
He grabbed my neck and pulled me to his lips. I was shocked from the sudden reaction, but I didn't stay that way for long. I closed my eyes and held Naruto in my arms. His kiss was a feeling I had been craving for so long. It felt relieving to move in the motion of his lips. I held him tightly against my body. He pulled me into a deeper kiss, trying to taste every part of my mouth.
He pulled away before I had wanted him to and gazed into my eyes. He smiled at me as he had never done before. He didn't have to say anything; he had been hiding his feelings for me as well. All that time that he had been trying to get Sakura to go out with him as a way of him denying what his heart was telling him. He had liked the accidental kiss we exchanged the day we were told that we were in a team together, all of this from his eyes.
"Sasuke… I…" I placed a finger over his mouth.
"It's alright, no need to explain… I love you, Naruto."
He closed his eyes in the ridiculous squint he would normally do and a smile that would expose all of his teeth. I grinned and leaned over to him and kissed him once more. We took a few steps into my room and I closed the door behind him as we kissed. We fell into my bedding and held each other firmly, not wanting to ever let go. It became our moment of peace; everything between us had finally found a calming. We had found the missing piece in our heart and I never wanted to let go.
The chunin exams took place the next day and Naruto and I pretended as if nothing had happened. It was hard to look at him without blushing, thinking of the night before, but I had to pretend nothing, but a friendship, sometimes rivalry, was there between us.
The chunin exam felt as if they had taken forever, but things happened that changed everything. Orochimaru had bitten me on the neck, leaving me a curse that would change everything from that day on. At first I thought I would be able to get rid of it or find a way to fight over it, but it was harder than I had expected. Kakashi had tried to seal the curse and it worked for sometime.
After back to back rounds of the chunin exam we were given a month to prepare for the final parts of the exams. No one was to see me because of my injures and the curse, but I had wanted to see Naruto alone for so long, it was becoming a bigger pain than the wounds on my body.
The night before Kakashi was to take me out of the hospital for training, I had heard a strange knock on my window. I looked up to see Naruto's face plastered on the glass. I quietly stood up and opened the window for him to enter. The moment he had room to come in, he jumped on top of me and kissed me harder than the last time we had this chance. How I have longed for that kiss again.
As we pulled away from each other, I snuck Naruto onto my bed. I lied down beside him, holding him in my arms, wondering what was going through his mind. "I leave tomorrow to train with the closet pervert." I sniggered at his words. There was something about him that always made me smile.
We stayed there on the bed for hours, talking about what we felt about the past few weeks, and if we thought we would make it. In between we exchanged kisses and 'I love you's. It was like our first night all over again.
"Sasuke, are we ever going to tell anyone about us?" The question was something I had never thought about. In my mind, there was no reason anyone else should know about us, but there wasn't a way we could keep this to ourselves forever.
"I don't know… maybe we should tell Sakura first." We looked at each other and started laughing loudly. Both of us knew the look Sakura would give us if we told her. I would have expected for her to faint at some point.
A sudden knock was heard from my door. It was a nurse from the hospital. I hid Naruto under my covers and told him not to say a word. I pretended to be fast asleep. The nurse opened the door and looked around the room, only to find me sleeping soundly on my bed. She sighed when she saw that the window was open. She tipped toed her way to the window, as to not wake me up, closing it and then quickly leaving the room, closing the door behind her.
I sighed in relief that we were not caught. Who knows what would have happened if they found Naruto on my bed? As I was about to tell Naruto the coast was clear, I felt something kissing the center of my chest. I liked the small nibbles around every inch of my bare chest. It was a sensation I thought I would never feel.
I pushed the sheets away from me and stopped Naruto. "What are you doing?"
"Tasting you." The answer was short, but it showed how much Naruto wanted me. I gazed deep into his eyes and brushed my fingers through his blond hair. I kissed him powerfully, showing that I wanted to taste him as well.
The night was still young and Naruto and I showed each other our love. It was a step I never thought I would share with him, but I'm glad I had the chance to. If I didn't then, I might have never gotten the chance later.
Fight after fight I dealt with my problems, only caving in to the darkness that was Orochimaru. I could tell it would break Naruto's heart to find out that I wasn't backing down from joining with Orochimaru. It was something I had to face with myself. It was my selfish decision to go with Orochimaru, so that I would one day kill my brother. And for that I hated myself, but there was no other way.
I could only imagine what it took for you to find me and to fight me that one last time. It was something that would scar me, the same as seeing my parents' dead bodies on the floor. When I stood there in front of you, I remembered all the times I had been with you. Our first accidental kiss and our first real kiss, the night in the hospital bed and the many nights after that. I remembered pretending that I hated you, only to give you kisses that said I was sorry that night.
I remembered it all, but it meant nothing to me at that moment. I made myself see past those memories when I spit blood on your face or when I stabbed my hand through your chest. I could see it in your eyes, the memories of us together when the blood thirsty chakra flowed around your body again, except this time against me. You didn't want to fight and neither did I, but it was something that needed to be done. It was the only way to deal with the heartbreak.
As I stood before you in the pouring rain after our battle, I looked up into the sky. I wondered if what I did was right, if I would regret hurting you the way I did. You lied flat on the ground, fainted after the battle we had fought. I coughed from the pain and hovered over your face.
It pained me to see you wounded and to know that I was the one responsible for it, but it was something I needed to do. Although I loved you, the hate I had for my brother was stronger than anything I felt. I couldn't prove my brother correct. And in the end I did do this for us.
I swear I did it for us.
As you lied there I looked at you with pain and agony. I wish I didn't have to do this, but I had no other choice. This was the path I needed to take and you were the sacrifice I needed to make. I kissed you gently on the lips before I stood up. I doubt that you felt it, but I know I did. It would be the taste I would miss for two years.
How long has it been? Two years by the calendar?
I see your face looking up at me, finally seeing the man you loved who left you from selfish pride. If you hate me know I would understand. I hate myself as well.
You have grown, but I still see the man I fell in love with all those years ago. I wonder if we would ever be given the chance to be together again or if you would ever forgive me for what I have done.
It doesn't matter now. What's done is done and there is nothing either of us can do. I never told anyone about us, have you? I doubt you have.
I want you to know that I still love you, and that my heart is broken into pieces, but I'm the one that shattered it, it's all my fault. But like I said, it doesn't matter now. We are no longer friends, comrades… lovers… we are now enemies and no matter how much my heart tells me that I have chosen the wrong path, I know that this was meant to happen.
We were meant to be enemies.