Author's Notes
Hey everybody, ThatLoneAvenger here, with... something a little unorthodox, to say the least. xD This has a little bit of backstory, so here's the short version of it:
I was working on the next Mark of Death chapter with my beta, Master Of Anime224 (who runs a story on here titled Yu-Gi-Oh! Reality's Curtain), and we got to the topic of potentially making Sin Parody Fics of each other's stories. Shortly after that, all bets were off and we started writing CinemaSin-like scripts where he sinned the first chapter of MOD, and I made THIS, which sins the first chapter of HIS story, RC.
So BEFORE YOU GO ANY FURTHER, I HAVE TO PUT THESE DISCLAIMERS OUT THERE:
- The following is entirely parodied off the style of CinemaSins's "Everything Wrong With" series on YouTube. Not my idea, not my concept. If you're not familiar with their style, I suggest that you go check out their content first.
- I HAVE PERMISSION to use the text in MOA's RC story for this parody, and to publish it. Just as he has my permission to use my story's text and publish it in his OWN parody, which was published shortly before I did (you should go read it, it's hysterical. xD)
- IF YOU HAVE NOT READ:
1. my story, Mark of Death
2. The first chapter of MOA's story, Reality's Curtain
3. MOA's FanFicSins parody of MOD
then you may not get all of the references that occur in both this parody and his. In essence, we basically wrote this primarily for our current fanbases. Sorry to those of you who feel left out.
- These parodies are NOT intended to bash each other's stories, nor are they meant as jabs at each other, or others who like us and our work. We made these in good spirits all while laughing at each other's comedy, and we both agreed these would be fun to post and show you guys. So know it was all made with good intent and was totally fun. ^^
Now that that's all cleared up, here's how we're gonna do this: in MOA's parody, he had his main protags from RC, Matsuda and Kimiko, narrate the sins they listed off. In that spirit, I too will be having my protagonists in MOD narrating THESE sins for RC. And with that said, it's my pleasure to introduce your hosts of this FanFicSins parody: Mike Harper and Danny Stark!
*Mike and Danny both walk onto an imaginary stage*
Danny: Hey guys! I'm Danny Stark, here tonight with my best friend Mike Harper!
Mike: Hi, everybody. So as you're all aware, we'll be hosting tonight's parody events, and we hope that you'll find them enjoyable!
Danny: Also, you guys should know that TLA didn't paraphrase the ENTIRETY of MOA's story in this parody, so all the text from his story here is plucked out of context.
Mike: Hence why it's a good idea that you go read his first chapter before reading this if you haven't already.
Danny: Right!
Mike: So without further ado, we ask that you sit back, relax, and enjoy: "Everything Wrong With: Yu-Gi-Oh! Reality's Curtain - a FanFicSins Parody".
[His hair was black with red streaks and ran down in large spikes to his shoulders, jutting out diagonally downwards.]
Danny: Over the top anime hair at its finest.
[...single violet eye...]
Mike: Because THAT'S a realistic eye color.
Danny: So you sin that, but never question why Violet's hair is purple?
Mike: ... I thought she just always dyed it.
Danny: Since she was a child?
Mike: ... shut up.
[... a portal of determination.]
Danny: The dramatic flare is ripe in the air tonight, eh?
[The speaker's voice was female,]
Mike: "The woman who was -RE-INSERT DESCRIPTION OF APPEARANCE HERE- said..." was just too basic for you, huh?
[... as if she was enjoying what she was doing.]
Danny: WHOA, what is she enjoying there? Innuendos for days!
[... holding a guy over the edge of a tall building doesn't count as 'merely extracting information'!"]
Mike: Adding to Danny's last comment, what an odd fetish.
... wait, this isn't a fetish thing? Damn it.
[... the device sparked into life, a protrusion erupting from it to be parallel to his arm,]
Danny: THAT IS SO COOL. Sin removed-
Mike: You know they have that over in Japan but have yet to share with us over in the States, right?
Danny: ... I retract that sin subtraction.
["I'm Matsuda Yukaro, and I challenge you to a duel!"]
Mike: Surprise, surprise. Dramatic proclamation of protagonist's name is dramatic.
Danny: Also, your entrance in our story was more badass.
Mike: That too.
[HEROs awaken!]
Danny: Wait, HEROs? Why does this feel familiar? My OC-makes-their-own-sub-archetype-from-previous-actual-protagonists senses are tingling!
[A few hours earlier…]
Mike: Oh, this is that show-future-event-before-flashing-back-to-present bullsh*t openings. Couldn't grasp a reader without one, right?
[A bipedal humanoid...]
Danny: I damn hope a humanoid thing is walking on two legs! Crawling on all fours would just be weird.
[She was skinny, lacking prominent curves,]
Mike: Because in Japan, the first priority is always how many curves are on the f*cking ladies. We get it, y'all have boners for cartoon chicks.
[Oddly enough, she wore a headband matching the colour of her hair with a pair of white cat ears protruding from it,]
Danny: Oddly enough? They're in freaking Japan; half the population of chicks there like wearing cat-themed apparel!
[... she wore a calm demeanour and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose...]
Mike: Ah, the cliche clever-jerk-like-character-with-glasses trait. Only on a character who turns out less jerk-y.
["I activate my face down Spellbook of Fate.]
Danny: Just periods in the punctuation here? Man, duelists in Japan must be bored as f*ck with dueling by now, I guess.
["Then I draw!" Kaneko dramatically pulled a card from the top of her deck, a white light seeming to trail the path of the card.]
Mike: This is not the Tag Force PSP video game series, damn it!
["Wizard of eternity, show thy face. Studying ancient tomes to increase your vast knowledge, change the world! Rise, level eight! High Priestess of Prophecy (Lv.8, ATK: 2700)!"]
Danny: Whoa, wait, these people use freaking summoning chants? My god, no wonder the Abridged series' on YouTube make jokes about how long duels tend to take. When you gotta sit through that just waiting for the monster to make its dramatic entrance, I'd wanna change the channel before long too.
[He tried to dodge, but to no avail.]
Mike: Dude, this is clearly not an action duel. Dodging isn't gonna do jack sh*t for you.
[They turned to see none other than Matsuda Yukaro approaching,]
Danny: None other than... that one guy we've seen only once before! In a f*cking flash-forward, no less!
["But Daitaro, you suck."]
Mike: Y'know, I know this is set in Japan. And I know Japanese custom doesn't usually allow for much rude smacktalk, even between friends. Those people are like the nicest guys down there long as you don't piss in the bathtubs.
Danny: And THAT'S how you know this was written by a Brit.
[... Daitaro collapsed dramatically to his knees, depression lines seeming to emanate from him and a river of tears falling from his eyes.]
Danny: I know it's this author's intention to show how ridiculous anime tropes tend to be, but somehow, reading them in actual context is even MORE ridiculous.
["Uh… you don't suck that hard…"]
Mike: That's what she said.
Danny: Aw, damn it, I wanted to say that!
[... as she pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose.]
Danny: This trait again. Seriously, do glasses fall down your nose that often?
Mike: Haven't you seen how often Dr. Crawford does it?
Danny: ... huh. o_o
["And she is like, a genius.]
Mike: "And, like, I'm starving Scooby Doo!"
"Reah! Rehehehehe!"
["I think a better question is why are the two of you duelling in the middle of the plaza?"]
Danny: That's actually a pretty legitimate question. This isn't like Zexal where the only people who can watch duels in progress are people with those Duel Gazers. Everybody else in the mall must've been flipping their sh*t when they realized they weren't in Kansas anymore and instead on some random tower.
Mike: Dude, they're in Japan. They were never in Kanas to beg-
Danny: DON'T RUIN THIS JOKE FOR ME!
["Loser carries all the crap."]
Mike: Rock-paper-scissors was too mainstream, huh?
[Matsuda's eyes almost bugged out of his head. "SERIOUSLY?!" He turned to Kaneko. "Who the hell needs that much stuff?! We go back to school tomorrow, not shelter from a nuclear holocaust!"]
Danny: Again, I'm with Matsuda on this one. Seriously, do Kaneko and Daitaro come from money? Because that is a LOT of crap! My girlfriend doesn't even shop, but I know that if she DID, she would NOT be able to afford to buy that much stuff!
["That's not some things," said Matsuda, "that's just everything! Where did you even get the money for this crap? You have a part-time job, you're not a millionaire!"]
Mike: Matsuda would be great at FanFicSins.
[She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose.]
Danny: AGAIN!
[Matsuda gave Daitaro a pat on the back before strolling over to the leaning tower of shopping and placing his single bag on it.]
Mike: Matsuda is a dick to Daitaro.
Danny: For future reference, everyone is a dick to everyone in this story.
Mike: Well, at least this'll be amusing.
[... the wallet being emblazoned with a symbol that had a head, a body, three spikes indicating wings and a long, thin tail.]
Danny: Oh my god, I care as much about what the hell is on Matusda's wallet as I did when my hoodie got set on fire. And by the way, I really didn't care about that. Hell, I even forgot the damn thing!
["Damn, that was a stupid day…"]
Mike: I mean, the event before was definitely stupid. Doesn't have to spoil the rest of your day, though.
"Nishihama, you are damn beautiful…"
Danny: I find it funny how Matsuda talks to his home city like he's trying to seduce it here.
Mike: ... you are a lot more perverted than I thought.
Danny: We all are. Our author just waters down all sexual references in our story. Seriously, do you even KNOW how big Violet's boobs are?
Mike: ... ... ...
Danny: Didn't think so.
[... the advanced technology giving it a futuristic feel...]
Mike: I mean, it's either set in a futuristic setting or it isn't. Why does this narrative keep trying to confuse me as to when the f*ck this story is set?
[During the day, holographic monsters would battle to the death throughout the city's parks and plazas...]
Danny: Terrorizing all the little babies in strollers that see the monsters flying around and seriously pissing off the mothers of said babies because they JUST GOT THAT CHILD TO SLEEP, DAMN IT!
Mike: ... yeah. 0.0
[Ten minutes surely couldn't hurt…]
Mike: ... ten minutes of what? Napping? I mean, I know it's napping, but lacking a little specific detail here.
Danny: Also, yeah, it's definitely going to hurt if yout narrative is saying it "surely couldn't."
[The chase was fervent, both hunter and hunted running as if their lives depended on it. Who knows, maybe they did.]
Danny: ... I mean, we don't know. Why don't you tell us, assh*le?!
[... leaving only dust in his wake as he landed, rolled out and continued his desperate attempt at escape.]
Mike: We interrupt YGO: RC to bring you "Basic Parkour Moves."
[... landing and continuing her run with a renewed vigour.]
Danny: If she needs to keep leaping over sh*t to keep her vigour renewed, she really needs to look into a library card.
[... the single blonde spike of hair protruding from her hood swaying wildly in the gentle breeze as she continued to sprint.]
Mike: Gentle breeze? If they're running at full speed, then the breeze going by them sure as hell ain't gonna be gentle.
[This was the end of the line.]
Danny: The end for him... and he wondered... would he dream? 0.0
Mike: ... seriously? DBZA reference?
Danny: I thought that referenced something else.
Mike: If it does, I don't know what.
Danny: So we cite it as DBZA, thank you very much.
[... the next rooftop was far too large for any normal human being to come even close to jumping across.]
Mike: Oh good, this guy's not stupid enough to pull a Peter Parker in Spider-Man 2.
[If flight wasn't an option, then he'd have to fight.]
Danny: Ahhhh~ I see what you did there!
[But it didn't. She ducked under the strike, grabbing the man's arm and pulling him along as she ran, albeit slowing down. She shifted her grip to his collar before hefting him above her and slamming him down into the hard rooftop.]
Mike: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Danny: ... dude, seriously, that's funny to you?
Mike: The dude stupidly rushed her, he deserved that!
[Maybe she had seen it coming after all.]
Danny: THAT'S WHAT HE SAID! HA! I GOT TO MAKE THAT JOKE AFTER ALL!
[He let out a strangled cry as she grabbed his collar and dragged him over to the edge of the building, but nothing came of it.]
Mike: We interrupt YGO: RC once again to bring you a rejected sequence from one of the Silent Hill movies.
["Goddammit, who the hell oversleeps on a beach?]
Danny: Again, Matsuda would be great at FanFicSins.
[Matsuda was running, and given the time, he couldn't really be blamed.]
Mike: Uh, yes he could be blamed! The idiot thought that taking a nap on a beach was a good idea! That's on you, assh*le!
[He did have a home to get to, after all, and school in the morning.]
Danny: Ah, some good ol'-fashioned teenage irresponsibility.
[So he stopped.]
Mike: ... oh, sorry, I was waiting for him to say it "was hammertime" afterwards. Carry on.
[So what else was he to do but climb up it to the rooftop and confront the cloaked woman torturing a helpless man.]
Danny: Uh, how about the sane idea of calling the cops over instead, and NOT risking your life like a moron? Seriously, if you have the option but you don't use it, you're an idiot.
[He stood with his duel disk active and ready, prompting a smirk from the woman.]
Mike: So what happened in the flash-forward scene would be inserted just before this, okay. But just putting this out there: it's damn confusing to read this without that context there.
Danny: WAIT, WHEN DID HIS DUEL DISK ACTIVATE? WHY DID SHE JUST ACKNOWLEDGE HIM FOR NO REASON? WHY DID-
Mike: I rest my case.
["I know that you're tormenting that poor guy!"
"'Poor guy'? You really are naïve."
"Just shut the hell up and duel me."]
Danny: So we're literally rehashing everything that was said in the flash-forward scene. Just after where it would've been. Where it's not.
Mike: FanFic-ception, anybody?
["Lady Light?" He snorted. "That's a stupid name."]
Mike: Okay, so who the hell do I call to hire Matsuda to work at FanFicSins?
[I'll start by summoning Cosmic HERO Motivator...]
Danny: *HERO just crashes to the floor*
Aw, Uncle Owen, this HERO has a bad Motivator!
Mike: ... Star Wars references now. o_o
[Lady Light sighed. "Clearly some card designers watch too much anime…"]
Mike: So does the author of this story.
Danny: So does the author of ours.
Mike: Yeah, but not as much as this guy.
["Giga-Mech gives Kam- I mean, Motivator...]
Danny: I feel like there's a reference here, but for the life of me, I don't know what it's to.
Mike: I reiterate my last point.
[... Super Manly Kick!"]
Mike: HAHAHAHAHAHA! And Matsuda wanted to sin us for not having summoning chants or named moves, but THAT'S his idea for naming an attack?
["You flipped my Ryko, Lightsworn Hunter,"]
Danny: OOOOH, NOW I get why she's called Lady Light!
Mike: Truly a master of subtlety.
["So I think I'll make like Gainax and kill off your Motivator!"]
Mike: At this point, we're interrupting this story to bring you every other anime EVER.
["It's like episode eight all over again!"]
Danny: I think we're gonna have to start double-sinning every reference that pops up at this point. *+2*
[Lady Light drew her card with no dramatics at all,]
Mike: So she just drew like any other draw. I suppose the only saving grace of adding this specific detail is because every other duelist in this story seems to think they're in Tag Force.
["See, now the name's starting to make more sense," said Matsuda...]
Danny: It's official: Matsuda's officially dumber than me 'cause I picked up on that sooner.
Mike: And that's REALLY saying something...
Danny: ... HEY!
["I yard two cards,]
Mike: Using a different word to refer to milling after having used the term "milling", and then proceeds to go back to using "milling" afterwards.
[He drew his card, adding it to his hand...]
Danny: No specifics about dramatic flare? Shocker. Seriously. o_O
[I guess I gotta figure that out as I go, huh?]
Mike: Who the f*ck are you asking that to? We're sure as hell not giving you any answers.
["Alright, it's time to kick this into warp drive!]
Danny: This is either a reference, or the guy just stole Jack Atlas's dub catchphrase.
Mike: Or both.
Danny: Hey Abridged!Jack, he stole your catchphrase!
Abridged!Jack: CARD GAMES ON MOTOR-
Danny: Okay, never mind. *+2*
[So say hello to Cosmic HERO Infernus...]
Mike: Hello, Cosmic HERO Infernus!
... ... ...
He didn't reply. Rude f*cker.
[A man made entirely of fire appeared next to Planetes, the flames emanating wildly from him.]
Danny: Holy crap, I didn't know the Human Torch had his own YGO card!
[Infernus literally exploded...]
Mike: Thanks for clarifying that, I almost thought you meant that he FIGURATIVELY exploded.
[Lady Light merely looked on, emotionless.]
Danny: I feel like Lady Light would be the worst Tinder date ever.
["I banish Necro Gardna from my grave to negate your attack." Lady Light held up the card before slipping it into her pocket.]
Mike: All this talk of advanced technology, and their duel disks don't even have places for banished cards. Our author has the Yusei Fudo 2nd model duel disk imported from Japan, which is ENTIRELY plastic, DOESN'T have holographic projectors of any kind, but even THAT has a slot for banished cards!
["Bringer of light, as darkness falls, may your purging luminescence bring back the realm of that evanescent glow! Become the light that purges shadow! Synchro summon!]
Danny: More chants. Yippee.
Mike: Y'know, in the original drafts of our story, we actually used some-
Danny: DO NOT SPEAK OF THE FORBIDDEN DRAFTS!
[... a helmet completely covering his head.]
Mike: Oh, okay. I thought it was covering his penis for a second.
Danny: But then what IS covering his penis? D:
Mike: *punches Danny*
[The most wondrous thing about this monster, however, was the fact that it was riding on a pure white, oriental dragon.]
Danny: Oh, you've gotta be kidding me! We ALL know that's Judgment Dragon, and just 'cause it's SLIGHTLY depicted in Michael's artwork, that does NOT make it a part of the actual monster! They are TWO SEPARATE ENTITIES!
["Holy crap that's a big-ass dragon," said Matsuda, amazed.]
Mike: Man, Danny was right. These Japanese folk really DO seem seriously bored in the faces of majesties like this.
[... different dimension.]
Danny: We saw this same "different dimension" referenced earlier, but it was properly capitalized. This time it ain't.
["As the spiral turns, see the light of a billion suns! With your heart a supermassive black hole, show the dazzling brilliance of the stars! Synchro summon!]
Mike: Another goddamn chant. Danny, pass me the remote.
[... what could now be seen was beyond words.]
Danny: Yet you proceed to use words to describe what's seen anyway.
["And your defeat starts now!]
Mike: As opposed to it starting, maybe, at the beginning of the duel. What, you haven't been playing to win this whole time?
["Neutron Star Collision!"]
Danny: Okay, THAT is actually a badass name for an attack. Sin removed. *-1*
[It's time you witnessed the strongest among the Lightsworn."]
Mike: He already did. When he SHOULDN'T HAVE.
["Wherever evil may lurk, destroy it! Wherever darkness may overtake light, smite it! Rain your heavenly judgment down on all sin! Become the light that purges darkness!]
Danny: Not just a summon chant, but a summon chant for a non-extra deck monster.
Mike: Damn shame that the remote batteries crapped out.
[It's alright, I still have my Cosmic Ray trap, I can halve its attack in the damage step and win the duel!]
Mike: As soon as there's an inner thought that passes off the ultimate threat beating you because you have one last trick up your sleeve, you just know that you've already lost.
[(Lady Light: 1100 – 100)]
Danny: A duel that ends with the winner having the barest minimum of LP left. Who'd have seen that coming?
Mike: You'd be surprised...
[... as if lady luck was taunting him,]
Mike: Oh she is, and so is Lady Light too.
Danny: Worst. Threesome. Ever.
[(Matsuda: 200 – 0, Winner: Lady Light).]
Danny: And our supposed main character loses his first major duel!
Mike: Oh good. Now he'll get fired from his story and HAVE to come work for us at FanFicSins!
[If he didn't do anything, he would die, but he simply couldn't understand that concept at that moment.]
Mike: Mainly because when this got ported over from Japan, 4K once again censored all death references and re-made Matsuda's thoughts to think he might land on an air mattress.
["You see me as the bad guy in this whole situation, but I'm really not. I don't exactly want your blood on my hands, you know."
"Oh, but that other guy's is fine?"]
Danny: Yeah, about as fine as the grammar in that last sentence.
[... Now, where do you live?"
He coughed weakly. "Why the hell… would I tell you something like that?"
"Would you rather sleep on the street?"]
Mike: "No, I would prefer to not tell you the address where my mother lives, in case one day you decide to get really pissed at me and kill her out of spite."
[Seeing no flaws in her logic,]
Danny: Once again, the guy's dumber than me.
Mike: Never thought I'd see the day.
[AN: So that's chapter 1.]
Mike: Oh, phew! I thought this was the finale. That would've been a piss-poor ending.
[... it wasn't meant to be so long,]
Danny: HAHAHA, he thinks THIS is long for a chapter!
Mike: Even I found that funny.
[If you can catch all the references in this, you earn every brownie point there is to have,]
Danny: Screw you, man! And for the record, if I want brownie-anything, I'll go bake my own brownies, thank you!
Mike: Think that deserved three more sins.
*+3*
[... here is a long-ass list of all the original cards that appeared in this chapter.
*proceeds to list them*]
Mike: Oh, look at that. A list of things people who actually have lives aren't gonna bother reading.
Danny: ... that was a harsh burn, man.
Mike: I know. ^^
FINAL SIN COUNT: 98
SENTENCE: ... ... ... Tinder Date with Lady Light (MOA: She'd probably beat you and hang you off a ledge).
Danny: Wow, that was actually more fun than I thought it'd be. Think we'll do it again?
Mike: ... maybe. For now, we're gonna call this story complete though.
Danny: Fair 'nuff. Anyway, thank YOU guys for taking the time to read this! We hope you enjoyed it; TLA had a lot of fun writing it up, and we had lots of fun commentating it!
Mike: Be sure to leave those reviews to let us know what you think. After all, feedback is the best inspirer. And now, we turn it back to our author, ThatLoneAvenger.
Author's Notes
Thanks guys! As they said, I really hope you enjoyed this little parody, and if you did, lemme know! But in the meantime, I'm gonna go and hide somewhere before the FanFic PoPo show up to flag my story for breaking all their rules.
Until next time everyone; stay awesome.