Disclaimer: I own nothing except my interpretations (:
Summary: L/J: If you fall for James Potter, be aware that you're liable to get your heart broken. Set in 6th Year.
Review?
I was the one who came to the door when Severus Snape came to our portrait. I saw the remorse swimming in his eyes; I felt the sorrow he emitted from his lanky frame as if it were my own. But I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Lily would dismiss this, because like a protective barrier, her morals were tough as nails, and her patience, love, and tolerance had long since been weary.
"Is Lily there?" he had asked quietly, frowning because I was not the girl he wanted to answer the door.
"Yeah, she is," I had said coolly. We both knew at the time that she was less than thrilled with him.
"Can you tell her I'd like to speak to her?"
"I can tell her, but I won't guarantee anything."
"Can you go get her?" he all but snapped at me. He wasn't very likable at all; except to Lily - oh yes, he was perfectly lovely to Lily…until, the lake and everything. Everyone knew he was in love with her.
"One moment."
After a slow trudge up the stairs, and into the dormitory, I had seen Lily, with her impossibly thick hair, curled around her, her arms wrapped around her legs, looking out the window.
"Lily?"
"Yes, Mary?" she said softly. That was one thing I loved about Lily; even in a sour mood, with even seemingly crashing around her, she could still muster enough goodness in her to be civil.
"Snape…he wants to see you," I had said hesitantly. I wasn't sure what I would expect. A Chinese Fireball-like explosion?
"Where is he?" she said crisply, with her tone telling me she wanted to get this over with, swiftly. She was never about beating around the bush.
"Outside the portrait," I told her quietly. Abruptly, she unraveled from her cocoon and proceeded downstairs.
I seated myself on my trunk, my favorite spot. I wondered whether this was finally the breaking point. After all, if it wasn't for him, Snape needn't have reacted so harshly. All the circumstances swirled around one James Potter, and it was because of all this that made Lily lose her best friend. I felt bitter and dirty, and jealous. Utterly jealous.
I had waited for the moment where James would make Lily realize that he was no good for her. And here it was, I think. And I'd never felt so rotten.
---
James Potter has a personality that would appeal to any girl. Especially me. Call him arrogant, I call him confident. Call him cruel, I call it exercising his status. Call him naïve, I call him stubborn. He could do no wrong.
Well, maybe not at all wrong. There was one blemish that made me try that much harder to catch his eye.
And she was my best friend.
Lily was the one he wanted, and I know in my heart she's the only person he will ever want. But the one hope, the one I hold on to like a security blanket when I go to sleep to my dreams is that she'll never love him back.
---
I tried to see what he saw this year.
Lily made prefect; she was intelligent, hardworking, and responsible. She was a classic beauty, with thick, long, dark red hair and creamy skin. Out of this world green eyes. A warm heart, and stone-cold ethics. A passion that mirrors her hair. Stubborn as a mule.
I was the more modern one, if there was a label for me. I was the one with the short, blond hair, wide blue eyes and what my friends call that "spark." I'd always thought that James would notice that. We'd be perfect for each other, we're so damn compatible - why didn't he see? I never before in my life believed that opposites attract. It was a stupid unwritten rule that naïve people went by to find their perfect match.
But, maybe it wasn't so stupid at all. James never chuckled, he laughed, and he was never alive, he lived. Lily, quite the same, for utterly different reasons.
But Lily hasn't realized yet that it's her refusal to date him that has him more determined to get her.
That's what made what James and Lily had so bloody complicated. Lily wouldn't date him for precisely the same reason he wanted her. Because they clicked, they clawed, and they scratched. And she was afraid that there wouldn't be enough passion left, after the initial high was over, to make a long, healthy relationship.
I could be healthy for you, James.
---
There's a sadness in you that you don't notice, because the sadness you notice is the raw kind that tugs at your heart, not the residue sadness that stays with you forever. That kind of sadness I feel, always felt, and will always feel, when I see James look at Lily like he was alive simply because she was.
To make that misery subside, I try Lily's tactic.
After a particularly harsh rejection from Lily, James is sitting alone at the tree where the Lake incident occurred a year ago. He seems serene, and mildly disgruntled, but I go near him to feel him, just to be near him.
"Hi, James," I say quietly, sitting down next to him. I make sure to sit a little farther away than I would normally sit.
"Hi, Mary," he says almost casually. It bites a little bit, but I still smile that faux smile I've long since harbored. They're easy to come by when the love of your life is infatuated with your best friend.
"Are you okay?" I ask sympathetically. Because even though Lily broke his heart again, and I'm secretly and horribly a bit pleased, I want to cuddle with him, hug him to make it feel better. The melancholy dripped from his eyes.
"No."
"Lily?" I ask, as if I wasn't watching their encounter closely before.
"Yes." He didn't look like he wanted company, but I scoot a little closer and put a hand on his arm.
"You don't have to keep getting hurt, James," I say quietly. We're not best friends or anything, but I can recall several moments where he's been quite open with me.
He looks ahead, and sighed. "I know. But it's like I have no choice…"
"Yes you do. There are plenty of other girls who would love to have your affection," I said, hoping I sound sly and flattering.
He snorted. But then he turned to look at me, and said warmly, "Like you?"
Yes! I give myself a high-five.
I roll my eyes for effect. "Not everyone wants you, James," I said.
He raised his eyebrows coolly, andsahead again. He loosened his arm so that my hand dropped limply.
"I don't care," he said simply. "The only girl I want to want me is Lily."
I smile tightly and gave him a hard, long look before walking quickly to somewhere other than here. That went swell! I didn't what was worse, the fact that he flicked me off like a fly, or that he told me that he preferred my best friend, and I feel my throat constricting. It's just another instance where when something works for Lily, it fails dismally for me.
I choke out a small gasp and feel my heart beating, like a slow funeral march. I disgust myself, and I need to go crawl in a hole or something.
I stumble, and I just collapse on the floor, hoping no one sees me, because hoping no one will see me is easier than having someone come by and ignore me. Wouldn't that make my night go full circle?
My mother watched my father go into someone else's arms - and I couldn't stand to see her do nothing. She told me I didn't understand, but damn it, I did! He's my father, and I want him to help me with my work and help me pick out apples and see my boyfriend, and to walk me down the aisle, and she lets him go in some tramp's arms?
Now I know better.
They were never happy together. I saw them - they were always arguing, I never saw between them what I see in teenagers today. So that's why she let him go. They fought, but she still loved him dearly, so if being with a tramp made him happy then so be it. She loved him so much she took him away from me - and I nearly cry out loud because all those emotions are coming back.
It will be the same for James, I thought as I hiccupped. If I can't have him, the next best person can. Lily will learn to love him like he should be loved. They will make magic, sparks will fly and they will both be extraordinary, together.
Then again, Lily hates James.
But James loves Lily. And if he changes for her, James will not be the same man that I fell for, so technically I didn't lose anything.
Right?
Review please?
I worked really hard on this. And I'd really like to know what you guys think, whether you liked it or not, the whys or why nots(: