Disclaimer: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are property of NBC and Dick Wolf

Author's Note: This is my first English fan fiction NOW IT IS WELL WRITTEN! please be nice and let me know if I should continue… : )

Chapter 1.

He was gone, that was a fact. She? She felt fear, sadness, disappointment, anger, lost … destroyed.

After the shooting, the days passed slowly with no answer to her desperate calls, to her million of messages, to her horrifying thoughts… fear.

Then, finally, after a while she received the new she was so afraid to hear, and she knew she would hear it. "Elliot put his papers in" and the worst part of it was that it was Captain Donald Cragen the one that tell her…. Sadness.

After more than twelve years of partnership, of friendship, she expected more than this. She thought that at least he would talk to her, return her calls, that he would be the one to tell her about his resignation. But he didn't…. disappointment.

Still, she had the hope of receiving his call whenever he felt ready; she was giving him the space he needed to breath, to think. She decided to keep her distance so he could find the missing piece he lost that night… and, maybe, bring him back, to her. But, again, he didn't…. anger.

A month went faster than she expected. Two new persons were presented in the squad, just what she needed… rookie detectives to take care of. Detective Amanda Rollins and Detective Nicolas Amaro. She was rough with them at first but just because she didn't know how to work with different people, with anyone else but him, and she didn't want to. But it was more difficult to work alone. Her first cases without him were strange, she was distracted; she lost some tracks, important ones. She didn't notice some details, details she was sure she would have noticed with him by her side. She felt incomplete, like she was now half the detective she used to be…. lost.

And something even worse came. An old case of hers reopened and a horrible truth came out. She locked an innocent man in jail for years, a man she was sure was guilty. This brings her a big doubt, distrust in herself, insecurities were released and he was not there to help her get through this. Then, she thought that even if he had been there, he couldn't have done anything to help her… destroyed.

She knew about feelings, at least the negative ones, and what effect they could have on her. She knew she had to get over them and continue with her life… she had to get over him. There was one thought that help her with that.

"If he doesn't mind… why should I?" It wasn't her nicest thought, but it was the best she had at use. At least, it's better to be angry than sad.

One day she was coming back to her apartment, tired and stressed, wishing to have one lonely night of relaxation to take a foam bath in her tub and not going out never again. But destiny had another plan for her. She took off her shoes and work clothes, and although there was no one there to see her, she decided to put on her bath robe whilst she prepared the tub. She wondered if warm water and lots of foam could help her feel better… hopefully it would. Maybe a cup of wine would help her achieve her goal of utter relaxation, but then she didn't want to star sinking her sorrows in alcohol, she knew better than anyone where that could take her. She wouldn't let herself go there, fall so low… never.

As she was climbing into the steaming tub a gentle knock stopped her. Not sure if she has really heard it, or if it was just her mind playing with her, she waited in silence until the knock repeated stronger.

Who could be knocking on her door so late at night? She wasn't expecting anyone, she hadn't ordered anything, and she absolutely didn't want to open that door to see Nick Amaro with a new case for her.

She didn't need that… not now.

She decided to keep in silence for a few minutes and see if whoever was at her door would leave. And it worked; the knocking stopped… luckily for her. She sighed and let her face play a small smile before getting into the tub.

"Good" The loneliness inside her spoke out. As her body started to relax her mind started working. Lots of thing invaded her at that moment: the job, the new detectives, the case, the victims… but she didn't let herself go to any deeper thought. She knew the feeling that that would cause, and she knew of WHO she would think about… him. So she went back to the earlier knock, what if someone really needed her, was she ignoring her job? Her colleagues? A victim? That was not like her.

"Perfect" she said mad at her thought. Now she couldn't relax, she looked around her bathroom trying to find her mobile phone; luckily it could be near enough to grab it. But then she hasn't had any luck in a very long time. And this time was not an exception.

"Dammit!" she closed her eyes and sighed before getting up and out of the tub. She put on her bath robe again and went back to her room. She found her mobile in the little table near the door. She took it and tried to turn it on, but it wouldn't function. She swallowed her curse and went for its charger and, meanwhile she waited for it to have some battery, she brushed her wet hair.

"Please no missed calls… please, please!" she pleaded waiting to the screen to turn on. And her bad luck was still there. "Great! Three missed calls!" she swiped her thumb across the screen hoping not to see one of her colleague's names on the screen. And it wasn't. She felt her stomach fall at the moment she realized whose name it was in the screen… his.

Author's Note: THANKS SOOO MUCH TO MY BETA BOOKGURU! : )