Disclaimer: I don't own 'em! But I have tried to kidnap them…
Author's Note: Hello everyone! This is my first time venturing into the TMNT fandom, so I'm a little nervous. I only recently discovered all the wonderful stories written about the turtles! I've never written in first person before or about the TMNT, so please let me know what you think.
-anime girl-
x x x x x
Theme # 1: Father
1:32 a.m.
Master Splinter died on Thursday. We buried him today -- only a few hours ago.
My father is dead.
It's weird, writing it out. I can barely say it. I feel like I'm in some crazy dream. Donny is always telling me not to eat cheese puffs before I go to sleep. But I mean its cheese! How can anyone ignore the cheesy goodness contained in each bite?
I guess he's right though. This is all just a weird cheese puff induced dream. Yeah, I'm just going to stop writing in this dumb thing and wake up.
x x x x x
1:45 a.m.
So.
I'm not dreaming. All I succeeded in doing was opening a new bag of cheese puffs.
I never really thought about Splinter dying. I know he was old, but you never notice it when he's kicking your shell every day during training. He wasn't even sick. He went to sleep and then the next morning he was…dead.
God, what was the last thing I said to him? Was it some stupid joke? I can't remember.
We buried him at April's farm. Right near a patch of apple trees. I think he'd like being there, especially in the spring with all the blossoms and stuff.
April's the one who did most of the talking in remembrance of him. It was really nice too. I don't think the rest of us could get through a formal speech. There was too much grief and too much to say about him. I was crying, loudly, for most of it. My brothers were near though. Donny with his hand on my back. Raph standing next to me silently crying, solid and strong although I knew he felt just as bad as me. And Leo next to Raph, watching over it all with a tear-streaked face.
We all said our own little piece to him quietly. Leo said this whole thing in Japanese. Splinter would have loved it. I wish I'd known the language. I used to know some way back when, but the only word I recognized was Otou-san. Father.
We used to call Splinter that when we were a lot younger. He had been trying to teach us the language. Even now, I'm not really good at remembering new words (and in a different language!). I wasn't way back then either. I somehow morphed the word into "Toe-Toe." I remember Splinter being confused by it.
"Toe-Toe, let's watch cartoons!"
He hadn't responded so I grew annoyed. I pulled on his fur. "Toe-Toe!"
Splinter looked down at me, confusion in his eyes. "You mean me, Michelangelo?"
I nodded vigorously. "Yep, you're my Toe-Toe."
Splinter looked confused for a few moments before he pulled a face. Looking back on it, I think he was trying not to laugh, but my four-year-old mind thought he was mad or something. I asked in a small voice, "You…You are, right?"
He smiled and placed a hand on my head. "Yes, my son." I pressed myself against his fur and felt warm and safe. My Toe-Toe.
That was the memory I had going through my head as Leo stepped down and moved back for me to say my piece to our father. I stood there staring at his fur and suddenly remembered the time I had dyed patches of his fur blonde.
I had been convinced I wanted to be a barber when I grew up (well, that was my dream that week anyway; next week I think it was an ice cream truck driver). Splinter had agreed to let me practice on him. But it wasn't my fault that the bottle looked like shampoo. Honestly, how's a dude supposed to know what would happen? I thought "bleached to perfection" was the hip new way to say "cleaned."
I felt miserable about the whole thing until he had asked me quietly later with a secret smile, "Hmm. So, Michelangelo, I think I am as cool as those people on the television now, don't you?"
Remembering those words, I'd suddenly had the crazy urge to laugh. Laugh! At my own father's funeral!
Then more memories and images came to my mind. Splinter at Christmas dressed up as Santa Clause. Splinter having a debate with me over the necessity of eating pizza every day (I, of course, arguing for it). His face trying to remain serious when I'd called him Toe-Toe the first time. And again him with blond patches on his fur.
I snorted with laughter then, and hastily got up before I did anything crazier.
I'm laughing now thinking about it.
I feel like I'm being…I dunno, disrespectful. Am I laughing at death? At his death? I know I've done plenty of stupid things, but this might be the worst. It even tops the time I tried to make Splinter breakfast in bed and ended up giving him tomato soup mixed with Corn Pops. If I remember right, it was because I thought milk was too boring a color. Splinter had a cold then so he really couldn't taste that well. Plus the lighting in his room was pretty dim. It wasn't until halfway through the meal that he'd noticed something wrong…
…
ARGH!
I'm laughing again. Jeeze, I can't even keep serious on one of the worst days of my life. Maybe I do have a shell for brains like Raph is always saying.
I need to get my mind off this. Maybe I'll watch some TV.
x x x x x
2:48 AM
OK, so I didn't watch any TV. I had planned on it, but had to go to the bathroom first. And I started thinking and I guess I had a…a revelation of sorts.
In the bathroom. I've thought of lots of different stuff in there before too. Yes, it appears that I, Michelangelo, get inspiration from the bathroom. If only I was a famous rock star or something. I could start a fad.
Anyway, back to that revelation of mine. Trying to distract myself from thinking about death and Splinter I thought, "Man, we really need to paint the walls in here." Well, wall paint turns out not to be an interesting topic to brood on, so I started thinking about Splinter again.
And then I thought that maybe it's not a bad thing that I'm thinking about him like this. Maybe…maybe instead of saying my goodbye to him in Japanese like Leo, my way of honoring his memory could be by remembering him. By laughing, smiling, even crying when I think of him, I'm honoring him.
He really was an amazing person. Warrior. Teacher. Friend. Father.
I won't forget him. I have too many great things to remember about him. So, I think even though he's not here anymore physically, a part of him will always be a part of me. I'll keep him alive in always remembering him and keeping him close to my thoughts.
And I'll always remember that he really did look pretty cool with blond streaks.
Ha.
Sheesh. It's almost three in the morning already. I better get some sleep.
x x x x x
3:01 am
Oh yea, one more thing.
Thank you for everything. I love you, my Toe-Toe.