Title: Contemplation
Author: JediLuminaraUnduli
Genre: General, Angst
Rating: K+
Summary: Somehow, the thought that his Master, always so wise and knowing, had somehow failed in this aspect, was ironic. The one he had looked up to had been wrong, and therefore, the fate of the entire Order befell his apprentice.
A/N: I had time on my hands, so I wrote down my musings, and somehow it became this. As you read, take a guess as to who it is/was. You'll find out in the end – no peeking! :)
††
It hurt him to think that he had somehow inadvertently caused her death.
After all these years, he still thought about that one, fateful day. The inevitable had taken place, as the Force decided – he had acted.
And had he failed? He didn't know, couldn't tell.
If he'd slain his friend, could he have saved them?
Perhaps, he allowed himself. But I'll never know now, eh?
One of the things he hated about making decisions.
There was always another option, and the effects you would never know due to the simple fact that you had, were allowed only one choice – once chance.
Many years, the thought had haunted him.
If he had destroyed him, a member of his not-quite family.. made that fatal blow, realized before, way before.. could he have saved them?
That one nagging thought.
Could he have saved her?
He didn't know.
Never would, now.
Somehow, the thought that his Master, always so wise and knowing, had somehow failed in this aspect, was ironic. The one he had looked up to had been wrong, and therefore, the fate of an entire Order befell his apprentice.
Her Force presence was with him again.
Elusive, soft, but comforting. There.
He brushed against her using the Force, reaching out tentatively.
She responded in like, and though the response was faint – he knew she was there.
Someday, she would come back to him. Or he to her, it didn't matter.
Someday.
Sometime.
Until then..
She sent him tendrils of comfort, reassurance, trying to help him have peace – while he appreciated and savored her efforts, knowing she cared, it did not ease his conscience.
No, he would never know for sure. Another one of those things to meditate one, and give more thought to.
With time came acceptance; perhaps forgiveness. But he would never forget. He couldn't, and even if he could, he wouldn't. Even though it was painful, he owed it to her memory, and to the pain he had caused others with his choice.
Force, he missed her – he missed them all.
Someday..
But until then..
He reached out to her one last time, and she seemed to smile at him, through the vast reaches of the Force. Her presence winked out, touching his one last time in a gesture of farewell.
For now.
Luke Skywalker, blinked, as the blissful escapes of sleep fled him. The day hit him, hard and unrelenting, and as always he stood up to it.
But now the world seemed just a little darker, just a little colder, and just a little more painful.
Force, his missed her.
His fingers brushed over her lightsaber, once Vader's. Once for evil, and once for good.
It seemed fitting to its occupant – no, he caught himself, its former occupant.
His thumb tightened on the switch.
"Mara, I miss you.."
††
Took some time off fighting DRL to write this. Hope you enjoyed it.
Reviews always welcome. (:
-M