This is a songfic that pairs with "Let Her Go." This one came to me first.
I've always wondered exactly what Lou wanted Jimmy to say when she brought up their kiss from "The Blood of Others." I can imagine her feeling something for him, but being very uncertain and hesitant... So when I heard this song, I could just see Lou wanting Jimmy to say something... anything...
The dialogue is from "The Blood of Others."
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'll be the one, if you want me to.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
Lou looked over at Jimmy for what felt like the hundredth time that morning. Each time she saw how the sunlight sparkled in his golden eyes, she was transported back to the previous night when he'd stood in the fire's glow lamenting his fate. She'd meant only to reassure him with what she firmly believed was the truth, that Jimmy Hickok was a good man.
But somehow he'd pressed his lips to hers, and when he deepened the kiss… She'd felt a tiny spark ignite into something dangerous and exciting. Had they not been interrupted, who knows how far that kiss might have taken them. The passion she'd felt was intense.
She had been trying to sort out her feelings for the Kid. They seemed to dance around each other, endlessly circling as each one tried to bring the other to heel. Kid prodded her to be more of a traditional lady, while she pushed him to reconsider what he expected from a woman. The conflict had been addictive. When they loved it was beautiful and sweet, but when they fought it was winner take all.
Jimmy had always been there for her as a friend. She'd always thought him handsome, though perhaps a touch too reckless. And there were times she suspected that she could be his perfect match. So she'd had a crush on him, or at least the idea of him. But then he'd kissed her with such a fervor that it had nearly curled her toes.
He was a man of such intensity sometimes. And despite whatever he might believe, he was a true gentleman. She knew already that he would be reluctant to discuss what happened. He would feel guilty, like he was betraying the Kid. And he would believe he wasn't good enough for her.
Taking a deep breath she finally broke the silence that stretched between them as they rode on. "Jimmy, somethin' else happened last night besides Elias runnin' off."
"Well, there ain't nothin' to discuss, Lou. Just weren't actin' ourselves." Jimmy's tone brooked no arguments.
And I am feeling so small.
It was over my head
I know nothing at all.
"Cain't just pretend like it didn't happen." Lou tried to sound matter-of-fact, but her heart beat wildly in her chest. She had felt a spark when he pressed his lips to hers. He'd ignited something within her.
She wasn't certain if it would catch fire and consume her the way it had back when she and Kid were first together. That flame had been bright and hot, burning them both with it's intensity. They had recently been taking tentative steps back towards each other, but now… There was something about Jimmy that had always drawn her to him. He had always respected her abilities. Where Kid tried to wrap her in cotton wool like a piece of china, Jimmy kept her by his side through any fight.
Surely Jimmy, who trusted and respected her, would take a chance and see where this path might take them both. Just one more kiss, one more chance to see if this ember would keep burning. Wasn't she worth taking a chance to find out? She held her breath, hoping...
Jimmy's answer was like a punch in the gut. "Yes, we can, 'cause it ain't gonna happen again."
And I will stumble and fall.
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl.
But… How could he not give them a chance, give her a chance? She knew he felt something too. Didn't he think she was worth it? Maybe she should just lay her cards on the table and confess her feelings. But she couldn't quite lay herself bare yet. Vulnerability had never been her strong suit.
"Jimmy, someday someone special's gonna come along, and ya can't just treat 'er like she don't count fer nothin'." Surely he would see that she was that someone special. It's me! I think I'm the one.
"There won't be no one, Lou." She could only wonder if Jimmy could hear her heart breaking. He seemed almost annoyed with her.
As she so often did, Lou lashed out with words. Her physical strength might be not be a match for most men, but her words had felled bigger men than Jimmy Hickok before. "Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you're more like Elias than I thought."
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
Jimmy didn't strike back. Instead he just sounded exasperated. "What kind of life do I have to offer? Not bein' able to look into the future, 'cause I never know what's comin' up from behind."
So that was it. Would she ever find a man who wouldn't let his need to protect her come between them? She took a deep breath. This was different. Kid tried to protect her from herself and life in general, but Jimmy was trying to protect her from himself and his legend. She couldn't stand the thought of just giving up on him. What they could be deserved one more try.
And I will swallow my pride.
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye.
"What if you found someone who could live with it?" There. He had to know that she was talking about herself. She could live with danger and uncertainty if it meant living with love. And maybe this really could be it. Was it wrong to want someone to love her?
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
And anywhere, I would have followed you.
Oh-oh-oh-oh say something, I'm giving up on you.
"Why should I care for someone if it's just gonna bring 'em pain?" Jimmy sounded so certain. He offered her no hope at all. No hope, no love, no passion.
Even she wasn't worth the chance. Maybe she really was destined to not have the kind of love she'd always dreamed of. A love where she could be someone's equal, someone's partner. She would never stand side by side with a man, knowing that a matching flame burned in both their souls.
She was suddenly very sad. Jimmy was condemning them both, he just couldn't see it. She sighed, her next words meant not just for Jimmy but also for herself. "Then you will end up like him. Alone."
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
Say something...
Many thanks to Beulah for her help and encouragement...