"You two are so cute." Sitting primly in his seat, Kurt gave Mercedes a knowing smile.
"What do you mean?" His best friend asked him, almost managing to keep a straight face.
Kurt nodded towards Sam, never taking his eyes off of her.
"The flirtatious glances, the shy smiles, the way you practically glow every time you get a text. I think it's so sweet! I'm so happy for you two!"
"Thanks, Kurt." Mercedes lowered her gaze slightly; she was smiling so hard that she was sure her face was going to crack. "It was about damned time too, if I do say so myself."
"I know, right?" Kurt agreed with her.
"Hi, everyone! Sorry I'm late!" The voice of the one and only Rachel Berry cut him off, and he turned his head to see her tiny figure rushing into the choir room. He smiled fondly at the girl…Glee Club didn't start for another 10 minutes, so she was not in any way late. Not by a normal person's standards, anyway.
"Hey, Rach-" He began to greet her. He was suddenly cut off as this overwhelming wave of nausea hit him. "Oh, God….I think I'm going to be sick…."
"Good one, Kurt!" Santana burst into laughter at this.
Kurt didn't respond. He simply clamped a hand over his mouth and slumped back into his seat while Mercedes put a hand on his knee.
"You okay, Kurt?"
The cheery smile was long since wiped off from Rachel's face. She crossed her arms over her chest and shot Santana a glare before marching over to where Kurt and Mercedes sat together.
"That joke is in poor taste, Kurt!" She sulked, earning an incredulous look from Mercedes. The brunette continued, sounding more hysterical as she went. "I find it hurtful that you would imply that my presence makes you feel ill! After you and I performed together in New York last summer, I thought that we had set our differences aside and had grown closer! I thought we were friends! I-"
Kurt raised a hand to silence her, successfully cutting her off in mid-rant.
"Rachel," The countertenor began. His tone had a hint of annoyance to it, but his ice blue eyes were apologetic. "Aside from your fashion choice of a puke green sweater, there is certainly nothing nauseating about you. I honestly do feel awful at the moment, and I can assure you that it has nothing to do with you. Okay?"
Rachel blinked, her face softening. She sat down beside Kurt instead of taking her usual seat beside her boyfriend. The songbird patted his hand gently.
"I'm sorry, Kurt…" Her brown eyes were welling up with tears. "I didn't know…"
"It's okay, Rachel." He offered her a weak smile.
"Jeez, Berry! Are you on the rag, or what?" The two friends were interrupted by Santana, who had twisted around in her chair to face them. "First, you were like a chipmunk on steroids, now you're almost crying! What the hell?"
Rachel narrowed her eyes at the Latina. "Yes, Santana. I am going through my monthly cycle, as a matter of fact. Not that it's any of your business."
Finn looked a little grossed out. "Um, I really didn't need to know that…"
Ignoring Finn, Santana's gaze went back and forth from Rachel to Kurt, then back to Rachel. She gasped, her dark eyes sparkling with amusement. "No way! No freakin' way!"
"What?" Rachel eyed her suspiciously.
"Kurt is having sympathy period pains with you!" Santana was grinning now. "This is hilarious!"
Everyone in the choir room was silent for a moment. Finally, Kurt spoke up, grimacing because of the pain he was in.
"I resent that."
"Resent all you want, Hummel. I call it as I see it." Santana was still staring at the two of them as if she'd uncovered a scientific miracle. "Holy crap…"
She was cut off as Brittany tapped her lightly on the shoulder.
"Yes, Britt?" She turned her head, addressing her best friend.
"So, is Kurt a girl now?" The blonde truly looked confused. Puck laughed rather loudly at this, but before he could say anything, Santana shot him a 'don't you say anything' glare. She turned her attention back to her intellectually challenged girlfriend.
"No, Brittany. He's just…more sympathetic to women's issues than most men are."
"San, that's a mean thing to say! I don't think Kurt is pathetic!" Brittany pouted a little.
"No, not pathetic. He is sympathetic to us…it means he can relate to us." Santana tried to explain.
"Wait…so, Kurt's related to us?"
Santana gritted her teeth. Sometimes, Brittany was just too much.
"Here, Kurt!" The blonde, former cheerleader turned her attention to the boy in question, apparently forgetting all about the probing questions she had for Santana just mere seconds ago. She was digging around in her purse for something. "You're going to need this…"
"Need what?" The fashionista was eyeing her warily.
"Here you go!" Brittany chirped. She twisted around in her seat and stretched her arm out towards him. Kurt stared at the object in her hand before gingerly taking it from her….he studied it with disbelief: it was a tampon.
By now, Puck and Lauren had completely lost it…they were doubling over with laughter. Brittany continued to smiling sweetly at Kurt without a care in the world.
"Um…" Kurt didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. "Thanks…I guess? But where on earth am I going to put this?"
Santana gave him a dirty smirk, one eyebrow slightly raised.
"Don't answer that!" Kurt warned her, sighing miserably as another wave of cramping hit him. Suddenly, he became aware of Puck and Lauren's loud, obnoxious laughter. Angrily, he threw the tampon at them. "Shut up!"
"Woah…mood swing!" Puck laughed even harder. "I think Santana is right!"
"I'm always right." Santana shrugged.
"God, Rachel…" Kurt moaned (Santana thought this sounded rather hot) before doubling over in his seat in pain. "Please take some asprin!"
"You know I don't carry drugs with me, Kurt." Rachel rubbed his back sympathetically.
"Men are such wimps!" Quinn scoffed as she handed Rachel two extra strength Tylenol. "If you think menstruation cramps are painful, then thank God you don't have to go through childbirth. Take them, Rachel. You may be used to it, but Kurt isn't. We wouldn't want him to faint or something."
"Thank you…" Kurt didn't even have the energy to glare at Quinn for her sarcasm.
"No problem." Quinn smiled at him.
Mere seconds later, Mr. Schue had walked into a very interesting scene happening in the choir room. His students were talking amongst themselves with excitement….well, most of them, anyway. Kurt looked utterly miserable…as if he was either going to pass out or throw up.
"What's wrong with Kurt?" The choir teacher asked, setting his papers on top of the piano.
"He's fine, Mr. Schue. He's just PMS-ing." Puck grinned.
Mr. Schue shook his head in disbelief before turning to the whiteboard. He didn't even want to know what that meant.
THE END
A/N: Originally, I was going to have Quinn say "You think period pains are hard? Try giving birth, that's hard!" but I didn't want to make her sound like Sue…that would've been weird! XD
By the way, writing Brittany is really,really fun! I hope I didn't overdo her!