A/N: Hey, y'all! So this might be a bit unexpected, but I wanted to publish this story. I got this story idea in May and I've been working on this a little bit at a time and just recently got the urge to finish it. I originally thought the idea was too cheesy to be published, especially since this isn't really my style of stories, but to be honest, I think it's one of my best works as a writer, so hell, why not publish it? Someone's going to like it, even if it's just me. So hopefully you'll enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own TWDG, (or the song in this) OMG Spoiler!
Delicate
Daisyfan5534
One-Shot
Another day, another walker dead… another day feeling empty. Clementine was used to this by now. Ever since she lost AJ, she's been down a spiral of depression. Just last winter she nearly threw herself off a bridge. She's doing better than before, but the thought does cross her mind every now and then. All she ever does is fuck shit up for everyone else, at least if she's alone no one will get hurt.
It's better this way…
Clementine tore her knife out of a now-dead walker skull and looked up at the giant building in front of her: a mall. Thunder sounded off in the distance, reminding her that a storm was coming and she went inside. Her eyes looked around to quickly look at the various stores inside the mall, all different; clothing, furniture, books, dolls, jewelry, hell, there even was a playground inside one of them. It's a shame it was made for toddlers and small kids, she would have loved to play on it. As she continued to look around she found a dry fountain and a goddamn car off to the side. How the hell did they get that inside? It's a shame it's been raided of all its parts, even the wheels.
Eventually she came across an escalator, it wasn't working, obviously, but it made her look up only to find that the place had two more floors above her, and to top it all off the roof was made of glass, or rather, broken glass. She looked around the floor now seeing broken glass shards and small pieces of glass scattered on the floor. Just fucking great, the last thing she needs is to trip and get a shit ton of cuts. If it starts raining then the first floor is going to be a hazard.
Clementine climbed the escalator up to the second floor then found another escalator and she climbed that one up the third floor. She looked over the railing down to the bottom floor seeing the fountain, the car, and the few bigger glass pieces that were shining back up at her. She didn't know why, but her mind wandered back to a conversation she had a few days ago.
"It's not you, it's just-"
"You lost too much?" The voice was still clear as day. "I get it, I lost a lot, too."
She was asked to stay. Clementine met someone about her age a couple weeks ago, and she was scared that it would end up in flames like everything else. She was better off alone, it's what she always told herself ever since it's been her and AJ, but then she met…
"You're a pretty cool girl and I mean that. It was nice to meet you."
"It was nice to meet you, too."
"And if you ever change your mind, you're more than welcome to come and find me. I'll miss having you around."
She felt understood, which morphed into feeling wanted. Someone gave a shit about her and she had no clue why, after her experiences she felt worthless, it's why she nearly offed herself that winter. Clementine wanted to stay, she enjoyed the company, she hated being alone, but she hated losing people more… it's why she tolerated the loneliness. And despite her wanting to be alone, despite losing everything, despite the world turning dark and colorless around her, someone was able to look past all of her issues and all the reasons why she hated herself and was able to see her for who she was.
They were only together for a couple weeks, and in that time she was able to feel something that wasn't self-pity. Things started looking up, but then every bone in her body told her that she needed to leave, that this world would take this away, too. So she ended up leaving, even though she wanted to stay.
Clementine sighed and began to look around the various stores on the third floor. Her eyes locked onto a shoe store, she wiggled her toes a bit, realizing that her boots were getting kind of small, and went inside the store. It didn't take long to find a similar pair of boots in a bigger size, however, right next to that shoe box, was a pair of black flats with tiny bows on the toes and straps to wrap around the ankles. She hasn't worn flats in so long. It wouldn't hurt to try them on.
She slipped off her old boots and put the flats on. Once she tightened the straps around her ankles she stood up and admired the new shoes in the small mirror on the seat. She really liked them, if the world didn't require sturdy shoes she'd definitely wear these. Clementine couldn't help but smile, she felt like a kid again. Her view shifted up to the store across from her and she saw a long purple dress in the window. She hasn't seen purple in so long. Ever since she lost AJ, everything faded into shades of pale and dull colors. Even the dress, she knew it was purple, but it wasn't as vibrant as she knew it would be. Clementine looked down at her feet again then back at the dress. It may not be as colorful as it would be in her eyes, but she wanted to try it on.
"There are times where you should do what you want to do."
"Is that why you haven't left yet?"
"Well, Clementine. I should be asking you that."
Blush went to her cheeks and she shook her head to get the conversation out, but she couldn't help herself. Clementine picked up the box of new boots for her to put on later and walked over to the dress shop. She stripped the purple dress off the mannequin and went to the dressing room to change.
Once the dress was zipped up she walked out of the dressing room and looked at herself in the mirror. It was so pretty, she loved purple. She spun around in a circle and watched the dress spin out, that was always her favorite part of wearing dresses. Her joyous moment faded; she should take it off, change back into her clothes, and prepare to take shelter from the rain that might pour and drench the third floor of the mall thanks to the broken ceiling. At least the stores had actual ceilings.
Clementine began walking around the store in the dress, looking at all the clothes on hangers, folded on shelves, and as she did, she kept tripping over the ends of her dress every now and then because the ends were too long. She stood against the doorway and looked around the stores on the same floor. More clothes, shoes, music… wait… is that a bar?
She could see the non-lit "21 and Older" fluorescent sign. She couldn't understand why there would be a bar in the middle of a mall, but she didn't care why. It's probably some stupid adult thing she wouldn't understand. Clementine couldn't help herself, no one was here to stop her. She smiled at that; no one for her to look out for, no one to stop her from doing what she wanted. She pulled up the front of her dress slightly so she could walk over to the bar, picking her pace up a bit after she heard thunder. Once she was inside, she got a good look at the place. Tables, chairs, barstools, she's never been in a place like this, but there was this one spot that wasn't gathering dust like the rest of the place that caught her attention. A record player with records by it, right next to an empty glass and half full bottles of alcohol.
"Never have I ever had a drop of alcohol."
"Bullshit!" She remembered how she put down a finger at the statement. "Come on, you're telling me that you've never, not even once, had a sip?"
"No bullshit, Clem. And you have?"
"Two sips, from two separate times. I was curious and they offered, just… I don't know, why not?"
Why not? She knows how it makes people happy. Maybe she needed to feel happy, and forget how the world became dull. Clementine sat down at the bar in front of the empty glass and looked at the label on the bottle. Whiskey. Not that it mattered what it was, she still poured herself a glass and took a sip. Disgusting, bitter, but she liked it. For the first time in a while, she felt relaxed. She took another sip, now getting used to the taste. It was calming.
Clementine glanced at the record player and the records next to it. She set the glass down and began to mess with the player. She put a record on and managed to get it working. Clem turned the volume down slightly and continued to drink. As she did, thunder roared and it began to rain. She looked outside to see the drops fall, seeing that the glass ceiling that wasn't broken was keeping the third floor dry while the hole in the third that acted as a balcony had the rain pour down to the first floor. That was good news at least, she could walk around the third floor without getting wet, but that also meant she couldn't walk around the middle of the first floor or leave the mall without getting soaked.
It wasn't a terrible situation, not like she had anything else to do today.
Clementine poured another drink and downed it instantly. After she lightly grimaced at the taste, she sighed. She was stuck in this mall, drinking away, with only her memories and ghosts of her past to haunt her and keep her company. Clementine smirked at that the saying "misery loves company." She may be alone and she may hate it, but better this than being with someone else and hurting them. She'll take the company of her hauntings and her demons over hurting another friendly face.
"So what is it about being alone that is so appealing?"
This wasn't even a question she got as Clem was leaving, this was in the first couple days of them being together after giving out brief histories on how they got to where they are. All she said was that groups never worked out for her.
"People don't get hurt because of me when I'm alone. It's just… easier."
"Honestly, that's kind of why I'm alone too. I do miss the company, though. What about you? Do you miss being around people?"
"I guess so. It's nice being with someone, but… you know…"
"Yeah, I know… so… do you want to be alone together with me?"
That question was in all seriousness. A want for company and Clementine said yes. She only intended to stay for a few days, but that turned into a couple weeks with another person. It may seem so short to some, but it felt like an eternity for her. It was difficult getting used to being with another person. After AJ, she was worried if she would ever be able to feel anything again, but she ended up feeling better than she ever was. She didn't feel depressed. Colors even started to brighten and define for her, but it all went back to being dim and dull when Clem left.
She signed again and poured another drink. Her mind went back to the two of them laying together in the king-size bed, them playing games together, their late night talks, the cold nights where they sat in front of a fire with one blanket wrapped around the both of them to keep warm. If Clementine thought about it hard enough, she could still feel the warmth and a familiar head resting on hers.
She felt peaceful. It was all peaceful then. She missed it. She wished she could go back to it.
Wait, no. She shouldn't wish that, she shouldn't want that, she didn't want there to be more blood on her hands because of something that she wants… because of someone she wants. After everything she's done to others, what she's done to Lee, to Luke, to AJ, how could anyone else be with her while knowing her path of destruction… Why would anyone want to be with her?
Clementine folded her arms and her hand brushed the mistake on her arm that cost her the last bit joy she had in life. She would do anything to go back and change that decision. But she can't and she suffered greatly from that god damn fucking mistake. All the late nights she cried herself to sleep, all the self-loathing and hatred she felt for herself daily, all the depression and the emptiness she that wracked her mind and body day in and day out for so long.
"Fuck…" Tears streamed down her cheeks.
She wiped the tears from her face before taking another shot… Then another… Then changed records… Then ditched the glass and began drinking straight from the bottle. Her hat fell off her head and with her free hand she pulled her hair bands out. She didn't know what to do or where to go from here. When she sobers up, it'll still be the same dull and depressing world she has come to know, it's like there's nothing she can do that can make this better. At least drinking makes her forget about it for a moment.
She sighed after swallowing more, staring at the bottle in her lap. Once again, she wished she wasn't alone.
"Clem! Look what I found!"
"What the hell is that?"
"I think it's wine. There's not a lot though. Come on, I want to have my first drink with you!"
Then she left two days later. Now that she's had all this time to reflect, there might have been a bigger reason why she left. Maybe it was because she didn't want to get attached, maybe it was because she didn't want to lose another person, or maybe it was because after they finished the bottle of wine their faces got really close only for their lust to be interrupted by walker growls. God, she felt pathetic.
Clementine placed the bottle on the counter and brought her thumb knuckle to her lips. Did she really? No, she couldn't have. Love is stupid, people die and you feel like shit afterward. But…
This ain't for the best,
My reputation's never been worse so,
You must like me for me,
We can't make,
Any promises now can we babe?
But you can make me drink.
She felt every lyric on the song the record was playing. Clementine pounded the rest of the bottle before the song continued.
Dive bar on the east side, where you at?
Phone lights up my nightstand in the black,
Come here, you can meet me in the back,
Clementine stood up from the chair and held the empty bottle in her hand. She kind of wished she wasn't alone, but she excused the stupid thought to being drunk. She can't think straight.
Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you,
Oh damn, never seen that color blue,
Just think of the fun things we could do,
It was the first color to define for her. Blue jeans, blue shoelaces, a "lucky" blue rabbit foot on a blue backpack that she always thought was stupid and kind of cute. It was like seeing that color for the first time… It was for her, at least.
'Cause I like you,
No, she didn't.
This ain't for the best,
My reputation's never been worse so,
You must like me for me,
She turned the record player up and walked out of the bar and to the balcony, watching the rain come down. How the hell could someone like her at her worst?
Yeah, I want you,
No… She couldn't…
We can't make,
Any promises now can we babe?
But you can make me drink,
Why the hell would someone like her at her worst?
Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate,
She couldn't stop thinking about their conversations and their moments together. It was as if she liked someone. How the hell could she like someone?
Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate,
Clementine walked backward from the balcony, almost tripping over her dress. You know what? Fuck it. She began tearing the dress at knee length.
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Isn't it?
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Isn't it… Delicate?
It was… It is…
But right now she didn't care, and the alcohol was taking over in a way she didn't expect. She tossed the torn part of the dress one way and began running in the other and began dancing along to the song as if she was back in her room before everything.
Third floor on the west side, me and you,
Handsome, you're a mansion with a view,
Do the girls back home touch you like I do?
There was no mention of past relationships or past loves, but fuck that face was so gorgeous, and beautiful, and ugh! It wouldn't surprise her if there was a lost love.
Long nights with your hands up in my hair,
Echoes with your footsteps on the stairs,
Stay here honey, I don't want to share,
So many little things they did, so many little things that happened between them. Their talks, their fingers slightly intertwining when they sat in front of the fire, them waking up the next morning cuddled up together in bed knowing they didn't fall asleep like that. She missed all of that.
'Cause I like you,
She slowed down to match the beat of the song and continued to dance her lonely heart out.
This ain't for the best,
My reputation's never been worse so,
You must like me for me,
What if… What if she was the lost love?
Yeah, I want you,
Even if so, she couldn't be in love, could she?
We can't make,
Any promises now can we babe?
But you can make me drink,
Fuck, she needed a break. She walked to an escalator and grabbed the railing to sit down. It felt like she was going to puke.
Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate,
So many things she's said before she left, so many things she wished she had done. She shouldn't have let her fears get the best of her.
Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate,
Maybe this is for the best? This feeling will leave eventually, but the memories will stay with her forever. She stood up and began heading down the steps to the second floor.
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Isn't it?
Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it?
Isn't it… Delicate?
Why was this so difficult? She's never felt anything this real and imaginary all at the same time. Clementine didn't know what she wanted. Did she want love? Or did she want to never get hurt again? She feels alone now and the only way for her to feel better was for her to be with someone, and she wanted to be with the one she left, but then she'll get hurt... They both will get hurt.
Sometimes I wonder when you sleep,
Are you ever dreaming of me?
Sometimes when I look into your eyes,
I pretend you're mine, all the damn time,
She can't stop thinking about those two weeks, is that just her? Is she alone in the fantasies she dreams about when she's alone at night missing the body that was next to her for two weeks. She really hoped not…
Clementine looked at the rain and something came over her as she went down another escalator to the first floor. She didn't know if it was the music, or the alcohol, or her emotions, but she couldn't help it!
'Cause I like you,
Maybe she did.
Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
'Cause I know that it's delicate,
Once she got down to the first floor, she leaped into the rain as she danced to the music that was echoing throughout the mall.
Yeah, I want you,
Did she really?
Is it cool that I said all that?
Is it too soon to do this yet?
'Cause I know that it's delicate,
Even after everything?
'Cause I like you,
She did!
Is it cool that I said all that?
Isn't it?
Is it chill that you're in my head?
Isn't it? Isn't it?
'Cause I know that it's delicate,
She hopped up on the edge of the fountain to spin around like the little, drunk dancer she was.
Isn't it… Delicate?
Clementine jumped in the fountain and splashed around in the rainwater that filled it up.
Yeah, I want you,
She really did!
Is it cool that I said all that?
Isn't it?
Is it too soon to do this yet?
Isn't it? Isn't it?
'Cause I know that it's delicate,
Isn't it?
Delicate…
The song ended. She closed her eyes and tilted her face up towards the shattered roof. Her eyes opened and she looked around, seeing color. Bright, vibrant colors! From the multiple colors of the children's playground to the bland simple colors of the furniture store. She even looked down at her dress and saw how gorgeous it was in vivid and lively purple and not the dullness she was seeing before, it really was beautiful!
Clementine couldn't help but laugh in joy. She scooped up water from the fountain in her hands and threw it up into the air without a care in the world. She felt so happy and alive.
She was in love.
A love that she was going to try to find, no matter how delicate it was, she was determined to try again.
Because she wanted to.
A/N: The end. Hope you enjoyed this story of song and love. Idk about y'all, but I want our baby girl to be happy give our girl some hope for love? This was kind of difficult to write because I wanted to leave that person Clementine liked up to the imagination of the readers.
It's also Bi Visibility Day, and as a fellow bisexual here's my gift to you! Have fun!
Song- "Delicate" by Taylor Swift, along with inspiration from the music video. (It's also on a vinyl record, so that's how it's there) (And lets pretend that it came out before it all started)