So. He's back. And conveniently left his marital vows and parental obligations at the other side of the town line, supposedly well-guarded and safe and not in need of him except for the occasional visits to act as loving father and ex-spouse.
This is good news for me. For two reasons. First, I can finally take off the burden of… discomfort that was disturbing me ever since I brought Regina's true love's wife from the death. Fuck, she couldn't stop bitching about me being a perfectly sensible human being. Honestly, what a difficult woman. Except that she hadn't mentioned Marian in weeks. Or her husband, really. Anyway! It's cool that the wife debacle is not an issue anymore, so that Regina and I are in friendly terms, for the sake of our child.
Second, we can put an end to Operation Mongoose, seeing that its ultimate goal (Regina's happiness) has heroically emerged from the depths of the forest, crossed the line that separated two worlds and immediately afterwards fallen in his soulmate's arms. All of this quite literally. So, Mongoose team doesn't have a reason anymore to stick to a routine of meetings, stake-outs or any other form of gathering that imply the three of us doing exhausting research work, that would only be bearable accompanied by Regina's delicious dinners, Henry's insistence in beating me at Call of Duty or sharing anecdotes about of our respective days. Well, this will leave time for myself. Good.
And, well, even if it wasn't convenient for me, this is good because Regina is happy. And I, Savior, White Knight and Daughter of True Love as I am, hold a pure heart that rejoices in other people's happiness.
Even when we cross paths in the park at night and they seem to be glued to each other and there's a smell in the air that makes me think of that time I took a strand of her hair and put it behind her ear, the ear that is now hidden by a beardy mouth murmuring idiotic compliments and making her lips expand in a smile while I say "good night" and keep my eyes to the ground and hurry, hurry, hurry 'cause I'm late to being away.
Even when it's only Henry, Regina and I at Granny's having milkshakes and fries and of course something fresh and vegetably too 'cause Henry is still growing up and I may have decided to obstruct my arteries but that doesn't mean our son has to follow my lead, and the three of us start a silly game like "who would you rather have as a roommate, Whale or Jefferson", and suddenly he materializes out of nothing and pops into a chair and totally ruins the game because obviously he doesn't know any of these people; or Henry, or me, for that matter.
Even when I approach 108 Mifflin Street 'cause I finally remembered to bring back the food containers that Regina has been asking for insistently for the past days and they are at the doorstep, his arms caressing her back, his mouth swallowing hers and a void, heavier than anything I've ever eaten, falls to my stomach and I feel so numb that all the plastic boxes scape my hands and scatter in the floor, which doesn't matter, 'cause neither of them would notice anything apart from themselves and their gross make out session right now.
Even then. Really.
I-will-be-happy-for-her. Even if it is the last thing I do.
Which, I guess, would be easier if I didn't feel, from time to time, the heat of burning, dark, longing glare on me, pulling me back to somewhere which I am not sure I'm ready to understand.