I could feel the guilt and depression start to suck me into the deep black hole since the end of the war, 6 months ago. I can't help the feeling of being a disappointment and a burden to everyone especially the Lightwoods. After all I did kill there youngest, Max, well I didn't physically kill him but I was the cause of it. If I had never become a shadow hunter then none of this would have happened. I wouldn't have met Isabelle, Alec, or Jace who obviously hate me with a blinding passion. The snide comments from Jace, the death glares from Alec, the silence of Isabelle. They all hate me!

I don't know what to do! I feel as though the walls are closing in on me, forcing me to go that extra distance and jump. Just that small little step and a dagger would be all it took. They would no longer have to deal with my presence, they wouldn't have to share their home with me, nothing. I wouldn't have to deal with the guilt any longer and I could just…disappear in the cracks. And besides it wouldn't be that big of a deal anyway since Shadow Hunters die all the time. Sure my mother would morn maybe even Luke but no one else. I have my doubts about Simon and I's friendship since I haven't heard a single thing from him in 7 months.

I sat in the center of the training room sharpening and cleaning my crossbows and arrows. It was 4 in the morning meaning nobody would be up, meaning nobody to run in to. I spent the majority of the hour beforehand perfecting my aim with a normal bow and arrow in the simulation room that had been put in three months ago. It was stunning, you put in duration of time and then a difficulty and a created a scenario of laser created 3D simulation. It worked perfectly to perfect my aim with all weapons I used. I loved it but it did nothing to change my on going depression.

Nothing would, even drawing had lost its appeal. I spent the days drawing dark color lacking scenes of murder and monsters that plagued my sleeping and waking mind. There was never an end to the nightmares. Sometimes I went days at a time without sleep. This is what my life has come to. After winning a war and starting a whole new wave of greatness for Shadow Hunters and Downworlders everywhere I get this.

The only good thing is that nobody has noticed my secret depression, they don't pay any attention to me as it is so it wouldn't really matter if they did. They avoided me at all costs, always going out on demon hunts without me, leaving rooms the moment I enter. It bothered me more then it should have and that's how I got into my current state. It made me realize the damage I had inflicted on the poor family, shed new light on the situation.

I stand to my feet clutching the handcrafted wooden bow engraved with runes of protection, strength, speed, and accuracy. My arrows had the same and had been crafted by the best bow maker in Idris, a gift from my mother. I slipped the holder over my shoulder and head so if fit snuggly against my back as I loaded more arrows into it before walking to the simulation room. I clicked advanced for thirty minutes before stepping inside. The glass door slide shut behind me as the lights dimmed and lasers appeared from the walls. In seconds I had red graphic depicted monsters rushing toward me hurling knives and claws at me.

I loaded my bow and shot quickly and smoothly as I ducked and rolled out of the way. They burst into tiny cubes when hit in the correct places. At one point I was surrounded by a dozen or so and had to load five arrows at a time to get them all. It was hard and gave me quite the workout but it was nothing I couldn't handle. After the last monster burst I took a breath and grabbed the forgotten arrows. I walked out sweating bullets, too tired to move. I shut the machine off and placed my bow in its case and slide it under the table in the weapons room.

Afterwards I hit the co-ed showers that connected to the training room. I stripped off my white shirt and green shorts as I walked in and turned the water on cold. I took the rest of my clothes off slowly and carefully, still sore from the exertion. I let the water wash over my aching muscles as I sighed at the pleasure it brought me. I don't know how long I just stood there before I actually washed my body and hair. Then I stood there some more just letting the water wash over my body. I shut the water off and wrapped a towel under my armpits and used a smaller one on my hair. I stood in the shower with the curtain still drawn across as I heard the sound of voices and footsteps.

"Why the fuck did you wake me up so god damn early?" comes the irritated voice of Jace Herondale.

"I wanted to talk to you guys before she woke up and came in here." Came Isabelle's voice.

"Why?" Alec asked irritably.

"Aren't you guys worried, she never speaks, hardly eats, and I can hear her screams at night from nightmares. I mean everyone handles things differently but even I've gotten over Max's death and the war." She says with a sigh.

"Your joking right? Have any of you noticed the way you act toward her. Alec glares and you full on pretend she doesn't exist. No wonder she feels the need to hate herself so much." Jace says suddenly less irritated and more annoyed.

"That isn't true! I always try to talk to her but she steer clears of everyone in the institute! I even heard her mother and mom talking about it. They're worried about her! She waits tell we have left the training room to train, she never comes out of her room, she's grown abnormally quiet, and when she eats it's the tiniest amounts then she doesn't come for dinner." Isabelle says as if trying to prove a humoring point

I feel my heart beat quicken as I realize they have noticed. Will they kick me out? And how does my mother know? I never see her! They don't care about me! Its all an act probably made to set me up.

"I can't believe you can even smile while you say that! I'm not saying it's just you two because I'm not exactly the nicest either but you both are defiantly the ones that started it. And Alec stop with the glares when you think nobody's looking, I notice and so does she. Hell, no wonder she never leaves her room. She's to scared of getting killed by you guys." Jace snaps.

I can almost feel real emotion in his voice, no coldness or any other hint of distrust. He truly feels this way and he truly cares about me. I don't know if I should be jumping for joy or crying because he's noticed. I'm so confused right now that I don't even know what to do! He's sticking up for me, something no ones ever done.

"Do you not know what she did? She started an all out war and killed Max!" Alec bellows at him.

"Max's death was not her fault so don't even think that and she started a revolution! She brought Idris out of the dark ages and let your own boyfriend live freely in Alicante! She changed the entire world and we are all assholes to her!" Jace snaps harsher and louder then before.

"What the hell even happened to you? Its like you're a different person! And don't you dare bring him into this! you know we aren't together anymore!" Alec says before his footsteps leave the bathroom.

"Your right. Ill talk to him." Isabelle said before there was a sigh and the sound of heels clicking against the tile floor.

I wait for a long time before I slip out of the shower with tears running down my face and a sob threatening to erupt from my throat. I guess i was right about them not liking me. I walk to the mirror and gently wipe away the steam from it and nearly scream, jumping out of my skin when I see not only my reflection but someone else as well.