Whoot! This girl is free from her first semester and its exams. Sooooo…what better way to celebrate than shove one's favourite characters into the misery that is the university exams?
Gasp! Could it be? Disney characters featured!
Exams
It's a well known tale; it's been around for as long as these impressive institutions have graced our lands. Graduate from High School, go to a good university, spend first year drunk off your ass before buckling down, actually entering the library and studying for your final years. Then finally graduate and get that pretty little piece of paper declaring you to be an alleged intellectual member of society. Enter the Real World.
The Real World. A common thought, a fantasy even. So attainable yet so far away.
Because exams stand in your way.
Exams. Everyone knows of them. At the end of your paper you sit in a room for three hours, some of you lucky bastards are graced with multiple choice but for the downtrodden; it's essays, essays, essays all the way. Writing until your fingers threaten to fall off, writer's cramp crippling your poor hand and overuse frying your poor brain already overtaxed from long and gruelling hours of studying.
Exams are the devil. In bureaucratic paper form.
Or at least, that's how Sora saw it as he sat beside Riku and Kairi, staring blankly at the stairwell beside their bench outside the lecture hall where he would take the first of these tests of terror. Hearing Demyx singing Sora turned and observed his companions.
Kairi sat going over some notes, cramming in some final pearls of wisdom, Riku was leaning against the wall, arms crossed and head bowed as he dozed lightly, even half asleep he exuded confidence, the cheeky prat. Leon and Cloud stood indifferently to the side, eyeing Yuffie apprehensively as the nerve-ridden girl tore through a bag of pixie sticks. Axel was amusing himself by burning the rubbish within its plastic bin and Roxas was amusing himself by whacking the pyromaniac soundly across the head with his book-bag.
Ariel was now accompanying Demyx in his cheerful song. Aerith and Tifa were chatting casually; Naminé sat beside them drawing quietly. Zexion sat quietly as did Will and Elizabeth. Belle, Aurora and Cinderella were quietly exchanging ideas on the topics they'd studied. Hayner and Seifer were arguing…again. Fuu and Olette were dolefully comparing testosterone to quicksand…struggling makes both worse. Pence was playing on his gameboy, Rai was backing up Seifer, irritating a few nearby people with his constant use of 'ya know?'…Saix and Meg both gave into the urge and smacked him soundly after the sixteenth 'ya know' before retreating to their respective boyfriends.
At a loud noise, Sora looked back at the stairwell. And whimpered. Behind him Kairi packed her notes away, when she looked up she giggled, Riku woke up and groaned softly in exasperation when he found the source of amusement.
Jack –sorry, sorry, Captain Jack Sparrow- grinned as he stumbled up the stairs, waving merrily to Sora as he weaved towards the smaller brunet.
"Zola, maaatey, how's it? I'm ready to do this, savvy?" Not waiting for a response he grabbed Sora's arm and tugged him towards the room just as the examiner opened the door and gestured them all in. Still giggling Kairi followed them in while Riku shook his head and muttered under his breath.
As for Sora, he was pret-ty damn sure you could be failed for turning up to your final exam completely smashed. Thankfully, he wouldn't be failed by association. Wait…could they –would they- do that? They couldn't…right?
Oh god.
XXX
Leon listened indifferently as the examiner recited the rules. He knew the rules, everyone knew the rules, come to think of it, reciting the rules was rather pointless for non first year papers, but to avoid fidgeting or looking around for the five minute recital Leon chose to listen, no matter how much it bored him.
His eye twitched as a torn piece of a pencil eraser hit the side of his head. Damn Yuffie.
Fixing his eyes determinedly in front of him, he spotted Axel a little to his right four seats below, gazing forlornly at the silent fire alarm, that look of an ardent lover in his kohl-lined eyes, determined to hear the voice of his darling beloved.
Leon felt panic welling up inside of him as his hands grew clammy.
One could only pray that Axel wouldn't do anything drastic like setting the question paper on fire.
As Axel grinned at the alarm –the ardent lover look lost to that of Axel's homicidal idiot expression-, Leon knew that prayer could do little in this case and uncharacteristically felt like crying; wishing that he could shout at the red head but…that damned no talking rule.
Directly behind Leon, Cloud was echoing his sentiments, partly because of the resident pyromaniac but mostly because of Yuffie two seats away from him –the girl was bloody vibrating for god's sake. Why on God's green earth was there no mention of sugar highs in the exam guidebooks? Drunk, stoned, on your death bed, mummy on her deathbed, granny on hers…Armageddon…nuclear war, even…but no sugar high? Seriously, what the hell was wrong with these people?!
Next year, he was abroad or perhaps extramurally, safe at home, far away from the nutjobs.
XXX
Demyx loathed exams. NO talking. NO music. NO Noise! How did they expect people to work under such torturous conditions? It was cruel! It was barbaric!
….did Larxene devise the rules? Oh god! Demyx felt his eyes widen in realisation. Larxene! Why hadn't he thought of it earlier? That sadistic woman had to be behind it all!
His eyes narrowed as he refocused on the examiner who was reciting the last of the rules. His long forgotten feud with the evil entity welling up inside of him, intensified by this new revelation that he was in league with Larxene. As the no talking rule was repeated, Demyx pouted at the evil glint in the self-righteous demon's eyes as the man stared pointedly at the notables in the room.
'Oh you're good.' He thought spitefully. 'Kudos to you, douche-bag.'
XXX
Sitting at the front –the examiner made him, something about safety of the public- Captain Jack Sparrow stared at the paper before him, the sounds of pages turning echoing through the silent room behind him…
…
…What was he meant to be doing?
His expression cleared suddenly, divine revelation striking him sans the special effects, it was an exam room after all, the lightning and waves breaking loudly over rocks simply wouldn't be tolerated by fellow albeit sober students. Carefully he picked up the large sheet of paper covered in questions…
And cheerfully he created a telescope and began to scan the room for his nemesis –the Kraken. "We plunder and pillage…" He sang in a low murmur. "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for meeeeeee."
In front of him, the examiner began to sweat nervously, an irritated twitch attacking his eye as that little paper telescope lingered on him.
XXX
Ariel sighed as she completed her second essay and turned back to the questions paper. As usual, half of the topics she'd studied were present, only just making enough for her to scrape up the required amount of essays…as usual.
Tightening the blue ribbon holding her long red hair in a low ponytail, she silently reviewed her selected question, drafting the basics for her essay and picked up her pen to jot down a few key points before beginning.
As the tip of her pen touched her paper, she stilled, eyes widening as she stared at a seat in front of her where Jack sat swaying, the paper telescope being swung about jubilantly in the air as he sang the infamous pirate song under his alcohol-ridden breath.
As disbelief swept across her pretty features, Ariel felt her mind go blank, knowledge fleeing as the image of Jack's drunken antics burnt into her mind.
She felt like crying, making a note to get Daddy to transfer her across the country next semester.
XXX
Aerith completed her third essay, the full stop being dotted with flourish. Smiling serenely she started on her final essay, a relieved light in her eyes.
Half through her essay she stopped mid sentence, twitching. After a moment, she smiled again and resumed writing…only to halt and twitch again.
Yuffie, sitting in front of her, was muttering under her breath.
Daring a quick look around, Aerith saw Cloud two seats over, back rigid and jaw clenched, blue eyes icily cold as the blonde slanted a look at the hyper girl. To Aerith's right, Tifa sat twitching, eyes darting to glower at Yuffie before switching back to her answer booklet, her ball point pen held in a crushing grip, the knuckles of her hand white.
Taking a deep breath, Aerith tried to tune the girl out and was almost successful as she bent back over her desk to write.
"Oh noooooo! But the chipmunks –no, no, no! Chipmunks won't like this answer!"
Aerith let her head fall to her desk with a sharp crack, a blank look on her delicate features.
What. The. Hell?!
-Snap!-
Tifa had snapped her pen, her right eye now twitching dangerously as her hands curled into tight fists under her desk.
Oh dear.
XXX
Leon breathed a sigh of relief. He'd completed most of the exam now and so far there had been no mishaps. With a small smirk he turned to the final question, intent on completing it and leaving early.
"Avast ye landlubbers!" Jack suddenly roared making everyone jump in fright. Jack jumped up from his seat pointing furiously at the clock. "Thar be the Kraken!"
"Nooooo! Save Mr. Chipmunkey!" Yuffie shrieked, sprinting down to the front of the classroom, tackling the examiner and sending the pair of them flying.
Leon looked at them quietly for a moment, blinking rapidly and drowning out the mixed reactions of his classmates –including Hayner's loud laughter and Seifer's shouting as he shook a fist at the pair. Silently he pulled his head touching the front of Cloud's desk behind him, before cracking it soundly against the top of his own desk.
Near the front Demyx looked up from struggling to write the second essay and smiled as the examiner shrieked, flailing wildly as he tried to pry Yuffie off of him, only to succeed and have the girl bounce around him babbling a mile a minute.
Kudos to Yuffie. He thought contently, a dreamy smile curling his mouth. Now able to concentrate fully on his exam, he picked up his pen again.
Very few were able to do the same, the noise was simply too much. Luckily for Zexion, he'd spent years studying with Demyx, or else there may very well have been blood shed that morning. One does not interfere with Zexion's education and emerged unscathed. Just ask Saix how he got his scar.
XXX
Sora whimpered. He'd managed to answer the questions with what he believed to be decent answers. At least C worthy –after all C's get degrees.
But now it had all gone to ass-baggery.
Damn Yuffie. Now he couldn't concentrate. The ninja-wannabe was now bouncing around the room laughing and squealing faster than she had been talking just moments ago. The examiner wasn't too far behind her, that poor brave yet bloody stupid middle-aged man.
Unable to concentrate on his exam at all, Sora looked down to the front of the lecture hall and gawked.
Soon, with a small group of exceptions, all eyes were wide in disbelief as they fell on the sight of Demyx contently humming as he happily wrote his essays.
XXX
Leon groaned as Yuffie jumped over his desk, whacking his soundly against the front of Cloud's when he threw himself backwards in attempt to avoid contact with the girl who was waving her arms wildly. Leon didn't particularly care to lose an eye. Xigbar may be able to pull that look off but Leon doubted he could the same. It was bad enough having a scar. Some little idiot had figured out that he and Seifer had matching scars and started to babble about how together they form an X, like Saix's scar. Hence forth the trio had been constantly referred to as the Scar Club. Idiotic first years. Oh well, they learnt the hard way not to try Seifer and Saix's patience. One of them was still in hospital.
"That had to hurt." Cloud commented, voice low with an odd mixture of dry amusement and sympathy. He leaned over his desk languidly as he spoke.
Leon winced as he realised he'd let his train of though wander. He'd definitely hit his head too hard. "Damn." He muttered, reaching back to tenderly cradle the back of his throbbing head. "No more than the forehead." He added with a grumble.
"That was self-inflicted." Cloud scoffed, reaching forward to lightly prod the black and blue bruise on Leon's forehead. "You can't complain about that."
"No talking!" the examiner tried to snap as he panted and gasped, dashing past the pair in pursuit. He swiped at Yuffie, missing as she suddenly bounced right with a giggle.
"Oh hell…" The soft, uncharacteristic profanity from Cinderella drew the pair's attention to the pretty young woman before following her line of sight.
Leon paled and whimpered uncharacteristically. "Oh no…"
"We really should demand that two examiners be in the room at all times(1)." Cloud commented with a sigh as he spotted the rising plume of smoke wafting from Axel's desk. Unfortunately, where's there's smoke there is always…well, Axel.
Axel had set his question paper on fire.
"Bad Axel!" Roxas shouted throwing his calculator at the back of Axel's head and hitting with remarkable accuracy given his position on the other side of the room.
"Fire!" Ariel screamed, scooping her paper and stationary up and running for the door. A good portion of the others weren't very far behind when the examiner finally noticed the new cause of commotion.
He burst into tears. "Out! We'll grade you based on your internal assessments! Hand in your papers and just get out!" he pointed a furious finger at the troublesome trio and glowered. "Axel! Jack! Yuffie! My office! Now!"
"Goodbye." Sora said darting out the door, tugging Riku and Kairi behind him. Leon and Cloud exchanged a look before sprinting after him, leaving the examiner to deal with the fire as his colleagues from the other rooms came running in.
XXX
Sans the troublesome trio as they had come to known as, the group of friends quietly trudged back to their dorms, exhausted from the exam and its…excitements. Demyx stopped in front of them suddenly and beamed at them. Zexion twitched and made a move to silence him with no success.
"That wasn't so bad now was it?"
Leon and Cloud both tackled him with enraged shrieks, Zexion quickly diving out of the way while the rest dissolved into sobs.
God damn exams.
--End--
Et Voila! My humble fic is complete….now onto the next one.
1. I don't know how other universities do exams but at the one I attend; one examiner stays in the room while the other stands outside the door, ready to escort people to the bathroom if it's required. They usually sit with a nice snack and a good book, the little bastards.