It wasn't like them at all.
It was stupid, irrational, and generally impulsive. The things they did, the things they said. Mindless acts, in search of pleasure and gain. For that, they would say incredulous things.
"I want what we had before."
"I can't fulfill impossible promises. Time won't turn back to fix stupid memories. I wouldn't want that anyways. That life was hell."
He was lying through his teeth.
It's easy to tell, when you're caught in symmetry. Move for move, emotion for emotion, word for word, perfect, balanced symmetry. Forever.
Near didn't answer, he was lying too.
Time stood still, and Mello faltered for moment.
"…I"
They fell unbalanced.
Near pulled Mello down, crushing their lips together. His tongue tasted like chocolate, but that was nothing new. They both bit down every chance they got. Mello in vengeance, Near in repentance.
They pushed each other back and forth, attempting to force the other too succumb. Mello dug one canine into the other's bruised lips. Near pulled back, Mello took advantage of the opening, pulling off the other's shirt, popping a button.
Mello shoved Near onto the floor, pulling him by the hair. His head crashed against the cold tile ground. Mello sneered, chuckling as he raked his teeth along Near's neck.
It was like a fight to him. He acted like a fucking savage.
Near wanted to say that it was a recent thing. That one-day they had just suddenly crumbled, but that was a lie. It had always been like this. When the rules never change, the out come of the game is the same.
Mello had learned the hard way to never have faith in consistency, but faith in what comes. Near shifted underneath him, as the cold ivory of Mello's rosary came in contact with sensitive skin.
To Mello, no one was worth trusting. Loneliness was something he only felt when he wasn't around Near. When he couldn't prove himself to be what he doubted.
Near felt the same, even with all of thee people constantly surrounding him, serving him, he couldn't prove himself. He could not prove that he was, what others' doubted he could ever be. Loneliness plagued him like nothing else could, in an almost self-destructive manner.
Mello nuzzled against his chest, face cracked in laughter. Near wanted to hit him, wanted to push him off and say it was over. He felt vengeful in these lustful moments; he wanted pay back for all those times that Mello had hurt him.
They both did. They both changed in these times. Mello would always break into laughter every two seconds, finding happy emotions in nothing. Near would act on his suppressive and intellectual superiority.
It wasn't the dream of love and happiness that every innocent being has.
It was nothing. Neither of them had ever had time to be innocent and delicate, in their constant struggle. Faith was worthless in an uncontrollable destiny.
If they could change, be different, then this unnecessary battle wouldn't exist. The symmetry would be broken, and they could live a real life, out of shackles.
Kira and L where in the way of that.
Soon enough L was dead. Mello and Near mourned over a change in their consistency. Even though they knew very well that his fatality had been and act of freedom for them. Mello left, Near stayed. Near lost real faith, Mello didn't.
Now only Kira remained.
Kira was the reason that they had begun to have these secret rendezvous, to dispose of him. But, in the end they just returned to old ways, to fake hope, to blind acts, to an imitation of life.
Together they restored L's throne, thus restoring their symmetrical captivity. One viscous circle, in and out of control. Attack, break down, and that was that.
Kira was winning.
And here they where, fucking each other's brains out, like animals. Moving in a perfect rhythm, like only they as partners could do. Sweaty, flushed, and yelling like any being in this world can. It was sick.
They could not succeed if it kept on like this. It was impossible, and worthless to even try. Because they where each other's strength and weakness, hurting but aiding all the same. Their lives couldn't change. Unless one was willing to quit, to break the evenness.
In these lustful moments, physical euphoria made up for any changes they faced. They both came soon, easy and quickly. Near pulled himself out of Mello's lap quietly, uncomfortably returning to the cold floor. He offered his ripped over shirt to Mello, who accepted and quickly wiped most of the cum off of his body. "Thanks." He spoke slowly, quickly clothing himself, the sooner he left, the better.
Mello began to head out of the entrance.
Near protested softly, "Wait, Mello".
"What do you want?" the other replied harshly, not turning to look at him.
Near sighed quietly, trying to avoiding sounding so needy. His breath hitched for a moment before he spoke shakily. "Do you love me?" he asked solemnly, breathing deeply to avoid tears that weren't meant to be wept.
Mello turned his head, seemingly not at all estranged by the question. For the first time in years, Near looked him directly in the eyes.
"…..No."
He walked away, and Near never saw him again. This time, there was nothing to keep him hoping.
That night, Mello and Matt attempted to kidnap the prestige Lady Kiyomi Takada. Matt was brutally shot to death by various bodyguards. His fatality was excused due to guilt by association.
That night, Mello died as well.
Now that Near was free, soon he defeated Kira.
After that, he began to miss Mello.
Everything ended up equal, in the end.
Nothing changed, the symmetry remained.
Fin