THE POTION MASTER'S CORNER
STARRING SEVERUS SNAPE, FEATURING OTHER PEOPLE
DIRECTED BY JACOBKRAGOFF
Episode one, season 2
(We see Snape sitting in front of a black curtain like he did in season one, available to watch on Youtube)
(He begins moving the hair out of his face as he looks at the camera with his wide eyed expression and strangely shaped mouth, an expression looking like he walked in on his parents making out)
Snape, to himself: One, two, three. *Louder* Hello! Welcome to another EXCITING, EXHILARATING, and slightly annoying season of THE POTION….MASTER'S…CORNER…yay…
(Pause)
Snape: As you may have noticed, I'm still in a basement. Oh wait, not for long! You see, with the success of "A very Potter Sitcom" *undertone* for some reason *louder* my budget went up higher! So take that Lauren Lopez! I now have enough money to be a real talk show. And not just some internet show that you can find on Youtube. And illegally copied on other websites and s**t. Now, please allow me to introduce the new and very improved, which was needed, POTION…MASTER'S…CORNER!...yay…
(Camera moves off of over screen where the video ends to reveal the large stage with decorations to look like the Potions classroom)
(There is a desk near the exit on stage left where Severus Snape is sitting, waving to the cheering audience in the large stands)
Snape: Hello. Hello there all.
(Crowd quiets down)
Snape: Yes, yes. Welcome to the first episode of the Television version of Potion Master's Corner. I am Professor Severus Snape and I am very happy to entertain you all during the summer before "A very Potter Sitcom" returns on the air on September the first. Another thing that might entertain you all before then is the final Harry Potter movie ever made! Deathly Hallows Part 2 will be released July 15th. This will be the completion of the entire series that has been going on for basically and entire decade. A franchise that has touched people's hearts and has moved them deeply….then you're stuck with us for another four years.
(Audience laughs)
Snape, very quickly: Now, during the first season of my web show, I interviewed several other starkids. However, they were all out of character, which made it considerably more entertaining for me, as I never get out of character. This season, though, we shall be meeting them all in character. Yes, they're going to be pretty busy between filming for the sitcom's second season, and for coming to talk to you all here. Of course, we will meet other celebrities as well. Some of them being part of Harry Potter movies, some not being part but being devoted fans, and some hating Harry Potter and being forced onto the stage by the damn large amount of money we give them to come on that's bigger than my paycheck I make in an entire year which is why my budget was so terrible last season. Anywho, moving on!
(Audience laughs and cheers)
Snape: So, for the next agonizing hour, we shall be talking with other Starkids who I'm sure you're all very thrilled to see?
(The audience cheers)
Snape, shocked: Okay, shut up. I didn't say cheer. Be a little quieter, who don't you? Now, my first guest today is….unknown to me because nobody ever tells me anything! Mr. Kragoff, our wonderful director, or dictator, is forcing me to do this. Actually, believe it or not, YouTube TV actually forced us to do this entire show. We didn't even want to do the sitcom! We wanted to make a third movie, make it into a Broadway show a few years from now and enjoy that. But no….it seems one of the most viewed TV networks in the entire country needs more money. So, here we are. Thank you, Mr. Kragoff for going to the officials and telling them your idea. Also, we thank you for writing the entire show and hardly letting us do anything except act, and for letting Redvines sponsor us AGAIN so that we have to keep eating and eating and eating them. Darren and Joey like those things, NOT ME! I'VE HAD STOMACH PAINS FOR THREE MONTHS! I CAN HARDLY GET UP!
(Sits and cools down as audience laughs)
(He puts his finger to his ear bud)
Snape: Hello? Oh, Mr. Kragoff… (Audience laughs) Hi! Oh….keep talking and I'm going to be recast with Jim Carry because he was Snape on Saturday Night Live? Got it.
(Looks at audience)
Snape: About what I said earlier…..I was just kidding.
(Takes out Redvines)
Snape: I actually love these things.
(Uncertainly begins to eat one)
Snape, crying: I love these things….yum….*sob*…..yum…..*sob*…..yum, yum….*continues sobbing*.
(After he finishes, he speaks to audience)
Snape: We'll be right back after this commercial break. If it comes back and you see Jim Carry sitting here, wearing a wig, and doing the Scrooge voice, call the police.
(Commercial break)
(We return to see Snape sitting at his desk drinking a bottle of water)
Snape: Ah, welcome back to the Potion Master's corner, yay. Now, I have been informed of who my guest today is….I'm not very happy to see him, but I suppose I'll have to make do with him.
(The lights upstage flash on and we see Lupin sitting in a nice red leather arm chair next to a table with another chair slightly farther away from the table)
Lupin, snidely: Hey, sour grapes.
(Audience cheers as they see him)
(Snape stands and walks up the small steps up to where Lupin is sitting)
Snape: Why, Remus Lupin. So….*glairs*nice….to see you.
(Points wand behind his back without looking away from Lupin)
Snape: Accio.
(Chair moves forward for Snape to sit down)
Lupin: Now, are we going to be asking questions to annoy me like in last season?
Snape: Oh, no. I would never dream of that…..*undertone* bastard.
(Looks at audience)
Snape: Anyway, the studio has prepared a little video for you all to enjoy. It is supposed to show you who the dog here and I truly feel about each other…..nothing but…..
Both: Loathing.
(Lights darken and video begins)
(Various clips of Snape and Lupin begin all being voiced over by the song "What is this feeling?" from Wicked the Musical)
Snape: Why, Remus Lupin.
Lupin: Severus Snape.
(Song begins)
Lupin in Glinda voice: What is this feeling so sudden and new?
Snape in Elphaba voice: From the moment I laid eyes on you.
Lupin: My pulse is rushing.
Snape: My head is reeling.
Lupin: My face is flushing.
Both: What is this feeling? Fervid as a flame, Does it have a name? YES! Loathing…. unadulterated loathing.
Lupin: For your face.
Snape: Your voice.
Both: Your clothing. Let's just say…..I LOATH IT ALL! Every little trait, however small, makes my very flesh begin to crawl….with simple utter loathing. There's a strange exhilaration…in such total detestation. It's so pure, so STRONG! Though I do admit it came on fast, still I do believe that it can last. And I will be loathing you for my whole….life…..LONG!
Students: Dear Ms. Galinda, you are just too good! How do you stand her? I don't think I could! She's a terror! She's a Tartar! We don't mean to show a bias, but Galinda you're a martyr-
Lupin: Well…..these things are set to try us….
Students: For Galinda forced to reside… with someone so disgusticified. We just want to tell you….that we're all on your SIDE! We share your loathing!
Both: What is this feeling so sudden and new? From the moment I laid eyes on you! My pulse is rushing! My head is reeling! My face is flushing! What is this feeling? Fervid as a flame, Does it have a name? YES! AHH!
Students: LOATHING! Unadulterated loathing. For her face, her voice, and her clothing! Let's just say….WE LOATH IT ALL!
Both: Oh, what is this feeling?
Students: Every little trait, however small, makes our very flesh begin to crawl…AHHH!
Both: Loathing.
Students: Loathing!
Both: There's a strange exhilaration…in such total detestation. It's so pure, so STRONG! Though I do admit it came on fast, still I do believe that it can last. And I will be loathing you for my whole….life…..LONG!
Students: Loathing! Unadulterated loathing!
(Audience cheers as we once again see Snape and Lupin glaring at each other)
Snape, to audience: That song is from Wicked. The idea for the crossover was originally done by youtuber huffley6. Or something like that. Look them up on Youtube to watch music video again and to see other crossovers with Starkid and Broadway shows. So, that is all we have time for today.
Lupin: Wait. I didn't get to-
Snape: Buy Mr. Teen Wolf!
Lupin: Oh, you'll pay for this, Sour Grapes!
Snape, raising wand: Put it on my tab! Depulso!
(Lupin's chair quickly shoots off stage, out of sight)
(Crowd cheers)
Snape: Who looks stupid now? You do.
(Smiles and returns to his desk)
Snape: Well, ladies and gentlemen. We hope you have enjoyed this episode of Potion Master's Corner, yay, and we also hope to see you next week! Because it means more money in our pockets! I'm just joking, but I'll be interviewing other people and it's going to be a whole lot of fun! BYE!
(Outro music plays as we see Snape wave and screen blackens for credits)
Directed by Jacob Kragoff.
AVPS/Wicked idea by huffley6 from YouTube.
Based on characters by J.K Rowling and parody versions by Starkid.
Executive producers: Joe Moses, Nick Lang, and Jacob Kragoff.
Produced by Warner Brothers, YouTube TV, and Starkid Productions.
All rights reserved.