Author's Note: This story came to me in a dream one night. I think that it is suited to everyone's tastes. I do hope you enjoy this! Please leave me with lots of constructive criticism. Thank you and good bye lover and best friends
Chapter One
It was a sunny day in Pisstic Falls. The sky was blue, the few clouds were white and fluffy, as pure as a baby, untainted by dark storms. The smell of sewage was in the air. It was a scent that all the residents of this shitty sleepy town knew and loved.
The vampire residents in particular enjoyed this smell, their heightened senses allowing them to fully immerse themselves in the stench. One vampire was very adept at insuring that he was the stinkiest bastard around, and his name was Damon Salvapoo. Damon "DaPoo" Salvapoo was just getting out of his swamp. He took a deep whiff, his face near his armpit. Yummy, he thought, I could give Shrek a run for his money.
The vampire set off to his bathroom, proceeding to grab his toothbrush. He dipped it in the toilet water before bringing it up to brush his fangs. Whilst doing this, he heard a small grunt. He turned around to discover that he was not in the bathroom alone, his brother Stefan Salvapoo was in here with him!
"Is that a dingleberry I smell?!" Damon was overcome with excitement. You see, the vampires of Mystic Falls did not feed on blood, but on faecal matter. Dingleberries happened to be his personal favourite treat, and Stefans unruly butthole pubes were the best place to find them.
Stefan shook his head in disgust, "No, it's rabbit droppings."
Stefan Poovatore insisted on only eating animal faeces, he thought it was more ethical than shoving your fangs into a human arsehole. He imagined it could be quite painful for the human (although he had come across his fair share of mortals who had had a bit of a kink for it).
The problem was, once Stefan gorged on the naughty brown stuff, he just couldn't stop - he ended up sucking out a big fat prolapse, them red apples could be fatal!
So, Stefan "StoPoo" Salvapoo resorted to animal poo, which he often scavenged for on the floor of the forest which surrounded the Salvapoo swamp. The problem was, was that Stefan really REALLY liked the prettiest girl in Pisstic Falls - her name was Elena Poobert. Her long straight hair was the perfect shade of warm brown diarrhoea. Her eyes matched the heavenly musk that emnated from her unwashed rear end. (Elena Poobert did not believe in wiping.) Elena's scrumptiously naught scent made her irresistible to most vampires. Stefan could only think of how warm that her poo would taste as it squirted from her bum like a brown fountain.
Damon was also rather fond of Elena. But Damon also wanted to put his dick in. He liked it when his penis was pooey.