On his way from the bank, Luke tries to ignore Kirk on the side of the road doing god-knows-what with god-knows-who. He tries, but fails miserably as Kirks desperately runs after Luke and steps in front of the truck. Luke's bakes squeal to a stop just inches from turning Kirk into road kill.

Always coming up with good ideas, that Kirk. Luke wonders out loud why anyone hasn't tossed him out of town. Out of a canon. Luke bets if he did, Star's Hollow would honor him with a holiday—Luke Day. On that day, everyone would be required to leave him the hell alone.

Oh well, enough daydreaming and back to being angry with the Kirk standing deer-like in front of him.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't let my foot slip off the brake," grumbled Luke, whose muscles scream to let go and give the gas pedal all she's got.

Kirk heaved out between gulps of air, "It's Taylor. I need you to help me move him."

"Move him?" slamming the door on his way out of the truck and grumbling, Luke walks over to the bizarre pale man.

Kirk points to the incapacitated figure of Taylor lying on the ground, a milkshake freshly fallen from his grubby fingers. He looks to be halfway inside what looks like a cross between a Muppet and the Blob.

Luke rolls his eyes. He's not surprised if Star Hollow's beloved…whatever he does fell into an alcohol-induced stupor. Honestly, nothing these escaped mental patients do will ever surprise Luke, and he makes a point of telling Kirk so. They could start a nude biathlon and Luke wouldn't be surprised. He rubs his forehead in frustration.

Kirk replies to this rambling speech with, "So you'll help me, then?"

With a wide shrug of the shoulders, he crouches down by the KO'd bureaucrat and begins attempting to lift him up. This guy's way heavier than he looks Luke notices as he tries pulling his milkshake-loaded gullet off the ground.

In his struggling frustration, Luke asks, "Kirk, what's Taylor—"

He needed to say no more for something else answered his question. Something which was seeping into his shirt, the two-hundred dollar shirt he uses only for business and formal occasions. Luke makes an outloud note to dunk Kirk's head in milkshake later on till he looks down to see the actual substance. His shirt being white, it's not hard for Luke to tell exactly what the mysterious liquid is. He traces the red ichor back to its source.

Immediately Luke springs to his feet, pacing and muttering, "Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god."

Kirk offers his sympathies to his friend's mounting panic, "Yeah, I thought he was unconscious at first too, easy mistake to make. I figured Taylor must have overdosed on milkshakes until I realized you can't overdose on milkshakes, unless you're diabetic…"

After a thoughtful look spreads in his eyes, he looks back to Luke, "Is Taylor diabetic? That might explain it."

Luke leans into Kirk, seriousness darkening his face, "Even if Taylor was diabetic, I doubt diabetes causes this" he points to the stuff covering most of his shirt, "to spread everywhere."

"Oh," Kirk goes back to contemplating before asking again, "You think he's a hemophiliac?"

Luke needs to take a second holding his head to diffuse the rage building up in his skull. Of course Kirk would be involved in these shenanigans, of course. Of course he would drag Luke into the muck with him, of course.

Luke takes a deep breath before talking to the confused man-child again. Since when did he turn into Kirk's parent?

"Kirk," he says with as much weight as he can, "You realize how serious this is? We're standing next to Taylor Doose at four in the morning, shoving him into into—what the hell is that?"

Kirks looks back at the amorphous Muppet-beast attempting to engulf Taylor's body, "O that? It's a Snuggie. I thought the police would appreciate the gesture."

Luke immediately facepalms, probably enough to cause brain damage if he's lucky. Has he been sentenced to a limbo of sitcom-shenanigans? It certainly feels like it. He tries talking reason to Kirk once more, "No they won't appreciate, Kirk. They won't appreciate it at all. In fact, if they found us right now, the last thing they'd feel is appreciation."

Once again, his life has the timing of a Gilligan cutaway. As the words leaves his lips, a police siren immediately sounds, red and blue light flashing on them like a tightly-contained melodrama. As soon as Kirk hears it, he lays on the ground assuming the position.

As the officer approaches, Luke holds back the urge to ask the officer if he was free to charge head-first into the brick wall behind him.