Chapter 1:
The sun hung low in the horizon and could barely be seen behind the buildings. The slow rise of the sun cast an orange glow over London. Illuminating the city she had grown up in. The sight was picturesque.
Alexandra pushed the white curtains further apart and opened the door. Stepping out on the balcony of her bedroom she inhaled the fresh air while she still could. In a few hours it would be contaminated by the city's inhabitants. She wanted to enjoy the smell of wet asphalt after a night of heavy raining before the air was polluted.
Usually she would go out for a run this early, but not today. Everything was changing today. Her body shivered and she was not sure whether it was from the coldness that still lingered in the air after last nights stormy weather or from what her future held for her. Truth be told, she was very afraid.
The city was still sleeping. Alexandra could see the small puddles untouched on the asphalt as she leaned on the wet railing. A mild breeze blew and she pulled her blanket tighter around her, savouring the soft feel of cashmere. The familiar scent engulfed her and made her feel secure. Sienna had used the same detergent since Alexandra was a little girl. The floral scent was everywhere around her. Alexandra sighed. She still could not bring herself to call Sienna her mother. Even after all these years she had taken care of her. Even after the countless hours of making Alexandra laugh, and comforting her when she cried. She still could not bare to call another woman her mother.
The streets were all empty, the silence stretching out for miles. She enjoyed the tranquility. It was the exact opposite of what was going on inside of her. Emotions were swirling. Her mind was in turmoil. It had been like this ever since she had spoken to Ava. A small smile crept up on her face at the thought of her best friend, just another important person in her life she had left behind.
"So, I´m getting married"
Ava said so casually that Alexandra almost missed what the sentence really stated. She could picture Ava's exact movements as she uttered the words. Shrugging her shoulders and twisting a lock of golden hair between her fingers. Alexandra on the other hand almost fell off her chair.
Ava Grey was getting married. The greatest tease on campus, hell all of New York, was getting married. Vivacious and stubborn Ava. The girl that swore to never settle down was doing just that.
"What?!"
Alexandra exclaimed in surprise and leapt out of her chair. Holding the phone closer to her ear so she wouldn't miss a word she held herself around her waist with her free hand and started pacing the floor of her study. Maybe she had misunderstood what she said. Alexandra had been hauled up in her study for hours working on an article, her mind wasn´t exactly cooperating at the moment.
"Yeah. I'm getting married"
Ava answered as if this wasn't a big deal at all. So Alexandra hadn't misunderstood.
"Who is he? I talked to you two weeks ago and you weren´t seeing anyone then"
She said in an surprised, yet accusing voice.
"Well it kinda, sorta, happened"
Ava dragged the words out. This was the same girl that ran the Public Relations department of Grey Enterprises. Many had deemed her employment as unsuitable because of her young age and had made it publicly known that is was inappropriate for her to get such a high profiled job only because she was Christian Greys niece, but Ava had proven herself more than capable and the critics had to bow down.
Alexandra knew that Christian was impressed and proud of Ava. She had stayed in touch with everyone in the Grey and Steele family. Everyone except the only one that had ever mattered, the only one that would ever matter. Alexandra's hold of her waist tightened simultaneously with the all too familiar feel of her heart being shattered into a million pieces.
She moved the phone away from her face as she inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. She had to calm herself down and push away those depressing thoughts. There was a reason for it all she kept telling herself, and instead of going through the depressing thoughts she concentrated on her best friend.
"Please elaborate that sentence Ava"
"Well.."
She trailed off. Alexandra huffed and answered her in a demanding voice
"In detail Ava Grey or whatever your name is now"
"I went to Vegas and met Lucas again after all these years. Can you imagine that?"
Alexandra could hear how excited Ava was, but she just didn't understand it. Lucas, one of Theodore's friends on campus, had been Ava's biggest nemesis throughout the college years. Alexandra had suspected Lucas really liked Ava, but he never had the courage to tell her because he was definitely not one of the guys she would fall for. She liked them whipped and quiet. As far as Alexandra knew she still did, and if she remembered Lucas correctly he did not fall in under that category.
"You hated the guy!"
"I know, but he is so yummy"
Ava said dreamily.
"Yummy?! I thought he wasn't your type?!"
Alexandra exclaimed.
"Oh I always had a thing for him"
Alexandra could picture Ava waving her off with that statement and rolled her eyes.
"The bad boy?"
"Well, don't all girls have a thing for guys like that? Besides, he´s a changed man. Yeah he still has the amazing body and tattoos scattered all over his body, but he's so sweet and caring"
Her voice gave her away. Ava Grey was on cloud nine.
"Not at all the obnoxious guy from college. You know he works as a real estate agent?"
She continued her rant in a matter of factly tone.
"Mhm, all right. Now back to how the hell you end up getting married to a former college nemesis?"
"Well, we sort of ran into each other and he invited me out for dinner. We talked and it was amazing. He's so smart, who would have thought? Right? Anyway, we end up in bed together and my god was he fantastic. What a lover! He has this thing he does with his tongue where he sort of"
"Please stop! When I asked you to elaborate I forgot to mention that you should leave out those kind of details"
"Oh yeah okay. Anyway one hot night later we got married"
She stops talking. Probably to take a breath, and continues in her innocent little girl voice. The one she uses whenever she needs someone to do something they are not comfortable with.
"And well I kinda can´t tell mom and dad the minor details so I made up a little white lie about me and him dating since college and that we feel it's time to get married. I mean I have been living in New York so they won´t know the truth. They freaked out a bit over never meeting him, but I made up and excuse about his busy schedule and stuff. Anyway, if they ask you have to lie"
And there it was. Alexandra stifled a laugh. This girls hasn´t changed.
"So after some good sex you get married"
"Oh yeah, but it's not just that. He's kind and smart too. We talked a lot"
"And decided in a moment of pure insanity to get married"
"Yeah, well what can I say. Vegas does that to you"
"Oh I know that too well darling. And I distinctly remember someone giving ME a hard time for my Vegas wedding"
Alexandra raises her eyebrow.
"Stop gloating!"
"I´m not"
"Yes you are, British. I can hear that dreadful smile of yours splitting your face in half"
"Oh come on, I would never do that to you? I was just thinking about that saying. Oh I hate when I can´t remember things. What was it about a person having the last laugh"
"Ha ha ha ha"
Ava laughs back sarcastically. Alexandra sits down on her chair again and leans back.
"Well, I guess I have to apologise for laughing at you and Teddy all those years ago"
"Mhm and don´t forget to apologise for the criticizing as well"
"Of course not. My deepest apologies Mrs Grey"
Alexandra´s heart stops beating for a second. It has been a while since anyone said that to her. Well, the only one that had called her that were Theodore and Ava. The only one´s that had ever known.
"I´m sorry Alex"
Ava´s voice was slightly above a whisper. Her best friend had endured many hours of phone conversation as Alexandra had tried to work through the heart break. As if Ava could see her, Alexandra plastered a fake smile on her face and answered cheerfully
"Oh don´t think about it Ava. It´s fine"
She knew Ava would see right through her poor acting.
"I guess you guys haven´t spoken yet"
"Not yet"
"It´s been years"
The silence stretched. I can´t reply to that. It´s been three years since I left him.
The day after we got married. It was supposed to be the best day of our lives. The ink on our marriage certificate had barely dried and I was already gone. I never contacted him. It took a year for me to gain courage to call Ava. The rest of the Greys and Steeles sort of followed after that and I was now in touch with them all, talking several times a year with everyone. Mostly for anniversaries, birthdays and holidays.
They all give me bits and pieces of information about him. Next to what I read about him there is nothing but work in his life. Sometimes some rumours will fill the magazines about him dating some society girl, model, singer or actress. He never comments on the rumours. Though Ava makes sure to let her know the rumours are false. But even if they weren´t. Who could blame him really? She is the one that left him behind. She is the one that turned her back without as much as a goodbye. For months she had ignored his calls, texts, emails and letters. Sienna and Thomas had told her Theodore had come to London a few times looking for her, eventually giving up any hope of seeing her.
Alexandra had known that would happen and chose to stay away from her home town for a while. Instead jumping from project to project throughout the world. The work she had done that first year helped her carrier grow. She was immensely proud of herself. At least she had done one right thing in her life. And that success had enabled her to pursue her dream to be a freelance journalist.
Wiping away a few fallen tears she changes the subject. She always does that. She´s still not strong enough to talk about him.
"So when is the big wedding"
Ava sighs on the other line, but doesn´t push the subject of her cousin Theodore further.
"In two weeks"
"Two weeks?!"
Alexandra shrieks into the phone.
"Thank you for telling me on time"
Her voice is filled with animosity as she glares at Ava through the phone.
"Hey I did call you the minute I left my parents house. I had to tell them first"
"So you just told you parents"
Alexandra´s voice is more calm now knowing that Ava´s parents are probably freaking out right now and the last thing the bride to be needs is yet another person to be on the opposite team.
"Yeah, like an hour ago"
Ava exhales deeply. Obviously the conversation didn´t go that well.
"Bloody hell"
"Yeah, my dad sad something like that too"
"How upset are they"
Meaning how much damage control will be necessary. Will she have to endure a lengthy conversation with Kate as she does every time Ava does something considered to be very wrong.
"Very, but hey I have them both wrapped around my little finger. It´s going to be fine. You are coming right"
Oh thank God. The phone call won´t be that bad. Besides it´s probably for the best if Kate does call. That way Alexandra can be fully supportive of her best friends life changing decision made after a night of hot and wild sex, and lie through her teeth as she confirms the relationship has lasted for almost a decade. Alexandra hates lying, but sometimes it is necessary. Sometimes the truth is so ugly you just cannot bring yourself to tell it, as she never could to Theodore.
"Wouldn´t miss it for the world"
"Thank God. I need my maid of honour by my side"
"Really"
"Of course. Who else"
Another set of tears are spilling down her cheeks at the moment. This time tears of pure joy.
"I love you Ava. And thank you"
"Your welcome. But that means you have to give a speech. I expect something cheesy and oh so inappropriate"
"I can do cheesy, but never inappropriate"
Alexandra answers with a giggle.
"Worth a try. Now that that´s settled on to the more important stuff. You can choose your own dress as long as you look hot in it. I won´t have any brides maids. I hate tradition"
"Okay, yes I can see that. And thank you for not making me wear a fluffy lavender coloured dress"
"Ha ha ha, now that you mention it I might just.."
"Don´t even think about it"
She doesn´t give Ava a chance to think further about it as she interrupts her.
"So you have to tell him you´re coming back. It wouldn´t be fair if I did"
"I know. I will. I promise"
"Maybe you could call him on Saturday?"
"But isn´t that when the anniversary party is"
"Yeah, I think it will cheer him up"
"I don´t think me coming back after all these years is good news"
"Trust me, it is. Just call him. At least he will be happy to hear your voice"
Walking inside again she picks up her cellphone from the night stand. She will be leaving the comfort of her home soon. She will be going back to the place that has haunted her for years. New York had held bad memories for her before she met Theodore Raymond Grey. Before she had fallen in love. Before she had been blissfully happy. And now even those good memories were tainted.
She dialed the familiar number. The one she had wanted to dial all these years, but never had the courage to do so.
He pushed his chair back and stood up. Straightening his suit jacket before reaching for his champagne glass on the table and lifting it in the air. He cleared his throat to gain everyones attention. Looking at his parents, that were seated across the table, he smiled. As always they were flirting and kissing. The way he had grown accustomed to seeing them was making his heart swell. He was filled with pride. His parents had always been affectionate, never afraid of showing their deep feelings for one another. Be it in public or private.
He was missing the love of his life more and more with each passing day. He was hoping his Mrs Grey would come home. Make the dark and lonely penthouse a sanctuary again, make it their home. He pushed those depressing thoughts away as he widened his smile. Today was about his parents, not the lonely life he was leading.
"Ladies and gentlemen!"
He started with a clear voice and looked around the room. Only when gaining everyones attention did he divert his eyes back to his parents and slightly bowed his head to them as he continued speaking.
"Mom and dad. I won't take up much time from the celebration, it is your anniversary. I just wanted to say a couple of words. Looking at the two of you I see nothing but love. Growing up I was a witness to your everlasting, all consuming love. I hope that I one day will be blessed with such a powerful feeling"
He stopped to take a deep breath, pushing the memories that flooded his mind. He had loved her since he saw her for the first time. He had loved her more when they had married. And he still loved her. His heart ached for her. He wanted her back. Craving to show her how powerful his love for her is, even after all the years of separation. Seeing his mothers tear filled eyes he swallowed the lump in his throat and continued while raising his champagne glass a bit higher.
"To Mr and Mrs Grey, may you last forever. Cheers"
Everyone raised their glasses to his parents and took a sip before the room erupted in claps and cheers. He emptied his champagne glass and set it down. He walked around the table to his parents and wiped away one of his mothers fallen tears.
"I love you so much"
She whispered as she pulled him to her and held him tightly. He pulled away, holding her shoulders and kissed her forehead. His father clapped his back.
"Thank you son. That was a beautiful speech"
He only nodded in response before giving his father a quick hug.
Walking away from the table he picked up his empty whiskey glass and headed for the bar. He needed something strong. Coming home always reminded him of what he was missing in his life. He had made the decision to live permanently in New York, but the city kept reminding him of what he had lost years ago.
"One more please"
He said to the bartender and sat the empty glass down on the countertop and pushed it towards him. The bartender nodded and turned to retrieve the bottle.
He fisted his hands as more memories flooded his mind. He remembered how she smelled, the sound of her voice, how beautiful she was in the morning and how wonderful her body felt when making love. He took a deep breath and exhaled while extending his fingers and placing his palms on the countertop. He had gone after her when she had run needing her to tell him why. He had so many questions, but the only one that mattered was why. Why had she left him? Even after three years he still didn´t know. He was afraid she had felt pressured into marrying him, but even after all these years of being apart he had not received any divorce papers. At least that was a silver lining. Though the fear that he would receive those dreaded papers kept him awake.
He felt his right hand being squeezed and looked over at the beautiful girl standing next to him. His sister looked at him with sadness in her eyes. She knew exactly what he was thinking about. Being with the family, everyone still asking about her made it much more difficult. The happiness in the room was suffocating him. She knew what he lost all those years ago. Or rather who he lost. He gave her a warm smile.
"I'm fine"
He said reassuringly. His voice didn´t crack, but judging by the look on his sisters face she didn´t believe him. He was grateful she didn´t push for an answer. She simply nodded and walked away.
The bartender pushed the glass back to him, now filled with whiskey. He took the glass and nodded to the bartender in appreciation. Turning around he faced the room again. Taking a big sip of his glass he pushed the depressing thoughts away. Thoughts of long brown hair, soft skin and an angelic voice. He took a few more sips and put down his now empty whiskey glass. He needed fresh air.
He walked towards the exit, only to be stopped on his way several times. Family and friends hadn´t seen him for so long and wanted to catch up. He only came home when necessary, mostly because of business. On few occasions did he come home for pleasantries. He had become bitter and distant.
He exchanged a few words with everyone, not engaging in long conversations. Walking away from the crowd his eyes caught the sight of Ava smiling brightly. He and his cousin worked together. Having her by his side in New York throughout the ordeal of heart break had been a saving grace for him. And now she was a married woman. Her smile directed at her husband. Theodore shook his head and smiled as he turned and walked out the Mile High Club doors.
A few minutes later he stepped out of the elevator and walked outside. He breathed in the evening air as he pulled his cellphone out from the pocket of his suit jacket. Punching her number as he had done so many times before he wondered if today was the day he would finally find the courage to speak to her. He had given up on contacting her after an endless amount of calls, texts, emails and letters. He had given up on her answering his questions after several visits to London without her being there. When her articles started showing up he knew she had moved on with her life. She wasn´t sitting at home waiting for him to come for her. She was out, enjoying her life. He decided to move on with his.
Once again he found himself lacking the courage to go through with the call. Gripping his phone until his knuckles turned white he was seconds away from throwing, but voices interrupted him.
He turned to look at the giggling couple behind him. Too old for acting like lovesick ass grabbing teenagers, but that was a sight he was all too accustomed to seeing.
"Oh Ana I cannot wait to get you home and in our bed"
" Oh Christian, I really don´t think we´ll make it that far"
He cleared his throat
"Ehm guys, your son is present so please keep the sex talk to a minimum"
His parents turned to face him and he gave them a little wave. His mother put her beet red face in her hands to hide her embarrassment and his father simply laughed
"Teddy! Come on, sex is only natural when to people love each other"
He cringed at his fathers words. He wished his parents were more conservative, but then again he was happy to have been raised in a family where he was witnessed to faithfulness, affection and trust. He knew that there would never be another woman for Christian Grey then Anastasia Grey, nor would there ever be another man in his mothers life to replace his father. Gazing at the lovestruck couple he waved them off as they entered the SUV, driving away with Taylor.
He turned his back and started walking away. Now that his parents where gone he didn´t have a reason to stay at the party. He sent a quick text to Reynolds, his personal security, to let him know he would be walking back to Escala. He needed some time to himself.
While he walked through the dark streets of Seattle his mind wandered off to the only woman he had ever loved and would ever love. He knew she was in London now. He had kept close tabs on her.
He sighed and loosened his tie, he was suffocating. Running a hand through his hair he thought of the updates he would received from the PI he had hired to follow her around. She was all about work. Never going out, except for a few dinners with her family. No dates, which was immensely satisfying to hear.
His phone vibrated in his jacket pocket and interrupted his thoughts. Thinking it was Reynolds he was surprised to see the number of the incoming call. As he held it in his hands the all too familiar number flashed on his phone. Her number. Squeezing his phone he answered the call and pressed his phone onto his ear. Afraid he might miss a word.
"Alexandra?"
He said, barely above a whisper. For several seconds it was quiet. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he had wished it was her so badly he had seen the wrong number. He looked at the screen again. It was her. Bringing the phone back to his ear he could hear her heavy breathing.
"Yes Theo, it´s me"
Her soft voice said. He took deep breaths to calm his erratic heart. He hadn´t heard her voice in so long. It was comforting. She still called him Theo. She was the only one.
"I´m coming back"